Problems w/ in-laws - Page 2

Kozmique · 03-05-2006, 04:19 PM

I suspect a wedding ring would merely demote your status from servant to slave. At least you haven't tied the noose -er, knot - yet so you still have time to make a choice. You can change yourself & your situation but you can't change other people, and it sounds to me like your fiance has already made it clear what his priorities are. If it were me, I'd make the break now before the legal complications set in.

Harlan · 03-05-2006, 06:28 PM

It will take patience and strength and faith. I has such a decision once. I found if you truly want it to work out, it will. Good luck.

spavalica · 03-06-2006, 08:12 AM

So, we are going to a counselor now. He had suggested that we try for 5-6 month and if it doesnt work we split.

We went to his mother's house yesterday with the intention to talk about all of this. He didnt feel like starting the whole thing because at that present time she said nothing, and he doesnt want it sound as if he just came to argue with her and the things she had done. Fine! So, I said, if you don't want to talk to her now because you think that it will sound as if you just came for that and to make problems, talk to her when a problem arises.

So, while there she mentions that we got to call for these medical benefits of her friends and hands us the card. At that point he told her "Why are you giving me orders? You can't do that and I don't have to do it if you tell me to do it. If you ask us if we could, maybe we would, but if you tell us to do it and do it tomorrow, then we won't do it". Which is kind of a nice start at least he is standing up for us and letting her know that she can not tell us what to do.

But then, last night he said that he will go to work the same time as me (earlier), so he can take care of some things (needs to go pick up my medicine from my doctor, etc.). Well guess what? He wakes me up to tell me that he is already at work. He decided he needed to go even earlier to get off on time and to be able to finish all of those things.

I feel lied to! I went over the fact that he didn't talk to her yesterday about all of these things, but instead of making everything smooth, he disappoints me again...

I just don't get it, either he is stupid or something is definately wrong with him...Maybe, I should do the same thing. Tell him that I will wake up the same time as him, and just escape before he wakes up...Perhaps that would make him understand it. I just don't understand him, what he is trying to do.

Brett's Honey · 03-07-2006, 02:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BigV

Sounds like this fella is a PACKAGE DEAL. Do you want the whole package? Cause he'll always be his mother's son, on that you may rely.

I'm a mother with an only child. A son. Big V's right. Don't walk away form this. Run!! (By the way - I treat my son's girlfriend as I would my own daughter - I don't think this woman will ever treat any woman of her son's choice nicely. Good luck.

joelnwil · 03-12-2006, 02:52 PM

Dump this guy now!!!

I had a really great mother-in-law for many years - she died recently. She was wonderful.

So there is hope. But not with him.

yesman065 · 03-13-2006, 10:59 AM

What they said and remember the old saying - The apple never falls too far from the tree. This guy is gonna be just like his mother because thats all he has ever known and all she will allow him to know.

spavalica · 03-13-2006, 01:20 PM

I understand you guys and sometimes I give up, but then I love him so much and we spent 4 yrs together. Last Friday at our counseling he made a promise that from now one I will be #1 in his life and from now on stand up for me for whatever reason, even to his own mother.

Also, we made a compromise that for the month vacation, we are staying two weeks in Bosnia and we are going one week to the beach in Croatia by our selves, and one week to Belgrade. The two weeks in Bosnia in his parent’s house, I will not cook for the family because the two of us will go out and eat and go out for coffees. He agreed on getting the automatic car that I can drive, and under those circumstances I agreed to pay half of the car rental with him.

On Saturday night he made a surprise for me. He took me to this bar & grill place with live band. It was very nice and on Sunday he took a day off and took me shopping. Which shows that he is trying. All weekend we didn’t go visit his family at all. They called to check where we are at, and he told them off “we are at some place”. They said what place? He said “SOME PLACE”.

He is trying, and I will give him some time to change, if he doesn’t then I will let it go. In that case I won’t regret that I haven’t given him any time to change and haven’t made a wise decision. This way, if he still does not change, well then I ought to move on. And I told him that too. And he said wait and see that I will change. He’s been telling me that he loves me more than anything and that he will show me that from now on.

03-05-2006, 04:19 PM	#16
Kozmique Pirate Queen Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Under the black flag Posts: 55	I suspect a wedding ring would merely demote your status from servant to slave. At least you haven't tied the noose -er, knot - yet so you still have time to make a choice. You can change yourself & your situation but you can't change other people, and it sounds to me like your fiance has already made it clear what his priorities are. If it were me, I'd make the break now before the legal complications set in. __________________ Language is a virus from outer space

03-05-2006, 06:28 PM	#17
Harlan Writer of Writings Join Date: Mar 2006 Posts: 14	Good luck with your situation It will take patience and strength and faith. I has such a decision once. I found if you truly want it to work out, it will. Good luck.

03-06-2006, 08:12 AM	#18
spavalica Recruit or Something Join Date: Feb 2006 Posts: 4	Reply So, we are going to a counselor now. He had suggested that we try for 5-6 month and if it doesnt work we split. We went to his mother's house yesterday with the intention to talk about all of this. He didnt feel like starting the whole thing because at that present time she said nothing, and he doesnt want it sound as if he just came to argue with her and the things she had done. Fine! So, I said, if you don't want to talk to her now because you think that it will sound as if you just came for that and to make problems, talk to her when a problem arises. So, while there she mentions that we got to call for these medical benefits of her friends and hands us the card. At that point he told her "Why are you giving me orders? You can't do that and I don't have to do it if you tell me to do it. If you ask us if we could, maybe we would, but if you tell us to do it and do it tomorrow, then we won't do it". Which is kind of a nice start at least he is standing up for us and letting her know that she can not tell us what to do. But then, last night he said that he will go to work the same time as me (earlier), so he can take care of some things (needs to go pick up my medicine from my doctor, etc.). Well guess what? He wakes me up to tell me that he is already at work. He decided he needed to go even earlier to get off on time and to be able to finish all of those things. I feel lied to! I went over the fact that he didn't talk to her yesterday about all of these things, but instead of making everything smooth, he disappoints me again... I just don't get it, either he is stupid or something is definately wrong with him...Maybe, I should do the same thing. Tell him that I will wake up the same time as him, and just escape before he wakes up...Perhaps that would make him understand it. I just don't understand him, what he is trying to do.

03-12-2006, 02:52 PM	#20
joelnwil Major Inhabitant Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Silver Spring MD Posts: 128	Dump this guy now!!! I had a really great mother-in-law for many years - she died recently. She was wonderful. So there is hope. But not with him.

03-13-2006, 10:59 AM	#21
yesman065 Banned - Self Imposed Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 1,847	What they said and remember the old saying - The apple never falls too far from the tree. This guy is gonna be just like his mother because thats all he has ever known and all she will allow him to know.

03-13-2006, 01:20 PM	#22
spavalica Recruit or Something Join Date: Feb 2006 Posts: 4	I understand you guys and sometimes I give up, but then I love him so much and we spent 4 yrs together. Last Friday at our counseling he made a promise that from now one I will be #1 in his life and from now on stand up for me for whatever reason, even to his own mother. Also, we made a compromise that for the month vacation, we are staying two weeks in Bosnia and we are going one week to the beach in Croatia by our selves, and one week to Belgrade. The two weeks in Bosnia in his parent’s house, I will not cook for the family because the two of us will go out and eat and go out for coffees. He agreed on getting the automatic car that I can drive, and under those circumstances I agreed to pay half of the car rental with him. On Saturday night he made a surprise for me. He took me to this bar & grill place with live band. It was very nice and on Sunday he took a day off and took me shopping. Which shows that he is trying. All weekend we didn’t go visit his family at all. They called to check where we are at, and he told them off “we are at some place”. They said what place? He said “SOME PLACE”. He is trying, and I will give him some time to change, if he doesn’t then I will let it go. In that case I won’t regret that I haven’t given him any time to change and haven’t made a wise decision. This way, if he still does not change, well then I ought to move on. And I told him that too. And he said wait and see that I will change. He’s been telling me that he loves me more than anything and that he will show me that from now on.

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