Questions of human nature

[classicman]

Tony, Do you have a Super Target near you? I think that might be a good one for the overseas dwellars to see.

[Clodfobble]

Careful you don't get thrown out for videotaping on the premises. A lot of places don't allow it.


I still think you should do it, just pick a location that you don't normally shop at in case you ever want to go back.

[infinite monkey]

Wegman's is the bomb!

[monster]

Originally Posted by grynch

This expat has to beg to differ...
of course there are differences between the UK and the US... language being listed among those differences but even allowing for those differences I find it immensely easier dealing with England and her differences than I do in dealing, even after 11 years here, with Switzerland and or France.

But you are a US expat. Of course Switzerland and France would be more different to you than England.

yeah, I'm sure I coulda grammarized that better......

[monster]

On Wednesday I got an email from a friend asking me to please contact a Brit she had just met who was so desperately overwhelmed by culture shock, three weeks into her permanent move here. I called her immediately. She couldn't hear any Brit in my accent. We talked for a while, then met for a walk then coffee on Friday.

Whilst some things have changed since I've been gone, the essential differences remain the same. The stuff that causes the culture shock. And there are somethings that are totally personal. She's devastated by not being able to find ready-to-eat avocados. I don't even like them. On top of it, she's clinically depressed in my, her and her husband's non-expert opinion, but can't see anyone about it because they are still trying to sort out the health insurance.

Her son plays football for the high school. The one my daughter should have gone to but we opted out. Her daughter is in 8th grade. They struggle with what to wear to school every day because there is no uniform. This bit they knew. The shock side ..... there is a "uniform" that you must buy/wear for pretty much every other aspect of your life. I brought trainers/sneakers to to walk in. I wore jeans but that was a conscous decision for vanity -I would usually wear sweatpants/jogging bottoms. She walked in her cowboy boots and a dress. I remembered that I would have done that too, way back when. Walking is not really a vigorous exercise and does not require a uniform. Join an after school club? here's your t-shirt. Play a high school sport? pay $200 for the uniform. Family reunion? t-shirt. oh family reuinions.... lucky expats don't have to deal with those unless they married into it..... they can be something else. no Brits don't do that. at all. Except for this one family Sundae knows...... :p Here, go to Cedar Point (=Alton Towers)/anywhere on a summer weekend and there are family reuinions by the shedload. Except they're not all together/united. But they are all wearing the same "Doofus family Reunion 2013: RIP Nanna Doofus, Welcome John Wayne Doofus III and K'nytelim Xageratin Doofus" t-shirts in lurid colors so they can spot each other at a distance. I digress. Second hand as new sporting goods and other leisure goods are a bargain here, because so many people go and buy the uniform/full kit and kaboodle before they've decided if they really like their new pastime. it's a belonging thing.

Which is the next difference she encountered. She's desperate and self-admittedly impatient to make friends. So everyone is telling her to join a church. Churches here are social clubs. Not just somewhere to worship and for old single women to fuss over the vicar and arrange flowers. She's a (Jewish) atheist whose culinary piece de resistance is pulled pork. yes, there is the JCC. But the Brit way of doing things -even for people desperate to make friends, is more to sneak in the side entrance and observe, pick out potential friends and slowly move in. No name tags, spotlight on the newbie, everybody meet maria, she's new in town and would like to make some new friends which can happen here. In general we're kinda reserved. (until we've lived here for 10 years. then we scare new brits as much as born-and-breds ) My friend, who asked me to call her, is a lovely lady whose job it is to organise the "welcome newbie" things at the JCC. Fortunately, she' very empathetic and -bless her- realized that this was not going to work for our latest immigrant. hence the call to me.

So now I'm busy reliving and remembering all the differences. And how much more differnet the language is than you thing. Suddenly I became so aware of how American my speech is. Even if most Merkins can still hear the accent.
Pavement = road
sidewalk = pavement
hood/bonnet boot/trunk gas/petrol
squirl =squirrel
kids = children (unless you're northern &/or common )
yard = garden
speed bump = sleeping policeman
escrow = ??????
lawyer = solicitor
buyer's agent = - - -


and that was the first 5 minutes......

crazy different.

Don't get me wrong, I love it here. I fit much better here than I ever did in the UK. But it's so diffferent you cannot imagine until you have done it. and it literally puts you in shock, because you think you know what to expect.

[Clodfobble]

Originally Posted by monster

She's devastated by not being able to find ready-to-eat avocados.

What makes an avocado "ready-to-eat?" I mean... it sounds like all she's missing is a knife?

[monster]

They're too hard, apparently. Don't ask me! nasty things.

[Clodfobble]

Oh! You were talking about them being ripe and in season. I was imagining she must want little walk-up avocado kiosks on the street. She should move to Texas, we have them year-round.

Church is not a requirement for social networking, even here in the South. People use their kids as the social instigator--she should join the PTA at her kids' school.

[monster]

right. her main problem is her kids are older and don't need her intervention/involvement so much. But that's how she met my friend -volunteering at the school store. She's doing the right things, but it's hard. And she is depressed which I imagine surpresses a will to "fight".

Beest has "adapt and survive" as his user sig -it's there for a reason. If you don't want/know how to adapt, you're in for a rough ride.

[skysidhe]

Originally Posted by Undertoad

OK well once I got to the location I decided to make it a movie, on the spot, but I was not happy with the presentation. It's a mess. Nevertheless, here it is.



Movie Tavern

Nice video!
Wonderful idea UT. A fun thread idea too.

[Lola Bunny]

Don't know where to post this so here it will go.


A male friend recently told me his generalization of women, which totally shocked and offended me. He told me I was too sheltered and not understand society. So, I’m putting this on here to get your viewpoints. He told me that men use money to get what they want and women use sex to get money (what they want). Honestly, what he’s describing makes women sound like whores. I told him how offended and insulted I felt upon hearing this. He said although there are exceptions, in general, women use sex to get money or materials. After our conversation, I did some reflection and realized I was in a way treated as such one way or another or one time or another. To clarify, I was propositioned and not actually had sex to receive anything. I never thought I’d be treated or viewed this way, especially from a friend. I’m rather hurt and disillusioned. Anyways, I just want to get this off my chest. One is to get your opinions and two is to put my feelings out there. That is all.

[classicman]

He is an asshole and needs a mental readjustment via a cuntpunt.

[footfootfoot]

Obviously when you paint with a broad brush you get paint on places you don't intend to. I think your friend may not be the brain trust he might think he is. That being said, my own experience regarding the general differences between men and women stem from a time I spent as a portrait photographer at a dating service. The place was a membership only type place where men and women would fill out a full page "bio" with standard questions about education, occupation, religion, and so forth with the occupation listed in the upper right corner of the page. On the back of this bio page were 4 photos of the prospective date.

Without exception the women would go through the books of men's profiles by thumbing through the upper right corners scanning occupations until they found someone who was making "mad loot" as one of the women there put it. Then they'd send him an invitation. The men, again without exception would flip through the books of women's profiles from back to front, when they found an attractive woman they'd read her profile and send her an invite.

The short, fat, bald, rude men who were bankers, stock brokers, hedge fund managers, lawyers, and doctors got a lot of dates with very hot women. The guys who were polite and sincere but working in blue collar jobs didn't get many dates at all despite being handsome.

I really got to see how fucked up people can be when it comes to expectations and relationships.

[xoxoxoBruce]

Not that long ago women couldn't vote. Not that long before that, women couldn't even own property in many societies. Historically, men have controlled power and wealth.
Women's primary bargaining chip for security/survival has been sex and the promise of heirs that comes from it.

So while your friend may sound a little Neanderthalish, his premise is based on solid foundations.

[Griff]

I think that is a dynamic that is shifting a little bit. As a Dad, I'm more concerned that my girls be happy than rich. That means they have to like themselves and be, if not self-sufficient, at least able before partnering for life. My own relationship is far more equal than what you're describing. People choose their lives either consciously or by not choosing (insert Rush lyric). There are still girls who want to go the "whore" route and my daughters criticize them to no end, for not controlling their own lives, but living to be attached to some dumb jock at school. I think the best relationships look like partnerships and I've given my girls that expectation.