need advice really really bad - Page 6

lumberjim · 02-14-2004, 12:33 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by staceyv
our contract:

we agree on 100% complete honesty. no punishment, and arsen will remind stacey.

arsen will not hide things from stacey

arsen will take stacey with him when he goes out, or not go.

4 drinks out or 3 at home for STACEY.

no e-mails or contact with eva

pay off stacey's credit card bills and a diamond ring before greencard.

honechka will not cut her hair for one year, and she will not look for the hidden scissors.

arsen will not cheat on stacey. that includes kissing and romantic letters. and of course, no physical contact like head, sex , etc. same for stacey.

arsen will go to marriage therapy.

02-13-2004
2-13-04

snip he says he will go to counseling, he will not talk to or e-mail or see that girl ever again, he says he won't even go out without me. he says he will give me all of his account numbers and i can read his e-mails if i want,

You're pretty fucked up.

I can't believe you. christ! YOU need the marriage therapy.

Why don;t you make him hand over his cock and balls, so he can't cheat on you? The above contract is ridiculous and controlling and one sided and psychotic.

and ya know what's worse?

think about it.

he agreed to it.

what does that mean?

I think I know.

staceyv · 02-14-2004, 12:34 AM

he hasn't "done that to me" since we've been married. that makes me hopeful, and he has very little experience with women. he's slept with two people. his longest relationship before me was only a couple of weeks (eva). i don't think he's a master of stringing along women. i really want to have hope right now, and i can probably talk myself into anything to feel better. i am looking forward to therapy... if he is completely insincere, and does not love me and is stringing me along, well he would be a master. he could go down in history, and i would become the most bitter man-hating old hag you have ever met, seen, or heard of.

staceyv · 02-14-2004, 12:40 AM

it was his idea to give me the e-mail passwords, his idea to take me with him everywhere...he was trying to come up with ideas that would leave me no room to mistrust him...he says he has nothing to hide. the diamond and the credit card bills, well, i mentioned that part in another part of this thread...it's stuff we talked about before all of this happened.
he has admitted to being pussy-whipped long ago.

lumberjim · 02-14-2004, 12:41 AM

whatever

staceyv · 02-14-2004, 12:41 AM

lumberjim, your stupid link deleted all of my cookies

goodnight.

mrnoodle · 02-14-2004, 12:52 AM

The other 2 things I learned from that destructive, ridiculous relationship are that......

I didn't listen to a damn thing anyone told me. lol. I had to find it all out the hard way, and the hard way felt like someone ripping my heart out through my rectum. Compassionate people hate to see people do that to themselves, Stacey.

Don't mistake clinginess for love. love=healthy. cling=clusterfuck.

Lies I told myself:

"But she LOVES me. I just KNOW she does. I mean, she SAID I WAS THE LOVE OF HER LIFE!! (snivel, whine, cry)"

"What did I do to make her act this way? If I can change, maybe I can resurrect the burning passion we used to feel. Maybe if I do some of the stuff she wants me to do, she will reciprocate." -- ok, she was fucking some guy at the time, but still, *maybe*.

"Maybe I have just missed the point somewhere. If we talk enough about it, the situation will fix itself with cosmic love rays that supersede all destructive, shitty behavior."

etc. etc. ad nauseum.

If I didn't see myself in your situation, it wouldn't affect me so strongly. But I know at some point I'm going to piss you off, if I haven't already. I better shut up.

No. One last thing. Marriage therapists are programmed to listen for certain responses that let them know how they're doing with a particular case. They can be played like a Stradivarius if you have the talent for it. Serial heartbreakers have that talent, and methinks you are in the clutches of one. My last post on the subject without your approval, Stacey. I'm redundant enough

lumberjim · 02-14-2004, 12:53 AM

i mean the whole arrangement is ludicrous. Fuckin A! just be who-the-fuck-you-are and let him be who-the-fuck-he-is; and be together, or don't.

You are in a destructive cycle of suspicion and doubt.

Break it.

Trust him! And if you CAN'T trust him, leave him!

what the fuck good does that contract do either of you. what happens if one of you is in breach? will he have to pay a penalty on the credit card bill? does the other party get to reposses the relationship?

woo hooo? knock knock knock......anybody home?

FUCK!

lumberjim · 02-14-2004, 12:53 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by staceyv
lumberjim, your stupid link deleted all of my cookies
goodnight.

i knew that would come in handy one day.

lumberjim · 02-14-2004, 12:56 AM

hey, welcome aboard, mrnoodle.....do you have a brother?

mrnoodle · 02-14-2004, 12:57 AM

thanks lumberjim.

yup i do. don't scare me by knowing him.

elSicomoro · 02-14-2004, 12:58 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by lumberjim
i knew that would come in handy one day.

It was time for her to go anyway...

mrnoodle · 02-14-2004, 01:01 AM

she still online. Hey, since I promised not to post anymore about this subject, will someone tell her to tell Ivan to private message me? I'm in the mood for a frank exchange of ideas with that kid.

Asshat.

elSicomoro · 02-14-2004, 01:11 AM

You want to talk about hot dogs? Or whale penes?

staceyv · 02-14-2004, 01:11 AM

i really have to get to bed...why am i so wired? look, i am going to go to the therapist, and yes, he will probably tell me that parts of that contract are unhealthy. and yes, it would probably be easy to take advantage of someone like me, because i usually don't let people in because i know how i am and i have to protect myself from those who don't have my best interests at heart, but once i let someone in, oh my god. yeah, it could definitely happen...i want to believe what he says, because leaving him seems so painful.

mrnoodle · 02-14-2004, 01:16 AM

Somebody tell her she's wired because the remaining sane brain cells in her tormented noggin won't let her sleep until she stops trying to batter them into submission. And then tell her the whole friggin contract is null and void because if he don't wanna be a good husband without blackmailing her into not cutting her fukkin hair, he ain't gonna keep it.

Why am I still here? Why have I lapsed into slang?

cuz I took a sleeping pill and didn't go to bed immediately. it makes me a mouthy wanker.

OnyxCougar · 02-14-2004, 01:25 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Beestie
Inflection my dear Cougar. She doesn't want to stay but she is more frightened of leaving. It is the resolution of a dilemma - rarely a pretty sight.

OK. Let me present it thus: She doesn't want to stay. That's the only part I need to hear. I was beat for over 2 years. Bones dislocated. Raped with knives. And you know what? I didn't want to stay but I was too frightened to go.

Now. Mr. Wonderful doesn't beat her. But the core of the matter is the same. SHE DOESN'T WANT TO STAY. She has to, by her OWN admission, find a reason not to leave. Why isn't this running up red flags to everyone reading this thread??

She starts out upset because she feels like she can't trust him. He tells her over and over she can. But yet, she can't trust him. She doesn't know even now if he's lying or not when he says she can trust him. She's what-if'ing herself to insanity. People give her all kinds of advice, she keeps going on about how she can't trust him, and doesn't know what to do.

If I don't want to be at a party, I leave. If I can't trust the man I'm with, I will leave. Even if I fucked up, maybe he didn't do anything wrong. Even if I was mistaken in thinking I couldn't trust him, the trust was still broken, even if it was broken in error. He put himself in a situation in which his feelings could even remotely be called into question. He saved those letters (they must mean alot to him).

Stacey (1)You don't want to stay (2)You have to LOOK for reasons compelling enough not to leave a person you don't trust.

That says to me: Get the fuck out.

But, as I've stated in other threads, you're gonna do what you're gonna do. Therapist is a good idea if you want to stay. First thing the therapist will ask you is "Do you want this relationship to work?" If you even hesitate in answering that question, it's not worth the time or money to see a counselor. (And "yes, but only if he does this or that..." doesn't count.) You either love him unconditionally or you don't. You either trust him completely or you don't. And if you don't, then get out now. If you do, then there's no problem, is there?

Again, I hope things work out well for you either way.

elSicomoro · 02-14-2004, 01:27 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by OnyxCougar
Why isn't this running up red flags to everyone reading this thread??

This whole thread has become one big red flag...visible from space...

Beestie · 02-14-2004, 01:29 AM

The contract is yet another feeble attempt to not face reality. Just another construct between the real and the perceived. I've been there as I suspect most have at one point or another.

lumberjim · 02-14-2004, 01:36 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by mrnoodle
thanks lumberjim.

yup i do. don't scare me by knowing him.

~intelligence recognized.
~used term "asshat" correctly in context
~good first impression formed.

~ save file.

[elmo]
mrnoodle's brother, mr Noodle.[/elmo]

mrnoodle · 02-14-2004, 01:42 AM

gawrsh.

tha' fuck is elmo? and who has been using the registered trademark of MrNoodle (TM)(R)(not starting this thread over here)
without the express permission of this station and the National Football League?

but thanks nonetheless

02-14-2004, 12:41 AM	#104
lumberjim I can hear my ears Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 25,571	whatever __________________ This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality Embrace this moment, remember We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion ~MJKeenan

02-14-2004, 12:41 AM	#105
staceyv Lecturer Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Ohio Posts: 927	lumberjim, your stupid link deleted all of my cookies goodnight. Last edited by staceyv; 02-14-2004 at 12:52 AM.

02-14-2004, 12:53 AM	#107
lumberjim I can hear my ears Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 25,571	i mean the whole arrangement is ludicrous. Fuckin A! just be who-the-fuck-you-are and let him be who-the-fuck-he-is; and be together, or don't. You are in a destructive cycle of suspicion and doubt. Break it. Trust him! And if you CAN'T trust him, leave him! what the fuck good does that contract do either of you. what happens if one of you is in breach? will he have to pay a penalty on the credit card bill? does the other party get to reposses the relationship? woo hooo? knock knock knock......anybody home? FUCK! __________________ This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality Embrace this moment, remember We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion ~MJKeenan

02-14-2004, 12:56 AM	#109
lumberjim I can hear my ears Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 25,571	hey, welcome aboard, mrnoodle.....do you have a brother? __________________ This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality Embrace this moment, remember We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion ~MJKeenan

02-14-2004, 01:29 AM	#118
Beestie -◊\|≡·∙■·∙≡\|◊- Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Parts unknown. Posts: 4,081	The contract is yet another feeble attempt to not face reality. Just another construct between the real and the perceived. I've been there as I suspect most have at one point or another. __________________ ♠ ♥ ♣ ♦

02-14-2004, 12:34 AM	#102
staceyv Lecturer Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Ohio Posts: 927	he hasn't "done that to me" since we've been married. that makes me hopeful, and he has very little experience with women. he's slept with two people. his longest relationship before me was only a couple of weeks (eva). i don't think he's a master of stringing along women. i really want to have hope right now, and i can probably talk myself into anything to feel better. i am looking forward to therapy... if he is completely insincere, and does not love me and is stringing me along, well he would be a master. he could go down in history, and i would become the most bitter man-hating old hag you have ever met, seen, or heard of.

02-14-2004, 12:40 AM	#103
staceyv Lecturer Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Ohio Posts: 927	it was his idea to give me the e-mail passwords, his idea to take me with him everywhere...he was trying to come up with ideas that would leave me no room to mistrust him...he says he has nothing to hide. the diamond and the credit card bills, well, i mentioned that part in another part of this thread...it's stuff we talked about before all of this happened. he has admitted to being pussy-whipped long ago.

02-14-2004, 12:52 AM	#106
mrnoodle bent Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: under the weather Posts: 2,656	The other 2 things I learned from that destructive, ridiculous relationship are that...... I didn't listen to a damn thing anyone told me. lol. I had to find it all out the hard way, and the hard way felt like someone ripping my heart out through my rectum. Compassionate people hate to see people do that to themselves, Stacey. Don't mistake clinginess for love. love=healthy. cling=clusterfuck. Lies I told myself: "But she LOVES me. I just KNOW she does. I mean, she SAID I WAS THE LOVE OF HER LIFE!! (snivel, whine, cry)" "What did I do to make her act this way? If I can change, maybe I can resurrect the burning passion we used to feel. Maybe if I do some of the stuff she wants me to do, she will reciprocate." -- ok, she was fucking some guy at the time, but still, maybe. "Maybe I have just missed the point somewhere. If we talk enough about it, the situation will fix itself with cosmic love rays that supersede all destructive, shitty behavior." etc. etc. ad nauseum. If I didn't see myself in your situation, it wouldn't affect me so strongly. But I know at some point I'm going to piss you off, if I haven't already. I better shut up. No. One last thing. Marriage therapists are programmed to listen for certain responses that let them know how they're doing with a particular case. They can be played like a Stradivarius if you have the talent for it. Serial heartbreakers have that talent, and methinks you are in the clutches of one. My last post on the subject without your approval, Stacey. I'm redundant enough

02-14-2004, 12:57 AM	#110
mrnoodle bent Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: under the weather Posts: 2,656	thanks lumberjim. yup i do. don't scare me by knowing him.

02-14-2004, 01:01 AM	#112
mrnoodle bent Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: under the weather Posts: 2,656	she still online. Hey, since I promised not to post anymore about this subject, will someone tell her to tell Ivan to private message me? I'm in the mood for a frank exchange of ideas with that kid. Asshat.

02-14-2004, 01:11 AM	#113
elSicomoro Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Jan 2001 Posts: 12,486	You want to talk about hot dogs? Or whale penes?

02-14-2004, 01:11 AM	#114
staceyv Lecturer Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Ohio Posts: 927	i really have to get to bed...why am i so wired? look, i am going to go to the therapist, and yes, he will probably tell me that parts of that contract are unhealthy. and yes, it would probably be easy to take advantage of someone like me, because i usually don't let people in because i know how i am and i have to protect myself from those who don't have my best interests at heart, but once i let someone in, oh my god. yeah, it could definitely happen...i want to believe what he says, because leaving him seems so painful.

02-14-2004, 01:16 AM	#115
mrnoodle bent Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: under the weather Posts: 2,656	Somebody tell her she's wired because the remaining sane brain cells in her tormented noggin won't let her sleep until she stops trying to batter them into submission. And then tell her the whole friggin contract is null and void because if he don't wanna be a good husband without blackmailing her into not cutting her fukkin hair, he ain't gonna keep it. Why am I still here? Why have I lapsed into slang? cuz I took a sleeping pill and didn't go to bed immediately. it makes me a mouthy wanker.

02-14-2004, 01:42 AM	#120
mrnoodle bent Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: under the weather Posts: 2,656	gawrsh. tha' fuck is elmo? and who has been using the registered trademark of MrNoodle (TM)(R)(not starting this thread over here) without the express permission of this station and the National Football League? but thanks nonetheless

Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)