Please excuse my emotional distance this week - Page 9

Undertoad · 10-12-2003, 10:51 AM

Update: she read the thread. She says there's no phone sex going on.

Well Sharon, last night I heard the unmistakeable hint at it at 2:30 AM from the other room... the answer to the questions "where are you and what are you wearing"... which all men know are precursor questions. (You might not know that since you have next to zero experience with men and sexuality. Your little recent life exploration not withstanding.)

Sharon, if you want to do that from now on, go down to your car. Now THERE'S a good reason for you to have that car. After all, you got it thinking it would make you more attractive to men... RIGHT? That's why I drove it back from Long Island, serving your every little need again, to make you more attractive?

Look, Lumberjim was right. If I hear that kind of shit coming from the other room, and the doors are plenty thin by the way, I will fucking come in there and throw your fucking phone out the fucking window.

She had no comment on the idea that maybe figuring out that I wasn't the one for 11 years would have saved some of the prime of my life. She suggested she wasn't playing me and then said she has been figuring this out since January. She said my idea of making some extra money by playing music was a huge disappointment to her. And then I threw her the fuck out.

Hey Sharon, how much does your new boyfriend make? Is it enough for you, is it "fair", or will you end up casually insulting him every day too, until he's a shell of a man? Are you going to constantly lord it over him too, the fact that you (probably) make more money than he does? Is that going to eat into your psyche every time you think about it, the way it has with me? And if not, will you take back all the shit you've put me through?

How much is enough, Sharon? How much will make you think you're happy? Is there ANY amount? Is there anyone more money-hungry than you in this world? Do you think it has made you safe and secure?

How could I think the anger phase wouldn't affect me? I'm loving it!

xoxoxoBruce · 10-12-2003, 11:41 AM

I see a familiar pattern. Because you love someone you do everything you can for them. Everything you can think of to make them happy, safe and comfortable. You do it because you feel it's the right thing and just a natural way of showing your love.
But the one that loves the least, controls the relationship.
So when the one you've given your all to, rejects you and walks away from the relationship, you're angry. You accuse them of using you all along and that may not be true. Were they deceitful by accepting your efforts that you gave so willingly? By allowing you to do things they didn't ask for? After years of you giving are they so accustomed to it they take it for granted? I guess the answers have to be answered on a case by case basis and nobody can do it for your case, but you. I only caution to be honest with yourself and not shoot yourself in the foot.

wolf · 10-12-2003, 04:12 PM

UT,

I'm very glad to see you getting this stuff out and said rather than just letting it blow past you or trying to ignore it.

We're here with yah, buddy (if you'll permit me the courtesy of speaking for the bunch).

Undertoad · 10-12-2003, 09:02 PM

*sigh*

And now, in the dark of night, half of my rant was undeserved and partly wacky imagining... see how the emotional coaster goes?

And I told her so; and I apologized for it, in as much as "it" may not be completely over we both know that it's emotional cleansing.

Even if I go astray, I prefer to write my thoughts here, and to write about it a little here. Why: it helps me to get my head together, but it's also sharing it all with you semi-publicly, because this is what happens in life. Now I am understanding it better, now anyone else who cares to read will understand it better. Advantage, us.

xoxoxoBruce · 10-12-2003, 09:39 PM

Enjoy the view on the way up,
Scream WHEEEE on the way down.
This too shall pass.

lumberjim · 10-13-2003, 12:00 AM

yeah, bruce, yeah.

toad is the giver....bad play.

toad....you cannot win as the giver when the taker wants to leave. you threw her out? wow

if she reads this thread, then you probably should not post the particulars of what your problems are. your friends are here to support you, but details make people uncomfortable. ...sometimes. that is, you shouldn't use this as a medium to communicate with sharon.

get over her as quick as you can.....step back and be as honest with yourself as you can, and with her.

as for the bit about you two never really getting hot enough over each other to have phone sex......

chemistry........heat

ever meet a girl who isn't that pretty or doesnt have such a great bod, but you still get a semi from? that's chemistry...go get that, ut.

and knock the bottom out of it nightly!

no offense ladies......just tryin to pep the man up.

oh, and that picture is not even close....must be of the west coast lumberjims

lumberjim = cross between drew cary and keefer sutherland

Undertoad · 10-13-2003, 12:07 AM

Well "throw her out" meant out of the room, I should have written it better.

lumberjim · 10-13-2003, 12:36 AM

toad,

Don;t thin of this as being rejected, or being left.....never say to her "you left me"

and don't try to change to make her stay!....just let her get out of the way.....she's doing you a favor, really....the next 1.567 years will suck, but you'll be more careful this time and get a girl that is a little more zesty for you.

here's how i see you two:

if you two weren't clicking for eleven years, then you knew it too, but accepted it. You can't really blame her for doing something about it. she needs to respect you enough to not hang the other guy in your face, and you should try not to be resentful and petty.

But get her out of there pronto....and start dating immediatley.....just do not fall in love for at least the above mentioned time period of 1.567 years. after that, fire at will.

chin up!.....back straight!!! .......suck in that gut!!!!!

( this shit your going through is the real reason you've been losing weight.....subconsciously you knew you'd be on the prowl again soon.....)

Pass the viagra!

OnyxCougar · 10-13-2003, 08:27 AM

I don't think dating so soon is a good idea. Putting yourself out there when you aren't whole isn't fair for you or the women you may speak to.

On the more conservative side, you aren't even divorced yet. And while Miss Thang might be getting it on with someone else, I suggest you take the high road, take your time, get YOUR shit together and when you're happy with who you are and where you are... then hit the dating scene. There is NOTHING wrong with fallback and regroup.

lumberjim · 10-13-2003, 08:30 AM

yeah, cougar....there is that......but i'm just thinking if he says that the relationship is loveless, all he has to overcome is the danger of wallowing in his lonliness. he's basically over the love thing. I say get out there fast because that will take his mind off of

slang · 10-13-2003, 08:36 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by lumberjim
....... will take his mind off of..

you forgot to finish the sentence. Having money? Control of the remote? What?

lumberjim · 10-13-2003, 08:45 AM

...sorry, I was abducted by aliens...been gone for 4 1/2 weeks, but when I got back, I see almost the same time on my clock......wow. you should see the moons of Jupiter right around sunset...woooo-wee!

-to continue:

......take his mind off of the rejection he must feel.

and yes, definately take the high road.

All of this assumes that, as cougar alludes to, you are yourself at this time.....ARE YOU?

Ljim

Undertoad · 10-13-2003, 10:32 AM

I'm coming around. When Syc and I went to Atlantic City on Saturday, I had great moments of clarity and felt like I was large and in charge.

I'm a dude in transition anyway. Before this whole thing, I was losing weight, and my goal was to get more confident and then upgrade all my bass gear, and start looking for a band to play out with.

Dunno if it was flat-out mid-life crisis stuff. Don't care, I'm still gonna do it and I'm still excited as hell by the idea.

What I think is that I haven't been me for years, and now the real me is going to return, with a vengeance, to kick ass and take names and chew bubblegum.

However, this whole "date" thing is totally foreign to me... I never really dated much. I've always just found girls/women to kinda latch onto. (Note to self: this might not be the best approach)

daniwong · 10-13-2003, 10:43 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Undertoad
But here's the good part: the next woman I hook up with is going to downright adore me, worship me, respect me, praise me and love me, because you people tell me I deserve it, and I believe you, and I'm never ever ever going to make this mistake again.

Look forward to that story when I write in in 2009.

Toad - I already think all of these things of you.

The toilet seat - lid and everything down. Nothing is more icky to find a child playing with toys in the toilet.

Toilet paper - sits on the counter next to the toilet on top of various magazines.

Perfect guy - Heck if I know. I've got my BF for now - he seems to work.

xoxoxoBruce · 10-13-2003, 10:50 AM

Quote:

I'm a dude in transition anyway. Before this whole thing, I was losing weight, and my goal was to get more confident and then upgrade all my bass gear, and start looking for a band to play out with.

Look out groupies...oh, the humanity!

10-12-2003, 11:41 AM	#122
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	I see a familiar pattern. Because you love someone you do everything you can for them. Everything you can think of to make them happy, safe and comfortable. You do it because you feel it's the right thing and just a natural way of showing your love. But the one that loves the least, controls the relationship. So when the one you've given your all to, rejects you and walks away from the relationship, you're angry. You accuse them of using you all along and that may not be true. Were they deceitful by accepting your efforts that you gave so willingly? By allowing you to do things they didn't ask for? After years of you giving are they so accustomed to it they take it for granted? I guess the answers have to be answered on a case by case basis and nobody can do it for your case, but you. I only caution to be honest with yourself and not shoot yourself in the foot. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

10-12-2003, 04:12 PM	#123
wolf lobber of scimitars Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Phila Burbs Posts: 20,774	UT, I'm very glad to see you getting this stuff out and said rather than just letting it blow past you or trying to ignore it. We're here with yah, buddy (if you'll permit me the courtesy of speaking for the bunch). __________________ wolf eht htiw og "Conspiracies are the norm, not the exception." --G. Edward Griffin The Creature from Jekyll Island High Priestess of the Church of the Whale Penis

10-12-2003, 09:39 PM	#125
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	Enjoy the view on the way up, Scream WHEEEE on the way down. This too shall pass. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

10-13-2003, 12:00 AM	#126
lumberjim I can hear my ears Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 25,571	givers and takers yeah, bruce, yeah. toad is the giver....bad play. toad....you cannot win as the giver when the taker wants to leave. you threw her out? wow if she reads this thread, then you probably should not post the particulars of what your problems are. your friends are here to support you, but details make people uncomfortable. ...sometimes. that is, you shouldn't use this as a medium to communicate with sharon. get over her as quick as you can.....step back and be as honest with yourself as you can, and with her. as for the bit about you two never really getting hot enough over each other to have phone sex...... chemistry........heat ever meet a girl who isn't that pretty or doesnt have such a great bod, but you still get a semi from? that's chemistry...go get that, ut. and knock the bottom out of it nightly! no offense ladies......just tryin to pep the man up. oh, and that picture is not even close....must be of the west coast lumberjims lumberjim = cross between drew cary and keefer sutherland __________________ This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality Embrace this moment, remember We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion ~MJKeenan

10-13-2003, 12:36 AM	#128
lumberjim I can hear my ears Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 25,571	sharon toad, Don;t thin of this as being rejected, or being left.....never say to her "you left me" and don't try to change to make her stay!....just let her get out of the way.....she's doing you a favor, really....the next 1.567 years will suck, but you'll be more careful this time and get a girl that is a little more zesty for you. here's how i see you two: if you two weren't clicking for eleven years, then you knew it too, but accepted it. You can't really blame her for doing something about it. she needs to respect you enough to not hang the other guy in your face, and you should try not to be resentful and petty. But get her out of there pronto....and start dating immediatley.....just do not fall in love for at least the above mentioned time period of 1.567 years. after that, fire at will. chin up!.....back straight!!! .......suck in that gut!!!!! ( this shit your going through is the real reason you've been losing weight.....subconsciously you knew you'd be on the prowl again soon.....) Pass the viagra! __________________ This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality Embrace this moment, remember We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion ~MJKeenan

10-12-2003, 10:51 AM	#121
Undertoad Radical Centrist Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Cottage of Prussia Posts: 31,423	Update: she read the thread. She says there's no phone sex going on. Well Sharon, last night I heard the unmistakeable hint at it at 2:30 AM from the other room... the answer to the questions "where are you and what are you wearing"... which all men know are precursor questions. (You might not know that since you have next to zero experience with men and sexuality. Your little recent life exploration not withstanding.) Sharon, if you want to do that from now on, go down to your car. Now THERE'S a good reason for you to have that car. After all, you got it thinking it would make you more attractive to men... RIGHT? That's why I drove it back from Long Island, serving your every little need again, to make you more attractive? Look, Lumberjim was right. If I hear that kind of shit coming from the other room, and the doors are plenty thin by the way, I will fucking come in there and throw your fucking phone out the fucking window. She had no comment on the idea that maybe figuring out that I wasn't the one for 11 years would have saved some of the prime of my life. She suggested she wasn't playing me and then said she has been figuring this out since January. She said my idea of making some extra money by playing music was a huge disappointment to her. And then I threw her the fuck out. Hey Sharon, how much does your new boyfriend make? Is it enough for you, is it "fair", or will you end up casually insulting him every day too, until he's a shell of a man? Are you going to constantly lord it over him too, the fact that you (probably) make more money than he does? Is that going to eat into your psyche every time you think about it, the way it has with me? And if not, will you take back all the shit you've put me through? How much is enough, Sharon? How much will make you think you're happy? Is there ANY amount? Is there anyone more money-hungry than you in this world? Do you think it has made you safe and secure? How could I think the anger phase wouldn't affect me? I'm loving it!

10-12-2003, 09:02 PM	#124
Undertoad Radical Centrist Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Cottage of Prussia Posts: 31,423	sigh And now, in the dark of night, half of my rant was undeserved and partly wacky imagining... see how the emotional coaster goes? And I told her so; and I apologized for it, in as much as "it" may not be completely over we both know that it's emotional cleansing. Even if I go astray, I prefer to write my thoughts here, and to write about it a little here. Why: it helps me to get my head together, but it's also sharing it all with you semi-publicly, because this is what happens in life. Now I am understanding it better, now anyone else who cares to read will understand it better. Advantage, us.

10-13-2003, 12:07 AM	#127
Undertoad Radical Centrist Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Cottage of Prussia Posts: 31,423	Well "throw her out" meant out of the room, I should have written it better.

10-13-2003, 08:27 AM	#129
OnyxCougar Junior Master Dwellar Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Kingdom of Atlantia Posts: 2,979	I don't think dating so soon is a good idea. Putting yourself out there when you aren't whole isn't fair for you or the women you may speak to. On the more conservative side, you aren't even divorced yet. And while Miss Thang might be getting it on with someone else, I suggest you take the high road, take your time, get YOUR shit together and when you're happy with who you are and where you are... then hit the dating scene. There is NOTHING wrong with fallback and regroup. __________________ Impotentes defendere libertatem non possunt. "Repetition does not transform a lie into a truth." ~Franklin D. Roosevelt

10-13-2003, 08:30 AM	#130
lumberjim I can hear my ears Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 25,571	WAITING yeah, cougar....there is that......but i'm just thinking if he says that the relationship is loveless, all he has to overcome is the danger of wallowing in his lonliness. he's basically over the love thing. I say get out there fast because that will take his mind off of __________________ This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality Embrace this moment, remember We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion ~MJKeenan

10-13-2003, 08:45 AM	#132
lumberjim I can hear my ears Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 25,571	waiting ...sorry, I was abducted by aliens...been gone for 4 1/2 weeks, but when I got back, I see almost the same time on my clock......wow. you should see the moons of Jupiter right around sunset...woooo-wee! -to continue: ......take his mind off of the rejection he must feel. and yes, definately take the high road. All of this assumes that, as cougar alludes to, you are yourself at this time.....ARE YOU? Ljim __________________ This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality Embrace this moment, remember We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion ~MJKeenan

10-13-2003, 10:32 AM	#133
Undertoad Radical Centrist Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Cottage of Prussia Posts: 31,423	I'm coming around. When Syc and I went to Atlantic City on Saturday, I had great moments of clarity and felt like I was large and in charge. I'm a dude in transition anyway. Before this whole thing, I was losing weight, and my goal was to get more confident and then upgrade all my bass gear, and start looking for a band to play out with. Dunno if it was flat-out mid-life crisis stuff. Don't care, I'm still gonna do it and I'm still excited as hell by the idea. What I think is that I haven't been me for years, and now the real me is going to return, with a vengeance, to kick ass and take names and chew bubblegum. However, this whole "date" thing is totally foreign to me... I never really dated much. I've always just found girls/women to kinda latch onto. (Note to self: this might not be the best approach)

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