The Best Attitude Under BAD Circumstances

[slang]

(I put this here under the "schools of thought", not the religious type of philosophy )

There are a lot of people that I meet from one job to another to the next company to the next state to the next country, etc.

One of the best attitudes that I've seen recently is a man that worked in the same office space as me this last contract. He's been through a lot, suffered disappointments, been through the unplanned and unpleasant stresses of life many times in the last few years and he just laughs it away.

Truly a life skill these days.

He's about 40, backgound in programming (bachelor of CS I believe) which he was employed as a programmer when the jobs just evaporated here and went to India. Then having no real experience, changed fields to mechanical design and was just getting to the point of making good money when THOSE jobs started going to India.

He's lost a lot of time and money to India, but he's absolutely unphased by both instances.

He's always cracking jokes and doing something funny, despite the circumstances at the moment, although is respected for his abilities at the job. He's not a clown at work, just funny.

I asked him one time where he would go if he had the chance to go anywhere in the world, time and money being no object.

His reply was that he'd go to India to look for the jobs that he lost, but was quite funny about it.

"There are things in this life you can change and those you cannot. I just dont get excited about those that I cant change"

Despite the problems and the discomfort of his personal situation, he been in good spirits the entire time that I've know him.

So here's the question.

Who comes to your mind when you think of someone having a good attitude under BAD circumstances. Is that you? Someone that you know? Someone famous? What are their BAD circumstances and how did they cope with that particular situation? What would you credit their attitude to?

Tell me a tale of harship and keeping one's perspective and sense of humor.

[fargon]

I have a chronic, disfiguring, and debilatating diesese. It is called hydritinitas superativa. I came down with this painful and unpleasant condition in Aug. '77. When I reported for sick call I was told to "take a shower and get back to work." All I could do is say Aye Aye Sir, and do what I was told to do. I finished my time in the Coast Guard proudly, even though I never advanced beyond Seaman E-3, I became the goto guy for communications, navigation,and search planning. If you think I am uneducated, think again. My nose was always in a book, navigation, seamanship, management, mathematics, and the bible just to name a few. I would take watches so my shipmates could go out and party. I would use the time to study and learn all I could about how to manage ships and men at sea.

One of my mentors at that time was the Captian of the CGC Point Hobart Virgil Kroupa, Master Chief Boatswainsmate, Old Guard and very salty.
He knew of my medical condition and kept me around because in his words "that damn Spanky is the only real sailor on this fuckin boat." I worked very hard to be the best Coast Guardsman I could be. It was all for nought. In April 1980 it ended. I got out and went job hunting, when you have a zit the size of a baseball bust open during an interview that pretty much ends the job search, Captains license or not.

I ended up working at a rental yard for minimum wage. So I picked up and learned every thing I could about heavy equipment, and constrution, worked several jobs in and around SoCal, Arizona, and Nevada for two years. Then I had to have several pustules surgicly removed. 6 weeks later I had no job, and the insurance co. said preixesting condition. I got a bill from the hospital for $52,000.00. I pumped gas with a big hole in my butt, and drove a cab on my day off. I lost my house because I could not make the payments on it. I was able to sell for enough to pay off the mortgage. I ended up in the hospital again with the same thing. I was devistated, I ended up homeless with even more debt.

My life has been a series of ups and downs. I never applied for welfare or any public assistance, I would get a job and work untill I ended up in the ER with toxemia or some other kind of blood poisining. All with the same result.

Fast forward to the present day, I live with my wife in a glorified motel room. I am still in and out of the hospital, I get a VA compensation of $485.00 a month. My wife has a good job and we are slowly paying down our debts. I refuse to give up, I am going to school on line studying visual communications.

Starting over is never easy, and starting over at 50 is a real challenge, but I'm gonna do it and excel!

[Rock Steady]

Originally Posted by slang

"There are things in this life you can change and those you cannot. I just dont get excited about those that I cant change"

Yes, the Serenity Prayer is a real tool for me:

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.

And thanks, fargon for shaing your touching story. Hang tough.

[Stress Puppy]

My life isn't bad. That's all I have to do to keep myself in decent check. Sure, bad stuff has happened, I got used by my soon-to-be ex wife, then she left me. I went through/am going through a long bout of suicidal depression. I never go a day without some part of my body being uncomfortably sore in some way (usually knees or ankles). This stuff is not major to me.

I'm alive, I'm breathing, both my legs work well, I have all my fingers and toes, both my eyes work (more or less), I can hear, I can taste, I can feel. How bad can it be?

[xoxoxoBruce]

Great, Stress Puppy.........unless they're sneaking up on you.

[Griff]

Pretty heavy stuff guys, I don't know if I'm made of the kind of stuff you guys are and I hope I never have to find out. Some of the parents of the kids with ASD I teach definitely get props from me as well. Each handles their cirumstances differently, some with amazing humor, some just with class, some more stoic, and a few just hang on.

[Rock Steady]

Well those personal stories are a tough act to follow. So, I'll post a celebrity one.

No Doubt was not an overnight success. It took many years of hard work, relentless touring, and perseverance for the band to accomplish what they have. It is an inspiration to me to keep up my own hard work and be patient.

If you believe in what you are doing, even if the odds are long, remember: No Doubt Anytime!


1987-1988 Part of the then-underground-ska-scene, No Doubt built a huge following of loyal SoCal fans after numerous gigs opening for The Untouchables and Fishbone, as well as their own all-ages shows.

UNDERGROUND BAND STRIKES IT BIG, SORT OF August 1991 No Doubt signs a "big" recording contract with Interscope Records; they continue driving around in their old cars and work day jobs (Gwen and Tony were sales people at the same department store, Adrian waited tables at a steak house, and Tom ran a small music equipment rental business).

Oct.-Dec. 1991 Between working and going to school, the band drives to a Los Angeles studio as often as possible to record their debut album, on a budget, they spend less than $13,000.

March 1992 Self-titled No Doubt released. Only 30,000 sold; grunge is in; they don't get played. The program director of LA radio station KROQ:

"It would take an act of God for this band to get on the radio."

In support of the album, the band embarks on their first two-week 13-show Western-state headlining tour in two vans (five members, a three-piece horn section, a roadie, tour manager/soundman and equipment).

Summer 1992 Band makes video for "Trapped In A Box" for a mere $5,000; MTV never played it. No Doubt once again make a two-week Western run. Fall 1992 Hitting the big time, the band undertakes a two-and-a-half month national-tour -- still in a van.

FROM TRAGIC TIMES COMES MAGIC March 1993 No Doubt begins the first sessions for what would be called Tragic Kingdom. The album was recorded in eleven different studios over two and a half years. Tony refers to it as a "battleground" -- and there were casualties.

1994 Eric departs before the completion of Tragic Kingdom, and continues as an animator for The Simpsons. After a seven-year relationship, Tony gets claustrophobic and dumps Gwen; the singer has plenty to sing about and "Don't Speak" evolved from a love song into a broken heart song.

October 1995 Tragic Kingdom, a mixture of ska, new wave, pop, punk and rock, is released. Of the lyrics, Gwen says: "We went through some really bad times in the past couple years -- personally and bandwise -- and our whole way of dealing with that is humor and I think that's really apparent in the record."

Album doesn't make the charts and KROQ doesn't pay attention. Winter 1995 New wave-ish "Just A Girl" gets massive requests. KROQ pays attention; band smiles.

In support of Tragic Kingdom, No Doubt tours several weeks followed by holiday radio shows.

January 1996 Several months after it's release, Tragic Kingdom debuts on Billboard's Top 200 at No. 175, and the single "Just A Girl" reaches No. 10.

Band begins their first European tour, followed by dates in Australia, New Zealand, Indonesia and Japan.

July 1996 Tragic Kingdom goes Platinum. Although No Doubt had been headlining in clubs for seven years, the band embarks on their first sold-out theater-size headlining tour.

November 1996 After performing nearly every night for a year, Gwen's vocal chords are strained; the band cancels its second European tour; the dates are made up in February and March 1997.

Dec. 1996 Tragic Kingdom reaches No. 1 in Billboard -- 14 months after its release. The album will spend nine weeks at No. 1, and 36 weeks in the Top 10.

January 1997 No Doubt attends American Music Awards after being nominated for Favorite New Artist Pop/Rock. Band's super excited even if they don't win. "Not bad, Best New Artist and we've been around for 10 years," marvels Gwen.

March 1997 No Doubt celebrates Tenth Anniversary!!!

More here: http://tragickingdom.net/nodoubt-tenyears.html

[slang]

Originally Posted by Rock Steady

........and our whole way of dealing with that is humor .......

Thanks RS. Interesting story.

The humor thing seems to be involved with many survival tales

[Trilby]

When things are bad and I'm under stress, I keep reminding myself that killing my pathetic ex would constitute murder and land me in a place that would not appreciate my delicate disposition and refined nature. NOT killing him appears to be more heroic than killing him, and, so I don't. To me, that is real grace under pressure coz the motherfucker deserves to die. Slowly and painfully--like in the clutches of the Iron Maiden or similar.

[slang]

Originally Posted by Brianna

.......coz the motherfucker deserves to die. Slowly and painfully--like in the clutches of the Iron Maiden or similar.

I'll take your word for that

[Brett's Honey]

I hadn't paid a lot of attention to No Doubt until RS first mentioned their hard work to get where they are. They did work hard to earn their celebrity status. I did see Gwen on TV presenting Sting an award on a show, and she showed a picture of herself getting an autograph from Sting when she was about 13-15 yrs old. She was a VERY chubby girl! She looks great now.

Drew Barrymore is the celebrity I think of, looking to one for inspiration. Yes, Drew Barrymore. As the child star of E.T, she was drinking and doing drugs by age 12 and seemed to be going downhill like a of a lot of child stars. Then she got it together, formed her own company making movies, and is doing quite well. After I saw "Riding in Cars With Boys", I have watched all of the movies she has made. They're more the type of movies I watch with my step-daughters than my husband or son, but they're good movies, with plenty of humor in all of them.

In real life, my source of inspiration is Elspode, and all of the other parents of disabled kids. When my daughter was getting cancer treatment, I saw so many people going through terribly tough times, and knowing they would always have to deal with it, along with worrying about who will take care of their kids when they're gone. When I was at my lowest, I always saw someone that I felt had it worse than me.

I saw Toby Keith on TV talking about what ended his feud with the Dixie Chicks a couple of years back. He got home one day and saw a Country Music magazine in his mail - the cover read "Toby Keith and the Dixie Chicks - a fight to the death!" Then he got a phone call from his best friend from high school saying that he and his wife had just taken their 3 yr old daughter home from the hospital to die. Her childhood cancer had become terminal. That sure puts things into perspective!

On a lighter note, the moral of the story is when you’re down- look for inspiration – it’s out there!

[seakdivers]

Originally Posted by Brianna

When things are bad and I'm under stress, I keep reminding myself that killing my pathetic ex would constitute murder and land me in a place that would not appreciate my delicate disposition and refined nature. NOT killing him appears to be more heroic than killing him, and, so I don't. To me, that is real grace under pressure coz the motherfucker deserves to die. Slowly and painfully--like in the clutches of the Iron Maiden or similar.

Oh Brianna... I feel your pain. We've thought up punishments for my sister's murderer that are quite inventive.... yet we know it would not be worth giving up one of our lives to do it. But damn.... I would have a hard time stopping myself once I find out who the motherfuckers are. ( UT - I apologize for the language).

[Stress Puppy]

There's a saying, and I'm very fond of sayings. I'm taking the religious context out, because I'm not religious. But, "If the door gets closed in your face, try the window."

[jojo]

dear fargon - i'm aware of the disease through a friend, and i feel for you. tough, tough, tough. i also want to let your wife know that her support is admirable as well. having something like that is hell, and loving someone in that much pain is extremely difficult, too. your ability to help them is limited no matter how desperately you wish you could. you are an inspiration, i'll take that with me.
my own story is pretty lame--married to an extremely domineering, manipulative and somewhat psychotic husband for 22 yrs (he used to growl at me "woman, submit to your husband!"), i finally got the courage to leave the third time my kids called 911. he makes $130k/yr, i make about $20k, our 3 youngest originally left with me but since have decided to try living with dad because there are NO rules; no curfews, no rules about drinking under age, no bedtimes for the 7th graders. our youngest has missed 25 days of school this year, but they keep excusing it. (technically we share custody but our 17 yr old daughter recently moved all of her things over there after i refused to let her go on spring break with a bunch of friends unsupervised. he's now letting her live by herself in a rental house on our property. the 2 boys come and go back and forth pretty evenly.) i've tried showing evidence and support 3 times to the judge about what goes on over there, but he believes ex's excuses for behaviors and non-payment of child support. so in order to get away from him (i was bordering suicidal when i was there) i've lost my children, my home, all of my stuff, my financial security, and my sense of who i am. some days i don't think i'll survive, literally. but then i think, the kids will grow up, and i want to still be here when they do. (i know i still want my dad to be here, even though i don't talk to him all that much.) my oldest son is in the army, could get sent to iraq soon, and i want to be here to send him letters and support if he goes. my oldest daughter has a baby girl who may have some developmental disabilites, and i think she might need my help.
i make a point to stay up till midnight every night, and get up at 6:00 for work, because any longer than that and i just have nightmares. i make a point of making coffee every morning because the sound and smell of the coffeepot gurgling is comforting and it breaks the morning silence. and every night i just hold on to the future, when the sun will come up, the birds will sing, and the pain will lesson enough to live through. each day i make it through this hell is one more day i'm proving to him that i am stronger than he ever thought i'd be.

[jojo]

sorry-i'll quit