I did it again - Page 4

Pie · 07-25-2007, 04:40 PM

I hate the idea of slapping. I intentionally hurt my (then) boyfriend...once. I very carefully kicked him in the shin. I damn well meant it to hurt, but slapping is plain insulting.

I kicked him in the shin (once), gave him back his ring and threw him out. 'Twas a bad day.

jester · 07-25-2007, 04:49 PM

V - that's funny

I thought it definitely better to slap him, than punch out in front of his buddies. Of course, that would have been sweeeet, getting beat up by a girl.

BigV · 07-25-2007, 05:30 PM

It's not. I've never lived it down.

j/k

yesman065 · 07-25-2007, 08:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DucksNuts

Actually, I dont say anything that I will regret later either in the heat of the moment.....sometimes things said in anger can never be taken back and hurt more than the physical.

I am more inclined to type in anger and definitely regret some of what I've typed. Its something I'm trying to work on - obviously a work in progress.

Cicero · 07-26-2007, 12:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aliantha

Girls that carry on and hit their boyfriends don't deserve their boyfriends.

Hmmmm......I'm having a hard time choking this down. I stare at it...And I stare at it.
Gives me the impression that you think you know what their boyfriends deserve.....
Sorry, just an odd feeling here. I'll get over it.

Aliantha · 07-26-2007, 09:32 PM

Did you read the rest of my post at all mate?

The implication was that either they're a cow and their boyfriend doesn't deserve that sort of treatment or else their boyfriends are arseholes in which case the g/f doesn't deserve him/his treatment either.

anon2 · 07-26-2007, 10:56 PM

Anonymous, you say that a year ago you warned your s.o. that if you ever laid hands on her, she should be through with you. Have you been abusive before?

It's good that you recognize what's happening. It's bad that you're now rationalizing and wanting her to stay despite two instances of physical abuse. You know, and everyone here who's been in an abusive situation knows, that pushing and grabbing (hard enough to shake) are physical abuse. You know it's serious.

It's time to follow through and get help, without your s.o. If you can seek help and change your ways, not to hold onto her but because it's imperative to change these behaviors in yourself, then there may be some basis on which to approach her again. Good luck with it.

anonymous · 07-26-2007, 11:46 PM

Thank you for the replies everyone.

I currently do not have time or money for therapy or counseling but we will see in the future.

To the posters wondering, I did not have problems of abuse in the past, physical abuse. As a kid my dad occasionally insulted me and aggressively backed me into walls (it wasn't pushing though, but it wasn't gentle). My mother gave me hour or longer lectures for my punishments. But the reason why I told her to leave me if I was ever physical is because I personally find it cowardly and unworthy of a man to treat a woman that way, not because I was a victim or knew victims. Moral value.

I guess I will elaborate. Part of my pent up anger that explodes in violence I have recently thought to be the cause of my mother's lectures, for hours. I never responded, because whatever I said was wrong, so why bother having a discussion. I am thinking that built up so much that now in a very serious relationship I explode with it, because it's my turn.

I know I am a pretty good lecturer too which is unfortunate because I don't want to be like my mother in that aspect. Also, it is a horrible way to express myself but I do get violent when extremely angry. Scary violent. Unfortunately, today was the worst of recent memory. Sorry, I will not share the story again because I personally do not like to give strangers this much personal information. But today we were in the car and I was fuming. I threw everything in my front seat out the door (we were parked), my coke can, my soy sauce from dinner, the spoon from the grocery store. My iPod radio tuner (attatched to the cig lighter unfortunately) also was destroyed by me--I banged it repeatedly against the steering wheel. I know, I do have an anger problem, obviously. She thinks it might be the medication I am taking, which has known to cause suicidal thoughts or depression which I have not had although. My driver's seat window also was punched thrice---that was the best feeling I had in that situation. It felt damn good.

She was very scared. But I did not touch her. And we parted ways for an hour for our own reasons then met up briefly. She forgave me and went about her business and really acted like it was not a big deal, which I thank her for because it was a ludicrous outrage.

Aft rereading this post I see that I basically started going somewhere with an idea but had no idea how to conclude it and now everyone has even more questions I bet. Sorry.

I do have major anger problems. I guess why I started this thread was because I pray everyday it does not turn into what it could. I know the first thing people are going to say when they read this, but I honestly am in no situation to give up time to counseling or therapy or spend my dividends on it. What I can only do is internalize the feelings and keep my head on. Right?

Aliantha · 07-27-2007, 01:50 AM

Aren't there options for free counselling?

Uisge Beatha · 07-27-2007, 05:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by anonymous

What I can only do is internalize the feelings and keep my head on. Right?

While it is good that you want to face this, especially before something terrible happens, it seems to me that internalizing your emotions is part of what started your problem in the first place. I would think that getting it out in the open, that talking to someone about it should help you. If you cannot get to a professional then you might at least try a friend. Again, it is very good that you are admitting to this problem, but you must be brutally honest, and another viewpoint (the most objective one possible) ought to aid your efforts.

anon2 · 07-27-2007, 08:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by anonymous

I currently do not have time or money for therapy or counseling but we will see in the future.

My driver's seat window also was punched thrice---that was the best feeling I had in that situation. It felt damn good.

She was very scared. But I did not touch her.

I do have major anger problems. ... I honestly am in no situation to give up time to counseling or therapy or spend my dividends on it. What I can only do is internalize the feelings and keep my head on. Right?

Anon, do you see your pattern of violence escalating in the three incidents you've recounted? You didn't touch her this time, but you've moved from pushing her, grabbing/shaking her, to destroying objects and punching windows in her presence and being, in your own words, 'scary violent'. And the scary violence 'felt damn good'. You seem to think/hope that being violent around your s.o. is not too bad as long as you don't touch her. Not so. The violence is still intimidation of her. It says, 'Look what happens when I get angry. Don't even think of making me angry.'

Your continued rationalization makes me worried for your s.o. Step by step, like the frog sitting in a pan of water on a stove, you're explaining away unacceptable behavior. Everything is a choice, including whether you give up time and dividends to get counseling. Please make the choice before a court makes it for you and you lose important things in your life. Good luck to both of you.

Cicero · 07-27-2007, 12:29 PM

Yes- I do have questions.
If you don't have time for therapy or a doctor- who is prescribing your meds?

Are you coming here to confess to absolve yourself of guilt- instead of seeking the professional advice you know you need?

Hmmm....you can afford to spend time hurting your self and intimidating your girlfriend- you can even afford an iPod and a car.

You are really bordering on the perpetrator line here.......
I am losing the compassion I had for your situation rather rapidly. I hope she gets the hell away from you before it turns into something even more regrettable. I hope you "let her leave you".

I know I sound like a jerk but, now I don't think you are posting this for help- I think it's making you feel better about what you are doing. I'm not going to validate you anymore. What you are doing is screwed up and wrong and you know that.......
Internalize this: you are making some big mistakes that are about to get bigger.
Bye. Bye.
Get new meds!!
I'm not going to waste my breath with a lecture!!! Bye!

Oh and- I gotcha Aliantha. And I definitely agree.

jinx · 07-27-2007, 04:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cicero

I know I sound like a jerk but,

Not to me you don't, but Anon, you sound like a real asshole at this point. You're a grown man who throws hissy fits and you're trying to blame that on your mother? Yuk. Although obviously your girlfriend likes it becuase she puts up with it. Some chicks dig the drama. Double yuk.

yesman065 · 07-27-2007, 05:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by anonymous

Thank you for the replies everyone.

I currently do not have time or money for therapy or counseling but we will see in the future.

I personally find it cowardly and unworthy of a man to treat a woman that way, not because I was a victim or knew victims. Moral value.

~~ explodes in violence ~~~my mother's lectures, for hours. I explode with it, because it's my turn.
I know I am a pretty good lecturer too ~~~ I don't want to be like my mother ~ I do get violent when extremely angry. Scary violent. today was the worst of recent memory. Sorry, I will not share the story again because I personally do not like to give strangers this much personal information. (Blah blah blah 4 lines)

I do have an anger problem.

medication I am taking, ~~ cause suicidal thoughts or depression
She was very scared. But I did not touch her. She forgave me ~it was a ludicrous outrage.

now everyone has even more questions I bet. Sorry.

I do have major anger problems. no time to counseling or therapy or spend ~ on it. What I can only do is internalize the feelings and keep my head on. Right?

Freakin A - NOOOOOOOO internalizing is part. . . - OMG

My BS meter is pinned out - All I heard was Sorry sorry sorry - she forgave me so its ok . . . Moms fault - worst day ever - I'm violent but I'm ok...Oh by the way I'm on some serious medication - well duh! Lets start with THAT DOC - he might know. Other than that, I only have one question - why am I bothering with you - You recognize a problem (sort of) justify it (completely) then when help is offered - decline. I'll just say good luck to you and I hope she gets as far away from you as she can before you really hurt her. Harsh? maybe, but true.

07-25-2007, 04:40 PM	#46
Pie Gone and done Join Date: Sep 2001 Posts: 4,808	I hate the idea of slapping. I intentionally hurt my (then) boyfriend...once. I very carefully kicked him in the shin. I damn well meant it to hurt, but slapping is plain insulting. I kicked him in the shin (once), gave him back his ring and threw him out. 'Twas a bad day. __________________ per·son \ˈpər-sən\ (noun) - an ephemeral collection of small, irrational decisions The fun thing about evolution (and science in general) is that it happens whether you believe in it or not.

07-25-2007, 05:30 PM	#48
BigV Goon Squad Leader Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Seattle Posts: 27,063	It's not. I've never lived it down. j/k __________________ Be Just and Fear Not.

07-26-2007, 09:32 PM	#51
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	Did you read the rest of my post at all mate? The implication was that either they're a cow and their boyfriend doesn't deserve that sort of treatment or else their boyfriends are arseholes in which case the g/f doesn't deserve him/his treatment either. __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

07-27-2007, 01:50 AM	#54
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	Aren't there options for free counselling? __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

07-25-2007, 04:49 PM	#47
jester why so serious Join Date: Apr 2007 Posts: 1,712	V - that's funny I thought it definitely better to slap him, than punch out in front of his buddies. Of course, that would have been sweeeet, getting beat up by a girl.

07-26-2007, 10:56 PM	#52
anon2 Person Who Has Posted Join Date: Jul 2007 Posts: 2	Anonymous, you say that a year ago you warned your s.o. that if you ever laid hands on her, she should be through with you. Have you been abusive before? It's good that you recognize what's happening. It's bad that you're now rationalizing and wanting her to stay despite two instances of physical abuse. You know, and everyone here who's been in an abusive situation knows, that pushing and grabbing (hard enough to shake) are physical abuse. You know it's serious. It's time to follow through and get help, without your s.o. If you can seek help and change your ways, not to hold onto her but because it's imperative to change these behaviors in yourself, then there may be some basis on which to approach her again. Good luck with it.

07-26-2007, 11:46 PM	#53
anonymous Operations Operative Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: in hiding Posts: 578	Thank you for the replies everyone. I currently do not have time or money for therapy or counseling but we will see in the future. To the posters wondering, I did not have problems of abuse in the past, physical abuse. As a kid my dad occasionally insulted me and aggressively backed me into walls (it wasn't pushing though, but it wasn't gentle). My mother gave me hour or longer lectures for my punishments. But the reason why I told her to leave me if I was ever physical is because I personally find it cowardly and unworthy of a man to treat a woman that way, not because I was a victim or knew victims. Moral value. I guess I will elaborate. Part of my pent up anger that explodes in violence I have recently thought to be the cause of my mother's lectures, for hours. I never responded, because whatever I said was wrong, so why bother having a discussion. I am thinking that built up so much that now in a very serious relationship I explode with it, because it's my turn. I know I am a pretty good lecturer too which is unfortunate because I don't want to be like my mother in that aspect. Also, it is a horrible way to express myself but I do get violent when extremely angry. Scary violent. Unfortunately, today was the worst of recent memory. Sorry, I will not share the story again because I personally do not like to give strangers this much personal information. But today we were in the car and I was fuming. I threw everything in my front seat out the door (we were parked), my coke can, my soy sauce from dinner, the spoon from the grocery store. My iPod radio tuner (attatched to the cig lighter unfortunately) also was destroyed by me--I banged it repeatedly against the steering wheel. I know, I do have an anger problem, obviously. She thinks it might be the medication I am taking, which has known to cause suicidal thoughts or depression which I have not had although. My driver's seat window also was punched thrice---that was the best feeling I had in that situation. It felt damn good. She was very scared. But I did not touch her. And we parted ways for an hour for our own reasons then met up briefly. She forgave me and went about her business and really acted like it was not a big deal, which I thank her for because it was a ludicrous outrage. Aft rereading this post I see that I basically started going somewhere with an idea but had no idea how to conclude it and now everyone has even more questions I bet. Sorry. I do have major anger problems. I guess why I started this thread was because I pray everyday it does not turn into what it could. I know the first thing people are going to say when they read this, but I honestly am in no situation to give up time to counseling or therapy or spend my dividends on it. What I can only do is internalize the feelings and keep my head on. Right?

07-27-2007, 12:29 PM	#57
Cicero Looking forward to open mic night. Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: New Mexico Posts: 5,148	Yes- I do have questions. If you don't have time for therapy or a doctor- who is prescribing your meds? Are you coming here to confess to absolve yourself of guilt- instead of seeking the professional advice you know you need? Hmmm....you can afford to spend time hurting your self and intimidating your girlfriend- you can even afford an iPod and a car. You are really bordering on the perpetrator line here....... I am losing the compassion I had for your situation rather rapidly. I hope she gets the hell away from you before it turns into something even more regrettable. I hope you "let her leave you". I know I sound like a jerk but, now I don't think you are posting this for help- I think it's making you feel better about what you are doing. I'm not going to validate you anymore. What you are doing is screwed up and wrong and you know that....... Internalize this: you are making some big mistakes that are about to get bigger. Bye. Bye. Get new meds!! I'm not going to waste my breath with a lecture!!! Bye! Oh and- I gotcha Aliantha. And I definitely agree.

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