What's mildly amusing you today?

[Pie]

This piece.

It's only January, but Nancy Grace is a strong contender for "Hypocrite of the Year."

The woman who will exploit anything for ratings — everything from slaughtered children to abused spouses — has suddenly decided that some people deserve privacy. Namely, her.

Grace and her attorneys tried to ban cameras from recording her deposition about the local woman, Melinda Duckett, who killed herself after Grace interviewed her about Duckett's missing son.

Perhaps Grace knows all too well how she might fare herself in the trage-tainment arena she helped create. In fact, let's imagine this …

Host: Tonight we've got shocking — I mean shocking! — news about talk-show host Nancy Grace. She doesn't want America to see her answer questions. And the only possible explanation is that she's guilty and should go to prison … or should she? That's the subject of tonight's show. And we have a spectacular panel to talk about all this. Let's start with Samantha Smalltime, a local radio host for a tiny radio station in Central Florida who has been following this case. Samantha, is Nancy evil?

Samantha: Oh my, I haven't a clue. Seriously, I don't even know much about this case. But what I do know is that I'm just dying to get on TV. So if you want me to say she's guilty, I'm in!

Host: You sound like a smart woman, Samantha. Next up: Jury expert Jim Jarmaine. Jim, can you see any way that a jury wouldn't convict Nancy?

Jim: No way. I wrote a book about juries. [Screen shows copy of book.] And juries hate people who commit crimes. So if Nancy Grace committed a crime, she should fry.

Host: Jim Jarmaine, I like your spunk. Next, we go to a first-time panelist, university professor Annie Anderson. Annie, Jim says Grace should fry. Tell me you agree.

Annie: No I don't agree. And frankly, I'm appalled by this entire conversation. Do you people understand that Nancy Grace hasn't even been charged with a crime? This is a civil proceeding. And the way you're trying to jump to conclusions and exploit this tragic case is so unseemly and unprofessional that …

Host: [Interrupts] Sorry, Annie. Gotta stop you, because I just got word that my little twins are celebrating their one-and-seven-eighths birthday. [Screen shows twin toddlers.] These two babies are angels on earth, my dear viewers. And it's only thanks to you, your prayers — and because you're watching this show — that they are healthy. OK, back to Samantha. Samantha, what were you saying?

Samantha: Whatever you want.

Host: Smart girl. Jim, in your book [screen shows book again], you say that juries like life, and that anyone who helps end a life is in for a heap of trouble, right?

Jim: You bet. That's why Nancy Grace should just spare taxpayers the cost of a trial, and turn herself in.

Annie: What? You people aren't even making sense. I mean, seriously, there's no crime alleged here. And even if there were, wouldn't it make more sense to wait for all the facts before ….

Host: [Interrupts] I'll tell you who doesn't like waiting: My viewers and Lady Justice, as well as my precious twins when it comes to spreading joy in the world. [Screen shows new picture of twins.] That's who I care about.

Annie: What? Listen, if anyone should be aware of the pitfalls of declaring someone guilty before all the evidence is out, it's you! Remember when you essentially declared the Duke lacrosse team being guilty of "gang rape" — even though it was later proven that the entire case against them was a farce?

Host: Sorry, Annie, but it's "Troop Time" — that special part of my program when I start showing pictures of service members who were killed in battle. It's especially helpful when I'm losing ground. Because, really, who has the nerve to criticize me when I'm honoring fallen soldiers? OK, next up, we have former FBI profiler Mark Madsen. Mark, profilers know when people are guilty, right?

Mark: You bet. It's all in my book.

Host: And what do your years of experience tell you about Nancy Grace trying to avoid cameras?

Mark: Guilty. No other explanation.

Annie: What a minute. Nancy Grace has every right to file a motion, trying to keep cameras out of her deposition. This isn't a court hearing. And once again, there's no guilt or innocence in a civil case.

Host: Well, isn't that just what all the rapists and murders want to hear?

Annie: What? Seriously. I don't even understand what you're saying.

Host: Let me tell you something, Annie. On my show, I stand up for victims … and people … and twins. [Screen shows twins again.] And if someone has wronged any of them — any of them — guilt is a factor.

Jim: Juries agree. It's in my book.

Mark: Mine too.

Host: Ok, panel, we're running out of time. So let's take a vote — guilty or very guilty?

Jim: Guilty.

Host: Rob?

Rob: Guilty.

Host: Samantha?

Samantha: Oh goody. Am I on camera again?

Host: I'll take that as a guilty. OK, Annie … [Host pauses for heavy sigh and exaggerated eye roll] … tell me something I want to hear.

Annie: Well, you've made it pretty clear what you want to hear — and it has nothing to do with reality, the presumption of innocence or anything other than exploiting tragedies for mindless entertainment.

Host: [Sighing] Annie, you obviously weren't paying attention when I was talking about my twins.

[classicman]

Thats a good read ya got their Pie.

[Pie]

Perhaps it should have gone in your Karma thread, classic!

[classicman]

Yeh - thought of that. I watched her a few times - OMG I think my eyes started to bleed. Her voice has got to be THE most annoying sound on the planet. Nothing personal, but I couldn't imagine hearing that every time I got home from work or whatever.

[lumberjim]

When I am ready to bring a customer into my office, I get on the intercom and page the salesman. When I say, for example, "Franklin Smith, come on down!" that's the code that means for them to bring the customer with them.

I'm working on paperwork for one Robert Barker right now.

I am mildly amused.

[lumberjim]

hmmm.... I have the theme music in this computer too...... should I go over the top, or just ....

[SteveDallas]

Originally Posted by lumberjim

hmmm.... I have the theme music in this computer too...... should I go over the top, or just ....

Do it. Because a guy named Bob Barker has never heard Price is Right jokes before

Why don't you offer him a set of free floor mats (or something) if he can guess the correct retail price of undercoating or extended warranty service or something.

EDIT: A day late and a dollar short. Never mind.

[skysidhe]

While picking up an rx for my mom I picked up a Pepsi. I'm sitting here looking at the label and it says it is a 'Throwback' Pepsi made 'with real sugar-for a limited time' lol

It's amusing using anything real is only for a limited time.

I guess Pepsi started using HFCS in the 80s. I didn't know that!
I mean I didn't realize there was ever a switch. I guess I am not the label reader I thought I was.

[lumberjim]

did it taste any better?

[skysidhe]

Yes I like it better BUT it is probably just nostalgia skewing my perceptions.

I need to do a blind taste test to know for sure. Definite cane sugar taste though.

[lumberjim]

like a pepsi challenge?

you got a video camera?

[jinx]

I took the pepsi challenge at the NY state fair. I picked pepsi.

[skysidhe]

I like caffeine free diet coke recently.

I would be curious which I would choose in a challenge though.

No video camera. yay!

[xoxoxoBruce]

Caffeine free diet coke? No caffeine and no sugar(hfcs), why bother? I'd be pinging on the hills, with that stuff.

[skysidhe]

Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce

Caffeine free diet coke? No caffeine and no sugar(hfcs), why bother? I'd be pinging on the hills, with that stuff.

well I don't drink it always. I just have it on hand. There is a member of the household who is blessed with the ability to turn sugar and caffeine into an all nighter.
( not me )

I do think it tastes better than the diet coke or any other diet except for the sierra mist diet.