The Cellar  

Go Back   The Cellar > Main > Home Base

Home Base A starting point, and place for threads don't seem to belong anywhere else

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 03-16-2012, 01:41 PM   #4486
infinite monkey
Person who doesn't update the user title
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 13,002
An Irish priest was transferred to Texas. Father O'Malley rose from his bed one morning. It was a fine spring day in his new Texas mission parish. He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside. He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn.

He promptly called the local police station. The conversation went like this:

"Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?"

"And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father O'Malley at St. Ann 's Catholic Church. There's a jackass lying dead in me front lawn and would ye be so kind as to send a couple o'yer lads to take care of the matter?"

Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit, replied with a smirk, "Well now Father, it was always my impression that you people took care of the last rites!"

There was dead silence on the line for a long moment....... Father O'Malley then replied: "Aye, 'tis certainly true; but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin first, which is the reason for my call."
infinite monkey is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-16-2012, 01:47 PM   #4487
footfootfoot
To shreds, you say?
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet!
Posts: 18,200
that's racist.
__________________
the internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously? - Her Fobs
footfootfoot is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-16-2012, 01:48 PM   #4488
infinite monkey
Person who doesn't update the user title
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 13,002
It offends jackasses? Sorry, man.
infinite monkey is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-16-2012, 06:26 PM   #4489
footfootfoot
To shreds, you say?
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet!
Posts: 18,200
That's gonna leave a mark. If I had feelings, they'd be hurt.
__________________
the internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously? - Her Fobs
footfootfoot is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-16-2012, 06:28 PM   #4490
infinite monkey
Person who doesn't update the user title
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 13,002
And then he cried.

The moral of the story is: don't mess with white chicks

Ba DUM dum

(did I miss any?)

You ain't no jackass, btw!
infinite monkey is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-27-2012, 05:46 PM   #4491
GunMaster357
Professor
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Brest (FRANCE)
Posts: 1,837
What is pink, eighteen centimeters long that is desired by nearly all 18 years old French girls?











A driving licence
__________________
"War is God's way of teaching Americans geography." - Ambrose Bierce
GunMaster357 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-27-2012, 07:01 PM   #4492
Clodfobble
UNDER CONDITIONAL MITIGATION
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Austin, TX
Posts: 19,830
Your drivers licenses are printed on long pink dildos?!
__________________
My book
My spirit animal
Clodfobble is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-28-2012, 08:34 AM   #4493
BrianR
Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult
 
Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 3,338
Eighteen centimeters works out to be a tad over seven inches. Not what *I* call long, but who am I to judge your standards?

Pam
__________________
Never be afraid to tell the world who you are. -- Anonymous
BrianR is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-28-2012, 09:17 AM   #4494
Clodfobble
UNDER CONDITIONAL MITIGATION
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Austin, TX
Posts: 19,830
You have to admit it's pretty big for a license, though. Wouldn't fit in my wallet.
__________________
My book
My spirit animal
Clodfobble is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-28-2012, 04:02 PM   #4495
footfootfoot
To shreds, you say?
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet!
Posts: 18,200
Who keeps a dildo in her wallet? Or is that slang for your special purpose?
__________________
the internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously? - Her Fobs
footfootfoot is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-28-2012, 06:55 PM   #4496
Clodfobble
UNDER CONDITIONAL MITIGATION
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Austin, TX
Posts: 19,830
Quote:
Originally Posted by footfootfoot
Who keeps a dildo in her wallet?
The French, apparently.
__________________
My book
My spirit animal
Clodfobble is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-28-2012, 10:10 PM   #4497
Lola Bunny
Junior Master Dwellar
 
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 2,723
Attached Images
 
Lola Bunny is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-28-2012, 10:35 PM   #4498
jimhelm
a beautiful fool
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: 39.939705
Posts: 4,504
What do you call a fly with no wings?







A Walk.
__________________
There's a Shadow just behind me. Shrouding every step I take. Making every promise empty, pointing every finger at me. _tool
jimhelm is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-29-2012, 01:19 PM   #4499
GunMaster357
Professor
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Brest (FRANCE)
Posts: 1,837
The French driving licence is really a three fold pink paper. I just took out the tape, mine is even 21 cm.
__________________
"War is God's way of teaching Americans geography." - Ambrose Bierce
GunMaster357 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-29-2012, 04:00 PM   #4500
classicman
barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy.
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 23,400
I don't care if its real or not - it made me laugh.
Attached Images
 
__________________
"like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt
classicman is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
humor


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

All times are GMT -5. The time now is 07:42 PM.


Powered by: vBulletin Version 3.8.1
Copyright ©2000 - 2020, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.