The Cellar  

Go Back   The Cellar > Main > Philosophy

Philosophy Religions, schools of thought, matters of importance and navel-gazing

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 01-14-2016, 01:04 AM   #1
busterb
NSABFD
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: MS. usa
Posts: 3,908
Gran kids.

I don't know where to go with this.
My granddaughter's love was a boy who had thyroid cancer from a young age.
So she will be a NP what ever to take care of him. Now he's been replaced by a boy that was sent to jail for something. Boy can she pick-um. Now it's law school so she can help all the poor folks who are wrongly accused.
I understand that she's young and dumb.
My grandson is 23 and has no clue, within 3 miles, of where he shit at last.
No job and no interest of having one. I sent word that I had a few things he could help me with. That didn't pan out. Tonight I called him and asked if he would like to ride w/me to Hburg tomorrow. Naw, he doesn't get up that early.
WTF is wrong with people? That boy is 23 years old, no job and no interest in finding one. Someone is enabling him to be a sorry asshole and maybe a doper.
His Mother and other Grandad is just fixing to get unloaded on about this shit.
Oh well. Why give a fuck?
__________________
I've haven't left very deep footprints in the sands of time. But, boy I've left a bunch.
busterb is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-14-2016, 02:04 AM   #2
xoxoxoBruce
The future is unwritten
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 71,105
I upsets you because you care about these kids. You've been around the block and know right well the alley they're in is a dead end.
At least the girl has a valid goal, if she does the work. I hear that it's not unusual for kids to change direction in college, so she's likely to change her mind before she gets through college.
The boy is a man. A man not likely to get his shit together if he doesn't have to. You have to make sure he has to, which means laying down the law, pay rent or GTFO.
__________________
The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.
xoxoxoBruce is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-14-2016, 05:12 AM   #3
busterb
NSABFD
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: MS. usa
Posts: 3,908
Thanks.Bruce you understood what I'm trying to say. Boy I've had it with that kid. When he was 18 I gave him $200 bucks for his B-day. He came, grabbed, and left.No thanks. This year I sent 50 bucks by Stormy and no thanks, yet and no damn more. It's not my place to raise that brat, but someone needs to stop enabling him to lay on his lazy ass and put shit up his nose or whatever. Get right or get gone.
Years ago his dad, my son, lived with me a little while. He pulled some shit and I told him to either change his attitude or address. He moved on shortly.
__________________
I've haven't left very deep footprints in the sands of time. But, boy I've left a bunch.
busterb is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-14-2016, 06:24 AM   #4
Sundae
polaroid of perfection
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: West Yorkshire
Posts: 24,185
Buster, back when my sister used to talk to me, she would make me feel guilty about the fact I denied her son a Godfather (by divorcing my husband).

But despite not having any kind of relationship with him, I have tried to make things right.
When he was a child I used to get thank-you letters. I knew they were grudgingly squeezed out. I've always loved to write, but even I had to be nailed to the table (left hand only of course) to write mine back in the '70s.
Then I received generic ones, printed off on the computer with names and presents added.
Then texts from my sister.
Now? Nothing.
After my effort and saving up for his 18th? Nothing.

Perhaps if I lived closer I'd have more of an impact on his life.
The family have always, always focused on his sister, my niece. He's been left behind IMO, but then things like not acknowledging that your Aunt saved up half of her benefit cheque for your present doesn't help.
He's not school oriented. New laws mean he has to stay in school until he is 18, but he could have tried to get an apprenticeship, a trade, something other than the classroom work he obviously hates. No. Dad works in an office, Mum in a classroom, YOU WILL STAY IN SCHOOL.

We'll see what happens.

I feel for you, having love and care but not necessarily influence, or at least not success.
All I can say is that my niece did the unthinkable by getting herself pregnant at 16, had two bonny boys and is now acing a University course.
Sadly that's ended up as another, "Why can't you be more like your sister" stick to beat my nephew with, but it shows things can change.

Worst comes to worst he can come live with me.
Send me your problem grandkids too. I'm a stable influence.
Hahahahahahahahaha.
__________________
Life's hard you know, so strike a pose on a Cadillac
Sundae is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-14-2016, 12:11 PM   #5
Clodfobble
UNDER CONDITIONAL MITIGATION
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Austin, TX
Posts: 20,012
I struggle a lot with the question of whether there are more deadbeat teens/twenty-somethings today--really the question is, did adolescents get dealt with more harshly in the past, so that by the time they were 23 they had their shit together by necessity, or is it that the 23-year-olds were dealt with more harshly back then? Or is it really that it's always been exactly the way it is now, and we just can't see it?

My brother's a total deadbeat. My mother just recently paid for an audio engineering program in New York for him, and I really thought that might be enough to inspire him--not to work hard or anything, but just the experience of living on his own (up until now he has spent almost all of his 32 years living with my mom) might convince him that that much, at least, was worth it. But I've heard that when the classes finish up in April, he's coming back into my mom's house. And in fact he suggested to my mom that the best way to get his stuff back to Texas was that she could rent a moving truck and drive it up there for him, and then the two of them could drive back together.

My stepdaughter is 99% of the way to being a total deadbeat. It seems that she's so determined not to grow up that she is actively choosing to fail high school now, rather than face the choice of what to do afterwards. Just like my dad, who is unable to kick my brother out of my mother's house, we are unable to kick her out of her mother's house. It's looking more and more like she's not going anywhere, maybe ever.
Clodfobble is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-15-2016, 05:31 AM   #6
Beestie
-◊|≡·∙■·∙≡|◊-
 
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Parts unknown.
Posts: 4,081
You can't fix broken people.

And you can't fix yourself by trying to.
__________________
Beestie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-15-2016, 11:00 AM   #7
xoxoxoBruce
The future is unwritten
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 71,105
Maybe, but sometimes you can facilitate them fixing themselves. That said, it's tricky herding them to the right path, probably the best you can do is prod them into motion and block some of the wrong paths.
__________________
The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.
xoxoxoBruce is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-15-2016, 06:36 PM   #8
busterb
NSABFD
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: MS. usa
Posts: 3,908
Thanks Bruce
__________________
I've haven't left very deep footprints in the sands of time. But, boy I've left a bunch.
busterb is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-15-2016, 07:39 PM   #9
orthodoc
Not Suspicious, Merely Canadian
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 3,774
Quote:
Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce View Post
Maybe, but sometimes you can facilitate them fixing themselves. That said, it's tricky herding them to the right path, probably the best you can do is prod them into motion and block some of the wrong paths.
True. I have a son who is legitimately disabled but could do more than he does. I prod and encourage and hope, but I don't facilitate any negative paths. He will make of his life what he chooses. I hope for more, and better, for him, but it's his choice.

Many years ago, I took in my younger brother when he was in his 20s and down and out. He slept all day and did nothing, and I eventually helped him move back to his home town and get a new place. He hasn't been willing to connect with me again, but he did get his shit together a couple decades later and now has a wife and daughter. He chooses not to communicate with anyone in our family, though each of us took him in and helped him during his drug-using, non-working years. People make their own choices. We can't fix anyone, and we can't suppose that good intentions will be rewarded.
__________________
The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated. - Ghandi
orthodoc is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-15-2016, 10:38 PM   #10
xoxoxoBruce
The future is unwritten
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 71,105
Sounds like he's trying to erase those years. His current social circle and maybe even his wife don't know the details of his past. Or maybe he's rationalized his troubles were all the family's fault. Whatever the case be glad he finally got his shit together.


Besides, he's a man, he don't need all that touchy-feely family shit.
__________________
The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.
xoxoxoBruce is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-22-2016, 05:15 PM   #11
classicman
barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy.
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 23,401
I was that way till my GF got pregnant, so I married her. I stopped doing all the stupid shit and tried to be a good parent/partner.
We had 3 kids & I had 2-3 jobs for the next 15 years or so. She never worked. Wanted to be a stay at home mom... found out after the fact that she was using the whole time & was cheating on me. We divorced.
I'm still trying to be a good dad and partner (with a different person)
She is on husband #3 and job # 20ish. She is a dry drunk who cheats every year for sympathy ...
she still gets its from some.

I'd like to think I stopped being a lazy asshole. I wish she would because she is the mother of my kids and is still setting a shitty example for them.

My kids are all in their 20's now. None of them are as bad as she and I were.
__________________
"like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt
classicman is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

All times are GMT -5. The time now is 09:52 AM.


Powered by: vBulletin Version 3.8.1
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.