Humor...I Need Humor... - Page 84

nitro1364 · 05-30-2007, 02:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Phil

why dont black people dream?

coz the last one who had a dream got assassinated.

am i going straight to hell for laughing at that?

Phil · 05-30-2007, 02:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nitro1364

am i going straight to hell for laughing at that?

i wrote it .... you only read it.

nitro1364 · 05-30-2007, 03:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Phil

i wrote it .... you only read it.

well yeah

you're screwed

xoxoxoBruce · 05-30-2007, 04:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Phil

i wrote it .... you only read it.

Anyone that didn't find the humour in that, has a serious problem. If they thought it was funny, but were embassed they did, gotta lighten up.

smurfalicious · 05-31-2007, 08:18 AM

An elderly man in Florida had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back, fixed up nice; picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees.

The pond was ideal for swimming, although he rarely did that anymore.

One evening he decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five gallon bucket with which to bring back some fruit.

As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!" The old man frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or to make you get out of the pond naked."

Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm here to feed the alligator."

Moral: Old men can still think fast.

Aliantha · 05-29-2007, 06:03 AM

OK...I'm ashamed to say I laughed out loud when I read that one.

I'm going to have to do pennance now.

HungLikeJesus · 05-30-2007, 12:22 PM

It's an ad, but still amusing.

Phil · 05-30-2007, 02:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aliantha

OK...I'm ashamed to say I laughed out loud when I read that one.

I'm going to have to do pennance now.

as an ordained minister in the church of life .... you are forgiven.

Phil · 05-30-2007, 03:36 PM

A Buddhist went to a Pizza-Hut. When asked by the waiter what he wanted, he smiled and said "Make me one with everything!"

Rexmons · 05-31-2007, 08:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Phil

A Buddhist went to a Pizza-Hut. When asked by the waiter what he wanted, he smiled and said "Make me one with everything!"

Phil here's the version I heard:

A Buddhist walks up to a hotdog vendor, hands him a $5 and asks, "make me one with everything"; the hotdog vendor gives him his hotdog and when the Buddhist asks for his change the vendor replies "change comes from within."

Phil · 05-31-2007, 11:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rexmons

Phil here's the version I heard:

A Buddhist walks up to a hotdog vendor, hands him a $5 and asks, "make me one with everything"; the hotdog vendor gives him his hotdog and when the Buddhist asks for his change the vendor replies "change comes from within."

i like that one better.

Rexmons · 05-31-2007, 08:55 AM

heres a long one but it's one of my all time favorites:

A man goes to Las Vegas and loses everything but his plane ticket home. Trying to get home, he leaves the casino and sees a lone taxi cab waiting for customers, parked in front. He approaches the cab driver and asks how much a ride to the airport costs. When the driver replies the fare will cost $16 dollars, the man begins pleading his case to the driver, explaining his poor luck, and that he promises to pay the driver back, once home. The driver, having heard this type of story before, promptly kicks the man out of his taxi and tells the man to get lost. The man ends up walking all the way to the airport just in time to catch his flight. Some time goes by and the young man decides to press his luck in Vegas once again. This time his luck changes and he wins a very large sum of money. After cashing out the man decides to take his winnings and go home. When he steps outside the casino, this time he sees twenty cabs all lined up waiting for customers. He recognizes the last cab driver in the line, as the man who so rudely turned him down during his last visit. The young man, wanting payback, approaches the very first cab in line, instead. Once in the cab the man asks the cabbie "hey, how much for a ride to the airport?" To which the cabbie replies "that'll be $16 bucks", to which the young man replies "and how much would it cost me for you to give a blowjob the entire way there?" Infuriated the cab drivers says "get the fuck outta my cab before I beat the shit outta you, you fuckin faggot!" The young man immediately gets out of the first cab and jumps into the second cab and begins to ask the same questions, to which he receives the same response. The young man does this again to the third cab, fourth cab, and every single cab until he reaches the last cab, who happens to be the driver who treated him so poorly during his last visit. Once inside it becomes apparent the driver doesn't recognize him, so the young man asks "hey buddy, how much is it for a ride to the airport?" The driver replies "That's gonna cost you $16 bucks." The man says "sounds good" and the driver starts the car and gets ready to bring the man to his destination. As the driver begins pulling away from all the other taxi's in line, the young man rolls his window down, and gives them all a big smile and two thumbs up.

glatt · 05-31-2007, 12:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rexmons

heres a long one but it's one of my all time favorites:

That's awesome!

Pie · 06-04-2007, 08:37 AM

Quote:

Hi,

Today, local police found a man's body in a park nearby.

They describe him as having a Beer Belly, Saggy Balls, Wrinkly Butt and a Small pecker.

Please email me back so I'll know you're OK.

Sincerely worried,
Your Concerned Friend

Spexxvet · 06-04-2007, 08:52 AM

Why did the feminist cross the street?

To give me a blow job.

05-31-2007, 08:18 AM	#5
smurfalicious Tool. Not the band - you are one. Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: 501 Northlake Blvd., North Palm Beach FL Posts: 329	An elderly man in Florida had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back, fixed up nice; picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees. The pond was ideal for swimming, although he rarely did that anymore. One evening he decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five gallon bucket with which to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!" The old man frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or to make you get out of the pond naked." Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm here to feed the alligator." Moral: Old men can still think fast. __________________

05-29-2007, 06:03 AM	#6
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	OK...I'm ashamed to say I laughed out loud when I read that one. I'm going to have to do pennance now. __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

05-30-2007, 12:22 PM	#7
HungLikeJesus Only looks like a disaster tourist Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: above 7,000 feet Posts: 7,208	It's an ad, but still amusing. Attached Images __________________ Keep Your Bodies Off My Lawn SteveDallas's Random Thread Picker.

05-30-2007, 03:36 PM	#9
Phil Hoodoo Guru Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 304	A Buddhist went to a Pizza-Hut. When asked by the waiter what he wanted, he smiled and said "Make me one with everything!" __________________ Atheist n A person to be pitied in that he is unable to believe things for which there is no evidence, and who has thus deprived himself of a convenient means of feeling superior to others.

05-31-2007, 08:55 AM	#12
Rexmons - Kavkaz United - Join Date: May 2007 Posts: 613	heres a long one but it's one of my all time favorites: A man goes to Las Vegas and loses everything but his plane ticket home. Trying to get home, he leaves the casino and sees a lone taxi cab waiting for customers, parked in front. He approaches the cab driver and asks how much a ride to the airport costs. When the driver replies the fare will cost $16 dollars, the man begins pleading his case to the driver, explaining his poor luck, and that he promises to pay the driver back, once home. The driver, having heard this type of story before, promptly kicks the man out of his taxi and tells the man to get lost. The man ends up walking all the way to the airport just in time to catch his flight. Some time goes by and the young man decides to press his luck in Vegas once again. This time his luck changes and he wins a very large sum of money. After cashing out the man decides to take his winnings and go home. When he steps outside the casino, this time he sees twenty cabs all lined up waiting for customers. He recognizes the last cab driver in the line, as the man who so rudely turned him down during his last visit. The young man, wanting payback, approaches the very first cab in line, instead. Once in the cab the man asks the cabbie "hey, how much for a ride to the airport?" To which the cabbie replies "that'll be $16 bucks", to which the young man replies "and how much would it cost me for you to give a blowjob the entire way there?" Infuriated the cab drivers says "get the fuck outta my cab before I beat the shit outta you, you fuckin faggot!" The young man immediately gets out of the first cab and jumps into the second cab and begins to ask the same questions, to which he receives the same response. The young man does this again to the third cab, fourth cab, and every single cab until he reaches the last cab, who happens to be the driver who treated him so poorly during his last visit. Once inside it becomes apparent the driver doesn't recognize him, so the young man asks "hey buddy, how much is it for a ride to the airport?" The driver replies "That's gonna cost you $16 bucks." The man says "sounds good" and the driver starts the car and gets ready to bring the man to his destination. As the driver begins pulling away from all the other taxi's in line, the young man rolls his window down, and gives them all a big smile and two thumbs up. __________________ "Life's a bitch but God forbid the bitch divorce me..."

06-04-2007, 08:52 AM	#15
Spexxvet Makes some feel uncomfortable Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 10,346	Why did the feminist cross the street? To give me a blow job. __________________ "I'm certainly free, nay compelled, to spread the gospel of Spex. " - xoxoxoBruce

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