The State of Stuff

[Aliantha]

So, it's been several months since my marriage broke down. I thought I'd update you all on what's been going on as I've been staying away from here mostly except for cake stuff really. We are still separated, and likely to stay that way for a long time I suspect. Maybe forever.

When we first separated, things were pretty hard for me. He cut me off financially, said he'd made a mistake, but then took weeks to do anything to rectify it. By then, I was so far behind with all my bills and things that it's taken me till this very week to get everything back in the black so to speak. I still have outstanding bills, but they're just normal due bills rather than people calling and threatening to cut off the electricity etc. Fortunately for me, communication with these people was the key, and I was able to negotiate extensions and things. So, this weekend I have been able to breath a little easier and enjoy spending some time with my kids.

All the social services stuff has finally been sorted out so I am getting some help there, plus my cake money, and he is paying the mortgage, so all in all, financially, although things are different, they are under control.

Emotionally, the day he moved out I felt a huge black cloud lift from my shoulders. I still feel that way except when I have to deal with him. I feel it descend every time. The feeling is so obvious, and I wonder how I'd lived like that for years without actually killing someone. It's very sad when you realise how terrible you feel when you're around a person that you're supposed to love and cherish. So, anyway, I started counselling last week. It was good to sit there for an hour and just blurt everything out. I wouldn't say I felt that I'd achieved much, but I guess I told the counsellor the basics. He wants to see me weekly for the next couple of months and thinks he might be able to help me figure out if I actually want to work towards reconciliation for the right reasons, or if this goal is maybe unrealistic.

Daryl has been seeing a psychiatrist and a psychologist for quite some time now. Although I don't really see much difference in his behaviours, I think he seems less depressed, but because we're not living together, those types of calls are hard to make. He isn't interested in entering into discussion about how he's feeling, so things remain the same really.

So in a nut shell, that's what's going on. The two big boys are at uni now, and so are their g/f's, so they are all coming and going at different times with classes and work and their fairly low key social lives. They tend to all just hang around together and that happens at my place mostly, so that's nice. The little kids seem to be coping with everything really well. They enjoy going to their fathers on the weekend, and although they only see him then, I think they're actually spending more time with him. He's obviously having a face up to doing some full time parenting on a regular basis too which might be good for his perspective I hope.

So, all in all, things for me are on the up and up. I've been spending time with friends and reconnecting with people I've had to avoid because my husband didn't want to have people at the house etc.

I will post more down the track if anything remarkable happens, but if things just keep going the way they are, I'll be happy for now.

Oh and no, I have not even considered dating. When would I have time anyway. haha