APB: Cellarites missing.

[dar512]

Originally Posted by lumberjim

I have more of an issue with people like dar and bigV that want to judge me based on their perception that I'm some kind of thug running amok in the church choir.

Whoa there big fella. I have said more than once that I like you and think you're a good guy. In particular you seem to be a great husband and father - and that goes a long way with me.

But that doesn't mean I won't say anything if I disagree with one of your posts. But disagreement doesn't imply disdain. Think of it this way - I wouldn't post a dissenting opinion if I thought you were a lost cause.

The other thing is that we don't really know each other. We just get a little peephole into each others lives. You ever read the story (or is it poem?) of the blind guys describing an elephant? That's what conversing online is like. You only get to see a little bit of what's out there.

[Undertoad]

The troll asked me to delete two of her threads and I did, an LJ post must have been in there.

[glatt]

Originally Posted by Undertoad

The troll asked me to delete two of her threads and I did, an LJ post must have been in there.

It bugs me that she asked, and I also wish you hadn't been so willing to comply. I don't like thread deleting. I know her 99 laments were intensely personal, but if she didn't want them out there, she shouldn't have posted them in the first place. It's not like she had personally identifying information in them. She just had her feelings all over the place.

I actually enjoyed that thread a lot in the beginning. Then it got too self indulgent and I lost interest. (99 is a lot.) But deleting the whole thread is revising history. I think she's a bit of a nutter, and that thread was part of the evidence.

I have no idea what the 2nd thread was.

It's your board, and obviously you are going to do what you have to do, and I support that. I just hope thread deleting is kept to a minimum.

[Beestie]

Originally Posted by glatt

I just hope thread deleting is kept to a minimum.

I agree 100% but openly acknowledge that the rules of the Cellar are not within my domain.

Here's why I agree with Glatt: Part of making posters accountable is the 'permanence' of one's posts. If you know before you start pecking away that what you write will represent you for a very long time then you think twice before saying something you will regret later.

Having the option to delete entire threads not only 'let's you off the hook' but it also has collateral consequences - the posts of all others who participated.

And to LJ I will say this: Knock it off.

What happened as best I can peice together is a consequence of the one of the many roles you have defined for yourself in the Cellar - specifically, the ass-kicking, 'ask no quarter/give no quarter', resident tough guy. In any social network (in the pre-internet sense of the word), when the tough guy on the block is challenged by the tough guy across town, any help offered by the crowd simply serves to cheapen the victory. A bad example is getting picked on at school by someone not even as tough as you then having your little sister step in and whoop the bully's ass.

Perfect example: Rich calls Jinx a whore. I was online when he posted that and my head nearly exploded. I exercised remarkable restraint in not replying directly to defend her. You know why? Because it is NOT appropriate to defend a man's wife when the man himself is present because it makes him look like a pussy. A man defends his own wife and the other guys stand by ready to step in if needed but stay out of it if not. I could have taken a swing - I wanted to take a swing - but it wasn't my place to do that.

In short, you aren't the type of guy that needs defending against the likes of Tiki who isn't even in your league. She's gone - you won without anyone's help and, it seems to me, that's exactly the way it should have turned out so what's the fucking problem?

Even the few people in here that aren't exactly your best buddies acknowledge your contribution and value to the Cellar. There's a time and a place to sing 'For he's a jolly good fellow' - when you are slugging it out with a psycho bitch with nails in her nose spraying bile out of a firehose is definitely NOT the time.

I kind of see what your problem is and I kind of sort of get it a little bit I guess but what I do get clearly is that you are making way more of it than it is. Way more of it.

PM anybody who let you down in your mind. Speak your peace and be done with it.

Then get your ass back in here - I need a new user title. Damnit.

[Madman]

Forums...

They are nice - real nice. Meet new friends and never have to deal with actually ever seeing them in person. This forum is really interesting. It's a good forum. Close knit group of people that communicate on a daily or, at least, a regular basis.

Drama? Yep, gotta have the drama. You get a troll every now and then. The troll is taken care of, ya'll give a group hug and everything is back to normal again. Someone says something pissy and hair stands up on the back of someone's neck... "How dare they say that?" Emotions flare, words are typed, things eventually calm down, everyone has a solution.

Honestly, who really gives a shit? Are you neighbors? Are you married or just shacking up? Do you live in another country or the same one but are 500 miles away? Whatever the case... there is a little "x" in the upper right hand corner of everyone's screen. Click on it once and your problem is gone.

An internet forum is never a reason to get all emotional over.

I just picked up where I left off reading this thread 24 hours and SIX PAGES ago! Now I have a request: can I be banned for 3 minutes so I can go to the bathroom?

[Aliantha]

Jim, I think most people here really appreciate the efforts you go to, so try and keep that in mind. I'm surprised that you of all people have let someone get to you like this regardless of the fact that she was just the catalyst to it all coming out.

You and I have had our differences and continue to do so constantly it seems, but I think you're an important member of this group and you will be sorely missed if you decide it's not worth it to you anymore. Not everyone gets your humour, and there are those of us who don't appreciate it, but we're far outnumbered by the people who do.

Besides, I can't believe there's someone else on here you find more annoying than me.

So just suck it up and get on with doing what you do best.

[Aliantha]

Oh...and EAD when you're done.

[DanaC]

Sorry you feel that way Jim. For what it's worth you and Jinxi are two of my favourite people in here. Surprising given how much we used to clash way back when I was a new dwellar. Just because it's not always said, doesn't mean it isn't thought.

We should probably be more careful about allowing trolls to drive wedges between us all. It's only happened a couple of times that I know of. But that's a couple too many.


Oh, and don't forget to EAD!

[capnhowdy]

[Shawnee123]

I think a lot of things needed to be said, and they were.

Thank you Dana, for listening to me and for understanding my non-understanding of the peacemaker thing. Though I admire that about you, it is harder when you're watching it from within the muck...

I think a lot of jim and jinx. I think they're good people. Have we always agreed? Hell no! I'm sure we've all seethed at each other. To me, though, it's more than e-friends: it's like family. We can fight like cats and dogs, but let some outsider dare to cross a line and, well, god help ya.

I was remiss in letting the original attack go. It seemed that I had often come to the defense of someone, only to see them patch it up later and I'm the outside crazy girl. I had resigned myself to this: eh, no one listens to me anyway, even when it's something I actually KNOW something about, so I'll just keep trying to be funny and wait to be discovered by a comedy writing team. But, as my temper is legendary, when I did express what I thought of BigV's superhero act and got the business from Daffo...backed into a corner Shawnee is not a good thing, and anyone within distance will hear the wrath.

This is me. Me magnified, no doubt, but that's why I've felt the attachment to this place: I talk about things here that I don't get to talk about IRL. Besides my best buddy and my family, I don't form deep relationships often. I have many many friends, many people who care about me, and who i care about, but when it comes to people I actually would hang out with, talk about my fears and problems and good things...few and far between.

It began to feel that I wasn't supposed to have success, that the only way I was anyone here was when things were bad. I felt guilty that my years of crap had finally turned around. I wanted my friends to say "Damn girl, good for you." I don't blame anyone, and I shouldn't need that validation, but I noticed, and it was a bit hurtful.

I have a couple reactions to being hurt: disappearing, or coming out fighting. There are reasons for this that I won't get into...but it builds up.

If I were in a "heated discussion" in real life, with a KNOWN person, and a stranger came up and told me I was horrible and formed all sorts of opinions about a history they know nothing about, all hell would break loose. The reaction would be just as it was here: who the fuck are YOU, and you just brought on something you should have stayed the hell out of. If, in real life, someone called me a stupid cunt, it wouldn't be just me rising up with the proverbial pitchfork.

Anyway, I appreciate the defenses, and the PMs. I don't know what happens from here, but at the very least I think it's good it's all out in the open.

[classicman]

S123 - I hear ya!

[Trilby]

i love ya jim and jinx. Remember when I left jim? you said,

UR DOING IT RONG!

don't leave. TikiMarichiko is hopefully gone for good. If not, I'll personally taunt her a second time.

[monster]

and I think that's part and parcel of it. If it were all publicly recorded it would be nothing but a bitchfest in here and the real good stuff would be buried. there is some still in here somewhere. The upshot is we all knew she was cuckoo, but we didn't all say something everytime because it was so damn obvious. Perhaps some more should have been said some places. And it is disappointing when people who you expect to be there holding your beer go all goody-two-shoes and try to restrain you, but some aren't as good as others at judging when something really needs to be said and when you've just had a bad day and one too many and are lashing at the nearest dickhead.

But imagine if everyone had waded in every time drax was a dickhead, and rkz, and tw, and and and..... sometimes you just gotta let those who are dealing with it take one for the team and hope it blows itself out. And it can be hard to judge when the time for that is over.

But I am sorry for all that I love and appreciate feeling unloved and unappreciated for something I should have said, and I guess I let accusations of me being Jim's acolyte make me back off when I shouldn't. But I really just didn't read that thread because it had potential nasty and I wasn't needing any more nasty right then.

[jinx]

Originally Posted by monster

I wasn't needing any more nasty right then.

I understand that completely. Thanks monster.