Ode To A Road

[DanaC]

Usual caveats apply: this is still in its early stages. I have been throwing the idea around my head on and off for a couple of days but penned most of it this morning. I need to leave it be and come back to it with fresh eyes to know whether or not it needs more work.

So, as per usual, comments and suggestions most welcome

The Road

The air smells autumnal,
the rainfall is dismal,
the road's getting busy
and traffic is building...
and nobody wants
to be on this road,
hunched over their wheels,
they want to be home.

It's just a route from A to C,
an unimaginative way
of missing out B.

Nobody dreams of it,
nobody runs from it,
no-one returns there
in triumph.
Nobody looks to it,
nobody visits it,
no-one thinks of it
with kindness

It's not some shiny avenue,
with gravel drives
and picture views.
No cosy terraced back-to-backs
no bungalows,
no high-rise flats.


A nondescript B road,
without any houses,
a bus-stop, stood lonely
and masked by the bushes,
and nobody wants to
be on this road,
sunk into their coats,
they want to be home.


It's just a route from A to C,
an unimaginative way
of missing out B.

[Nirvana]

I like that it evokes a feeling even if its not a cheerful feeling. That means it has life.

[DanaC]

When I first started playing with the idea I intended to anthropomorphize the road somewhat more than I did in the end.

[Trilby]

I love it. Do you have any local poetry contests you can enter into? It's a goal of mine to give it a try this Feb. in our local newspaper. I think you should be showing this stuff to someone who knows from poetry. I think it's very, very good, but I'm a wannabe.

[DanaC]

Thanks for the positive feedback I'm going to play with the verse order and layout. If I decide to change it I'll post here:P

Bri: yeah, there are the odd ones, but mostly they tend to be themed. I don't do poetry to order hehe, I'm not that disciplined, I have to write as and when it strikes and the subject matter tends to be quite random. I did consider going to the poetry open-mike nights over at the Stubbing Wharf. Some of the stuff I do is really meant to be read aloud (like the Manchester Dreaming one and Asylum) other stuff I think works better with the reader's own voice.

I've only ever done one proper poetry reading. It was hellishly nerve wracking and I doubt I did the poem justice lol.

[Trilby]

"Stubbing Wharfe" - Ted Hughes

One of my favorite poems! Too long to reprint here and I can't find it on google to cut and paste, but WOW! You can recite your poetry at a famous poetry landmark! Kewl! Do you like Hughes? His Birthday Letters and Crow are brilliant.

I can't believe you live up there. Hebden Bridge?

[DanaC]

I live in a town nearby. We all come under the same administrative borough. My friends the two J's live in Hebden, I go there quite often. Lovely place. Quite arty and bohemian.

I'll take some photos next time I'm over there if you like?

On Hughes....I like his poetry, but I know very little about him as a person. He isn't my favourite, but I enjoyed studying his work at college. Thing is....I hadn't recalled Stubbing Wharf .... I was unaware of the connection lol. That adds a particular piquancy to their open-mike poetry nights.


I could take some photos of hebden if you like? It's a very, very picturesque place. Reeks of history and the early textile explosion. Nestled into the Pennines, straddling the River Calder. Beautiful.


[eta] I have mentioned Hebden before, you may have missed the reference. Hebden Bridge has an unusually large gay population and is known particularly as a place that attracts lesbians. The slang in this part of Yorkshire for trying out lesbianism is "taking a bus to Hebden".

I go there by train.

[Trilby]

Originally Posted by DanaC

I'll take some photos next time I'm over there if you like?

On Hughes....I like his poetry, but I know very little about him as a person. He isn't my favourite, but I enjoyed studying his work at college. Thing is....I hadn't recalled Stubbing Wharf .... I was unaware of the connection lol. That adds a particular piquancy to their open-mike poetry nights.

[eta] I have mentioned Hebden before, you may have missed the reference. Hebden Bridge has an unusually large gay population and is known particularly as a place that attracts lesbians. The slang in this part of Yorkshire for trying out lesbianism is "taking a bus to Hebden".

I go there by train.

Yes, I knew it had a certain "reputation" and there is the whole Sappho thing, but, hell----it's a poetry mecca to me! Please, yes, I'd LOVE some pictures! LOVE IT!

Thanks!

[Sundae]

I really liked it Dana.
I like the way the long vowels predominate, giving the stretch and the wait of the traffic.

That's the only minor criticism I'd have; you're not addressing the road - it's not the road's fault, it's the people's! Blame the commuters. Although I understand the appeal of the title.

And yes. Photos of Hebden Bridge please. I'm as fascinated as the Merkins about this Lesbos in the North. Especially the unusually large gays.

[DanaC]

That's the only minor criticism I'd have; you're not addressing the road - it's not the road's fault, it's the people's! Blame the commuters.

Mmm, I see this. Originally the road was to be much more athromopormized. The reference to it not being a shiny avenue or other loved street, was part of a slightly longer section, where the road's own sense of being unwanted and unregarded comes through. Obviously its moved away from that but retianed the focus on the road. That's one of the things I was wondering about with this one. I like what it is, but it has changed quite a lot from how it started. The stuff I left out, I rather liked....but if I add another dimension I think it might lose the simplicity that it currently has, and which I quite like.... I am not sure how much of the original sentiment comes through having stripped away some of the indicators of that sentiment. That of course is the problem with reading your own work; it's impossible to remove the knoweldge you have, of your own intentions.

Does that make sense?

And yes. Photos of Hebden Bridge please. I'm as fascinated as the Merkins about this Lesbos in the North. Especially the unusually large gays.

Bloody giants, they are! *grins*







[eta] I just read that back and I have explained myself badly :P When I refer to the road's sense of being unwanted, I don't mean I was treating the road as an overt character, with direct sensation and thought. More that it was implied, that somehow this road is a kind of embarrassing poor relative of the shiny avenues. The road's 'self' was implied rather than directly referenced.

[spudcon]

Dana, the poem got the message across to me. I think I've traveled that road. Many times.

[lumberjim]

you should write song lyrics, D

[Shawnee123]

Originally Posted by lumberjim

you should write song lyrics, D

I'll second that. Very nice allegory.

[DanaC]

*smiles* Thankyou!

Most of these poems are to a tune in my head. I may try my hand at actually writing something as a straght up song.

I've had a single line floating through my head just lately. The last two days. Just the one line. It'll eventually percolate through into something...I expect..

[Shawnee123]

That's IT! We need a Cellar band. With all the musical and writing talent here...can't miss!

Ahem, I'll be your warm-up commodian.