career path

[lumberjim]

sorry about the long post.....


I thought I had very supportive parents. And I did for most things. I never really wanted for anything, and we had a nice house in a good neighborhood. good school district. I figure I started on at least second base, jinx says third because I'm male, but whatever...I had advantages. I have no complaints about the way I was raised either. My parents were consistent for the most part, and I respected them.

When it came to "what I want to be when I grow up", though, I didn't get a whole lot of direction. I probably would have resisted it anyway, and I can see definite perils surrounding pushing a child too hard in one direction or another. I wonder, though, what other people's situation was like. Jinx and I are the same, pretty much. Our parents always just said, " We don't really care what you do for a living, as long as you're happy"

That's the answer I wanted to hear as a young teen, so I went with it. And I never focused on one path. I dabbled with my courses in high school and the 1 year of college i attended.

I took art courses, shop classes, learned guitar outside of school, I learned computers from my propeller head father, read way too much, telling myself i might be a writer. I was interested in astronomy, science fiction, football; I was gonna join the airforce,.... the list goes on.

It just occured to me as i write this that ( I mentioned the guitar) I learn songs the same way. I know the intro and usually the solo leads in a whole lot of songs, but i can only play about 5 or 6 from start to finish.

I guess I just took what i wanted that was enough to make me happy, and moved on. Unwittingly I may have been training for a career in sales. Good salespeople know a little bit about a whole lot of shit (that way they can converse and relate to a wide variety of people, gain confidence, and earn sales).

I wonder what my life would have been like if my dad had strong armed me into computers or business management (he was a VP for unisys for a long time) Or if my mom had pressured me into teaching ( she's a speech pathologist at devereaux)?

So what to do with MY kids? Spencer is 5, and he can argue and manipulate and cajole with the best of them. He also, on the other hand appears to have a natural ease with math. At 3 he was adding and subtracting .....~~he woke up one night with a bad cough, so i took a cough drop up to him, and sat there while he sucked on it, waiting for him to feel better, and take the drop away so he didn't choke on it. So i said," you about done with that?"
and he said," no, i need 3 more minutes."
so i waited. and again i asked
"no, that was only 2 minutes...I still have 1 minute left"

this was in his early threes, too. he's good at puzzles, plays monopoly, stratego, and all kinds of board games with the older kids at his school. Do I try to enhance his apparent talents by leading him firmly in the direction of a career that will provide him a good life, or do i stand back and see how the tree grows?

how were you raised when it came to this facet?

[juju]

I'm not experienced in this area, but I think what you're supposed to do is encourage and support the natural interests they hold that might become potential career paths. For example, math skills are a sure ticket to money. I'd encourage something like that in a fun way, as long as the child was enjoying it. If they get bored with it though, I would stop pushing, as then you immediately start to piss them off and they won't do it anymore out of spite. A little bit of encouragement from you in an area they're already interested in, however, might do them very well.

Calculated pressure, that's the key. Not blind, brute strength.

[SteveDallas]

Originally posted by lumberjim

I wonder what my life would have been like if my dad had strong armed me into computers or business management (he was a VP for unisys for a long time) Or if my mom had pressured me into teaching ( she's a speech pathologist at devereaux)?

You would probably have rebelled. Did you ever WANT to do either of those? Looking back, do you consider yourself temperamentally suited to do them?

I have my own "woulda shoulda couldas." Although I wasn't necessarily a spectacular student (I didn't devote a lot of attention to assignments that didn't interest me), I was brilliant at math and could read almost anything. When I had a chance to come in contact with computers, I could immediately make one roll over and play dead. It was always assumed by my parents (and by me) that I would go on and major in, then have a career in, computer science or electrical engineering, or something similarly high-tech and lucrative.

So in 11th grade I went away to the science & math school, and irony of ironies, I got hooked on music. I had played clarinet before, but this was my first experience playing real orchestral music in a good orchestra.

So to make a long story short, I did a second major in math, which I was still interested in, but I ended up majoring in clarinet and halfway through switched over to music history, with the goal of teaching college. My parents weren't particularly amused, but they got over it, especially when I ended up with a free ride & fellowship to a PhD program at Penn.

But I was out of that after 2 years for different reasons, some reflecting on me, some reflecting on the program I was in, and some reflecting on the general climate and job market in academia. I ended up with a help desk job at a college, and 12 years later I'm still doing IT support in higher ed, though in more of a managment role.

So all my alleged brilliance (which, I've learned, will, when combined with $1, get me a cup of coffee at Wawa) brings me to a point where I spend my days at work worrying about whether the PBX will melt before I can shake loose money for a new one and whether the next worm will work its way onto a student's laptop with a 2-year-old copy of Norton Antivirus and spread through my network like crazy.

And when I watch the Mars lander coverage and I see all the folks at JPL going crazy, I have to wonder if I couldn't have been there in that crowd if I had decided to go to Cal Tech and study astronomy. When I read all the high-tech news every day, I sometimes wonder why I'm consuming the news, and not generating it--why should I be the user of a digital music player, instead of the designer of one? Hell, why shouldn't I be writing papers in the physics journals that have people mumbling about a Nobel Prize?

Ridiculous... completely ridiculous and irrational, and all kinds of hubris to boot. I have no right and no rational basis to complain about where I am and how I got here. But the second thoughts never go away entirely. I have no doubt that if I were at JPL (assuming I made it to JPL, and didn't end up teaching at some out-of-the-way college), I'd be wondering whether I shouldn't have spent more time playing the clarinet.

Oh, this was supposed to be about the kids. My advice for them is to nurture whatever they're interested in, but don't allow them to specialize and ignore hte subjects they don't like (at least not too early). And let them know that they should have their dreams, and go after them, but they also can' be afraid to let go of a dream and follow a different one if they really think that's what they need to do.

[xoxoxoBruce]

Yes, encourage them in the things they enjoy. But expose them to as many avenues as you can. I see careers out there that I'd of enjoyed, but never knew existed until it was too late. Some say it's never too late, but once you have obligations (ie, family, bills) it's hard to break the golden handcuffs of that steady paycheck.

[elSicomoro]

My parents' mantra was fairly simple--don't wind up like us...i.e. bankrupt, struggling to pay bills, not getting on your feet until 15 years after you got married.

So, I've just taken the ball and gone from there.

[undone]

My upbringing was out of the ordinary as my mother's parents ended up raising me. I was number 5 child for them and came out of a horrible situation between my mom and dad. I think my grandparents were only in their mid-forties when they became grandparents. Their youngest child was eight.
My Gramps didn't like me much and my Gram was so frazzled all the time. They didn't have time or energy to do much but just cope. It also seems like they just expected me to be a failure because of what and whom I had come from.
All they ever said was "Don't get pregnant and ruin your life like your mother did" "Don't be like your mother"
Gee, thanks.
In any case, It sunk in and I didn't have any kids until I was married and 28.
I am less than satisfied with how I make my money but, I don't know what I would have done differently. I never was very good any anything particular. I think my talent lies in understanding people and being able to offer a unique empathy. I wish I would have traveled and seen more of the world. Utah can be such a small place.
I am/do encourage my daughters to explore whatever interests them. Above all I want them to realize there is a huge amazing world out there. They can go anywhere and do anything the set their minds to.
As for me, I am very happy being a parent.

[dar512]

Holy cow, lj. Those kids are young. It's way too early to fret over that.

However, it's not too early to observe. Do they lean towards arts or sciences? Are they outgoing or introverted? Don't forget kids change a lot right up through high school.

And like Bruce says - show them all of what's out there.

[xoxoxoBruce]

undone, stick with the Cellar and we'll show you the world...and beyond. There are worse places than Utah, much worse and as long as you've got your Cellar family everythings cool.

[elSicomoro]

OK, Jim Jones.

[undone]

Aaww, thanks you guys.
Anyone have pre-teen daughters? My niece; at age 11; just "broke up" with her first boyfriend.
Holy Hell, If this is the norm I am in for some major trouble.

[undone]

Originally posted by sycamore
OK, Jim Jones.

Syc, who is Jim Jones?

[wolf]

He was a preacher and cult leader of what was known as "The People's Temple."

They are the ones who comitted suicide on 14-NOV-1978 by drinking poisoned KoolAid (some reports indicate it was FlavorAid) in their compound in Jamestown, Guyana. Jones had moved the cult there when his paranoia had increased to the point where he knew for SURE that the government was after him and the end of the world was nigh.

The triggering event for the mass suicide appeared to have been the visit of a congressman, Leo Ryan, who was checking up on his consituents. Congressman Ryan, along with others in his group, were shot by Jones' followers at the airport.

[wolf]

I suppose I shouldn't be surprised to learn that there is a Jonestown Memorial Website.

As far as the preteen thing goes, undone ...

First, be grateful that you are not her parent.

Second, take a deep breath and remember that it doesn't last forever, it just seems that way.

Third, WTF is an 11 year old doing with a "boyfriend"???

[xoxoxoBruce]

Third, WTF is an 11 year old doing with a "boyfriend"???

Uh...I don't think you want to be asking that.

[lumberjim]

Originally posted by dar512
Holy cow, lj. Those kids are young. It's way too early to fret over that.

However, it's not too early to observe. Do they lean towards arts or sciences? Are they outgoing or introverted? Don't forget kids change a lot right up through high school.

And like Bruce says - show them all of what's out there.

i'm looking mainly at spencer right now, as he has started school. But the question i posed was a more general philosophy type question. I know a guy who has decided that one of his daughters will be a veterinarian, and the other a lawyer. ) they're twins) He began laying the ground work when they were 5. He simply told them that that was what they wouled be, and they accept it. for now. I just wonder if you can do this?

I think Spencer would make a great lawyer because he loves to argue so much, but i don;t really approve of that proffession.

Damn. what would you choose as a career if you had the knowledge you have now, but were only 5 and could start from the very beginning?

Think I'd be a rock star. or a rodeo clown.