What's upsetting you today?

[monster]

harsh lessons for teenagers. No matter how hard you work and how skilled you are, athletes whose families have money can somehow almost always find a way to triumph

[orthodoc]

That lesson plays out in so many arenas that teenagers would be best advised to just learn it.One of the best arguments for junior athletics.

[Aliantha]

Yeah, I have seen the same thing happen with musicians, actors, artists and even academics. Almost every area. One of the most prominent of course is politics. If you can't raise the funds to get your word out there, no one knows to vote for you.

Anyway, it's a tough lesson, but a good one to learn. Always heartbreaking for the parent to watch though.

[xoxoxoBruce]

Originally Posted by Aliantha

So, I will try not to say dumb stuff anymore, but that probably wont work, because that's who I am. I make jokes about things that bother me.

I think it's human nature to rant/rave/joke about dumb shit, just blowing off steam. Whereas things that are really serious get mentioned in passing, but we tend to play those close to the vest.

[Sundae]

England lost.
Not a great surprise, but as before they got my hopes up when Rooney equalised.
So not a big upset.

But I'd just read about the Red Wedding. AND found out who the spy in Daenrys's camp is.
The dirty, dirty bastards.

Seriously, how much is a woman supposed to be able to deal with in a single day?

[lumberjim]

Turns out he's been reading my posts here lately and saw some offhand comments he didn't like, so instead of talking to me about it, he stewed on it for weeks until it all came out in a vitriolic attack, full of accusations that anyone in their right mind knew couldn't be true

And did you talk to him about wishing you had a manlier man? Or did you just 'vent' that to us? We, who are not real?

I told you that what you said sounded cunty. I had no idea. I really think you should check yourself.

Usually, when a friend is telling you about the predicament they are in, or what a cocksucker their spouse is, you automatically relate to the person giving you their side of the story. I gotta tell you. I feel bad for Dazza. Fucking guy reads what you wrote and somehow decides that He? Needs therapy? Jesus Harold Christ.

Is there any facet of your relationship problems that are caused by things that YOU should do differently? Any changes in the way the relationship should be that need to take place in your camp?

At all?

Doesn't that word, 'should' just fuck everything up? He should be more handy. He should make more money. He should be more attentive.

Cry me a fucking river, sweetheart.

Whooooo.... I may be projecting a little here.... Well, anyway.

Fix your gaze on his values, not his shortcomings. He's not superman. And he's put up with your fucking ass for how long? Give the man some credit.

Go buy that book I told you about, sit the fuck down at some point in your... oh so hectic... unemployed fucking day, with a pencil and a notebook, and do the work.

Not even kidding, Ali. I may be anonymous, I may be a cyber buddy.... But that may just mean that I'm the only one with balls enough to tell you what a child you're being. Probably because, while I love you, I don't really like you much.... It's kind of similar to family ties. Anyway.... You go to that counselor with him. And when he or she lays most on this at your feet, be WOMAN enough to own it.

[lumberjim]

And you wish you were dead?

REALLY???

it's not OK to use that after the age of 12.

This is you at your absolute worst.

Get your shit together immediately!

[sexobon]

Ah, but the cupcakes, that's, that's where I had her, she laughed at me and made jokes, but I proved beyond the shadow of a doubt, with geometric logic, that a duplicate topping of the creamy filling did exist, and I've had produced that topping if they hadn't pulled the eggbeater out of action. I, I know now she only trying to protect some other recipe. [He pauses - looked at all the questioning faces that stared back at him, and realizes that he has been ranting and raving] Naturally, I can only cover these things from memory. If I left anything out, why, just ask me specific questions and I'll be glad to answer them.

[Undertoad]

The Four Horsemen: Recognizing Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling

(the four horsemen are four communication styles that can predict the end of a relationship)

[Lola Bunny]

I like that article. Thanks, Toad.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I747 using Tapatalk

[Undertoad]

My ex had contempt for me and I sort of bought into it and it was horrible.

[limey]

That's how abusers do it. Make the victim have contempt for themselves, then whatever horrid thing happens next (violence, for example) is only what they deserve ...

[Pico and ME]

Wow, LJ, so because you really don't like Ali much, you allowed yourself to respond to her in a real dickish way?.

Ali, he does, however, have some really good points. But mostly, I think you are responding out of a depressive state that is totally counter-productive. I don't fault you for saying you wish you were dead, because, really, all you are saying is that you wish things would change.

Now that you have acknowledged that, start working on it and keep working on it.

Good Luck, Ali.

[lumberjim]

Originally Posted by Pico and ME

Wow, LJ, so because you really don't like Ali much, you allowed yourself to respond to her in a real dickish way?.

I don't know that I would necessarily connect those two particular dots. I responded in a dickish way because all the mollycoddling and sympathizing just seems to be making her whine more about her rotten life. Seems from here that she's got too much time on her hands to dwell on every little non perfect aspect of her daily. from the boys not helping her with the household chores, to a general malaise of her lot, to her husband not being ideal. I've tried offering suggestions.. you've all tried identifying and commiserating... That's just feeding the vacuum, it seems.

It's hard to get perspective sometimes. Whether you're being manipulated by an abuser, or doing the abusing yourself... if you're whining... and that whining is reaffirmed by people that are getting half the story.... then you're going to feel justified in your reactions. But maybe if someone shakes you up a bit and you stop and look at how cunty you're being.... maybe you can save your marriage.

but then, maybe you just want out. like many women your age... your clock is ticking, and you start looking at the other side of the pasture with all that green grass.
Sorry, if I've come off dickish, but I'm clearly identifying with Dazza here. I think maybe I should STFU at this point. eh?

[infinite monkey]

Oh, I don't know, jim. I like your balls. Um, er...you know what I mean.

As a woman (gosh I always hate when comments start out with 'as a _____') I feel for Dazza too. If I read something hurtful my SO said about me to a bunch of people online, I'd reserve my right to feel hurt. Couldn't he have had the respect to say it to me, with all the 'talking about it' that I have demanded from him?

Anyway, no one can see inside any others' relationship, but I think you, jim, made some points that needed to be made. In your gloriously 'dickish' way (not really, I don't think you're dickish.)

"Yeah, I said it, it needed to be said..." --Chris Rock