So, there's this girl I like............ - Page 6

mrnoodle · 09-11-2006, 01:04 PM

oh by the way, this doesn't mean you can't be shopping buddies with a girl without an ulterior motive. But if you're shopping buddies with her for 3 years, you are either in love with the girl or hopelessly feminized. If you have a significant other that you are sleeping with, you have no shopping buddies. First of all, your girlfriend wouldn't allow it. Second, you would be getting your fill of all that girly stuff from the SO, and would rather die by fire than shop with yet another woman.

glatt · 09-11-2006, 01:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mrnoodle

would rather die by fire than shop with yet another woman.

Too true!

Sundae · 09-11-2006, 01:08 PM

I disagree slightly

I do sometimes force my male friends to help me analyse situations. But I accept they do it under sufference ("I need a male point of view!!! Please?") And I have sometimes dragged them round the shops, but the truth is if I impose on them, they impose on me equally anyway.

I'm not interested in emasculating my male friends. I like them to be male. I also know which of my male friends would like to sleep with me. The fact that it's never going to happen doesn't stop us getting on as people. We bond via humour, intelligence, likes & dislikes.

I have sometimes thought, "If only I fancied X" but the truth is, I'd have to change myself completely for us to live together without killing eachother.

I've also thought, "I could so get it on with Y" but the same applies.

I think getting older helps you appreciate friends of the opposite sex more. At least one of you has the sense to realise it's more fun to have a frisson than make the beast with two backs.

Trilby · 09-11-2006, 04:15 PM

This is all very interesting. I have always had more guy friends than girl friends--guys are easier to be with IMHO. I hate all the girly bullshit and after I turned 20 I stopped analyzing every utterance made by a man. I'd much rather work with men, much rather hang out with men and definitely rather have sex with men. I like men. I'm very glad I had male children.

As for dating people your not attracted to physically? Well, that only goes so far. A man asked me out last week and I just COULDN'T. He was so not my type--he smoked heavily, had very nicotine-stained teeth, and, judging by his legs had diabetes in the advanced stage. Does not wanting to date this man make me shallow? Come on, there are deal breakers for everybody. To date this man would have been a lie and that is not where a relationship should start.

limey · 09-12-2006, 02:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brianna

...
As for dating people your not attracted to physically? Well, that only goes so far. A man asked me out last week and I just COULDN'T. He was so not my type--he smoked heavily, had very nicotine-stained teeth, and, judging by his legs had diabetes in the advanced stage. Does not wanting to date this man make me shallow? Come on, there are deal breakers for everybody. To date this man would have been a lie and that is not where a relationship should start.

How about dating where the object is "attraction neutral"? I don't think anyone was suggesting you have to date someone you are physically repulsed by.

9th Engineer · 09-12-2006, 09:02 AM

You'd have to be careful, if you really aren't attracted to your significant other in any real sense it's going to sneak up on you and cause problems.

Trilby · 09-12-2006, 09:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by limey

How about dating where the object is "attraction neutral"? I don't think anyone was suggesting you have to date someone you are physically repulsed by.

I'm ok with "attraction neutral". The people I shouldn't date are the people I have chemistry with. When sparks immediately fly I should run away. I hardly ever do, though, as that chemistry thing is so damn HOT.

xoxoxoBruce · 09-12-2006, 08:07 PM

Right. If you mix up your chemistry notes with your biology notes you'll fail both, miserably.

09-12-2006, 10:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by limey

How about dating where the object is "attraction neutral"? I don't think anyone was suggesting you have to date someone you are physically repulsed by.

Not at all... I was saying that you did not have to have that "WOW" factor.
In fact... for some that is a danger signal.

9th Engineer · 09-12-2006, 11:34 PM

There has to be alot of different things thrown in the mix, the greatest of which is probably plain old committment and the ability to self-analyze. I'm having a little run-in with that right now in fact. I've been spending a bit more time with a female friend of mine I met last year, all class and work related stuff until recently. She's really easy to get along with so I enojoy working with her, plus her dry sense of humor is wonderful. Now I never gave much of a thought to anything more, she's extremely tomboyish so I guess I'm a little guilty of treating her more like a guy friend than a female friend. Thing is, I've noticed a bit of a change in the last week. She's dressing a bit differently, she used to show up to study nights in XL WrestleMania Tshirts, now she's dressing more femininly. Not the flashy look-at-me-I'll-give-you-a-free-peek type of college clothing that's everywhere now, but on her any article of womens clothing looks like a radical shift. Plus she's orchistrating little other changes. We ate lunch together for the first time the other day, plus she didn't want to eat it in the crowded cafe dinning room. We found a quieter spot in one of the lesser used hallways nearby. I know this isn't Earth shattering or anything, but it's a very sudden shift to a parallel personal relationship outside of our work life. I'm a college dude, but I'm not stupid enough to miss the glaring total makeover in her body language, style of dress, and persuit of conversations not dealing with enzymes, organ systems, or the like.
Ok, background is out of the way, on the the crux. I'm really not sure if I'm comfortable with getting a whole lot more intimate with her than this because something might come up in a few months that would make all this look like a bad teen movie. Another friend of mine has been having relationship troubles as of late, her boyfriend is kind of clueless, not a dick, but just hasn't figured out that he isn't in highschool anymore. She, on the other hand, has definately moved on. She's in the advanced biotechnology and organ engineering program here and is just amazing in pretty well every other way. Think tall and lithe with jet black hair and hazel eyes. Screems feminine beauty in every way and she's packing major league brains and talent. So now you see the issue, if she breaks up and I've led my other friend to believe we're settling into a romantic relationship it'll end up like a bad teen movie. If I was offered the chance at a relationship with friend #2 I can't see myself not taking it. And no one should ever be the one 'in the interm', even if it was never intended to be that way.

No hijack intended, just started talking and it felt good to be able to look at the situation on paper. I feel like I should write a script or something

9th Engineer · 09-12-2006, 11:41 PM

Also, negating this past week my friendship with both friends has been about the same, comfortable and we like each others company (being just about the only guy who will study with her without either making passes or trying to look at her blouse without getting caught is a big plus). Re-reading my post above made it sound like I'm ignoring what's in front of me for what isn't even in my court. Thing is, till now neither was in my court, now it looks like both will the passing through on slightly jogged schedules.

mrnoodle · 09-13-2006, 10:28 AM

Friend 1 sounds cooler imho. Friend 2 sounds like a catch, but if you've been reading any of this thread, you know how well "I'll be her shoulder to cry on when she breaks up with the other guy and then maybe we can hook up" works.

Friend 1 sounds like someone with whom you can let a natural relationship develop. Friend 2 sounds like a crush.

If it don't come easy, you better let it go. I believe it was Tanya Tucker that said that.

footfootfoot · 09-14-2006, 04:25 PM

Els, yeah that's the version that's burned in my brain.

9th: Dude dude dude dude. Dude.

WTF? #1 sounds like someone that you can be with forever, has already shown that she's willing to meet you halfway, will be able to go camping with you and not get all gacked out by bugs, but can still get tarted up for a night on the town.
#2 is only in college (no put down, just saying) and is already displaying major league high maintence behaviour. She may be hot and she knows it and she seems restless. I'm sure you're all that and a bag of chips, but I get the feeling you and your pal will be able to compare notes if your friendship survives you dating her.

disclaimer: I have a thing for tomboys.

footfootfoot · 09-14-2006, 04:29 PM

9th: sorry, I just read the last part of your post, where you descend into a rational fit of self doubt. Maybe you're right. I bet not though.

Why not next time you see her, give her the look that says she's just made your day, compliment her on how alarmingly stealth she is and suggest you two go for a walk in the park.

If she doesn't respond enthusiastically or has to check her date book, then you know it ain't you and you can go take your chances w/#2.

09-18-2006, 05:56 PM

BTW, my wife and I were friends before we dated. Before that, she was a student of mine.

09-11-2006, 01:08 PM	#3
Sundae polaroid of perfection Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: West Yorkshire Posts: 24,185	I disagree slightly I do sometimes force my male friends to help me analyse situations. But I accept they do it under sufference ("I need a male point of view!!! Please?") And I have sometimes dragged them round the shops, but the truth is if I impose on them, they impose on me equally anyway. I'm not interested in emasculating my male friends. I like them to be male. I also know which of my male friends would like to sleep with me. The fact that it's never going to happen doesn't stop us getting on as people. We bond via humour, intelligence, likes & dislikes. I have sometimes thought, "If only I fancied X" but the truth is, I'd have to change myself completely for us to live together without killing eachother. I've also thought, "I could so get it on with Y" but the same applies. I think getting older helps you appreciate friends of the opposite sex more. At least one of you has the sense to realise it's more fun to have a frisson than make the beast with two backs. __________________ Life's hard you know, so strike a pose on a Cadillac

09-11-2006, 04:15 PM	#4
Trilby Slattern of the Swail Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 15,654	This is all very interesting. I have always had more guy friends than girl friends--guys are easier to be with IMHO. I hate all the girly bullshit and after I turned 20 I stopped analyzing every utterance made by a man. I'd much rather work with men, much rather hang out with men and definitely rather have sex with men. I like men. I'm very glad I had male children. As for dating people your not attracted to physically? Well, that only goes so far. A man asked me out last week and I just COULDN'T. He was so not my type--he smoked heavily, had very nicotine-stained teeth, and, judging by his legs had diabetes in the advanced stage. Does not wanting to date this man make me shallow? Come on, there are deal breakers for everybody. To date this man would have been a lie and that is not where a relationship should start. __________________ In Barrie's play and novel, the roles of fairies are brief: they are allies to the Lost Boys, the source of fairy dust and ...They are portrayed as dangerous, whimsical and extremely clever but quite hedonistic. "Shall I give you a kiss?" Peter asked and, jerking an acorn button off his coat, solemnly presented it to her. —James Barrie Wimminfolk they be tricksy. - ZenGum

09-12-2006, 09:02 AM	#6
9th Engineer Bioengineer and aspiring lawer Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Pittsburgh Posts: 872	You'd have to be careful, if you really aren't attracted to your significant other in any real sense it's going to sneak up on you and cause problems. __________________ The most valuable renewable resource is stupidity.

09-12-2006, 08:07 PM	#8
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	Right. If you mix up your chemistry notes with your biology notes you'll fail both, miserably. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

09-12-2006, 11:34 PM	#10
9th Engineer Bioengineer and aspiring lawer Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Pittsburgh Posts: 872	There has to be alot of different things thrown in the mix, the greatest of which is probably plain old committment and the ability to self-analyze. I'm having a little run-in with that right now in fact. I've been spending a bit more time with a female friend of mine I met last year, all class and work related stuff until recently. She's really easy to get along with so I enojoy working with her, plus her dry sense of humor is wonderful. Now I never gave much of a thought to anything more, she's extremely tomboyish so I guess I'm a little guilty of treating her more like a guy friend than a female friend. Thing is, I've noticed a bit of a change in the last week. She's dressing a bit differently, she used to show up to study nights in XL WrestleMania Tshirts, now she's dressing more femininly. Not the flashy look-at-me-I'll-give-you-a-free-peek type of college clothing that's everywhere now, but on her any article of womens clothing looks like a radical shift. Plus she's orchistrating little other changes. We ate lunch together for the first time the other day, plus she didn't want to eat it in the crowded cafe dinning room. We found a quieter spot in one of the lesser used hallways nearby. I know this isn't Earth shattering or anything, but it's a very sudden shift to a parallel personal relationship outside of our work life. I'm a college dude, but I'm not stupid enough to miss the glaring total makeover in her body language, style of dress, and persuit of conversations not dealing with enzymes, organ systems, or the like. Ok, background is out of the way, on the the crux. I'm really not sure if I'm comfortable with getting a whole lot more intimate with her than this because something might come up in a few months that would make all this look like a bad teen movie. Another friend of mine has been having relationship troubles as of late, her boyfriend is kind of clueless, not a dick, but just hasn't figured out that he isn't in highschool anymore. She, on the other hand, has definately moved on. She's in the advanced biotechnology and organ engineering program here and is just amazing in pretty well every other way. Think tall and lithe with jet black hair and hazel eyes. Screems feminine beauty in every way and she's packing major league brains and talent. So now you see the issue, if she breaks up and I've led my other friend to believe we're settling into a romantic relationship it'll end up like a bad teen movie. If I was offered the chance at a relationship with friend #2 I can't see myself not taking it. And no one should ever be the one 'in the interm', even if it was never intended to be that way. No hijack intended, just started talking and it felt good to be able to look at the situation on paper. I feel like I should write a script or something __________________ The most valuable renewable resource is stupidity.

09-11-2006, 01:04 PM	#1
mrnoodle bent Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: under the weather Posts: 2,656	oh by the way, this doesn't mean you can't be shopping buddies with a girl without an ulterior motive. But if you're shopping buddies with her for 3 years, you are either in love with the girl or hopelessly feminized. If you have a significant other that you are sleeping with, you have no shopping buddies. First of all, your girlfriend wouldn't allow it. Second, you would be getting your fill of all that girly stuff from the SO, and would rather die by fire than shop with yet another woman. __________________ Sìn a nall na cuaranan sin. -- Cha mhór is fheairrde thu iad, tha iad coltach ri cat air a dhathadh

09-12-2006, 11:41 PM	#11
9th Engineer Bioengineer and aspiring lawer Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Pittsburgh Posts: 872	Also, negating this past week my friendship with both friends has been about the same, comfortable and we like each others company (being just about the only guy who will study with her without either making passes or trying to look at her blouse without getting caught is a big plus). Re-reading my post above made it sound like I'm ignoring what's in front of me for what isn't even in my court. Thing is, till now neither was in my court, now it looks like both will the passing through on slightly jogged schedules. __________________ The most valuable renewable resource is stupidity.

09-13-2006, 10:28 AM	#12
mrnoodle bent Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: under the weather Posts: 2,656	Friend 1 sounds cooler imho. Friend 2 sounds like a catch, but if you've been reading any of this thread, you know how well "I'll be her shoulder to cry on when she breaks up with the other guy and then maybe we can hook up" works. Friend 1 sounds like someone with whom you can let a natural relationship develop. Friend 2 sounds like a crush. If it don't come easy, you better let it go. I believe it was Tanya Tucker that said that. __________________ Sìn a nall na cuaranan sin. -- Cha mhór is fheairrde thu iad, tha iad coltach ri cat air a dhathadh

09-14-2006, 04:25 PM	#13
footfootfoot To shreds, you say? Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet! Posts: 18,449	Els, yeah that's the version that's burned in my brain. 9th: Dude dude dude dude. Dude. WTF? #1 sounds like someone that you can be with forever, has already shown that she's willing to meet you halfway, will be able to go camping with you and not get all gacked out by bugs, but can still get tarted up for a night on the town. #2 is only in college (no put down, just saying) and is already displaying major league high maintence behaviour. She may be hot and she knows it and she seems restless. I'm sure you're all that and a bag of chips, but I get the feeling you and your pal will be able to compare notes if your friendship survives you dating her. disclaimer: I have a thing for tomboys. __________________ The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs

09-14-2006, 04:29 PM	#14
footfootfoot To shreds, you say? Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet! Posts: 18,449	9th: sorry, I just read the last part of your post, where you descend into a rational fit of self doubt. Maybe you're right. I bet not though. Why not next time you see her, give her the look that says she's just made your day, compliment her on how alarmingly stealth she is and suggest you two go for a walk in the park. If she doesn't respond enthusiastically or has to check her date book, then you know it ain't you and you can go take your chances w/#2. __________________ The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs

09-18-2006, 05:56 PM	#15
rkzenrage Guest Posts: n/a	BTW, my wife and I were friends before we dated. Before that, she was a student of mine.

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