please recommend a self help book, therapy, drug... - Page 6

lumberjim · 01-21-2005, 12:54 AM

raging sophmoritis. they make a cream for that.

staceyv · 01-21-2005, 07:10 AM

wolf, that was a huge compliment to me, whether it was your intention or not

My strength is with writing, it's very easy for me to put my thoughts into words, but if we were all meeting at a restaurant, I guarantee you, you would think otherwise...
Yes, I'm able to form relationships- with one person at a time! I get overwhelmed if I have too many people in my life, and more than one seems to be too many..
Okay, maybe I don't have a "syndrome", maybe I'm just introverted or really sensitive, or I have issues simply because my mother treated me as an unwanted pain in the ass or maybe I have brain damage from when I fell down a flight of wood stairs and got a concussion at age 5.. maybe there's no name for it. I didn't say I had a definate diagnosis... Either way, I'ts nice to go to the Asperger syndrome forums and read personal descriptions and stories that I can relate to so much. Even if I don't have it, I have a lot in common with them, I have a lot of the same little quirks...
Over the years I have read so many friggin self-help books, many of them about social skills, reading body language, motivation, etc. So I am able to go to work and act normal, but I think a lot just eats me up inside...
All of these people I work with always want to hang out and drink after work, I think they're crazy. I can't WAIT to get home and rest in peace and quiet.
I have been told by every single person I know, either that I'm weird, that I talk too much (my husband and ex boyfriends), and mostly that I am too sensitive, too easily overwhelmed.
I have Stacey syndrome, how's that?

staceyv · 01-21-2005, 07:34 AM

okay, I just looked up sophomoritis, it's a condition that second year medical students get, more commonly known as hypochondriasis (didi I spell that right?).
Yeah, I can see why you'd call me a hypochondriac. I do seem to have a lot of ideas about what is "wrong with me" and it would be great if it were a mental thing, only, how to fix it??
I internalize stress and it seems to me that I developed all of my food intolerances during periods of high stress and during my two worst relationships. I do have blood tests to back it up though. Basically, when my mental health suffers, I hold it in and I develop physical problems. And it seems to me like I haven't ever had a long break from emotional pain or overstress.
As they say in russian, "Mhe polney pizdets"

wolf · 01-21-2005, 07:40 AM

My Abnormal Psych prof didn't team me much abnormal psych ... but he did drum one thing into us ...

"All of Human Experience is mediated through both the body and the mind."

Mental Health affects physical health.

Physical health affects mental health.

Go see someone and stop guessing.

justme · 01-21-2005, 08:05 AM

staceyv:
"Yeah, I can see why you'd call me a hypochondriac. I do seem to have a lot of ideas about what is "wrong with me" and it would be great if it were a mental thing, only, how to fix it?? "

wolf:
"Stop focusing on "what my problem is called" and look more closely at "what my problem is."

That's all for now

staceyv · 01-21-2005, 08:36 AM

I'm confused

justme · 01-21-2005, 09:43 AM

stacey,
In my opinion, you try to find definitions for your problem instead to find the problem itself.

Look what you wrote about the crying in your first post:

" I feel like there's something wrong with me. I have zero ability to handle stress. Little things that don't matter at all upset me so much. My boss said something to me today about the order I did my side work in.....long story, but to summarize, I did all of my work, she just wasn't paying attention. Then I was carrying a huge box of napkins and paper towels up from the basement and the bottom of the box broke and everything went flying down the stairs..what a pain. Then, I'm working with this chick who has a man's voice and a macho overly assertive attitude and I was trying to vent a little by telling her about all of this crap, and she looks at me and goes "Deal with it! Why are you telling me all of this?"blahblahblah....So I told her she's rude and I won't try venting to her again, but I was so upset after I walked away that I started crying in the busroom and I was all shaky.
I don't think that was a good reason to cry, I feel like I'm too sensitive, like I should have a thicker skin, like something is wrong with me. I don't have PMS, everything at home is fine, I just get so upset about stupid little things...This is just one example.

Last year one of the cooks gave me a hard time, I was really busy, Had a little hangover...I got so stressed out that I started crying and I couldn't stop and my boss had to wait on my tables.

When I was new there I heard a girl say "I thought I sucked when I was new!" (accent the second I), once again, I'm crying...

It happened before with another girl who wqas rude to me when I was new, and last summer I found myself crying at work twice in one week because I was stressed out..."

Where did it happen? At work. That's why I suggest your work is one of the stress factors you have.

The other factor can be from your childhood:

"maybe I'm just introverted or really sensitive, or I have issues simply because my mother treated me as an unwanted pain in the ass or maybe I have brain damage from when I fell down a flight of wood stairs and got a concussion at age 5.. maybe there's no name for it."

That can be a reason you have beeen looking for love with piece of shit

men.
stacey, it's over! You're happy now. You did it. You're stronger than you think. Start be an owner of your life, stay above those factors.

Don't waste your time for definitions of your stress or your problems. Think what you're really want to do with your life.

By the way, reading the books about diseases gives the feeling you have all of those. :p

The all that I got so far you’re gifted, creative, smart, sensitive, good heart person, very pretty (yes, a saw your pictures), and...

stressed.

Beestie · 01-21-2005, 11:18 AM

I have decided that you (Stacey) would make a very good research scientist. Even if I am wrong about that one thing is for sure: you are way underachiving relative to your abilities. I say that not as a criticism but as an observation.

Escaping the groove you are in requires little more than patience, hard work and a little vision. And Arsen's support.

staceyv · 01-21-2005, 11:39 AM

Beestie, SO true...I LOVE to research! I've thought about doing a line of work where I can research, but I seem to only be good at it if I'm interested in the subject, so I'm kind of limited. And yes, I am an underachiever. I know I shouldn't be waitressing, I know I'm better than that, and that gives me a mild form of chronic stress in itself. In that aspect, I totally agree with Justme...
I just don't know what the hell to do with myself! The only things I am passionate about are playing the drums and guitar, writing about stuff I like, reading, researching, foreign languages and nutrition/medical stuff. But, I don't like to work with people, I like to work alone. My husband's always telling me I should find something that I'm passionate about and work on it, and he's right, but I jump from one stupid subject to another.
One month I wanted to show and breed chihuahuas. Then I decided I wanted to be a bookkeeper. Then I decided I'm underqualified/ have no training and that I want to be in a band again..Then I'll think that maybe I should just have kids and call myself a housewife. THEN, I'm like, no, that's not a good idea because I should get myself together before I think about kids, that's not fair to them...I'm all over the place.
I would like to go to school- but for what?
I sometimes feel like I'm destined for a life of underachievement like my mother. I don't want to deal with the stress of bettering myself, maybe. UGH, right now I can't even stand listening to my own thoughts as I type this...

"By the way, reading the books about diseases gives the feeling you have all of those." so true...and sometimes I read books that make me feel like I can do anything, the world is a friendly, happy place, and I should follow my dreams...And then real life hits me like a brick and I start to feel so bitter, because I realize it's not as easy as those stupid books make it out to be, and no, it's not possible for me to work, go to school, study and have a happy relationship, while simultaneously working out, eating healthy and forming meaningful friendships . It just doesn't work that way. I guess any of these books can screw you up, even the "positive" ones.
I haven't read any medical or self-help optimism books in the last 4 years, though, and that hasn't helped either...

Trilby · 01-21-2005, 12:15 PM

[quote=staceyv]
I don't want to deal with the stress of bettering myself, maybe. [quote=staceyv

"...and sometimes I read books that make me feel like I can do anything, the world is a friendly, happy place, and I should follow my dreams...And then real life hits me like a brick and I start to feel so bitter, because I realize it's not as easy as those stupid books make it out to be, [/QUOTE]

I think we all fall into that trap, StaceyV, sooner or later. We all think our lives *should* be this one particular way and anything less than that is failure. I feel that way about myself. Because my home, my friends, my job aren't perfect, I feel like a failure. I feel anxious to improve everything but overwhelmed when I even think about trying to change anything. I think you are articulating your dilemma quite well and I hope you find some real answers.

Undertoad · 01-21-2005, 12:37 PM

On target Bri. Stace, you've expressed that sort of need for control before: during the Arsen other-woman-not-really episode, control was one of your bugaboos; lack of it, need to enforce it, etc. At work, control is routinely enforced over you by your bosses, your situation, etc. Is this a big issue for you.

staceyv · 01-21-2005, 12:56 PM

hmmm, I never thought of that. I don't know. Am I a control freak??!
Maybe I am a little. I mean, I don't care what other people do, because I have no control over them and I know it, but with myself, yeah, I need to feel like I'm in control. And maybe with my husband? I was like that a lot with my rottweiler. I was very persistent in training her to follow every command, but I always gave her treats for it. With my chihuahua, I tried to train him, but I only got so far, he seems to have ADD or something, so I gave up and decided to love him like he is. Sometimes I call him my little retard and give him kisses...
When my husband said he wanted to lose weight, I started making all low fat and low sugar food for him, then I would try to prevent him from eating candy and junk food, and I'd get mad when he did. But, I realized I have no control over that, either, so I stopped caring and told him to eat whatever the hell he wants and when he wants to help himself, he can. I also need to be in charge of the household finances, because I feel for some reason that my husband wouldn't pay everything on time. So yeah, I do have some tendencies to want to control things, but I also give up when I see it's useless.

Trilby · 01-21-2005, 01:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by staceyv

With my chihuahua, I tried to train him, but I only got so far, he seems to have ADD or something, so I gave up and decided to love him like he is.

Loving someone as they are is the ultimate. Loving YOURSELF as you are NOW is pretty ultimate, too.

Just don't go around calling yourself a "little retard"

like you do the chihuahua and you'll be ok!

justme · 01-21-2005, 01:28 PM

"I know I shouldn't be waitressing, I know I'm better than that, and that gives me a mild form of chronic stress in itself. "

Stacey, you have at least one answer for now. Step by step.
You don't like your job.
can you put in order what you'd like to do? Make a list : #1, #2, etc.

staceyv · 01-21-2005, 07:06 PM

My husband and I have alraedy made a plan for that. We expect to be out of debt in a year or less, at which time he says I can quit my job and do whatever I want. The only thing I'm sure I will do is go to the gym everyday. I would also like to take drum lessons (I haven't practiced in over a year) and get back into a band...
I am afraid, though, that if I don't make a plan I will end up isolated from the world, sitting in the house all day, every day... But that is all I can come up with for now.
So even though I see the light at the end of the tunnel, it's just dealing with it day by day that's getting to me. And I still feel a lot of pressure to figure out what I would like to do with my life, because even though he's giving me the perfect opportunity to pursue it, I don't have a clue what "it" is!

01-21-2005, 07:40 AM	#4
wolf lobber of scimitars Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Phila Burbs Posts: 20,774	My Abnormal Psych prof didn't team me much abnormal psych ... but he did drum one thing into us ... "All of Human Experience is mediated through both the body and the mind." Mental Health affects physical health. Physical health affects mental health. Go see someone and stop guessing. __________________ wolf eht htiw og "Conspiracies are the norm, not the exception." --G. Edward Griffin The Creature from Jekyll Island High Priestess of the Church of the Whale Penis

01-21-2005, 09:43 AM	#7
justme Belt Conveyor Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: USA Posts: 66	stacey, In my opinion, you try to find definitions for your problem instead to find the problem itself. Look what you wrote about the crying in your first post: " I feel like there's something wrong with me. I have zero ability to handle stress. Little things that don't matter at all upset me so much. My boss said something to me today about the order I did my side work in.....long story, but to summarize, I did all of my work, she just wasn't paying attention. Then I was carrying a huge box of napkins and paper towels up from the basement and the bottom of the box broke and everything went flying down the stairs..what a pain. Then, I'm working with this chick who has a man's voice and a macho overly assertive attitude and I was trying to vent a little by telling her about all of this crap, and she looks at me and goes "Deal with it! Why are you telling me all of this?"blahblahblah....So I told her she's rude and I won't try venting to her again, but I was so upset after I walked away that I started crying in the busroom and I was all shaky. I don't think that was a good reason to cry, I feel like I'm too sensitive, like I should have a thicker skin, like something is wrong with me. I don't have PMS, everything at home is fine, I just get so upset about stupid little things...This is just one example. Last year one of the cooks gave me a hard time, I was really busy, Had a little hangover...I got so stressed out that I started crying and I couldn't stop and my boss had to wait on my tables. When I was new there I heard a girl say "I thought I sucked when I was new!" (accent the second I), once again, I'm crying... It happened before with another girl who wqas rude to me when I was new, and last summer I found myself crying at work twice in one week because I was stressed out..." Where did it happen? At work. That's why I suggest your work is one of the stress factors you have. The other factor can be from your childhood: "maybe I'm just introverted or really sensitive, or I have issues simply because my mother treated me as an unwanted pain in the ass or maybe I have brain damage from when I fell down a flight of wood stairs and got a concussion at age 5.. maybe there's no name for it." That can be a reason you have beeen looking for love with piece of shit men. stacey, it's over! You're happy now. You did it. You're stronger than you think. Start be an owner of your life, stay above those factors. Don't waste your time for definitions of your stress or your problems. Think what you're really want to do with your life. By the way, reading the books about diseases gives the feeling you have all of those. :p The all that I got so far you’re gifted, creative, smart, sensitive, good heart person, very pretty (yes, a saw your pictures), and... stressed. Last edited by justme; 01-21-2005 at 09:51 AM.

01-21-2005, 11:18 AM	#8
Beestie -◊\|≡·∙■·∙≡\|◊- Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Parts unknown. Posts: 4,081	I have decided that you (Stacey) would make a very good research scientist. Even if I am wrong about that one thing is for sure: you are way underachiving relative to your abilities. I say that not as a criticism but as an observation. Escaping the groove you are in requires little more than patience, hard work and a little vision. And Arsen's support. __________________ ♠ ♥ ♣ ♦

01-21-2005, 11:39 AM	#9
staceyv Lecturer Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Ohio Posts: 927	Beestie, SO true...I LOVE to research! I've thought about doing a line of work where I can research, but I seem to only be good at it if I'm interested in the subject, so I'm kind of limited. And yes, I am an underachiever. I know I shouldn't be waitressing, I know I'm better than that, and that gives me a mild form of chronic stress in itself. In that aspect, I totally agree with Justme... I just don't know what the hell to do with myself! The only things I am passionate about are playing the drums and guitar, writing about stuff I like, reading, researching, foreign languages and nutrition/medical stuff. But, I don't like to work with people, I like to work alone. My husband's always telling me I should find something that I'm passionate about and work on it, and he's right, but I jump from one stupid subject to another. One month I wanted to show and breed chihuahuas. Then I decided I wanted to be a bookkeeper. Then I decided I'm underqualified/ have no training and that I want to be in a band again..Then I'll think that maybe I should just have kids and call myself a housewife. THEN, I'm like, no, that's not a good idea because I should get myself together before I think about kids, that's not fair to them...I'm all over the place. I would like to go to school- but for what? I sometimes feel like I'm destined for a life of underachievement like my mother. I don't want to deal with the stress of bettering myself, maybe. UGH, right now I can't even stand listening to my own thoughts as I type this... "By the way, reading the books about diseases gives the feeling you have all of those." so true...and sometimes I read books that make me feel like I can do anything, the world is a friendly, happy place, and I should follow my dreams...And then real life hits me like a brick and I start to feel so bitter, because I realize it's not as easy as those stupid books make it out to be, and no, it's not possible for me to work, go to school, study and have a happy relationship, while simultaneously working out, eating healthy and forming meaningful friendships . It just doesn't work that way. I guess any of these books can screw you up, even the "positive" ones. I haven't read any medical or self-help optimism books in the last 4 years, though, and that hasn't helped either... Last edited by staceyv; 01-21-2005 at 11:43 AM.

01-21-2005, 12:15 PM	#10
Trilby Slattern of the Swail Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 15,654	[quote=staceyv] I don't want to deal with the stress of bettering myself, maybe. [quote=staceyv "...and sometimes I read books that make me feel like I can do anything, the world is a friendly, happy place, and I should follow my dreams...And then real life hits me like a brick and I start to feel so bitter, because I realize it's not as easy as those stupid books make it out to be, [/QUOTE] I think we all fall into that trap, StaceyV, sooner or later. We all think our lives should be this one particular way and anything less than that is failure. I feel that way about myself. Because my home, my friends, my job aren't perfect, I feel like a failure. I feel anxious to improve everything but overwhelmed when I even think about trying to change anything. I think you are articulating your dilemma quite well and I hope you find some real answers. __________________ In Barrie's play and novel, the roles of fairies are brief: they are allies to the Lost Boys, the source of fairy dust and ...They are portrayed as dangerous, whimsical and extremely clever but quite hedonistic. "Shall I give you a kiss?" Peter asked and, jerking an acorn button off his coat, solemnly presented it to her. —James Barrie Wimminfolk they be tricksy. - ZenGum

01-21-2005, 12:54 AM	#1
lumberjim I can hear my ears Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 25,571	raging sophmoritis. they make a cream for that. __________________ This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality Embrace this moment, remember We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion ~MJKeenan

01-21-2005, 07:10 AM	#2
staceyv Lecturer Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Ohio Posts: 927	wolf, that was a huge compliment to me, whether it was your intention or not My strength is with writing, it's very easy for me to put my thoughts into words, but if we were all meeting at a restaurant, I guarantee you, you would think otherwise... Yes, I'm able to form relationships- with one person at a time! I get overwhelmed if I have too many people in my life, and more than one seems to be too many.. Okay, maybe I don't have a "syndrome", maybe I'm just introverted or really sensitive, or I have issues simply because my mother treated me as an unwanted pain in the ass or maybe I have brain damage from when I fell down a flight of wood stairs and got a concussion at age 5.. maybe there's no name for it. I didn't say I had a definate diagnosis... Either way, I'ts nice to go to the Asperger syndrome forums and read personal descriptions and stories that I can relate to so much. Even if I don't have it, I have a lot in common with them, I have a lot of the same little quirks... Over the years I have read so many friggin self-help books, many of them about social skills, reading body language, motivation, etc. So I am able to go to work and act normal, but I think a lot just eats me up inside... All of these people I work with always want to hang out and drink after work, I think they're crazy. I can't WAIT to get home and rest in peace and quiet. I have been told by every single person I know, either that I'm weird, that I talk too much (my husband and ex boyfriends), and mostly that I am too sensitive, too easily overwhelmed. I have Stacey syndrome, how's that? Last edited by staceyv; 01-21-2005 at 07:24 AM.

01-21-2005, 07:34 AM	#3
staceyv Lecturer Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Ohio Posts: 927	okay, I just looked up sophomoritis, it's a condition that second year medical students get, more commonly known as hypochondriasis (didi I spell that right?). Yeah, I can see why you'd call me a hypochondriac. I do seem to have a lot of ideas about what is "wrong with me" and it would be great if it were a mental thing, only, how to fix it?? I internalize stress and it seems to me that I developed all of my food intolerances during periods of high stress and during my two worst relationships. I do have blood tests to back it up though. Basically, when my mental health suffers, I hold it in and I develop physical problems. And it seems to me like I haven't ever had a long break from emotional pain or overstress. As they say in russian, "Mhe polney pizdets"

01-21-2005, 08:05 AM	#5
justme Belt Conveyor Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: USA Posts: 66	staceyv: "Yeah, I can see why you'd call me a hypochondriac. I do seem to have a lot of ideas about what is "wrong with me" and it would be great if it were a mental thing, only, how to fix it?? " wolf: "Stop focusing on "what my problem is called" and look more closely at "what my problem is." That's all for now

01-21-2005, 08:36 AM	#6
staceyv Lecturer Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Ohio Posts: 927	I'm confused

01-21-2005, 12:37 PM	#11
Undertoad Radical Centrist Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Cottage of Prussia Posts: 31,423	On target Bri. Stace, you've expressed that sort of need for control before: during the Arsen other-woman-not-really episode, control was one of your bugaboos; lack of it, need to enforce it, etc. At work, control is routinely enforced over you by your bosses, your situation, etc. Is this a big issue for you.

01-21-2005, 12:56 PM	#12
staceyv Lecturer Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Ohio Posts: 927	hmmm, I never thought of that. I don't know. Am I a control freak??! Maybe I am a little. I mean, I don't care what other people do, because I have no control over them and I know it, but with myself, yeah, I need to feel like I'm in control. And maybe with my husband? I was like that a lot with my rottweiler. I was very persistent in training her to follow every command, but I always gave her treats for it. With my chihuahua, I tried to train him, but I only got so far, he seems to have ADD or something, so I gave up and decided to love him like he is. Sometimes I call him my little retard and give him kisses... When my husband said he wanted to lose weight, I started making all low fat and low sugar food for him, then I would try to prevent him from eating candy and junk food, and I'd get mad when he did. But, I realized I have no control over that, either, so I stopped caring and told him to eat whatever the hell he wants and when he wants to help himself, he can. I also need to be in charge of the household finances, because I feel for some reason that my husband wouldn't pay everything on time. So yeah, I do have some tendencies to want to control things, but I also give up when I see it's useless.

01-21-2005, 01:28 PM	#14
justme Belt Conveyor Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: USA Posts: 66	"I know I shouldn't be waitressing, I know I'm better than that, and that gives me a mild form of chronic stress in itself. " Stacey, you have at least one answer for now. Step by step. You don't like your job. can you put in order what you'd like to do? Make a list : #1, #2, etc.

01-21-2005, 07:06 PM	#15
staceyv Lecturer Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Ohio Posts: 927	My husband and I have alraedy made a plan for that. We expect to be out of debt in a year or less, at which time he says I can quit my job and do whatever I want. The only thing I'm sure I will do is go to the gym everyday. I would also like to take drum lessons (I haven't practiced in over a year) and get back into a band... I am afraid, though, that if I don't make a plan I will end up isolated from the world, sitting in the house all day, every day... But that is all I can come up with for now. So even though I see the light at the end of the tunnel, it's just dealing with it day by day that's getting to me. And I still feel a lot of pressure to figure out what I would like to do with my life, because even though he's giving me the perfect opportunity to pursue it, I don't have a clue what "it" is!

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