Humor...I Need Humor... - Page 71

Cyclefrance · 08-17-2006, 10:44 AM

Linking back to the anal jokes a brief moment..

I found an interesting birthday card for my son this year - cartoon on front showing a doctor and assistant studying the backside of a patient who is leaning over exposing the end of a lettuce protruding from his anus.

Words underneath from doctor:'I'm afraid it's just the tip of the iceberg...!'

footfootfoot · 08-17-2006, 11:32 AM

I love it!

Happy Monkey · 08-17-2006, 12:01 PM

ring ring ring ring ring ring ring bananosecond

xoxoxoBruce · 08-17-2006, 06:21 PM

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the director, 'What is the criterion that defines a patient to be institutionalized?'
'Well...' said the director, 'we fill up a bathtub, and we offer a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket to the patient and ask him to empty the bathtub.'
'Oh, I understand,' said the visitor, with a chuckle. 'A normal person would choose the bucket as it is larger than the spoon or the teacup. Right?'
'Noooooooo!' answered the director. 'A normal person would pull the plug.'

Happy Monkey · 08-18-2006, 11:42 AM

Shawnee123 · 08-18-2006, 12:02 PM

Clodfobble · 08-18-2006, 04:05 PM

It's a metaphor for Iraq, Shawnee.

xoxoxoBruce · 08-18-2006, 07:36 PM

You know, HM....angry just doesn't cut it for Bob....he's way past Dr Phil, more like Dr Wolf material.

Happy Monkey · 08-19-2006, 08:42 AM

He has his moments.

Though sometimes it's a bit too stream of consciousness...

capnhowdy · 08-19-2006, 07:46 PM

An atheist was taking a walk through the woods. "What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!" he said to himself.

As he continued walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes. Turning to look, he saw a seven-foot grizzly charging towards him. He began running as fast as he could up the path. Looking over his shoulder, he saw that the bear was closing in on him. Although his heart was pumping frantically, he tried to run even faster.

Then he tripped and fell to the ground. As he rolled over to pick himself up, he saw the bear raising his paw to take a swipe at him. At that instant the atheist cried out, "Oh my God . . ."

Time stopped.
The bear froze.
The forest was silent.

It was then that a bright light shone upon the man and a voice came out of the sky saying, "You deny my existence for all of these years, teach others I don't exist, and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you now expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"

The atheist looked directly into the light and said, "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian?"

"Very well," said the voice.

The light went out, and the sounds of the forest resumed.

Then the bear lowered his paw, bowed his head, and spoke, "Lord, bless this food which I am about to receive and for which I am truly thankful. Amen."

ferret88 · 08-21-2006, 06:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by capnhowdy

"...but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian?"

"Very well," said the voice.

The light went out, and the sounds of the forest resumed.

Then the bear lowered his paw, bowed his head, and spoke, "Lord, bless this food which I am about to receive and for which I am truly thankful. Amen."

bra-FREAKIN'-vo!!!

Hippikos · 08-22-2006, 08:39 AM

Japanese Sauna

Iggy · 08-22-2006, 02:45 PM

Two blonde girls were working for the city public works department.

One would dig a hole and the other would follow behind her and fill the hole in.

They worked up one side of the street, then down the other, then moved on to the next street, working furiously all day without rest, one girl digging a hole, the other girl filling it in again. An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn't understand what they were doing.

So he asked the hole digger, "I'm impressed by the effort you two are putting into your work, but I don't get it, why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again?"

The hole digger wiped her brow and sighed, "Well, I suppose it probably looks odd because we're normally a three-person team. But today the girl who plants the trees called in sick."

Crimson Ghost · 08-23-2006, 04:44 AM

When I asked her to the prom... She just looked at me, giggled and smiled.

When I asked her to dance... She just looked at me, giggled and smiled.

When I asked her to move in with me... She just looked at me, giggled and smiled.

When I asked her to kiss me... She just looked at me, giggled and smiled.

When I asked her to make love to me... She just looked at me, giggled and smiled.

When I asked for her hand in marriage... She just looked at me, giggled and smiled.

When I asked her to bear my children... She just looked at me, giggled and smiled.

That's when I realized she was a Retard.

Hippikos · 08-23-2006, 04:59 AM

I HATE Callcentres

08-17-2006, 10:44 AM	#1051
Cyclefrance Pump my ride! Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Deep countryside of Surrey , England Posts: 1,890	Linking back to the anal jokes a brief moment.. I found an interesting birthday card for my son this year - cartoon on front showing a doctor and assistant studying the backside of a patient who is leaning over exposing the end of a lettuce protruding from his anus. Words underneath from doctor:'I'm afraid it's just the tip of the iceberg...!' __________________ Always sufficient hills - never sufficient gears

08-17-2006, 11:32 AM	#1052
footfootfoot To shreds, you say? Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet! Posts: 18,449	I love it! __________________ The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs

08-17-2006, 12:01 PM	#1053
Happy Monkey I think this line's mostly filler. Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: DC Posts: 13,575	ring ring ring ring ring ring ring bananosecond __________________ _________________ \|...............\| We live in the nick of times. \| Len 17, Wid 3 \| \|_______________\| [pics]

08-17-2006, 06:21 PM	#1054
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the director, 'What is the criterion that defines a patient to be institutionalized?' 'Well...' said the director, 'we fill up a bathtub, and we offer a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket to the patient and ask him to empty the bathtub.' 'Oh, I understand,' said the visitor, with a chuckle. 'A normal person would choose the bucket as it is larger than the spoon or the teacup. Right?' 'Noooooooo!' answered the director. 'A normal person would pull the plug.' __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

08-18-2006, 11:42 AM	#1055
Happy Monkey I think this line's mostly filler. Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: DC Posts: 13,575	__________________ _________________ \|...............\| We live in the nick of times. \| Len 17, Wid 3 \| \|_______________\| [pics]

08-18-2006, 12:02 PM	#1056
Shawnee123 Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya? Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 21,206	__________________ A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones who need the advice. --Bill Cosby

08-18-2006, 04:05 PM	#1057
Clodfobble UNDER CONDITIONAL MITIGATION Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Austin, TX Posts: 20,012	It's a metaphor for Iraq, Shawnee.

08-18-2006, 07:36 PM	#1058
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	You know, HM....angry just doesn't cut it for Bob....he's way past Dr Phil, more like Dr Wolf material. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

08-19-2006, 08:42 AM	#1059
Happy Monkey I think this line's mostly filler. Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: DC Posts: 13,575	He has his moments. Though sometimes it's a bit too stream of consciousness... __________________ _________________ \|...............\| We live in the nick of times. \| Len 17, Wid 3 \| \|_______________\| [pics]

08-19-2006, 07:46 PM	#1060
capnhowdy Blatantly Homosapien Join Date: Mar 2004 Posts: 6,200	An atheist was taking a walk through the woods. "What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!" he said to himself. As he continued walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes. Turning to look, he saw a seven-foot grizzly charging towards him. He began running as fast as he could up the path. Looking over his shoulder, he saw that the bear was closing in on him. Although his heart was pumping frantically, he tried to run even faster. Then he tripped and fell to the ground. As he rolled over to pick himself up, he saw the bear raising his paw to take a swipe at him. At that instant the atheist cried out, "Oh my God . . ." Time stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent. It was then that a bright light shone upon the man and a voice came out of the sky saying, "You deny my existence for all of these years, teach others I don't exist, and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you now expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?" The atheist looked directly into the light and said, "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian?" "Very well," said the voice. The light went out, and the sounds of the forest resumed. Then the bear lowered his paw, bowed his head, and spoke, "Lord, bless this food which I am about to receive and for which I am truly thankful. Amen." __________________ Please type slowly. I can't read very fast............... and no holy water, please.

08-22-2006, 08:39 AM	#1062
Hippikos Flocci Non Facio Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: In The Line Of Fire Posts: 571	Japanese Sauna __________________ Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.

08-22-2006, 02:45 PM	#1063
Iggy Back and ready to tart up the place Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Kansas Posts: 850	Two blonde girls were working for the city public works department. One would dig a hole and the other would follow behind her and fill the hole in. They worked up one side of the street, then down the other, then moved on to the next street, working furiously all day without rest, one girl digging a hole, the other girl filling it in again. An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn't understand what they were doing. So he asked the hole digger, "I'm impressed by the effort you two are putting into your work, but I don't get it, why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again?" The hole digger wiped her brow and sighed, "Well, I suppose it probably looks odd because we're normally a three-person team. But today the girl who plants the trees called in sick." __________________ Chock-full of naughty goodness.

08-23-2006, 04:44 AM	#1064
Crimson Ghost Larger than life and twice as ugly. Join Date: Apr 2004 Posts: 5,264	When I asked her to the prom... She just looked at me, giggled and smiled. When I asked her to dance... She just looked at me, giggled and smiled. When I asked her to move in with me... She just looked at me, giggled and smiled. When I asked her to kiss me... She just looked at me, giggled and smiled. When I asked her to make love to me... She just looked at me, giggled and smiled. When I asked for her hand in marriage... She just looked at me, giggled and smiled. When I asked her to bear my children... She just looked at me, giggled and smiled. That's when I realized she was a Retard. __________________ We must all go through a rite of passage. It must be physical, it must be painful, and it must leave a mark. I have no knowledge of the events which you are describing, and if I did have knowledge of them, I would be unable to discuss them with you now or at any future period. Don't waste your time always searching for those wasted years

08-23-2006, 04:59 AM	#1065
Hippikos Flocci Non Facio Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: In The Line Of Fire Posts: 571	I HATE Callcentres __________________ Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.

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