Humor...I Need Humor...

[lumberjim]

Believe it or not, my penis was in the Book of World Records for a time.











The Librarian got pissed, and kicked me out of the Library, though.

[Sheldonrs]

Originally Posted by lumberjim

Believe it or not, my penis was in the Book of World Records for a time.


The Librarian got pissed, and kicked me out of the Library, though.

Are you sure you weren't in the short stories collections? :-)

[footfootfoot]

Hacker group Anonymous is attacking ISIS and Al Qaida. Ironic that 72 virgins are attacking the terrorists.

[lumberjim]

Originally Posted by Sheldonrs

Are you sure you weren't in the short stories collections? :-)

I'd tell you another joke about my cock, but it's too long.




and she said,

Well, I'd tell you one about my pussy, but you wouldn't get it.

[xoxoxoBruce]

This woman is good.

[monster]

It's all about me....

[BigV]

Old data analysts don’t die – they just get broken down by age and sex

********

Data is like people – interrogate it hard enough and it will tell you whatever you want to hear.

*****

A data analyst is on board a passenger jet. The captain’s voice announced over the radio “We have lost an engine, but there’s no need to worry, we can fly on three engines, it will just take us an hour longer to reach our destination.

A while later, the radio crackles again: “This is your captain speaking, we have lost another engine – but we’re in no danger. Our journey will take an extra two hours though.”

Not long after, the captain is on the radio again: “We’re down to one engine, we can make it safely, but we’re going to be landing three hours late.”

“I hope we don’t lose the last engine,” says the analyst, “We’ll be up here forever.”

************

A company manager is flying across the desert in a hot air balloon when he realizes he is lost. He calls down to a man riding a camel below him and asks where he is.

The man replies “You’re 42 degrees and 12 minutes, 21.2 seconds north, 122 degrees , 10 minutes west, 212 metres above sea level, heading due east by north east.”

“Thanks,” replies the balloonist. “By the way, are you a data analyst?”

“Yes,” replies the man, “how did you know?”

“Everything you told me was totally accurate, you gave me way more information than I needed and I still have no idea what I need to do.”

“I’m sorry,” replied the camel-riding analyst. “By the way, are you a company manager?”

“Yes,” said the balloonist, “how did you know?”

“Well,” replied the analyst, “You’ve got no idea where you are, no idea what direction you’re heading in, you got yourself into this fix by blowing a load of hot air, and now you expect me to get you out of it.”

[Carruthers]

[Lamplighter]

[busterb]

Takes a poke at Mike Moore.

[Gravdigr]

A 7 foot, four hundred pound bull queer needs to take a poke at Michael Moore.

Not that there's anything wrong with that...

[Scriveyn]

[xoxoxoBruce]

hmm

[busterb]

Maryjo was all over Bubba about getting breast argumentation.
He said,” no way, no money.” She told him to sell the bass boat or the 4 wheeler. Maybe get a loan.

Bubba, after giving this deep thought. Told her to get some toilet paper and rub between her breast a few times a day. She asked,” What in hell will that do?”
Bubba,” not sure, but take a look at your butt.”

[Gravdigr]

That reminds me of a conversation between my buddy's late dad and this girl that ran with the dad. Dad was staying with my buddy at the time, and overheard this convo, shortened for brevity's sake:

Girlfriend, having said something like this for the second or third time in the conversation: I sure wish I had some bigger titties.

Buddy's dad, 75-ish, not in the best of health: I wish I had a ten inch dick that'd get hard, too, but, it don't look like it's gonna happen.