Humor in the campaigns - Page 9

Happy Monkey · 10-30-2004, 10:09 PM

Just got back from "The Capitol Steps". Funny show. The bits that stuck with me the most - from "Lirty Dies": "Rill O'Bilely has a fable show on Cox.." "Startha Mewart, the kitch of the bitchen..."

Undertoad · 11-03-2004, 07:11 AM

Righty humorist Scott Ott of Scrappleface has been on fire this election season, with Onion-quality headlines such as

"Kerry: Bush Outsourced Bin Laden Video Production"
"Pa. Governor Puts Slot Machines in Voting Booths"
"Saddam Worried Explosive Cache Now in 'Wrong Hands'"

and then yesterday

"Kerry Votes for Bush, Before Voting Against Him"

and then today

"Bush Declares End of Major Campaign Operations"

Griff · 11-05-2004, 06:48 PM

A vocal local Democrat has a cluster of Bush signs at the end of his driveway, apparently he lost a bet with his neighbor. The wounds will heal if you don't pick at them.

jinx · 11-12-2004, 05:58 PM

http://fuckthesouth.com/

404Error · 11-13-2004, 09:06 AM

Don't cry, there's always 2008. :p

xoxoxoBruce · 11-13-2004, 05:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jinx

http://fuckthesouth.com/

Great link, thanks.

Troubleshooter · 11-14-2004, 01:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jinx

http://fuckthesouth.com/

Cute...

Wrong, but cute.

Troubleshooter · 11-15-2004, 02:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jinx

http://fuckthesouth.com/

http://www.nealpollack.com/cgi-bin/b...1441/permalink

Don't Fuck The South [Nov 10, 2004]

I know I promised I wouldn't post again this week, but I've been receiving emails all day about this site, because people think I'll find it "funny." Well, it's not funny. The writer makes some valid points about how the South seems to get a disproportionate amount of federal pork. That, I'll give him. But as for the rest of his (or her) argument, I can say one word: Nonsense.

The South isn't the only region of the country that is over-pious about its churchgoing and aggressive in trumpeting its "values." You can find equal culprits all over the country. This isn't a regional conflict we're in, it's an intellectual one, and people live on both sides of the debate in every state. Northern stereotypes about the South are snobbish and annoying. Enough already!

I was born in Memphis, grew up in Phoenix, got married in Nashville, went on my honeymoon in North Carolina, and live in Austin. Many dear friends grew up in and still reside below the Mason-Dixon Line. The South is diverse. It's varied. And yes, it's ignorant in many ways. But I've never lived in a more segregated place than Chicago, the epitome of a great Northern city, and have never seen as much concentrated poverty and injustice in this country as when I lived in Philadelphia, the birthplace of our Constitution. So spare me the superiority rap.

The south gave us Johnny Cash, Ray Charles, Michael Jordan, Hank Williams, Tennessee Williams, fried chicken, Gone With The Wind, Truman Capote, pecan pie, barbecue, Mark Twain, and manned flight. The list goes on and on. Thomas Jefferson and George Washington were both from Virginia, both founding fathers and both gun-toting slave owners. If you say 'fuck the South," you're saying fuck Nashville and Charlotte and Charleston, and Atlanta, and Austin, and New Orleans, and Athens, Georgia, the city that gave us the B52s and R.E.M. and...OK, well, fuck R.E.M. But that has nothing to do with the South.

I assume this person is a Democrat. The last three Democratic Presidents came from Texas, Georgia, and Arkansas, respectively. I say this to all of you who think it's funny and wise to say "fuck the South." If you fuck the South, you're fucking yourselves.

flippant · 11-15-2004, 04:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Troubleshooter

[
I say this to all of you who think it's funny and wise to say "fuck the South." If you fuck the South, you're fucking yourselves.

Not wise just funny. And I have also been known to say Fuck Colorado.

Listen I wouldn't take that article too seriously anyway...Someone is just broadcasting their poli-angst and I'm sure they are well aware of how irrational that view is.....I'm not sure why you would give it so much credit?

cowhead · 11-14-2004, 08:52 AM

damn you Jinx! you beat me to it! here's the cut and paste for those of us too lazy to follow links.

Fuck the South. Fuck 'em. We should have let them go when they wanted to leave. But no, we had to kill half a million people so they'd stay part of our special Union. Fighting for the right to keep slaves - yeah, those are states we want to keep.

And now what do we get? We're the fucking Arrogant Northeast Liberal Elite? How about this for arrogant: the South is the Real America? The Authentic America. Really?

Cause we fucking founded this country, assholes. Those Founding Fathers you keep going on and on about? All that bullshit about what you think they meant by the Second Amendment giving you the right to keep your assault weapons in the glove compartment because you didn't bother to read the first half of the fucking sentence? Who do you think those wig-wearing lacy-shirt sporting revolutionaries were? They were fucking blue-staters, dickhead. Boston? Philadelphia? New York? Hello? Think there might be a reason all the fucking monuments are up here in our backyard?

No, No. Get the fuck out. We're not letting you visit the Liberty Bell and fucking Plymouth Rock anymore until you get over your real American selves and start respecting those other nine amendments. Who do you think those fucking stripes on the flag are for? Nine are for fucking blue states. And it would be 10 if those Vermonters had gotten their fucking Subarus together and broken off from New York a little earlier. Get it? We started this shit, so don't get all uppity about how real you are you Johnny-come-lately "Oooooh I've been a state for almost a hundred years" dickheads. Fuck off.

Arrogant? You wanna talk about us Northeasterners being fucking arrogant? What's more American than arrogance? Hmmm? Maybe horsies? I don't think so. Arrogance is the fucking cornerstone of what it means to be American. And I wouldn't be so fucking arrogant if I wasn't paying for your fucking bridges, bitch.

All those Federal taxes you love to hate? It all comes from us and goes to you, so shut up and enjoy your fucking Tennessee Valley Authority electricity and your fancy highways that we paid for. And the next time Florida gets hit by a hurricane you can come crying to us if you want to, but you're the ones who built on a fucking swamp. "Let the Spanish keep it, it’s a shithole," we said, but you had to have your fucking orange juice.

The next dickwad who says, "It’s your money, not the government's money" is gonna get their ass kicked. Nine of the ten states that get the most federal fucking dollars and pay the least... can you guess? Go on, guess. That’s right, motherfucker, they're red states. And eight of the ten states that receive the least and pay the most? It’s too easy, asshole, they’re blue states. It’s not your money, assholes, it’s fucking our money. What was that Real American Value you were spouting a minute ago? Self reliance? Try this for self reliance: buy your own fucking stop signs, assholes.

Let’s talk about those values for a fucking minute. You and your Southern values can bite my ass because the blue states got the values over you fucking Real Americans every day of the goddamn week. Which state do you think has the lowest divorce rate you marriage-hyping dickwads? Well? Can you guess? It’s fucking Massachusetts, the fucking center of the gay marriage universe. Yes, that’s right, the state you love to tie around the neck of anyone to the left of Strom Thurmond has the lowest divorce rate in the fucking nation. Think that’s just some aberration? How about this: 9 of the 10 lowest divorce rates are fucking blue states, asshole, and most are in the Northeast, where our values suck so bad. And where are the highest divorce rates? Care to fucking guess? 10 of the top 10 are fucking red-ass we're-so-fucking-moral states. And while Nevada is the worst, the Bible Belt is doing its fucking part.

But two guys making out is going to fucking ruin marriage for you? Yeah? Seems like you're ruining it pretty well on your own, you little bastards. Oh, but that's ok because you go to church, right? I mean you do, right? Cause we fucking get to hear about it every goddamn year at election time. Yes, we're fascinated by how you get up every Sunday morning and sing, and then you're fucking towers of moral superiority. Yeah, that's a workable formula. Maybe us fucking Northerners don't talk about religion as much as you because we're not so busy sinning, hmmm? Ever think of that, you self-righteous assholes? No, you're too busy erecting giant stone tablets of the Ten Commandments in buildings paid for by the fucking Northeast Liberal Elite. And who has the highest murder rates in the nation? It ain't us up here in the North, assholes.

Well this gravy train is fucking over. Take your liberal-bashing, federal-tax-leaching, confederate-flag-waving, holier-than-thou, hypocritical bullshit and shove it up your ass.

And no, you can't have your fucking convention in New York next time. Fuck off.

and uh, can I get an amen?

elSicomoro · 11-14-2004, 09:44 AM

Looks like someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.

I agree with you for the most part, though.

Happy Monkey · 11-14-2004, 02:21 PM

Other than (arguably) the attitude, what in it is wrong?

Troubleshooter · 11-15-2004, 10:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Happy Monkey

Other than (arguably) the attitude, what in it is wrong?

I meant wrong as in "I know you didn't just say that..." kind of wrong, funny haha wrong.

But truthfully, there are stupid, bible thumping rednecks spread liberally *snicker* all over the country. See the red spots.

flippant · 11-14-2004, 09:19 PM

Laughed myself to pieces...Thnx

cowhead · 11-15-2004, 01:53 PM

although I don't know how funny this is really... take a look at a more acurate breakdown of the whole red vs. blue state thing. doing a quick reply so I can't post the picture directly.

http://www.larryville.com/forum/index.cgi?read=7529

go on look.. you know you want to!

10-30-2004, 10:09 PM	#1
Happy Monkey I think this line's mostly filler. Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: DC Posts: 13,575	Just got back from "The Capitol Steps". Funny show. The bits that stuck with me the most - from "Lirty Dies": "Rill O'Bilely has a fable show on Cox.." "Startha Mewart, the kitch of the bitchen..." __________________ _________________ \|...............\| We live in the nick of times. \| Len 17, Wid 3 \| \|_______________\| [pics]

11-05-2004, 06:48 PM	#3
Griff still says videotape Join Date: Feb 2001 Posts: 26,813	A vocal local Democrat has a cluster of Bush signs at the end of his driveway, apparently he lost a bet with his neighbor. The wounds will heal if you don't pick at them. __________________ If you would only recognize that life is hard, things would be so much easier for you. - Louis D. Brandeis

11-12-2004, 05:58 PM	#4
jinx Come on, cat. Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: general vicinity of Philadelphia area Posts: 7,013	http://fuckthesouth.com/ __________________ Crying won't help you, praying won't do you no good.

11-13-2004, 09:06 AM	#5
404Error Lecturer Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: CT USA Posts: 826	Don't cry, there's always 2008. :p Attached Images __________________ "To disarm the people is the most effectual way to enslave them." ~George Mason~

11-14-2004, 08:52 AM	#10
cowhead halve your cake and eat it too. Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Georgia.. by way of Lawrence Kansas Posts: 1,359	damn you Jinx! you beat me to it! here's the cut and paste for those of us too lazy to follow links. Fuck the South. Fuck 'em. We should have let them go when they wanted to leave. But no, we had to kill half a million people so they'd stay part of our special Union. Fighting for the right to keep slaves - yeah, those are states we want to keep. And now what do we get? We're the fucking Arrogant Northeast Liberal Elite? How about this for arrogant: the South is the Real America? The Authentic America. Really? Cause we fucking founded this country, assholes. Those Founding Fathers you keep going on and on about? All that bullshit about what you think they meant by the Second Amendment giving you the right to keep your assault weapons in the glove compartment because you didn't bother to read the first half of the fucking sentence? Who do you think those wig-wearing lacy-shirt sporting revolutionaries were? They were fucking blue-staters, dickhead. Boston? Philadelphia? New York? Hello? Think there might be a reason all the fucking monuments are up here in our backyard? No, No. Get the fuck out. We're not letting you visit the Liberty Bell and fucking Plymouth Rock anymore until you get over your real American selves and start respecting those other nine amendments. Who do you think those fucking stripes on the flag are for? Nine are for fucking blue states. And it would be 10 if those Vermonters had gotten their fucking Subarus together and broken off from New York a little earlier. Get it? We started this shit, so don't get all uppity about how real you are you Johnny-come-lately "Oooooh I've been a state for almost a hundred years" dickheads. Fuck off. Arrogant? You wanna talk about us Northeasterners being fucking arrogant? What's more American than arrogance? Hmmm? Maybe horsies? I don't think so. Arrogance is the fucking cornerstone of what it means to be American. And I wouldn't be so fucking arrogant if I wasn't paying for your fucking bridges, bitch. All those Federal taxes you love to hate? It all comes from us and goes to you, so shut up and enjoy your fucking Tennessee Valley Authority electricity and your fancy highways that we paid for. And the next time Florida gets hit by a hurricane you can come crying to us if you want to, but you're the ones who built on a fucking swamp. "Let the Spanish keep it, it’s a shithole," we said, but you had to have your fucking orange juice. The next dickwad who says, "It’s your money, not the government's money" is gonna get their ass kicked. Nine of the ten states that get the most federal fucking dollars and pay the least... can you guess? Go on, guess. That’s right, motherfucker, they're red states. And eight of the ten states that receive the least and pay the most? It’s too easy, asshole, they’re blue states. It’s not your money, assholes, it’s fucking our money. What was that Real American Value you were spouting a minute ago? Self reliance? Try this for self reliance: buy your own fucking stop signs, assholes. Let’s talk about those values for a fucking minute. You and your Southern values can bite my ass because the blue states got the values over you fucking Real Americans every day of the goddamn week. Which state do you think has the lowest divorce rate you marriage-hyping dickwads? Well? Can you guess? It’s fucking Massachusetts, the fucking center of the gay marriage universe. Yes, that’s right, the state you love to tie around the neck of anyone to the left of Strom Thurmond has the lowest divorce rate in the fucking nation. Think that’s just some aberration? How about this: 9 of the 10 lowest divorce rates are fucking blue states, asshole, and most are in the Northeast, where our values suck so bad. And where are the highest divorce rates? Care to fucking guess? 10 of the top 10 are fucking red-ass we're-so-fucking-moral states. And while Nevada is the worst, the Bible Belt is doing its fucking part. But two guys making out is going to fucking ruin marriage for you? Yeah? Seems like you're ruining it pretty well on your own, you little bastards. Oh, but that's ok because you go to church, right? I mean you do, right? Cause we fucking get to hear about it every goddamn year at election time. Yes, we're fascinated by how you get up every Sunday morning and sing, and then you're fucking towers of moral superiority. Yeah, that's a workable formula. Maybe us fucking Northerners don't talk about religion as much as you because we're not so busy sinning, hmmm? Ever think of that, you self-righteous assholes? No, you're too busy erecting giant stone tablets of the Ten Commandments in buildings paid for by the fucking Northeast Liberal Elite. And who has the highest murder rates in the nation? It ain't us up here in the North, assholes. Well this gravy train is fucking over. Take your liberal-bashing, federal-tax-leaching, confederate-flag-waving, holier-than-thou, hypocritical bullshit and shove it up your ass. And no, you can't have your fucking convention in New York next time. Fuck off. and uh, can I get an amen? __________________ no my child.. this is not my desire..I'm digging for fire.

11-03-2004, 07:11 AM	#2
Undertoad Radical Centrist Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Cottage of Prussia Posts: 31,423	Righty humorist Scott Ott of Scrappleface has been on fire this election season, with Onion-quality headlines such as "Kerry: Bush Outsourced Bin Laden Video Production" "Pa. Governor Puts Slot Machines in Voting Booths" "Saddam Worried Explosive Cache Now in 'Wrong Hands'" and then yesterday "Kerry Votes for Bush, Before Voting Against Him" and then today "Bush Declares End of Major Campaign Operations"

11-14-2004, 09:44 AM	#11
elSicomoro Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Jan 2001 Posts: 12,486	Looks like someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. I agree with you for the most part, though.

11-14-2004, 02:21 PM	#12
Happy Monkey I think this line's mostly filler. Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: DC Posts: 13,575	Other than (arguably) the attitude, what in it is wrong? __________________ _________________ \|...............\| We live in the nick of times. \| Len 17, Wid 3 \| \|_______________\| [pics]

11-14-2004, 09:19 PM	#14
flippant shameless....so stop trying so hard....-me Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Colorado location* Posts: 215	Laughed myself to pieces...Thnx __________________ - I know we won't meet again in the season of blossoms, And I won't sit quietly by drunk in my chamber- YU HSUAN- CHI Ninth Century, CHANG' AN

11-15-2004, 01:53 PM	#15
cowhead halve your cake and eat it too. Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Georgia.. by way of Lawrence Kansas Posts: 1,359	although I don't know how funny this is really... take a look at a more acurate breakdown of the whole red vs. blue state thing. doing a quick reply so I can't post the picture directly. http://www.larryville.com/forum/index.cgi?read=7529 go on look.. you know you want to! __________________ no my child.. this is not my desire..I'm digging for fire.

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