Humor...I Need Humor... - Page 248

Nirvana · 10-11-2010, 10:17 PM

A mom was cleaning her son's bedroom & found bondage & fetish mags. She asks her husband what to do. He replies 'whatever u do don't f****n spank him!'

spudcon · 10-13-2010, 08:03 PM

•"Obama has a considerable ego." --New Yorker columnist David Remnick

Gravdigr · 10-14-2010, 02:00 AM

.

xoxoxoBruce · 10-14-2010, 02:03 AM

The huge college freshman figured he'd try out for the football team.
"Can you tackle?" asked the coach.
"Watch this," said the freshman, who proceeded to run smack into a telephone pole, shattering it to splinters
"Wow," said the coach. "I'm impressed. Can you run?"
"Of course I can run," said the freshman. He was off like a shot, and in just over nine seconds, he had run a hundred yard dash.
"Great!" enthused the coach. "But can you pass a football?"
The freshman rolled his eyes, hesitated for a few seconds. "Well, sir," he said, "if I can swallow it, I can probably pass it."

Sheldonrs · 10-14-2010, 02:25 PM

This has probably been posted already but it's worth another run.

Blasphunny:

xoxoxoBruce · 10-14-2010, 11:40 PM

A police motorcycle cop stops a driver for running a red light.
The guy is a real jerk and comes running back to the officer
Demanding to know why he is being harassed by the Gestapo!
So the officer calmly tells him of the red light violation. The
Motorist instantly goes on a tirade, questioning the officer's
Ancestry, sexual orientation, etc., in rather explicit terms.
The tirade goes on without the officer saying anything.

When he gets done with writing the ticket he puts an "AH" in
The lower right corner of the narrative portion of the ticket.
He then hands it to the 'violator' for his signature. The guy
Signs the ticket angrily, and when presented with his copy
Points to the "AH" and demands to know what it stands for.
The officer says, "That's so when we go to court, I'll remember
That you're an asshole!"

Two months later they're in court. The 'violator' has such a bad
Driving record he is about to lose his license and has hired a lawyer
To represent him. On the stand the officer testifies to seeing the man
Run the red light. Under cross examination the defense attorney asks;
"Officer is this a reasonable facsimile of the ticket you issued my client?"
Officer responds, "Yes, sir, that is the defendant's copy, his signature
And mine, same number at the top.
Lawyer: "Officer, is there any particular marking or notation on this
Ticket you don't normally make?"
"Yes, sir, in the lower right corner of the narrative there is an "AH," underlined."
"What does the "AH" stand for, officer?"
"Aggressive and hostile, Sir."
"Aggressive and hostile?"
"Yes, Sir?
"Officer, are you sure it doesn't stand for asshole?"
"Well, sir, you know your client better than I do!"

classicman · 10-15-2010, 06:14 PM

He said She said ,,,,,,,,

He said to me ..... I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
I said to him ..... You wear underwear don't you?

He said to me ..... Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
I said.... That's a good idea - you stand by the stove & sink while I sit on the sofa and do nothing but fart.

He said to me.... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
I said to him ..... Turn sideways and look in the mirror!

He said to me ..... Why don't women blink during foreplay?
I said to him ..... They don't have time.

He said to me..... How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
I said to him ..... I don't know; it has never happened.

He said to me..... Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and Good-looking?
I said to him ..... They already have boyfriends.

He said.....What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
I said..... A widow.

He said to me..... Why are married women heavier than single women?
I said to him ..... Single women come home, check the fridge and go to bed.
Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

toranokaze · 10-18-2010, 08:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by footfootfoot

I saw MONNIE, boy she is HOT. I could hardly stop masturbating."

footfootfoot · 10-18-2010, 09:49 PM

Nice to see you again, tora.

toranokaze · 10-18-2010, 10:09 PM

Quote:

I saw footfootfoot, boy that is HOT. I could hardly stop masturbating.

Good to see you too

xoxoxoBruce · 10-19-2010, 09:36 AM

,

monster · 10-19-2010, 10:10 AM

ha!

monster · 10-19-2010, 04:50 PM

Lamebook

jimhelm · 10-19-2010, 06:34 PM

oh shit.... im crying....

monster · 10-19-2010, 10:05 PM

yah, that was the one that made me post it.....

10-11-2010, 10:17 PM	#3706
Nirvana Back in 10 Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 3,684	A mom was cleaning her son's bedroom & found bondage & fetish mags. She asks her husband what to do. He replies 'whatever u do don't f****n spank him!' __________________ Speaking simply... do not confuse this with having a simple mind.

10-13-2010, 08:03 PM	#3707
spudcon Beware of potatoes Join Date: May 2007 Location: Upstate NY, USA Posts: 2,078	•"Obama has a considerable ego." --New Yorker columnist David Remnick __________________ "I believe that being despised by the despicable is as good as being admired by the admirable."

10-14-2010, 02:00 AM	#3708
Gravdigr The Un-Tuckian Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Central...KY that is Posts: 39,517	. Attached Images __________________ These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.

10-14-2010, 02:03 AM	#3709
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	The huge college freshman figured he'd try out for the football team. "Can you tackle?" asked the coach. "Watch this," said the freshman, who proceeded to run smack into a telephone pole, shattering it to splinters "Wow," said the coach. "I'm impressed. Can you run?" "Of course I can run," said the freshman. He was off like a shot, and in just over nine seconds, he had run a hundred yard dash. "Great!" enthused the coach. "But can you pass a football?" The freshman rolled his eyes, hesitated for a few seconds. "Well, sir," he said, "if I can swallow it, I can probably pass it." __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

10-14-2010, 02:25 PM	#3710
Sheldonrs Master Dwellar Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Los Angeles, CA Posts: 4,412	This has probably been posted already but it's worth another run. Blasphunny: Attached Images __________________ Laugh and the world laughs with you; cry and the world laughs AT you.

10-14-2010, 11:40 PM	#3711
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	A police motorcycle cop stops a driver for running a red light. The guy is a real jerk and comes running back to the officer Demanding to know why he is being harassed by the Gestapo! So the officer calmly tells him of the red light violation. The Motorist instantly goes on a tirade, questioning the officer's Ancestry, sexual orientation, etc., in rather explicit terms. The tirade goes on without the officer saying anything. When he gets done with writing the ticket he puts an "AH" in The lower right corner of the narrative portion of the ticket. He then hands it to the 'violator' for his signature. The guy Signs the ticket angrily, and when presented with his copy Points to the "AH" and demands to know what it stands for. The officer says, "That's so when we go to court, I'll remember That you're an asshole!" Two months later they're in court. The 'violator' has such a bad Driving record he is about to lose his license and has hired a lawyer To represent him. On the stand the officer testifies to seeing the man Run the red light. Under cross examination the defense attorney asks; "Officer is this a reasonable facsimile of the ticket you issued my client?" Officer responds, "Yes, sir, that is the defendant's copy, his signature And mine, same number at the top. Lawyer: "Officer, is there any particular marking or notation on this Ticket you don't normally make?" "Yes, sir, in the lower right corner of the narrative there is an "AH," underlined." "What does the "AH" stand for, officer?" "Aggressive and hostile, Sir." "Aggressive and hostile?" "Yes, Sir? "Officer, are you sure it doesn't stand for asshole?" "Well, sir, you know your client better than I do!" __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

10-15-2010, 06:14 PM	#3712
classicman barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy. Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 23,401	He said She said ,,,,,,,, He said to me ..... I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it. I said to him ..... You wear underwear don't you? He said to me ..... Shall we try swapping positions tonight? I said.... That's a good idea - you stand by the stove & sink while I sit on the sofa and do nothing but fart. He said to me.... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you? I said to him ..... Turn sideways and look in the mirror! He said to me ..... Why don't women blink during foreplay? I said to him ..... They don't have time. He said to me..... How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? I said to him ..... I don't know; it has never happened. He said to me..... Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and Good-looking? I said to him ..... They already have boyfriends. He said.....What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night? I said..... A widow. He said to me..... Why are married women heavier than single women? I said to him ..... Single women come home, check the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge. __________________ "like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt

10-18-2010, 09:49 PM	#3714
footfootfoot To shreds, you say? Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet! Posts: 18,449	Nice to see you again, tora. __________________ The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs

10-19-2010, 09:36 AM	#3716
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	, Attached Images __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

10-19-2010, 10:10 AM	#3717
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	ha! __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

10-19-2010, 04:50 PM	#3718
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	Lamebook __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

10-19-2010, 06:34 PM	#3719
jimhelm a beautiful fool Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: 39.939705 Posts: 4,504	oh shit.... im crying....

10-19-2010, 10:05 PM	#3720
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	yah, that was the one that made me post it..... __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

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