Eulogies for my wife's dad

chrisinhouston · 02-20-2007, 09:50 AM

My father in law passed away a few weeks ago and at his funeral some of the family members chose to share eulogies at his memorial service. A eulogy can be a challenging thing depending on how close you were to the departed. Giving a eulogy is a way of sharing memories with others and depending on your relationship with that person it can be especially emotional for both you and the group assembled. The hard thing to keep in the back of your mind at a funeral or memorial service is that while we gather to share our grief at a friend or loved one's passing it is also a celebration of their life.

So, my wife, her brother, his daughter and I all gave eulogies. I post them here for anyone who likes can read them. If you have never had to give a eulogy it might make you wonder what you would say or do.

Herbert Woods - My Dad

My Dad was one of the kindest people I have ever known. As I think back over the last 58 years – I only have good memories – in fact – incredibly good memories of my father.

My Dad taught me a lot of important things about life. Some of them I learned, and some he was still trying to teach me.

One lesson I remember when I was about 8 or 9 and Dad and I went to the grocery store. We were shopping over in the produce department when I kicked a piece of paper on the floor. I picked it up to discover a $20 bill. I was ecstatic. I told Dad what I had found. He told me we should wait around there for a few minutes to see if we saw someone looking for the money they dropped, for they might need it more than we did. We waited for 15 or 20 minutes. Then we left with the bill in my pocket. He asked me what I was going to do with it. I described colorfully the many different toys I had in mind. Then I asked him what he thought I should buy. He told me I could buy whatever I wanted or give the money to my mother, for she could use it for groceries. So I learned a little lesson that day – when you give something away of your own free will — it makes you feel good all over.

Dad was so very good with his hands. I remember when I was a youngster of about 5 or 6, we had closet in the upstairs of the home we lived in at the time in Tennessee. I watched very curiously as my dad slowly and carefully turned that closet into a really nice bathroom with a shower. In fact, one that my sister and I used for fifteen years.

We seldom called repairmen. We took apart compressors, electric motors, washers and dryers. I’m sure it was a lot more fun for me than for him when I tried to help. He kept a couple of the watches I took apart that neither of us could put back together for several years just so I would remember. His reminders were always firm but gentle.

Dad was a man of few words, and certainly even fewer words when it came to disparaging remarks. He was a fan of Will Rogers and ascribed to Will’s philosophy of looking for the good in everyone he met. Dad liked everyone, and everyone liked him.

So Dad lived a very full life. He was a warm and loving husband for over 59 years. A dependable, concerned father for over 58 years, a doting grandfather for over 35 years and a great grandfather for over 11 years.

As I was looking for a poem or some profound words befitting this occasion, I picked up the works of Lao Tzu. And Chapter 7 of the Tao Teh Ching surely seems to describe my dad. I printed that verse on the back of the memorial card with his picture. And I quote a part of that verse — “ By putting himself behind others, he finds himself foremost. By not considering his own personal ends, the aim of his personal life is accomplished.” How accurately Lao Tzu described my dad — over 3300 years ago.

My greatest hope today is that as I become wiser, I become more like my father. He will be with me always. I certainly have been extraordinarily blessed and so very proud to have been the son of Herbert Woods.

Jerry Woods
Son

My Daddy

My father was a gentle soul and I would like to share with you a few things that I will always remember and I will miss the most about my Daddy.

I will miss his unconditional love. He always loved me, no matter what I did, no matter what I said, no matter how I acted. I always remember when he spanked me – which was often and always deserved – he would tell me it hurt him more than it hurt me. I always told him it didn’t hurt me. He said someday I’d have a child that would say that to me and I would understand. He was right – thank you Tim & Adam!!

I will miss his tender, sweet voice with the soft southern accent. It echoed his gentle nature. I remember his beautiful accent most of all when we first moved to Rochester NY and we were making our first trip back to Tennessee. As we drove down the interstate and got closer to Bristol, we tuned in the radio to a local station. We heard the announcers talk and Daddy and I looked at each other and started laughing hysterically. I said, “Daddy, do we sound like that?” and he softly replied, “Honey, I guess we do.”

I will miss his beautiful blue eyes. He shared them with me, and passed them on to my three sons, my granddaughter, and my three grandsons. When I first showed Mother and Daddy the pictures Chris took of Steve & Suzy’s wedding. I pointed out Steve’s blue eyes and Daddy said, “He has my blue eyes.” More than likely, that fourth great-grandson will remind us, just as the others do, that no matter what, Daddy lives on in all of us.

I recently read this quote from Mother Theresa. I believe it describes the way my father lived his life.

“People are often unreasonable and self-centered.
Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives.
Be kind anyway.

If you are honest, people may cheat you.
Be honest anyway.

If you find happiness, people may be jealous.
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough.
Give your best anyway.

For you see, in the end, it is between you and God.
It never was between you and them anyway.”

We will never forget the sweet, gentle soul who touched our lives in so many ways. My hope is that all of us strive to live the kind of life my father lived. He set such a good example for all of us. I am proud to always be Daddy’s little girl.

Sarah Durham Summers
Daughter

Herb

When people come together at a memorial service, eulogies are given and songs are sung. Well, I’m not very good at either so I thought I’d read a poem that we can all reflect on.

I picked a poem entitled “Crossing the Bar”. It was written by Alfred Lord Tennyson in 1893 just 3 years before his own death and even though he wrote other works after this one, he insisted this be listed in any compiled volumes of his life’s work as his final piece.

I felt this poem was appropriate because it uses the ocean to symbolize the transition from life to the afterlife and it’s my understanding that Herb’s ashes will be scattered in the ocean by the family at a later date. It also uses the metaphor of crossing a sand bar as that point when we make that transition.

For those that have not done much sailing, like Jerry here, sandbars often build up at the mouth of a harbor and the waves break on them and it is only when we sail past the rhythmic sound of the waves that we are out in the safer deep waters of the sea.

Crossing the Bar
By Alfred Lloyd Tennyson

Sunset and evening star,
And one clear call for me!
And may there be no moaning of the bar,
When I put out to sea,

But such a tide as moving seems asleep,
Too full for sound and foam,
When that which drew from out the boundless deep
Turns again home.

Twilight and evening bell,
And after that the dark!
And may there be no sadness of farewell,
When I embark;

For tho’ from out our bourne of Time and Place
The flood may bear me far,
I hope to see my Pilot face to face
When I have crost the bar.

Chris Summers
Son-in-Law

My Grandaddy

I’m Alexis, and Herb was my grandfather.

Over the past week, I was able to spend a lot of special time with grandaddy. He taught me that life is precious and family is extremely important. I appreciate all of you for coming today and know that granddaddy would have wanted nothing more than for us all to be together. Thank you for coming and I’m glad to see all my family again.

I talked to Grandaddy a lot about going to college and graduating last year with my BA in Spanish. I wrote this poem for him in Spanish.

Mi Abuelo Aun Vive

En luz de la noche, una estrella brilla
Con la luz de la luna, una vista maravilla,
En la fuerza del viento, este alma ya conocido
Es mi abuelo, un angel que fue nacido.

And the translation in English is:

My Grandfather Still Lives

In the light of the night, a star shines bright,
With the light of the moon, a marvelous sight,
In the strength of the wind, this soul already known,
It’s my grandfather, an angel that was born.

And I would like to read another poem that reminds me of my grandfather.

When I have no one to turn to
And I am feeling kind of low,
When there is no one to talk to
And nowhere I want to go,
I search deep within myself
It is the love inside my heart
That lets me know my Angel is here
Even though we are miles apart.

A smile then appears upon my face
And the sun begins to shine.
I hear his voice, so soft and sweet
Saying, ‘Everything will be just fine’
It may seem that I am alone
But I am never by myself at all.
Whenever I need my Angel near
All I have to do is call.
— Anonymous

Alexis Woods
Granddaughter

Griff · 02-20-2007, 09:56 AM

It sounds like he had a good soul. I hope he lives on in all of you. peace Griff

DanaC · 02-20-2007, 10:06 AM

Thankyou for sharing that with us Chris. You privelege us by inviting us to share such a personal moment in your family's life. I am deeply moved.

Sundae · 02-20-2007, 10:12 AM

Lovely eulogies, it sounds like he will be sorely missed.

Did the family members make it through the eulogies without crying? I only ask because they are deeply personal, and just reading them and thinking of my Dad (alive) brought tears to my eyes. It's something that genuinely concerns me when looking toward the future, not unseemly curiousity.

xoxoxoBruce · 02-20-2007, 01:43 PM

Thanks Chris, eulogies are a daunting thing to face. I've heard a lot of them, especially the last 10 years. My condolences to the family.

Your family is lucky to have had a clearly super patriarch. They are also fortunate to understand the celebration, a funeral should be. To joke and laugh, remembering him fondly, is the greatest honor they can show him.
I think he'd have been proud of all of you. Ya done good.

02-20-2007, 09:50 AM	#1
chrisinhouston Professor Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: Houston TX Posts: 1,857	Eulogies for my wife's dad My father in law passed away a few weeks ago and at his funeral some of the family members chose to share eulogies at his memorial service. A eulogy can be a challenging thing depending on how close you were to the departed. Giving a eulogy is a way of sharing memories with others and depending on your relationship with that person it can be especially emotional for both you and the group assembled. The hard thing to keep in the back of your mind at a funeral or memorial service is that while we gather to share our grief at a friend or loved one's passing it is also a celebration of their life. So, my wife, her brother, his daughter and I all gave eulogies. I post them here for anyone who likes can read them. If you have never had to give a eulogy it might make you wonder what you would say or do. Herbert Woods - My Dad My Dad was one of the kindest people I have ever known. As I think back over the last 58 years – I only have good memories – in fact – incredibly good memories of my father. My Dad taught me a lot of important things about life. Some of them I learned, and some he was still trying to teach me. One lesson I remember when I was about 8 or 9 and Dad and I went to the grocery store. We were shopping over in the produce department when I kicked a piece of paper on the floor. I picked it up to discover a $20 bill. I was ecstatic. I told Dad what I had found. He told me we should wait around there for a few minutes to see if we saw someone looking for the money they dropped, for they might need it more than we did. We waited for 15 or 20 minutes. Then we left with the bill in my pocket. He asked me what I was going to do with it. I described colorfully the many different toys I had in mind. Then I asked him what he thought I should buy. He told me I could buy whatever I wanted or give the money to my mother, for she could use it for groceries. So I learned a little lesson that day – when you give something away of your own free will — it makes you feel good all over. Dad was so very good with his hands. I remember when I was a youngster of about 5 or 6, we had closet in the upstairs of the home we lived in at the time in Tennessee. I watched very curiously as my dad slowly and carefully turned that closet into a really nice bathroom with a shower. In fact, one that my sister and I used for fifteen years. We seldom called repairmen. We took apart compressors, electric motors, washers and dryers. I’m sure it was a lot more fun for me than for him when I tried to help. He kept a couple of the watches I took apart that neither of us could put back together for several years just so I would remember. His reminders were always firm but gentle. Dad was a man of few words, and certainly even fewer words when it came to disparaging remarks. He was a fan of Will Rogers and ascribed to Will’s philosophy of looking for the good in everyone he met. Dad liked everyone, and everyone liked him. So Dad lived a very full life. He was a warm and loving husband for over 59 years. A dependable, concerned father for over 58 years, a doting grandfather for over 35 years and a great grandfather for over 11 years. As I was looking for a poem or some profound words befitting this occasion, I picked up the works of Lao Tzu. And Chapter 7 of the Tao Teh Ching surely seems to describe my dad. I printed that verse on the back of the memorial card with his picture. And I quote a part of that verse — “ By putting himself behind others, he finds himself foremost. By not considering his own personal ends, the aim of his personal life is accomplished.” How accurately Lao Tzu described my dad — over 3300 years ago. My greatest hope today is that as I become wiser, I become more like my father. He will be with me always. I certainly have been extraordinarily blessed and so very proud to have been the son of Herbert Woods. Jerry Woods Son My Daddy My father was a gentle soul and I would like to share with you a few things that I will always remember and I will miss the most about my Daddy. I will miss his unconditional love. He always loved me, no matter what I did, no matter what I said, no matter how I acted. I always remember when he spanked me – which was often and always deserved – he would tell me it hurt him more than it hurt me. I always told him it didn’t hurt me. He said someday I’d have a child that would say that to me and I would understand. He was right – thank you Tim & Adam!! I will miss his tender, sweet voice with the soft southern accent. It echoed his gentle nature. I remember his beautiful accent most of all when we first moved to Rochester NY and we were making our first trip back to Tennessee. As we drove down the interstate and got closer to Bristol, we tuned in the radio to a local station. We heard the announcers talk and Daddy and I looked at each other and started laughing hysterically. I said, “Daddy, do we sound like that?” and he softly replied, “Honey, I guess we do.” I will miss his beautiful blue eyes. He shared them with me, and passed them on to my three sons, my granddaughter, and my three grandsons. When I first showed Mother and Daddy the pictures Chris took of Steve & Suzy’s wedding. I pointed out Steve’s blue eyes and Daddy said, “He has my blue eyes.” More than likely, that fourth great-grandson will remind us, just as the others do, that no matter what, Daddy lives on in all of us. I recently read this quote from Mother Theresa. I believe it describes the way my father lived his life. “People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway. If you are honest, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway. If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway. The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway. Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway. For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. It never was between you and them anyway.” We will never forget the sweet, gentle soul who touched our lives in so many ways. My hope is that all of us strive to live the kind of life my father lived. He set such a good example for all of us. I am proud to always be Daddy’s little girl. Sarah Durham Summers Daughter Herb When people come together at a memorial service, eulogies are given and songs are sung. Well, I’m not very good at either so I thought I’d read a poem that we can all reflect on. I picked a poem entitled “Crossing the Bar”. It was written by Alfred Lord Tennyson in 1893 just 3 years before his own death and even though he wrote other works after this one, he insisted this be listed in any compiled volumes of his life’s work as his final piece. I felt this poem was appropriate because it uses the ocean to symbolize the transition from life to the afterlife and it’s my understanding that Herb’s ashes will be scattered in the ocean by the family at a later date. It also uses the metaphor of crossing a sand bar as that point when we make that transition. For those that have not done much sailing, like Jerry here, sandbars often build up at the mouth of a harbor and the waves break on them and it is only when we sail past the rhythmic sound of the waves that we are out in the safer deep waters of the sea. Crossing the Bar By Alfred Lloyd Tennyson Sunset and evening star, And one clear call for me! And may there be no moaning of the bar, When I put out to sea, But such a tide as moving seems asleep, Too full for sound and foam, When that which drew from out the boundless deep Turns again home. Twilight and evening bell, And after that the dark! And may there be no sadness of farewell, When I embark; For tho’ from out our bourne of Time and Place The flood may bear me far, I hope to see my Pilot face to face When I have crost the bar. Chris Summers Son-in-Law My Grandaddy I’m Alexis, and Herb was my grandfather. Over the past week, I was able to spend a lot of special time with grandaddy. He taught me that life is precious and family is extremely important. I appreciate all of you for coming today and know that granddaddy would have wanted nothing more than for us all to be together. Thank you for coming and I’m glad to see all my family again. I talked to Grandaddy a lot about going to college and graduating last year with my BA in Spanish. I wrote this poem for him in Spanish. Mi Abuelo Aun Vive En luz de la noche, una estrella brilla Con la luz de la luna, una vista maravilla, En la fuerza del viento, este alma ya conocido Es mi abuelo, un angel que fue nacido. And the translation in English is: My Grandfather Still Lives In the light of the night, a star shines bright, With the light of the moon, a marvelous sight, In the strength of the wind, this soul already known, It’s my grandfather, an angel that was born. And I would like to read another poem that reminds me of my grandfather. When I have no one to turn to And I am feeling kind of low, When there is no one to talk to And nowhere I want to go, I search deep within myself It is the love inside my heart That lets me know my Angel is here Even though we are miles apart. A smile then appears upon my face And the sun begins to shine. I hear his voice, so soft and sweet Saying, ‘Everything will be just fine’ It may seem that I am alone But I am never by myself at all. Whenever I need my Angel near All I have to do is call. — Anonymous Alexis Woods Granddaughter

02-20-2007, 09:56 AM	#2
Griff still says videotape Join Date: Feb 2001 Posts: 26,813	It sounds like he had a good soul. I hope he lives on in all of you. peace Griff __________________ If you would only recognize that life is hard, things would be so much easier for you. - Louis D. Brandeis

02-20-2007, 10:12 AM	#4
Sundae polaroid of perfection Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: West Yorkshire Posts: 24,185	Lovely eulogies, it sounds like he will be sorely missed. Did the family members make it through the eulogies without crying? I only ask because they are deeply personal, and just reading them and thinking of my Dad (alive) brought tears to my eyes. It's something that genuinely concerns me when looking toward the future, not unseemly curiousity. __________________ Life's hard you know, so strike a pose on a Cadillac

02-20-2007, 01:43 PM	#5
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	Thanks Chris, eulogies are a daunting thing to face. I've heard a lot of them, especially the last 10 years. My condolences to the family. Your family is lucky to have had a clearly super patriarch. They are also fortunate to understand the celebration, a funeral should be. To joke and laugh, remembering him fondly, is the greatest honor they can show him. I think he'd have been proud of all of you. Ya done good. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

02-20-2007, 10:06 AM	#3
DanaC We have to go back, Kate! Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Yorkshire Posts: 25,964	Thankyou for sharing that with us Chris. You privelege us by inviting us to share such a personal moment in your family's life. I am deeply moved.

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