Is it over? - Page 7

Cloud · 06-18-2007, 12:07 PM

but by stressing that ITS NOT FAIR and that he should pay, you are focusing on HIM. Let that go, and focus on yourself.

jinx · 06-18-2007, 12:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by anonymousfornow

He should have to fix this so I am in a better position to be on my own.

I really don't see that happening do you? You should go to work tomorrow. And the day after that...

Shawnee123 · 06-18-2007, 12:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cloud

but by stressing that ITS NOT FAIR and that he should pay, you are focusing on HIM. Let that go, and focus on yourself.

Amen!

jester · 06-18-2007, 04:31 PM

i'm truly sorry that you are going thru this and none of this is your fault. i don't think this is a sickness, it's his choice. he made a conscious decision to do whatever he has done. (my opinion)therefore, you are not obligated in any way, (doesn't matter how long you were with him) to pay for any thing that has to do with his getting help. my guess would be that he would start some kind of therapy or whatever and in the end still not change. or at worse get involved with the "therapist". you need to put yourself, first, for a change. it's still your call - no matter what.

xoxoxoBruce · 06-18-2007, 07:06 PM

Quote:

This is going to cost me my job, my car, my home, my sanity, my ability to trust men in the future.

Only if you let it. Get the fuck away from him... now... immediately. Don't talk to him, no calls, emails, texts, or anything else.

Understand one thing above all, neither he nor anyone else is going to fix it.

You're not exactly blindsided here, so you have to take some responsibility for your predicament. Now you have the responsibility to get your shit together and salvage as much as you can, then move forward.
I wish you well and hope you can recover as quickly as possible. We'll be here for immoral support.

DanaC · 06-19-2007, 06:15 AM

Anon, get away from this man before he damages your self esteem any further. Have nothing to do with him.

anonymousfornow · 06-21-2007, 10:28 AM

ok, i've made it to work 3 days in a row and someone must be looking out for me, because everyday when the spotlight is on me to perform, something happens that allows me to fly under the radar for one more day.

I wish I had something positive to report. I just want to thank everyone for their advice and support. Continue to keep it coming.

This is the hard part.

glatt · 06-21-2007, 10:43 AM

Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. After a while you look back and realize how far you have gone. Corny, but true.

*Sends healing energy your way*

Clodfobble · 06-21-2007, 11:00 AM

You're doing good! Just keep going to work. You don't have to shine, you just have to show up. Just focus on that one goal and everything else can sort itself out.

Uisge Beatha · 06-21-2007, 11:10 AM

I admire your strength, anon. Even though my wife treated me horribly for a long time and I knew it was hopeless, I couldn't bring myself to call it quits; I simply loved her too much. Eventually, she left me and I was devastated. In time I came to grips with it all and realized that leaving me was the best thing she ever did for me. This is a terribly difficult time for you, but it will get easier as you go. Be as strong as you can and know that there are many of us pulling for you.

Shawnee123 · 06-21-2007, 11:30 AM

Uisge (who is, apparently, a bar in Glasgow

) is right, as is Clodfobble and Glatt. It is hard, but just keep plugging away and you will get through it.

You talked about what you will lose, but think about what you will gain. This is about you, and what you will bring out of this mess. You seem like a good person, and noone can take that away. You are yours!

Keep on keepin' on.

Uisge Beatha · 06-21-2007, 12:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shawnee123

You talked about what you will lose, but think about what you will gain. This is about you, and what you will bring out of this mess.

I'd say the lady from Ohio has hit the nail on the head.

anonymousfornow · 06-21-2007, 02:50 PM

The pain is overwhelming. the simplest tasks seem monumental. how do you keep on keepin on? I now have 40 employees looking to me for guidance and direction and I cant do a load of laundry. i am sure i am depressed but do not have the resources to see a professional. any websites or book reading suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

anonymousfornow · 06-21-2007, 02:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Uisge Beatha

I admire your strength, anon. Even though my wife treated me horribly for a long time and I knew it was hopeless, I couldn't bring myself to call it quits; I simply loved her too much. Eventually, she left me and I was devastated. In time I came to grips with it all and realized that leaving me was the best thing she ever did for me. This is a terribly difficult time for you, but it will get easier as you go. Be as strong as you can and know that there are many of us pulling for you.

It is hard because I do still love him. I had set the stage for us to talk about anything and everything. Had he come to me with his problem we could of found a compromise, solution, outlet for that urge. I like to think I am calm, fair, intelligent, openminded and rational. I have a huge capacity for sharing, caring, forgiveness, problem solving. If he would of just come to me.....

Now he wishes that he would of. If he had to do it over again he would have. Does this have any bearing on the situation? If I position myself as one who can understand that people make mistakes, then aren't I doing the very thing I said that I wouldn't?

It might help to know that he is 6 yrs younger than I am and hasn't had the life experiences I have had.

Uisge Beatha · 06-21-2007, 03:29 PM

I think a part of the problem (one with which I am all too familiar myself) is that you seem to keep looking for a way to fix the problems in your relationship, anon. If I am not mistaken there is, unfortunately, just too big a difference between the two of you. I don't see it as a matter of someone making a mistake, but rather being true to their own nature. The gap between your respective natures is apparently too great.

I understand that keeping on keeping on is easier said than done. The sad fact is that you must find your way to do just that, however. Anyone (family, friends) who cares about you can show support and it would probably be wise for you to take all you can get, not worrying about anything such as "being a burden" to others.

As to depression, I hope others will soon be able to offer something constructive. I know I went through my own, yet it was relatively mild (thank God). I managed to bull through without professional help, but at the expense of spending a couple of years in solitude (when not at work, where I din't have the same sorts of responsibilities that you do).

Keep talking to us as long as it brings you any comfort and help. We really do care.

06-18-2007, 12:07 PM	#91
Cloud ... Join Date: Feb 2007 Posts: 8,360	but by stressing that ITS NOT FAIR and that he should pay, you are focusing on HIM. Let that go, and focus on yourself. __________________ "Guard your honor. Let your reputation fall where it will. And outlive the bastards!"

06-21-2007, 11:30 AM	#101
Shawnee123 Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya? Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 21,206	Uisge (who is, apparently, a bar in Glasgow ) is right, as is Clodfobble and Glatt. It is hard, but just keep plugging away and you will get through it. You talked about what you will lose, but think about what you will gain. This is about you, and what you will bring out of this mess. You seem like a good person, and noone can take that away. You are yours! Keep on keepin' on. __________________ A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones who need the advice. --Bill Cosby

06-18-2007, 04:31 PM	#94
jester why so serious Join Date: Apr 2007 Posts: 1,712	i'm truly sorry that you are going thru this and none of this is your fault. i don't think this is a sickness, it's his choice. he made a conscious decision to do whatever he has done. (my opinion)therefore, you are not obligated in any way, (doesn't matter how long you were with him) to pay for any thing that has to do with his getting help. my guess would be that he would start some kind of therapy or whatever and in the end still not change. or at worse get involved with the "therapist". you need to put yourself, first, for a change. it's still your call - no matter what.

06-19-2007, 06:15 AM	#96
DanaC We have to go back, Kate! Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Yorkshire Posts: 25,964	Anon, get away from this man before he damages your self esteem any further. Have nothing to do with him.

06-21-2007, 10:28 AM	#97
anonymousfornow May Ter Dee Join Date: Jul 2006 Posts: 26	ok, i've made it to work 3 days in a row and someone must be looking out for me, because everyday when the spotlight is on me to perform, something happens that allows me to fly under the radar for one more day. I wish I had something positive to report. I just want to thank everyone for their advice and support. Continue to keep it coming. This is the hard part.

06-21-2007, 10:43 AM	#98
glatt ™ Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Arlington, VA Posts: 27,717	Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. After a while you look back and realize how far you have gone. Corny, but true. Sends healing energy your way

06-21-2007, 11:00 AM	#99
Clodfobble UNDER CONDITIONAL MITIGATION Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Austin, TX Posts: 20,012	You're doing good! Just keep going to work. You don't have to shine, you just have to show up. Just focus on that one goal and everything else can sort itself out.

06-21-2007, 11:10 AM	#100
Uisge Beatha Lecturer Join Date: Jun 2007 Posts: 945	I admire your strength, anon. Even though my wife treated me horribly for a long time and I knew it was hopeless, I couldn't bring myself to call it quits; I simply loved her too much. Eventually, she left me and I was devastated. In time I came to grips with it all and realized that leaving me was the best thing she ever did for me. This is a terribly difficult time for you, but it will get easier as you go. Be as strong as you can and know that there are many of us pulling for you.

06-21-2007, 02:50 PM	#103
anonymousfornow May Ter Dee Join Date: Jul 2006 Posts: 26	The pain is overwhelming. the simplest tasks seem monumental. how do you keep on keepin on? I now have 40 employees looking to me for guidance and direction and I cant do a load of laundry. i am sure i am depressed but do not have the resources to see a professional. any websites or book reading suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

06-21-2007, 03:29 PM	#105
Uisge Beatha Lecturer Join Date: Jun 2007 Posts: 945	I think a part of the problem (one with which I am all too familiar myself) is that you seem to keep looking for a way to fix the problems in your relationship, anon. If I am not mistaken there is, unfortunately, just too big a difference between the two of you. I don't see it as a matter of someone making a mistake, but rather being true to their own nature. The gap between your respective natures is apparently too great. I understand that keeping on keeping on is easier said than done. The sad fact is that you must find your way to do just that, however. Anyone (family, friends) who cares about you can show support and it would probably be wise for you to take all you can get, not worrying about anything such as "being a burden" to others. As to depression, I hope others will soon be able to offer something constructive. I know I went through my own, yet it was relatively mild (thank God). I managed to bull through without professional help, but at the expense of spending a couple of years in solitude (when not at work, where I din't have the same sorts of responsibilities that you do). Keep talking to us as long as it brings you any comfort and help. We really do care.

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