Stupid Things You've Done

Kitsune · 11-04-2005, 10:52 AM

This isn't really a prank, yet, it kind of is. I'm filing this under "stupid things I've done" because no one is really pranked and the fun is harmless.

The Coffee Cup

Coffee and donuts are inspiring foods, so as I sat at the table at the local Dunkin' Donuts contemplating the empty styrofoam cup before me, an idea struck. I cut the "spacer" ring off the bottom so the cup would sit flush against any surface, then I walked out to my car and removed a magnet I use to hold a radio microphone to the door frame. I dropped the potent magnet into the cup, replaced the sippy lid, and stuck the thing to my roof near the driver side door, ensuring that it was at a slight angle so it appeared that it would fall at any moment. The neodymium magnet held fast, even at 40mph, and I drove away.

Horns honked, pedestrians waved, and people yelled as the majority of my fellow commuters attempted to warn me, even at high speed, that I left my coffee on the roof, despite that it is ludicrous for coffee to sit on a flat roof at such velocities. The kindness somewhat restored my faith in humanity -- strangers in this cold, seemingly uncaring world were concerned for my coffee's well being! Driving through the business park and through campus caused groups of people to stop and watch, yet no speed bump nor fast turn would shake the cup. This caused some confusion and, I think, even a little frustration as some people want to see coffee spill all over the car, road, and windows. When it doesn't happen, there is dissapointment.

That night, a biker pulled up beside me. "Hey, man, you left your coffee up there."

"Yeah, I know. I'm trying to cool it off a bit." And with that, I pulled away from the stop and drove around a bend at 35mph. I wish I would have had a camera with me to capture that expression I saw in my rearview mirror. He sat at the stop sign, watching until I was out of sight.

Hard drive magnets work quite well and you can get a cup to hold at 50mph or so without much issue, although the sides and top wobble a lot with the wind. Other ideas I had included chinese takeout boxes, donut bags, 7-11 "big gulp" cups, and a baby carrier.

The baby carrier obviously pushes this stupidity too far.

I'd love to hear of other stupidity from other Cellarites.

glatt · 11-04-2005, 11:01 AM

That's not stupid at all. It's actually clever.

Stupid is when someone says "That's wet paint" and you touch it to check.

LabRat · 11-04-2005, 11:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kitsune

The kindness somewhat restored my faith in humanity -- strangers in this cold, seemingly uncaring world were concerned for my coffee's well being!

Ahhhh grasshopp-ah-- Do not take advantage of this kindness whence discovered, less it not be there when you truly require it...

busterb · 11-04-2005, 12:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by glatt

That's not stupid at all. It's actually clever.

Stupid is when someone says "That's wet paint" and you touch it to check.

No that's when the sign says "dry paint."

melidasaur · 11-04-2005, 12:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by glatt

That's not stupid at all. It's actually clever.

Stupid is when someone says "That's wet paint" and you touch it to check.

I have done that many times and have ended up with a white, black or green hand. I guess I'm just curious.

My stupid things are usually just ditzy things... and considering that I'm really not all that ditzy to begin with it makes them even more funny.

A few weeks ago, I squirted toothpaste on my hand, believing that it was facial lotion but I was about to brush my teeth so it just didn't make sense. I scraped it off with my toothbrush and carried on with my tooth cleaning.

I tend to trip and fall when just walking down the street - and by fall I mean that I am flat out laying on my face!

I've run several stop lights thinking that they were stop signs.

I've stopped at green lights - again - see above.

I often forget that I'm clipped into the pedals on my bike and fall over.

If I think of anymore - I will list them, but for now - I'm depressed by my stupidity.

glatt · 11-04-2005, 01:08 PM

I think you are describing absent-mindedness. To me, stupidity is when you are given the chance to think, you do think, and you think poorly. If you never get around to thinking, you are just being forgetful, absent-minded, or unobservant. Not stupid. But the end result is often the same.

Urbane Guerrilla · 11-04-2005, 07:29 PM

An old buddy of mine, Jim, once told me the tale of a buddy of his, so this is a FOAF story:

Nights in the South Dakota countryside are very very black if there's no moon. Jim's buddy and some companions were having a kegger out on a ranch. This was a ranch with modern conveniences like electric fences to keep the cattle in with. Electric fences on South Dakota ranches in the seventies were often powered by twelve-volt batteries with a gizmo to switch the fence on and off periodically to save current, so you had an on-again-off-again DC circuit.

They were getting towards the bottom of the keg as late afternoon became evening became night. The beer had its usual effect on everybody, and they were dealing with it by going outside and very informally pissing, availing themselves of fenceposts, and everything came out all right. They got drunker as the night got blacker.

Our Hero (no name given by Jim) fumbled his way outside along a fenceline, unzipped, and let fly. For a few moments, all was well. Then the only electric fence in the immediate area switched on.

Twelve volts or so of direct current locked him open and apparently did not throw him clear. He stayed there until pretty much drained.

A new and undesired understanding of the phrase "piss and moan," I suppose.

So don't do this.

Clodfobble · 11-04-2005, 10:21 PM

Your friend is unfortunately a liar. Mythbusters did a whole segment where they desperately tried to electrocute themselves by peeing on fences with far higher voltages than normal, and they were completely unsuccessful.

zippyt · 11-04-2005, 11:01 PM

Tell you what kiddo , why don't you do your own experement , go to the local hard wear store , get you a dog zapper fence . set it up and take a squat and see how FAR you jump ,,,,, they were looking for killer current , dog zappers use high voltage , low current ( 900+volts , .001 amps ( current ) ) , volts hurt , amps kill

I talked a friend into pissing on a hog fence once , he fell over after he jumped ,
of corse he wasn't that smart , this is the same guy i talked into pissing on a spark plug to shut off the lawn mower

Dagney · 11-05-2005, 12:15 AM

I have friends with 'odd' interests. One had a particular fetish with all things...'sparky'.

Had a TENS unit, and an old abdominal/hernia fix that involved staples or clamps of some such. Placed TENS unit somewhere in the vicinity of the twig and berries. Turned it on, turned it up, and landed somewhere about 6 feet from his couch.

11-05-2005, 12:21 AM

Some months back, I was downtown and forgot to feed the parking meter. Sure enough, when I returned to my car, there was a $10.00 parking ticket. As luck would have it, I had driven about 3 blocks down the street, cussing the gods of meter maids, when I spied the ax murderer's car, also parked at an expired meter. Apparently he had bribed the meter maid or else she had gone off for lunch because there was no ticket on his car.

Thinking fast, I pulled up alongside his car and put MY parking ticket on his windshield. What the hey, he owed me $10,000.00 and $10.00 was a start in the right direction. I never dreamed he'd be dumb enough to pay it, though.

However, 3 days later when I went down to city hall to inquire about my ticket, they told me it had been paid the day before. Heh, Heh, Heh!

zippyt · 11-05-2005, 12:36 AM

Ok stupid things , i can think of MORE that i care to rember !!!
But on that comes to mind ,
I was in a new steel mill a few years back as it was being built , i was settign up this BIG ASS scale , i had to set the structure , then go back and forth from the instrumentation to the structure , about 5 floors of steps , i had the quickest rout picked out , i was happly running up and down the steps , back and forth ,
well for some reason they had blocked off one of the flights of steps so I had to re-rout , no big , there was about 4-5 different sets of steps , i was running down the steps ,
1 flight , turn the corner
2nd flight , turn the corner
3rd flight , turn the corner ( i think to my self "self ,this will work!!! , hell its going to put you closes to where you need to be any way " !!!!!)
4th flight , turn the corner
5th flight , about 2 steps down the 5th flight the staris abruptly ended ,
no saftey tape or barriers ,
as i said i was running the stairs ,
so I found my self hanging in mid air ( a Verry Wily Cayote type moment ) ,
it seemed like a long time that i hung there , such a nice view from that perspective !!!
befor i fell about 20 feet onto a pile of rocks and sand !!!

No bad owies from this , a few guys i knew ran over to see if i was ok ,
then laughed in my face , hell i even had to laugh as i limped away

Elspode · 11-05-2005, 01:38 AM

Back in my misspent youth, I was launching bottle rockets from the rain gutter (remember those, old guys?) of my '66 Chevy Biscayne four door while my pal drove it down a country road. A big piece of burning fuse came off of one of them and landed between my legs. I slapped at it and thought I had it out.

20 or 30 minutes later, I noted that my ass was becoming rather more warm than the humid midsummer night could account for (no AC, and wouldn't have been useful anyway as we had all the windows down so we could shoot bottle rockets from the rain gutters). I raised up my ass off of the seat, and a cloud of smoke rose up, filling the car like something out of a Cheech and Chong movie, even with the windows down.

We wasted a lot of beer putting out the seat that night. They used to put *a lot* of foam in those old Chevy bench seats, and it melts rather well, you see.

lumberjim · 11-05-2005, 08:05 AM

you're lucky you didn;t melt your ass cheeks together.

itsjulie · 11-05-2005, 09:56 AM

drinking too many martinis and throwing up on the table at the bar. then waking up the next day to 2 messages from this guy at the bar I gave my cell phone number too. Not good.

Thats the time you thank your friend for carrying you out of the bar, driving you home, taking off your boots and throwing your sorry ass on the couch.

11-04-2005, 10:52 AM	#1
Kitsune still eats dirt Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Tampa, FL Posts: 3,031	Stupid Things You've Done This isn't really a prank, yet, it kind of is. I'm filing this under "stupid things I've done" because no one is really pranked and the fun is harmless. The Coffee Cup Coffee and donuts are inspiring foods, so as I sat at the table at the local Dunkin' Donuts contemplating the empty styrofoam cup before me, an idea struck. I cut the "spacer" ring off the bottom so the cup would sit flush against any surface, then I walked out to my car and removed a magnet I use to hold a radio microphone to the door frame. I dropped the potent magnet into the cup, replaced the sippy lid, and stuck the thing to my roof near the driver side door, ensuring that it was at a slight angle so it appeared that it would fall at any moment. The neodymium magnet held fast, even at 40mph, and I drove away. Horns honked, pedestrians waved, and people yelled as the majority of my fellow commuters attempted to warn me, even at high speed, that I left my coffee on the roof, despite that it is ludicrous for coffee to sit on a flat roof at such velocities. The kindness somewhat restored my faith in humanity -- strangers in this cold, seemingly uncaring world were concerned for my coffee's well being! Driving through the business park and through campus caused groups of people to stop and watch, yet no speed bump nor fast turn would shake the cup. This caused some confusion and, I think, even a little frustration as some people want to see coffee spill all over the car, road, and windows. When it doesn't happen, there is dissapointment. That night, a biker pulled up beside me. "Hey, man, you left your coffee up there." "Yeah, I know. I'm trying to cool it off a bit." And with that, I pulled away from the stop and drove around a bend at 35mph. I wish I would have had a camera with me to capture that expression I saw in my rearview mirror. He sat at the stop sign, watching until I was out of sight. Hard drive magnets work quite well and you can get a cup to hold at 50mph or so without much issue, although the sides and top wobble a lot with the wind. Other ideas I had included chinese takeout boxes, donut bags, 7-11 "big gulp" cups, and a baby carrier. The baby carrier obviously pushes this stupidity too far. I'd love to hear of other stupidity from other Cellarites. Last edited by Kitsune; 11-04-2005 at 10:54 AM.

11-04-2005, 07:29 PM	#7
Urbane Guerrilla Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Southern California Posts: 6,674	An old buddy of mine, Jim, once told me the tale of a buddy of his, so this is a FOAF story: Nights in the South Dakota countryside are very very black if there's no moon. Jim's buddy and some companions were having a kegger out on a ranch. This was a ranch with modern conveniences like electric fences to keep the cattle in with. Electric fences on South Dakota ranches in the seventies were often powered by twelve-volt batteries with a gizmo to switch the fence on and off periodically to save current, so you had an on-again-off-again DC circuit. They were getting towards the bottom of the keg as late afternoon became evening became night. The beer had its usual effect on everybody, and they were dealing with it by going outside and very informally pissing, availing themselves of fenceposts, and everything came out all right. They got drunker as the night got blacker. Our Hero (no name given by Jim) fumbled his way outside along a fenceline, unzipped, and let fly. For a few moments, all was well. Then the only electric fence in the immediate area switched on. Twelve volts or so of direct current locked him open and apparently did not throw him clear. He stayed there until pretty much drained. A new and undesired understanding of the phrase "piss and moan," I suppose. So don't do this. __________________ Wanna stop school shootings? End Gun-Free Zones, of course.

11-04-2005, 11:01 PM	#9
zippyt LONG LIVE KING ZIPPY! per Feetz Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Arkansas Posts: 7,661	Tell you what kiddo , why don't you do your own experement , go to the local hard wear store , get you a dog zapper fence . set it up and take a squat and see how FAR you jump ,,,,, they were looking for killer current , dog zappers use high voltage , low current ( 900+volts , .001 amps ( current ) ) , volts hurt , amps kill I talked a friend into pissing on a hog fence once , he fell over after he jumped , of corse he wasn't that smart , this is the same guy i talked into pissing on a spark plug to shut off the lawn mower __________________ "Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get. " Brother Dave Gardner

11-05-2005, 12:15 AM	#10
Dagney The Prodigal Brat Returneth Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: North Cackalacky Posts: 1,107	I have friends with 'odd' interests. One had a particular fetish with all things...'sparky'. Had a TENS unit, and an old abdominal/hernia fix that involved staples or clamps of some such. Placed TENS unit somewhere in the vicinity of the twig and berries. Turned it on, turned it up, and landed somewhere about 6 feet from his couch. __________________ The Constitution gives every American the right to make a total fool out of himself. But that doesn't mean you need to.

11-05-2005, 12:36 AM	#12
zippyt LONG LIVE KING ZIPPY! per Feetz Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Arkansas Posts: 7,661	Ok stupid things , i can think of MORE that i care to rember !!! But on that comes to mind , I was in a new steel mill a few years back as it was being built , i was settign up this BIG ASS scale , i had to set the structure , then go back and forth from the instrumentation to the structure , about 5 floors of steps , i had the quickest rout picked out , i was happly running up and down the steps , back and forth , well for some reason they had blocked off one of the flights of steps so I had to re-rout , no big , there was about 4-5 different sets of steps , i was running down the steps , 1 flight , turn the corner 2nd flight , turn the corner 3rd flight , turn the corner ( i think to my self "self ,this will work!!! , hell its going to put you closes to where you need to be any way " !!!!!) 4th flight , turn the corner 5th flight , about 2 steps down the 5th flight the staris abruptly ended , no saftey tape or barriers , as i said i was running the stairs , so I found my self hanging in mid air ( a Verry Wily Cayote type moment ) , it seemed like a long time that i hung there , such a nice view from that perspective !!! befor i fell about 20 feet onto a pile of rocks and sand !!! No bad owies from this , a few guys i knew ran over to see if i was ok , then laughed in my face , hell i even had to laugh as i limped away __________________ "Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get. " Brother Dave Gardner

11-04-2005, 11:01 AM	#2
glatt ™ Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Arlington, VA Posts: 27,717	That's not stupid at all. It's actually clever. Stupid is when someone says "That's wet paint" and you touch it to check.

11-04-2005, 01:08 PM	#6
glatt ™ Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Arlington, VA Posts: 27,717	I think you are describing absent-mindedness. To me, stupidity is when you are given the chance to think, you do think, and you think poorly. If you never get around to thinking, you are just being forgetful, absent-minded, or unobservant. Not stupid. But the end result is often the same.

11-04-2005, 10:21 PM	#8
Clodfobble UNDER CONDITIONAL MITIGATION Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Austin, TX Posts: 20,012	Your friend is unfortunately a liar. Mythbusters did a whole segment where they desperately tried to electrocute themselves by peeing on fences with far higher voltages than normal, and they were completely unsuccessful.

11-05-2005, 12:21 AM	#11
marichiko Guest Posts: n/a	Some months back, I was downtown and forgot to feed the parking meter. Sure enough, when I returned to my car, there was a $10.00 parking ticket. As luck would have it, I had driven about 3 blocks down the street, cussing the gods of meter maids, when I spied the ax murderer's car, also parked at an expired meter. Apparently he had bribed the meter maid or else she had gone off for lunch because there was no ticket on his car. Thinking fast, I pulled up alongside his car and put MY parking ticket on his windshield. What the hey, he owed me $10,000.00 and $10.00 was a start in the right direction. I never dreamed he'd be dumb enough to pay it, though. However, 3 days later when I went down to city hall to inquire about my ticket, they told me it had been paid the day before. Heh, Heh, Heh!

11-05-2005, 01:38 AM	#13
Elspode When Do I Get Virtual Unreality? Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Raytown, Missouri Posts: 12,719	Back in my misspent youth, I was launching bottle rockets from the rain gutter (remember those, old guys?) of my '66 Chevy Biscayne four door while my pal drove it down a country road. A big piece of burning fuse came off of one of them and landed between my legs. I slapped at it and thought I had it out. 20 or 30 minutes later, I noted that my ass was becoming rather more warm than the humid midsummer night could account for (no AC, and wouldn't have been useful anyway as we had all the windows down so we could shoot bottle rockets from the rain gutters). I raised up my ass off of the seat, and a cloud of smoke rose up, filling the car like something out of a Cheech and Chong movie, even with the windows down. We wasted a lot of beer putting out the seat that night. They used to put a lot of foam in those old Chevy bench seats, and it melts rather well, you see. __________________ "To those of you who are wearing ties, I think my dad would appreciate it if you took them off." - Robert Moog

11-05-2005, 08:05 AM	#14
lumberjim I can hear my ears Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 25,571	you're lucky you didn;t melt your ass cheeks together. __________________ This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality Embrace this moment, remember We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion ~MJKeenan

11-05-2005, 09:56 AM	#15
itsjulie Vice-President of Resentment Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Connecticut Posts: 190	drinking too many martinis and throwing up on the table at the bar. then waking up the next day to 2 messages from this guy at the bar I gave my cell phone number too. Not good. Thats the time you thank your friend for carrying you out of the bar, driving you home, taking off your boots and throwing your sorry ass on the couch. __________________ I like to know stuff!

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