12/15/2002: Drunken moose

Undertoad · 12-15-2002, 11:26 AM

This might have made a Friday, except that you can't really tell just from looking at this guy why the shot is interesting.

This moose is drunk.

Norwegians have been on alert for drunken mooses recently. It turns out that they had a long and exceptionally warm summer. This caused some fruit, specifically the apples that the moosies like to eat, to ferment right in the skin while ripening.

This makes me think. Wine and beer have been found to have been produced very early in history - just as early as the development of civilization. And generally they have a religious connection/connotation.

When you think about it, how could it not. You're a simple early people with little understanding of the world. Your tribe comes across an orchard or an area with natural vines. The fruit is sweet, but when the harvest time comes, it transforms into something that gives you visions, makes you dizzy and a little sick. It's all magic to you; you don't know there may be natural yeasts on the skins of the fruit, and you don't know when the sugar content becomes high enough for those yeasts to take an interest and convert it to alcohol.

You might conclude that God converted that fruit for you to get closer to him. And just as the fruit was at its sweetest!

The following year you take the fruit and squash it for beverage, and you make clay pots to keep it in. And the liquid changes! You put fruit into the vessel, and sealed it; now when you open the jar, the contents are harsh and bitter and give you the same visions as last year. More magic!

And then the older people in your tribe figure out that the people who drank the beverage did better than the people who drank the (unpurified) lake water. It's all over; this beverage is definitely a gift from above.

MaggieL · 12-15-2002, 12:12 PM

"Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants to see us happy."-- Benjamin Franklin.

See also: "Sumerian Beer" http://beer.tcm.hut.fi/Misc/SumerianBeer.html

blase · 12-15-2002, 12:13 PM

Excellent post Undertoad! Now what's your anthropological idea on why people smoke thing?

Undertoad · 12-15-2002, 01:35 PM

Same thing! Except that, like a lot of weird practices that have some benefit, you have to wonder why someone tried it the first time.

But with so many billions upon billions of people on the earth, there are precious few things that haven't been tried once.

Griff · 12-15-2002, 01:47 PM

About alcohol- We did my wife's companies Christmas Party last night. Thing is, these parties used to be a blast. A beer blast specifically, open bar, loud talk, steam blown off, dirty dancing, business done, bonds made, blah blah blah. Well a couple years back word came down from headquarters, its time to clamp down on the boozing. I understand the liability fear dwi/wrecks etc... but the event that killed the Christmas spirits was a wig from corporate who traditionally drank until falling chose that year to fall down a flight of stairs instead of just falling in the john er something, stupid. So we had a two hour cash bar at the beginning of a six hour party. Its sad that we need to get hammered to loosen up and have fun but when the dj sucks its hard to keep everyone up. On the positive side, of the six couples at our table the chicks were all the company folks, we guys all had different schemes, cool.

Griff · 12-15-2002, 01:48 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Undertoad
Same thing! Except that, like a lot of weird practices that have some benefit, you have to wonder why someone tried it the first time.

But with so many billions upon billions of people on the earth, there are precious few things that haven't been tried once.

Ogg prolly threw the wrong weed on the old cave fire and a good time was had by all.

MaggieL · 12-15-2002, 08:37 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Undertoad
...you have to wonder why someone tried it the first time.

"Be as bold as the first man to eat an oyster." - Shirley Chisholm

MaggieL · 12-15-2002, 08:45 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Griff
Ogg prolly threw the wrong weed on the old cave fire and a good time was had by all.

<blockquote>On a framework of tree sticks, meeting at the top, they stretch pieces of woollen cloth...When, therefore, the Scythians have taken some seed of this hemp, they creep under the cloths and put the seeds on the red hot stones; but this being put on smokes, and produces such a steam, that no Grecian vapour-bath would surpass it. The Scythians, transported by the vapour, shout aloud.</blockquote>
--Herodotus, Historics, .ca 450 BC

(While this is translated as "seeds", many modern authorities agree that a more correct translation would be "buds". )

slang · 12-15-2002, 09:04 PM

I wonder if you could get close enogh to them to pet them when they're drunk?

I'd like to put a cigarette in Bullwinkle's lips and get a good closeup pic.

snagglefish · 12-16-2002, 01:30 AM

i suspect that this photo was taken during the summer/fall as 'recently' in norway they are in the dead of winter and there ain't so much greenery going around....

....also....when i was a kid growing up, ok fine, when i was a kid as i still have much growing up to do....we used to watch robins get drunk on the berries from the moutain ash in our backyard.......

mmm.

drunken birds. *wap* *wap* *wap* the sound of them crashing into our bay windows after......

And · 12-16-2002, 07:53 AM

"Hey, Rocky! Watchsh me pulla fifth outta mah hat! *burp*"

If you want to talk brave, think about the folks who first tried mountain oysters...

"moosies"... heh heh.

warch · 12-16-2002, 12:45 PM

Beer, wine, bread, cheese = mystical, magical inventions.
Forget the sex scandals- I think 21st century monestaries/nunaries have a definite recruiting angle here.

wolf · 12-16-2002, 12:59 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by slang
I wonder if you could get close enogh to them to pet them when they're drunk?

I'd like to put a cigarette in Bullwinkle's lips and get a good closeup pic.

Let's examine this proposition. You want to sneak up on a 2000 pound drunken creature that comes complete with like 100 pounds of antlers, and pose him for a totally amusing picture. (which, incidentally, I'd buy a print of like that (*snaps fingers*) because I collect moose.)

Put yourself in the moose's place. When YOU are drunk, would you put up with someone sneaking up on you, even in a friendly manner, to pose you for silly pictures?

You'd kick ass, take names, and probably leave a couple leaky holes in anyone that tried.

Moose have larger feet than you do, and are pretty good at trampling things that annoy them. Even for no apparent reason at all ... I forget what website I found it on (ehowa.com maybe?) but I have seen some very impressive video of a moose stomping. Gives you a whole new respect for moose, actually.

slang · 12-16-2002, 04:03 PM

I have a way with big drunken animals

First I be nice. Then if that doesn't work I crack their fucking cranium with a louisville slugger. A good rugged pair of moose proof boots helps too.

Thats only the last resort though, for when the big dumb bastard cant keep the cig in his lips for the pic.

MaggieL · 12-16-2002, 04:11 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by slang
I have a way with big drunken animals

One guy says, "Gee, I wish I could do that!" The other guy says, "Don't you think you ought to pet him first?"
Must have majored in...uh..."animal husbandry". :-)

12-15-2002, 11:26 AM	#1
Undertoad Radical Centrist Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Cottage of Prussia Posts: 31,423	12/15/2002: Drunken moose This might have made a Friday, except that you can't really tell just from looking at this guy why the shot is interesting. This moose is drunk. Norwegians have been on alert for drunken mooses recently. It turns out that they had a long and exceptionally warm summer. This caused some fruit, specifically the apples that the moosies like to eat, to ferment right in the skin while ripening. This makes me think. Wine and beer have been found to have been produced very early in history - just as early as the development of civilization. And generally they have a religious connection/connotation. When you think about it, how could it not. You're a simple early people with little understanding of the world. Your tribe comes across an orchard or an area with natural vines. The fruit is sweet, but when the harvest time comes, it transforms into something that gives you visions, makes you dizzy and a little sick. It's all magic to you; you don't know there may be natural yeasts on the skins of the fruit, and you don't know when the sugar content becomes high enough for those yeasts to take an interest and convert it to alcohol. You might conclude that God converted that fruit for you to get closer to him. And just as the fruit was at its sweetest! The following year you take the fruit and squash it for beverage, and you make clay pots to keep it in. And the liquid changes! You put fruit into the vessel, and sealed it; now when you open the jar, the contents are harsh and bitter and give you the same visions as last year. More magic! And then the older people in your tribe figure out that the people who drank the beverage did better than the people who drank the (unpurified) lake water. It's all over; this beverage is definitely a gift from above.

12-15-2002, 12:12 PM	#2
MaggieL in the Hour of Scampering Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Jeffersonville PA (15 mi NW of Philadelphia) Posts: 4,060	"Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants to see us happy."-- Benjamin Franklin. See also: "Sumerian Beer" http://beer.tcm.hut.fi/Misc/SumerianBeer.html __________________ "Neither can his Mind be thought to be in Tune,whose words do jarre; nor his reason In frame, whose sentence is preposterous..."

12-15-2002, 01:47 PM	#5
Griff still says videotape Join Date: Feb 2001 Posts: 26,813	About alcohol- We did my wife's companies Christmas Party last night. Thing is, these parties used to be a blast. A beer blast specifically, open bar, loud talk, steam blown off, dirty dancing, business done, bonds made, blah blah blah. Well a couple years back word came down from headquarters, its time to clamp down on the boozing. I understand the liability fear dwi/wrecks etc... but the event that killed the Christmas spirits was a wig from corporate who traditionally drank until falling chose that year to fall down a flight of stairs instead of just falling in the john er something, stupid. So we had a two hour cash bar at the beginning of a six hour party. Its sad that we need to get hammered to loosen up and have fun but when the dj sucks its hard to keep everyone up. On the positive side, of the six couples at our table the chicks were all the company folks, we guys all had different schemes, cool. __________________ If you would only recognize that life is hard, things would be so much easier for you. - Louis D. Brandeis

12-15-2002, 09:04 PM	#9
slang St Petersburg, Florida Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 3,423	I wonder if you could get close enogh to them to pet them when they're drunk? I'd like to put a cigarette in Bullwinkle's lips and get a good closeup pic. __________________ FTFF

12-16-2002, 01:30 AM	#10
snagglefish Cantankerous Incantonator Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: vancouver, canada Posts: 54	nit pick and anecdote. i suspect that this photo was taken during the summer/fall as 'recently' in norway they are in the dead of winter and there ain't so much greenery going around.... ....also....when i was a kid growing up, ok fine, when i was a kid as i still have much growing up to do....we used to watch robins get drunk on the berries from the moutain ash in our backyard....... mmm. drunken birds. wap wap wap the sound of them crashing into our bay windows after......

12-15-2002, 12:13 PM	#3
blase Coronation Incarnate Join Date: Oct 2001 Location: Boulder, CO Posts: 91	Excellent post Undertoad! Now what's your anthropological idea on why people smoke thing?

12-15-2002, 01:35 PM	#4
Undertoad Radical Centrist Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Cottage of Prussia Posts: 31,423	Same thing! Except that, like a lot of weird practices that have some benefit, you have to wonder why someone tried it the first time. But with so many billions upon billions of people on the earth, there are precious few things that haven't been tried once.

12-16-2002, 07:53 AM	#11
And Conjunction Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: Conjunction Junction Posts: 168	"Hey, Rocky! Watchsh me pulla fifth outta mah hat! burp" If you want to talk brave, think about the folks who first tried mountain oysters... <font size=1>"moosies"... heh heh.<font size=2> __________________ -And, Word Wrangler and Keeper of the Cuttlefish.

12-16-2002, 12:45 PM	#12
warch lurkin old school Join Date: Oct 2001 Location: Minnesota Posts: 2,796	Beer, wine, bread, cheese = mystical, magical inventions. Forget the sex scandals- I think 21st century monestaries/nunaries have a definite recruiting angle here.

12-16-2002, 04:03 PM	#14
slang St Petersburg, Florida Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 3,423	I have a way with big drunken animals First I be nice. Then if that doesn't work I crack their fucking cranium with a louisville slugger. A good rugged pair of moose proof boots helps too. Thats only the last resort though, for when the big dumb bastard cant keep the cig in his lips for the pic. __________________ FTFF Last edited by slang; 12-16-2002 at 04:07 PM.

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