this is Mr. StaceyV

[Shattered Soul]

Quoting mrnoodle:

... I don't care how miserable you think your existence is, I don't care how you define love. When you marry someone, you are making a vow. You are promising them, in the presence of signed witnesses, that you are now taking the sacred responsibility of tying your life to theirs. This means that without the express consent of your life partner, you may not engage in a romantic relationship, a sexual relationship, or any other form of relationship with another person. And for those about to call me to task on this, you know what the fuck I mean. I'm not talking friendships, I'm talking mushy you-complete-me letters, secret meetings, etc. etc. etc. ad nauseum.

If you can't live up to your side of the marriage, don't get married. If you have any other reason other than undying devotion for getting married, you have the obligation to make damn sure the other party knows it in advance so they don't fuck up years of their life trying to figure out why the hell they can't make you happy. It's worse than mismanaging your love life. It's being cruel to someone you purport to love. That's not acceptable, and it sickens any right-thinking person.

------

If you think the relationship you had with another woman while you were married is proper and appropriate, then no amount of yelling at you will change your mind. You need to stop defending yourself and figure out why you are cheating. Your dick does not need to get wet to constitute cheating. It's a state of mind. That's my opinion, at least, and you certainly don't have to share it.

You also lose your privacy when you get married. If you have nothing to hide, there's no reason why both of you shouldn't have access to every file on your computer. Why the hell shouldn't she read them?

I realize you're on the defensive, but you should be. If you still long for a private life, don't be married. You're still trying to sugar coat this, and not all of us fall for bullshit. I've seen enough cheating people to see the signs of guilt, and I wouldn't be at all surprised if you were still doing it with someone. Not sex per se, but contact with this woman or another woman. You don't have the demeanor of someone who realizes they have done wrong and are taking steps to correct it. You have the demeanor of someone who is just sorry they got caught, and is trying to spin the situation in their favor.

end o' quoting mrnoodle...




All I can say is, BRAVO! I think that you expressed the reality of commitment in your early posts amazingly well. I feel the same way about cheating, but could never have posted my opinion so succintly and so...just...WELL. Regardless of whether he's an ass or not, your expressed views were a joy to read. You rock.

[mrnoodle]

Never been accused of being succinct before. Take that back, damn you.

[Shattered Soul]

You can't make me, so there.

How bout if I modify it? Succinct, relatively speaking.

Better?

[staceyv]

nekee, i'm 27. i had a five year relationship with my ex-husband starting at age 15. then i had a 2 1/2 yr relationship and broken engagement with a guy i dated from age 21. my ex-husband cheated on me, verbally abused me and stole my money, ruined my credit, threw hot water on my cat, and locked it in the closet one day. psycho, alcoholic asshole. the other guy was jealous, controlling, and very needy. he was also addicted to porno, wacking off, cocaine, ecstacy... i've had 3 or 4 six month relationships, too. arsen has treated me better than any guy i ever dated, and i've had quite a few boyfriends that treated me well, but didn't last long, because i wasn't ready for a relationship with them. i've done a lot of work on myself since the last dysfunctional relationship i was in.

[Lady Sidhe]

Originally posted by staceyv
nekee, i'm 27. i had a five year relationship with my ex-husband starting at age 15. then i had a 2 1/2 yr relationship and broken engagement with a guy i dated from age 21. my ex-husband cheated on me, verbally abused me and stole my money, ruined my credit, threw hot water on my cat, and locked it in the closet one day. psycho, alcoholic asshole. the other guy was jealous, controlling, and very needy. he was also addicted to porno, wacking off, cocaine, ecstacy... i've had 3 or 4 six month relationships, too. arsen has treated me better than any guy i ever dated, and i've had quite a few boyfriends that treated me well, but didn't last long, because i wasn't ready for a relationship with them. i've done a lot of work on myself since the last dysfunctional relationship i was in.

Babe, look at it this way...people will only treat you as well as you let them know, verbally or nonverbally, that you expect to be treated. Relationship problems can always--well, usually--be fixed, as long as both parties are willing to work at it. The problem is, too many people opt for the easy way out. Relationships are never easy, and people make mistakes. It's how they deal with mistakes that makes the difference. If you two really love each other, I say work on it. Good luck to you, sweetie. My fingers are crossed for you that things turn out the way you want them to.

Sidhe

[wolf]

Stacey, you have more than a lot of shit to work on. Get thee to a therapist, pronto.

[slang]

Originally posted by wolf
Get thee to a therapist, pronto.

But find out if he is alergic to corn oil before you start the sessions.

[ladysycamore]

Originally posted by xoxoxoBruce
I just read this thread through for the first time.

I'm late, but I'm just reading this now...my god!

Stacy, whatever you decide to do, DO NOT GET PREGNANT!

I agree. Please, please, please don't bring a child into this dysfunctional situation. That would be one of the most selfish and inconsiderate things you could do at this point. If you feel the need to be a mother, wait until you are as "whole" as you can be (whether it's with this particular man or not), and then decide from there.

Make sure you do a decent amount of planning first.

[ladysycamore]

Originally posted by OnyxCougar
Lum

Ooooooooooooooooo!!!! Neato! Japanese anime? I love it!

[staceyv]

i have NO intentions of having a kid. i want to wait at least 5 years, or maybe longer if i'm with arsen, or, maybe never...but don't you worry about that.

[ladysycamore]

Originally posted by staceyv
i have NO intentions of having a kid. i want to wait at least 5 years, or maybe longer if i'm with arsen, or, maybe never...but don't you worry about that.

Ah, but I do. I do worry about people bringing children into unhealthy households, because more than likely, that child will leave home and unleash themselves on society as dysfunctional adults (I quite frankly, I'm sick and tired of dealing with such folk).

But, good for you for waiting. Good luck.

[Riddil]

Originally posted by ladysycamore Ah, but I do. I do worry about people bringing children into unhealthy households, because more than likely, that child will leave home and unleash themselves on society as dysfunctional adults (I quite frankly, I'm sick and tired of dealing with such folk).

O. MY. GOD. I don't think I've ever read a more self-centered comment in my entire life. Someone ELSE's life is garbage. Some poor CHILD is born into a tumultuous homestead. And all you can say is, "your maladjusted child might annoy me".

Nice.

[xoxoxoBruce]

Tumultuous homestead? Try dysfunctional group that wouldn't even qualify as a family.
Maladjusted child? More like hoards, armies of screwed up monsters that will, without a second thought, take your property, security, peace of mind, liberty and even your life.

[Elspode]

Originally posted by Riddil


O. MY. GOD. I don't think I've ever read a more self-centered comment in my entire life. Someone ELSE's life is garbage. Some poor CHILD is born into a tumultuous homestead. And all you can say is, "your maladjusted child might annoy me".

Nice.

So I take it we can count you among those who are into the whole victim mentality thing, then?

Fucked up households churn out fucked up people, who in turn churn out more fucked up people. What's wrong with LS saying that, and what is wrong with saying that fucked up people are annoying? They are, and all the goddamn sympathy in the world isn't gonna change that. It isn't self-centered to point out obvious fact, and state how one feels about it.

No one can fix a damn thing about anyone until the person with the problem takes responsibility for it and works on it. No one ever got fixed by saying "I was an abused child, it isn't my fault." I'm sure that Rho has contributed to United Way somewhere along the line, or dropped a buck into a Salvation Army kettle to help fund drug-treatment and psych programs. What else do you expect her to do? Open her home and comfort the very people who would, as Bruce notes, fuck her over at the first possible opportunity.

That ain't the way the world works.

[wolf]

Originally posted by Riddil


O. MY. GOD. I don't think I've ever read a more self-centered comment in my entire life. Someone ELSE's life is garbage. Some poor CHILD is born into a tumultuous homestead. And all you can say is, "your maladjusted child might annoy me".

Nice.

Someone's maladjusted child annoys me on MORE than a daily basis.

I think LadySycamore made a perfectly reasonable statement.

The selfishness is on the part of the parent(s) of the maladjusted little shits.