Humor...I Need Humor... - Page 360

lumberjim · 10-17-2015, 01:52 PM

I don't like it when people get hurt, but I do enjoy a clever prank.

lumberjim · 10-17-2015, 02:32 PM

DanaC · 10-17-2015, 03:32 PM

I like that one, Jim. I appreciate its simplicity.

lumberjim · 10-19-2015, 01:18 PM

xoxoxoBruce · 10-21-2015, 07:13 PM

No dictionary has ever been able to define the difference between "complete" and "finished." However, during a recent linguistic conference, held in London, England, Samsundar Balgobin, a Guyanese linguist, was asked to make that very distinction. The question by a colleague in the erudite audience was this: "Some say there is no difference between 'complete' and 'finished.' Please explain the difference in a way that is easy to understand."

Mr. Balgobin's response: "When you marry the right woman, you are 'complete.' If you marry the wrong woman, you are 'finished.' And, if the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are 'completely finished.'"

His answer received a five minute standing ovation.."

Clodfobble · 10-22-2015, 11:07 AM

Complete is spatial; finished is temporal.

But his answer was funnier.

DanaC · 10-22-2015, 11:14 AM

Nicely done Clod.

I'd have said that one refers to the thing itself - that is complete, where finished refers to what was done to the thing.

But then again, completed complicates things.

Gravdigr · 10-22-2015, 04:31 PM

If you build a coffee table, it may have all its parts assembled, but it isn't complete, til the finish (i.e. stain, paint) is applied.

Only then is it complete, and finished.
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xoxoxoBruce · 10-22-2015, 06:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DanaC

Nicely done Clod.

I'd have said that one refers to the thing itself - that is complete, where finished refers to what was done to the thing.

But then again, completed complicates things.

I have a bunch of projects I'm finished with, but sure aren't complete.

classicman · 10-25-2015, 12:12 PM

^WHS

xoxoxoBruce · 10-26-2015, 01:51 AM

There are three mums. A Brunette, a Redhead, and a Blonde.
They were all talking one day and the brunette says "Oh my gosh y'all I went through my daughter's purse the other day to get some gum, and I found an ounce of weed. I cannot believe she smokes weed!"
They comfort her, and the redhead says "Yeah, well I found a fake ID in my daughter's purse. I cannot believe she has one".
So they all comfort her. Then the blonde says "That's nothing. I found a condom in my daughter's purse. I just cannot believe she has a penis"

xoxoxoBruce · 10-28-2015, 09:55 PM

Walk right in, sit right down, Baby let your mind roll out. No, no.

Gravdigr · 10-29-2015, 10:38 AM

"If the man of the house is already home, be sure he has a sammich. This way, you won't be thinking about making him a sammich while you are sewing."

xoxoxoBruce · 11-01-2015, 07:53 AM

Bones...

Gravdigr · 11-02-2015, 04:27 PM

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10-17-2015, 01:52 PM	#5386
lumberjim I can hear my ears Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 25,571	I don't like it when people get hurt, but I do enjoy a clever prank. __________________ This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality Embrace this moment, remember We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion ~MJKeenan

10-17-2015, 02:32 PM	#5387
lumberjim I can hear my ears Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 25,571	__________________ This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality Embrace this moment, remember We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion ~MJKeenan

10-19-2015, 01:18 PM	#5389
lumberjim I can hear my ears Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 25,571	Happy Hallween! __________________ This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality Embrace this moment, remember We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion ~MJKeenan

10-21-2015, 07:13 PM	#5390
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	No dictionary has ever been able to define the difference between "complete" and "finished." However, during a recent linguistic conference, held in London, England, Samsundar Balgobin, a Guyanese linguist, was asked to make that very distinction. The question by a colleague in the erudite audience was this: "Some say there is no difference between 'complete' and 'finished.' Please explain the difference in a way that is easy to understand." Mr. Balgobin's response: "When you marry the right woman, you are 'complete.' If you marry the wrong woman, you are 'finished.' And, if the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are 'completely finished.'" His answer received a five minute standing ovation.." __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

10-22-2015, 11:07 AM	#5391
Clodfobble UNDER CONDITIONAL MITIGATION Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Austin, TX Posts: 20,012	Complete is spatial; finished is temporal. But his answer was funnier. __________________ My book My other book My spirit animal

10-22-2015, 04:31 PM	#5393
Gravdigr The Un-Tuckian Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Central...KY that is Posts: 39,517	If you build a coffee table, it may have all its parts assembled, but it isn't complete, til the finish (i.e. stain, paint) is applied. Only then is it complete, and finished. ________________________________________________ Unrelated: __________________ These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.

10-25-2015, 12:12 PM	#5395
classicman barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy. Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 23,401	^WHS __________________ "like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt

10-26-2015, 01:51 AM	#5396
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	There are three mums. A Brunette, a Redhead, and a Blonde. They were all talking one day and the brunette says "Oh my gosh y'all I went through my daughter's purse the other day to get some gum, and I found an ounce of weed. I cannot believe she smokes weed!" They comfort her, and the redhead says "Yeah, well I found a fake ID in my daughter's purse. I cannot believe she has one". So they all comfort her. Then the blonde says "That's nothing. I found a condom in my daughter's purse. I just cannot believe she has a penis" __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

10-28-2015, 09:55 PM	#5397
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	Walk right in, sit right down, Baby let your mind roll out. No, no. Attached Images __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

10-29-2015, 10:38 AM	#5398
Gravdigr The Un-Tuckian Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Central...KY that is Posts: 39,517	"If the man of the house is already home, be sure he has a sammich. This way, you won't be thinking about making him a sammich while you are sewing." __________________ These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.

11-01-2015, 07:53 AM	#5399
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	Bones... Attached Images __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

11-02-2015, 04:27 PM	#5400
Gravdigr The Un-Tuckian Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Central...KY that is Posts: 39,517	__________________ These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.

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