SHUT THE FUCK UP

My venting about my housemate's habit of babbling pointlessly at me in the morning was so well-received that I thought you guys might enjoy an essay I wrote a few months ago:

People like to talk, they really like making noises with their mouths. They talk talk talk all the fucking time, rarely saying anything of interest of value EVEN TO THEM, just fucking reading labels out loud or narrating the events around them "the dog is looking at me, oh man now he's going up the stairs, bye dog! I'm going to have a cup of coffee. There's a bird outside the window, oh nope he flew away. The sun is out today. Haha this bottle of syrup is funny! I think I'll read the ingredients..." on and on and on FOR NO FUCKING REASON other than that perhaps if they stop FUCKING TALKING their brains might switch on and they might have a moment of wondering what the hell all this is about, anyway, and what they're doing with their lives besides being another cog in the machine. Maybe if they stop talking the universe starts pressing in on them and they begin to become aware of how tiny, how meaningless, how insignificant, and above all how lonely they are.

Worse yet, their chatter infringes on any thinking anyone else might do, as well as triggering routine responses to complete fucking inane prattle that needn't have been said in the first place, more inane prattle, back and forth endlessly forever until they plunk their stupid vapid asses in front of some stupid fucking mind-wasting TV program, which they can then TALK ABOUT later.

Talking, talking, talking. I wish I could cut their fucking stupid tongues out of their hollow heads, but then you know what would happen; they would grunt and wave their arms around all the time, just to make a noise and get you to look at them, not caring that nobody understands. That's basically the same thing they're doing now.

SHUT THE FUCK UP.

If you try to tell them that you're not big on talking, that you like quiet, that you like being left alone, that you need peace so you can think, 99% of the time the fucking retard population that we call "humanity" will switch into autopilot and interpret that as the one possibility they're capable of understanding; that you need to be cheered up. So they amp up the painfully boring vapid narrative by trying to make it clever and funny, until you actually ARE in a bad mood and start fantasizing about hitting them with a hammer, over and over again, until there is only blood and pulp and fragments of bone. Because that's the only way you can make them stop. Even if you tell them, listen asshole, SHUT UP AND LEAVE ME ALONE, I HATE YOUR STUPID CHATTER, they will slink away all wounded for a couple of days, complain to all their friends about what a bastard you are, and then come back and try to make up. And as soon as you grant them any attention, any hint that you might not be about to punch them in their moronic flapping mouths, a smile or a bit of conversation or even just a moment of eye contact, they start again, talking talking without saying anything at all.

SHUT

THE

FUCK

UP

Stop talking.

Stop talking about some goddamn TV show

Stop talking about your cat

Stop talking about the weather

about what you're eating

what you see out the window

whatever

Stop... just stop.

As long as I'm attention-whoring, here's a reading I did for Youtube:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SdVm3Zy0wkw

The sound is off and it's not the best reading, but what the hell.

[BigV]

:crickets chipring:










but verrrrry quietly

[lumberjim]

[Juniper]

Wow, I can really relate.

My daughter is a chatterbox. She doesn't talk all THAT much, but she has this annoying habit of reading things out loud to anyone who will listen. Cereal box? candy wrapper? Magazine article? The instructions to the homework assignment she wants help with? All must wait and sit pretending to be totally enthralled, hanging on her every word until she is finished or else she gets really pissy. And it's just much easier to wait till she shuts up.

I find this exceptionally annoying because I am not an aural person. I have told her many times that if she reads something out loud to me, I'm probably just going to have to read it myself anyway before I understand it. She's just wasting time. She does this because she likes to have people watching and listening to her. All. The. Time.

Still, I love her, I really do.

[lumberjim]

did any of you watch that video?

cuz damn

[glatt]

Originally Posted by Tiki

I thought you guys might enjoy an essay I wrote a few months ago

I can relate to the sentiments behind that essay. I've felt that way about a few people in my life. I'm a quiet introvert. If I'm honest with myself, the one or two people who drive me nuts with their chatter drive me nuts mainly because I already dislike them, and not because of the chatter itself. If someone I love and respect chatters, I just hear someone I love and respect talking about trivial things. It doesn't become annoying until it's someone that I already dislike.

Basically, I forgive the flaws of the ones I love, but if I hate you, your annoying habits will drive me insane.

[classicman]

[lumberjim]

Originally Posted by glatt

Basically, I forgive the flaws of the ones I love, but if I hate you, your annoying habits will drive me insane.

lesser extremes of that same effect effect us daily, in my opinion. if you're just pissed off at someone, things they say or do will piss you off more than they would have had you been lovin on them.

[classicman]

I think thats true of any of us. We all love the "little things" about someone that makes them unique and special .... till we are angry or upset at them. Then those same things are the most annoying of all.

[Pico and ME]

Damn...someone is REALLY irritable...or easily irritated.

[dollface]

Originally Posted by lumberjim

did any of you watch that video?

cuz damn

Yeah- very interesting

[dollface]

I have an aquaintance who is like this, I stayed at her house for a few days once and I felt like I was going to have a fucking nervous breakdown!! She literally never shuts up- ever. She has talked to me on the phone while brushing her teeth. She thinks that free weekend minutes are like free money and you have to use it ALL up because it's FREE!!! Same thing with every night after 9. And she has a whole string of people to call. She'll go right down the line from one to the other and stay on the phone ALL fucking day.

She talkes about everything and anything. Repeats herself a lot too.

Here is what 2 minutes at her house sounded like:

"Maybe I'll wear yellow under this, yellow is supposed to be a cheerful color, maybe that'll help my mood. Did you know yellow roses mean friendship? My ex gave me yellow roses one time and I was hurt because I thought it meant we were just friends. Speaking of the ex, you should see the coat he bought for his new girlfiend, she is such a- ANYways, OMG, my daughter is coming down tomorrow she'll eat me out of house and home, I better stock this fridge. Hmm, maybe I'll pick up some ground beef on the way home- can you hear me? What did you think of that movie last night? You know I try not to watch too much of that stuff because it gives me weird dream. OMG, I had the funniest dream last night, I dreamt that you got married to president Obama and you were on Oprah. Did you SEE Oprah last week?? The show about the homeless ferret? Can you hear me? Oh, okay, i just wanted to make sure you could hear me, I know this blowdryer is loud. My hair looks like crap, time to get it styled again. My hairdresser........................"and ON and ON and ON. I am NOT exagerrating- if anything, I am being conservative.

I stopped answering the phone when she calls. Now she just leaves 25 minute long messages that sound a lot like the above.

I FEEL YOUR PAIN.

[Pico and ME]

I am free from this aggravation.

Originally Posted by Pico and ME

Damn...someone is REALLY irritable...or easily irritated.

...or likes to express in writing ideas she finds compelling.