Engagement ring besides diamond?

[idyllhands]

Hi guys. Just seeking some advice from anyone who has it to give. I am going to ask my girlfriend to marry me this week on her birthday and need help on choosing a ring. I've been planning to ask her for a while now, but wanted to wait for the right time (which I think has finally come)
One problem I have is that she is morally opposed to diamonds (or, to be more accurate, opposed to the methods used to mine diamonds). I want to know other folks advice on a good alternate stone to buy her. I don't know anything about jewelery or jewels, so I'm in serious need of help. Also, is there a good trustworthy place to buy rings online? And how about a good way to determine her ring size without asking her?
I hope you don't mind if I lay out my proposal plan on you while I'm at it
I am currently out of town working 72 hours a week about an hour from home (staying at her parent's house, since they were kind enough to let me). I am going home to see her this coming Friday, which is also her birthday, and also my only day off (72 hour weeks suck )
What I am planning on doing is asking her to go on a walk with me since it is supposed to finally be nice out by then, and walking with her down to the park where there is a special tree. I'm going to call my best friend too to come along with his digital camera (on the pretense that he just wants to take pictures of the blooming springtime) and ask him to take a picture of us in front of the tree that we climbed together one of the first times we really hung out together all those years ago, and propose then (Is it weird to want pictures?)
My other problem is that I'm out of town so I have to order online if I want a ring by then. Is there such a thing as a pre-engagement ring?
Any advice is appreciated--regarding the ring and/or my plan. Sorry if this post is crappy, I usually edit them first but after a 12 hour day, my brain is crappy too.
ps-I can ask her mom what size ring she wears, but I'm afraid her mom will blow the secret.

[idyllhands]

pps-she has pretty long fingers, and smallish to medium hands, so if you can suggest a good band to get her, I may just get her the band and wait on the stone and let her pick it.

Thanks again for any help

[richlevy]

This site, http://www.fairjewelry.org/ , popped up on a search.

Try searching for 'ethical jewelry' and 'fair trade jewelry' using your favorite search engine.

I guess diamonds are the worst because there is a definite cartel (De Beers) that controls %40 of the market.

If she and you want to send a message and stick it to De Beers, you can go for lab-grown diamonds.

These guys http://www.diamondnexuslabs.com/ make diamond simulants. These guys http://www.apollodiamond.com/ and these guys http://www.gemesis.com/ manufacture real diamonds. I think Gemesis only makes yellow diamonds, but I could be wrong.

If I remember the articles correctly, there are actually two competing technologies for growing diamonds.

I'm surprised a South African hit squad hasn't taken these guys out yet. Most jewelers can't tell the difference, so in a way the 'natural' diamond is obsolete. It's pretty much what would happen if someone found an economical way to create gold.

Here's the wiki article on the companies and technologies involved.

BTW, if you have any cremated dead relatives or pets, there's always Lifegem.

[Cloud]

A ring is not necessary for the proposal, contrary to media suggestion. why not just ask her, then pick something out together. After all, she will wear the thing her whole life (you hope); why not make sure it's something she loves and matches her ethical sensibilities.

[xoxoxoBruce]

Cloud's got it. Tie a ribbon on her finger, and tell her it's to remind her to go with you to pick out rings.
Of course you're risking her picking out something that's more than you want to spend, but it might reveal a side of her you don't know. Good luck.

[monster]

I would say use her birthstone, but for April, that's a diamond

Cloud and Bruce have it. Are you sure she would actually want a ring? Originally it was a symbol of possession, some women (myself included) are not so keen on the idea of being possessed....

Just ask her first. If she's all you believe she is, her answer and "the moment" will not be based on the production of the right ring at the right moment.

Also, if it were me, I would not want your friend accompanying us. If you truly need a picture, have your friend on standby and call them once she has said yes and agrees to your friend being "the first to know" and to the picture.

[limey]

Originally Posted by monster

I would say use her birthstone, but for April, that's a diamond

Cloud and Bruce have it. Are you sure she would actually want a ring? Originally it was a symbol of possession, some women (myself included) are not so keen on the idea of being possessed....

Just ask her first. If she's all you believe she is, her answer and "the moment" will not be based on the production of the right ring at the right moment.

Also, if it were me, I would not want your friend accompanying us. If you truly need a picture, have your friend on standby and call them once she has said yes and agrees to your friend being "the first to know" and to the picture.

What she said. No friend there to spoil the moment, I'd want to be alone with my beau, and choosing the ring together is fun. Absolutely. Am I naff for suggesting that the two of you can discuss a budget for the ring? Once again if it were me I'd want to know the price range to be looking in, so's not to bankrupt my man.

[DucksNuts]

I dont think you need to do the ring during your proposal either.

I agree with leaving your friend at home.

I think the fact that you have obviously thought about where and when to propose to your gf will speak volumes and she will enjoy picking out a *special* something with you.

As for alternate gems, there's a mob called trigem designs thats got a good reputation for Fair Trade.

As Limey mentioned, I wouldnt have a problem with discussing a price range.

YAY - sounds like a great plan...good luck

[glatt]

The advice you got so far is right on target, but I couldn't resist adding my own as well.

My wife didn't want a diamond. For many reasons. So when we got engaged, there was no ring present and then later she kept an eye out for the kind of ring she would want. When she saw one, she showed it to me and I got it for her.

Bought it at "The Museum Store" in the mall. It was a reproduction of a gold wedding band that was supposedly popular during the Renaissance. It's a band with a pair of clasped hands. I've seen other similar ones called "Fede rings." Hers looks just like this one, but in gold. Added bonus was that the money I could have spent on a diamond ring was spent on a much nicer honeymoon than we would have gone on otherwise.

Anyway, let her choose the ring. And leave your buddy at home. This is a time for just you and your future wife.

[Sundae]

My Dad bought my Mum an engagement ring last year.
He would have had to borrow money in order to buy her a ring at the time, and she'd already expressed her unhappiness at the fact he was in debt.

And they reached their 40th wedding anniversary this year, so it's not a bad way to start!

Don't forget, you're the one doing the proposing, so to you it is already an established fact and of course you want to make it more special. But for her, she is being proposed to - it's a huge thing and the ring is a very distant second. She will always remember being asked to marry you - ring or no ring.

It's great that you have thought about this so carefully and considered her tastes and beliefs. I'm sure your girlfriend will appreciate it when you do get round to having that conversation.

[Cicero]

My husband made my ring out of a piece of wire. I wore it with pride but looked like an idiot for months. I thought it was romantic and my friends weren't any less jealous.....It was truly the thought that counted.

I still have it and carry it in my purse everwhere I go. The engagement ring was too cute.

We picked matching wedding bands together thank god, because I thought his personal choices were too flashy and were no indication of our non-flashy relationship and lifestyle. See how I am? I'll wear a wire but refuse to be flashy...I am non-traditional.

If she is traditional I might go with a band of some sort.

Ask her parents advice as well, they may have a good idea and they will be happy that their opinion was noted. What if she told her mom what she wants?

Not only should they (the parents) know about it, did you ask their permission first? Not that their answer really matters, it's just in good form.....

[monster]

I hope to all heck you are joking Cic. I would be livid if my bf discussed wedding plans with my parents before me, I think that's terrible advice.

[kerosene]

I think talking to parents is a good idea, but only after girlfriend has said yes.

My husband gave me an aquamarine because my favorite color is aqua. I also didn't want a diamond and my birthstone is also diamond. (My birthday is coming!!) I love my ring. I just recently (finally) got my husband a ring. We picked out a titanium ring for him since he is always so rough on jewelry. The original wedding ring was one I wove from silver wire. Unfortunately it lasted about 2 weeks before breaking.

[Cloud]

I think sapphires used to be used before the diamond merchants got creative and convinced everyone we needed diamonds.

An alternative: get a nice cz, like Diamonique, if you really want to present her with a ring. You can get one for under $200, and you can tell her it's a "place holder" for a ring you pick out together.

[Pie]

Or an heirloom from your own family, for the proposal itself -- with the promise of a ring you'll pick out together later.