The continuing LUVBUGZ thread

[darclauz]

Originally posted by Elspode
Anyone who quotes Elwood P. Dowd is alright by me!

....but if you call me, call me at this number.....

[LUVBUGZ]

Originally posted by Undertoad
What do I suggest: as it came down to with Ciera, therapy.

If things really are as you say they are, it would do you a world of good. Have you considered it?

I think Ciera needed a bit more than therapy, and I don't think I've reached her level of mental disability, but yes, I have thought about therapy. Now I know this is going to sound very Ciera Myst-ish, but without health ins. therapy is difficult to afford. I know about all the so called "no-cost, low-cost" crap out there, but suffice it to say you get what you pay for. I know you are just trying to help, but don't bother giving me the names to all these great, wonderful self-help, self-realization books. I am fully aware of the "issues" I have, but even if those "issues" were resolved tomorrow I would still have the same personality as I do today, although I would be a bit more chipper about things.

[LUVBUGZ]

Originally posted by juju
I'm just going to speculate here, as I realize I don't really know you.

I think that you're looking for strength in other people. That doesn't work. The foundation of your ego has to come from within. Surrounding yourself with a network of supportive friends can be very helpful, but it is not a foundation. Trying to use it as one just doesn't work. You have to believe in yourself.

It's easy to spot people who have self-confidence, because when someone insults or criticizes them, they take the comment, evaluate it, and reject it, leaving no scar on their inner self. They just don't take it personally. They say, "No, that's not me", and move on.

But if you don't believe in yourself, your self worth is left to the whims of others. Unfortunately, that can be pretty unpredictable.

Also, when your posts get a little long, it might help your readers if you break your thoughts up into paragraphs.

Thank You Juju. I believe your speculation is pretty much right on here. And, I'll try to remember the paragraphs.

[LUVBUGZ]

Whit, the post I made in this thread and all references to you in the posts I've made here were ment to be funny as I was hinting at other stuff we've talked about in outher threads. I'm glad you finally saw that I was joking and read them as such. I think our "tiff" in the Collapsing Bridge deal was me being a little on edge and defensive due to the Big Pig shit w/ Quzah. I'm also glad you can admit to making fun of me which further added to my defensiveness in the past. As far as I'm concerened we're passed that and I have no problem with you and agree the we will undoubtedly disagree in the future, but like you said "who cares", it doesn't mean that we can't argue as adults. Thanks for the olive branch, I accept

[LUVBUGZ]

Originally posted by Elspode
[sarcasm] Look, if everyone is gonna be all reasonable and touchy-feely, I'm gonna have to go get a hanky.

What's the Cellar coming to when people can't just kick the shit out of each other and then walk away shaking their oh-so-superior heads? [/sarcasm]

I wonder if maybe 'thick skin' is the wrong term for what we need to have to be relatively functional here on the Cellar. Maybe it is more like 'high selectivity'. If someone is being a dick, you can usually tell that they are a dick (need I name handles, here?), and if they are a dick, therefore it follows that their criticism/barbs/insults/opinions aren't really worth getting upset over. I know it is easier said than done, but then I've had a lot of practice on the 'Net over the years learning just that. I have found that I'm a much happier person since mostly learning that lesson.

Juju is right...believe in yourself first and always. Then, when someone nails you, you know it isn't valid, and you don't react badly.

Thanks Els, for your input in this thread. I'm with ya and I'll try being a bit more "selective" in deciding what to take personally and what not too and base it a little more on who's doing the insulting before I take offense.

[Undertoad]

LB, (your response to me) that's all bullshit, and you know it. Deeply within yourself, you know that if you wanted to, you could get the books, read them, and follow them. And you know that if you wanted to, you could pay attention to yourself and others' reaction to you, and over time become a more personable you. And that, if you believed in yourself, your personality would reflect that and be much different to start.

The reason I know you know, is that you didn't give a real reason why you can't do it. Faced with the question, you just turned away and gave some bullshit answer that you yourself don't believe.

If someone told you they would give you a gift of 10 million dollars if only you made changes in your life, fixed the "issues", you'd probably make the changes, because there would be this immense motivation to do it. It would be hard to do. It would take a while. But you'd do it.

Maybe you'd read books. Maybe you'd find places on the net that are more helpful than we can be. Maybe you'd go to low-cost therapists and switch until you find one that does work. Maybe you'd focus your mind and change out of sheer will. Maybe you'd learn the name of what the "issues" are and watch Dr. Phil when he covers it as a topic.

You'd do it. So... what was your excuse again?

[LUVBUGZ]

Originally posted by warch


Perhaps as a way to generate outside caretaker pity, you beat yourself up harder than anyone here could ever do. You're the only one who can stop that, and the only one who can take care. So therapy sounds like a good idea, not looney at all. Before we give our rats' asses, you gotta be solid in yours.

Warch, thanks for the input. I believe you are right about me beating myself up worse than anyone else can, but sometimes it still feels like a few Cellarites have done a pretty damn good job at kicking my ass whether I needed it or not.

I don't mean to imply that anyone who goes to or needs therapy is looney, I was getting a little carried away there. In fact I do go see someone about once a month, but since I don't make a lot of money I go through a county program which doesn't really offer one on one counseling with a therapist which I think would actually benefit me. I know what my "issues" are, but it is very difficult to overcome them without a good support network. My parents are a huge part of my problem so I can't get support from them and I have no real friends that I could talk to and as I stated in my post to UT I don't have the money to pay someone to listen to my problems. So, in a nut shell, I just go on trying to be better, but never really getting anywhere. I'm not quite sure what the hell I was thinking when I thought things might be different with a bunch of strangers in a forum

[LUVBUGZ]

Originally posted by Undertoad
LB, (your response to me) that's all bullshit, and you know it. Deeply within yourself, you know that if you wanted to, you could get the books, read them, and follow them. And you know that if you wanted to, you could pay attention to yourself and others' reaction to you, and over time become a more personable you. And that, if you believed in yourself, your personality would reflect that and be much different to start.

The reason I know you know, is that you didn't give a real reason why you can't do it. Faced with the question, you just turned away and gave some bullshit answer that you yourself don't believe.

If someone told you they would give you a gift of 10 million dollars if only you made changes in your life, fixed the "issues", you'd probably make the changes, because there would be this immense motivation to do it. It would be hard to do. It would take a while. But you'd do it.

Maybe you'd read books. Maybe you'd find places on the net that are more helpful than we can be. Maybe you'd go to low-cost therapists and switch until you find one that does work. Maybe you'd focus your mind and change out of sheer will. Maybe you'd learn the name of what the "issues" are and watch Dr. Phil when he covers it as a topic.

You'd do it. So... what was your excuse again?

You're probably right UT. If I REALLY wanted to I could do all that. I admit to lacking in motivation. That's why I'm such a lard ass too. Just can't get motivated to change my diet and exercise. If someone offered me 10 million to change I would definitely try because with the money I wouldn't have to work to pay the bills and would have all the time in the world to devote to bettering myself. Unfortunately, I'm currently not in that position. I've tried reading some of those books and they are like all talk and no action. They start using graphs to show your inner/outer self, compartmentalize behavior and crap, I get lost trying to figure out what their point is with all this. It dosen't help me one damn bit with my "issues". BTY, I know what the names of my "issues" are I just don't feel like sharing them with you. As far as Dr. Phil goes, I think he is an idiot. He rode Oprah's coat tails to get where he is today and I don't pay much attention to him. Yes, I've listened to parts of his show, but I just find him irritating.

I didn't come to the Cellar to get cheap therapy, but to find new people to talk with. I'm sorry I don't fit into your mold of the perfect Cellarite, I'm just me (as messed up as that may be). Like I said before if I could solve my "issues" today, I'd still basically be the same person. I would have a better outlook on life in general, but that wouldn't change the life experiences I've had and how those experiences have made me what I am today.

[xoxoxoBruce]

BUGZ, save your pennies and the next time you get vacation come East. We'll get everybody together and have a huge pillow fight. Then everyone will feel better.

[warch]

Try to be an adult and work on your life. No one else will. I would suggest that it may be more rewarding or valuable to you than the 10 mil.

[Whit]

      Hi Bugz, I see you called yourself an idiot in the 'Serious' thread in Philosophy.
      Stop that. You're not helping yourself like that. When my boy started calling himself names like 'stupid' and 'idiot' I went out and bought him an IQ test. Made him take it in the middle of summer too. He immediately stopped his self-name calling and is much happier for it.
      My points are that a: you are not stupid saying it just makes you feel that way and b: this is exactly the kind of thing that draws attacks. It's like pouring blood in the water around sharks. It comes off as attention seeking, which seems to really annoy certain people around here.
      Buck up and show some pride. Heck personally I prefer down right arrogance but whatever works for you.

      By the by, I once heard a comedian talking about the "luck of the Irish." He said the Irish are the most unlucky people on earth, even their potatoes went bad. But when an Irishman steps in a pile of dog crap he says, "Lucky I wasn't wearin' me good shoes."
      It's an attitude. Things could always be worse and things can always get better, whether they do or not is irrelevant. See the bright side by choice, it's your choice to make.

[Whit]

      Oh yeah, the boy scored a 129 on the IQ test. Clearly, he was technicaly wrong in calling himself stupid. I'm satisfied with that.

[LUVBUGZ]

Hey Whit,
I was half joking w/ Dave in the Serious thread. I was just wondering if it would make him feel any better if I caved and agreed with his view of me. Quess I'm still tryin' things out to smooth over the ruffled feathers around here. I wasn't using it as an attention seeking ploy, just giving him something to play with. I'm sure you're correct in saying others will interpret it as attention seeking though. Thanks for the input once again, just for kicks maybe I should take an IQ test to see where I actually stand in that category. Plus, then I'd have "PROOF" I wasn't stupid, assuming of course that's what the test showed .

[Undertoad]

Whit: Look son, the test shows you're two standard deviations above normal!

Son of Whit: Great, all I ever wanted to be was normal.

[plthijinx]

i think forrest said it best: "stupid is as stupid does". anyway, everyone has issues, no matter how big or small. for instance my divorce was final last week and i'm trying to find a new roommate, i hate where i work.....etc.... i could go on. a whole lot further. the cellar, to me, is a place where people get together and share their views on life. some people don't get along, look at bush and hussein. personally, i don't know any strangers. i think it's a plus but it could also be a fault, whatever. it doesn't matter to anyone but me. i'm haooy and that's what counts. it doesn't bother me if someone doesn't like me, hey, that's life. big deal. anyway, that's my 2 cents worth.