Humor...I Need Humor...

[Shocker]

Yes i mean ton, but I'm also a dork, so don't expect too much from me!

[Iggy]

I think I can handle that.

[Kagen4o4]

how do you stop the kids next door from throwing their ball over your fence?


molest them

[Elspode]

Kagen, you want this thread.

[Kagen4o4]

naaaah. im happy where it is.

[MaggieL]

For those who need a laugh, and haven't seen it:

"Here Comes Dr. Tran" : http://www.beyondgrandpa.com/drtran/about.html

Streaming video...not really worksafe.

[Cheyenne]

That was pretty funny Maggie

Check out the Mad Cow

[Cheyenne]

Foamy's Rant There are several. The first Foamy's Rant is my favorite of the "Rants"

Here are many more: I really like the "Small, Medium and Large"

This is the home of the toons: illwillpress

The toons age off after a while, so I posted the newgrounds as they have some that have gone.

[Iggy]

1. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.



2. A day without sunshine is like . . . night.



3. On the other hand, you have different fingers



4. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.



5. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.



6. Remember, half the people you know are below average.



7. He who laughs last thinks slowest.



8. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.



9. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.



10. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.



11. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.



12. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.



13. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.



14. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.



15. O K, so what's the speed of dark?



16. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.



17. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.



18. Every one has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.



19. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?



20. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.



21. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?



22. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.



23. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?



24. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened.



25. Just remember - if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.



26. Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.



27. Life isn't like a box of chocolates . . . it's more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your butt Tomorrow.

[Shocker]

make someone say these five words outloud LOL

I ARE WE TODD DID

[Kagen4o4]

i are too

[plthijinx]

Bubba Joe's first military assignment was to a military induction center, and, because he was a good talker, they assigned him the duty of advising new recruits about the government benefits, especially the GI insurance to which they were entitled.

Before long the Captain in charge of the induction center began noticing that Bubba was getting a 99 percent sign-up for the top GI insurance.

This was odd, because it would cost these poor inductees nearly $30.00 per month more for their higher coverage than what the government was already granting.

The Captain decided that he would sit in the back of the room and observe Bubba's sales pitch.

Bubba Joe stood up before his latest group of inductees and stated, "If you have the normal GI insurance and go to Iraq and are killed, the government pays your beneficiary $6,000."

"If you take out the supplemental GI insurance. which will cost you an additional $30.00 per month, the government pays your beneficiary $200,000."

"Now," Bubba concluded, "which bunch do you think they're gonna send into combat first?"

[Rock Steady]

My Cajun friend had 3 good arguments that Jesus was a Cajun:
1. He liked to serve fish to his friends.
2. He could make his own wine.
3. And he wasn't afraid of water.

My Black friend had 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black:
1. He called everyone "brother."
2. He liked Gospel.
3. He couldn't get a fair trial.

My Jewish friend had 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:
1. He went into His Father's business.
2. He lived at home until he was 33.
3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his mother was sure he was God.

My Italian friend gave his 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian:
1. He talked with his hands.
2. He had wine with every meal.
3. He used olive oil.

My California friend also had 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was a Californian:
1. He never cut his hair.
2. He walked around barefoot all the time.
3. He started a new religion.

My Irish friend then gave his 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish:
1. He never got married.
2. He was always telling stories.
3. He loved green pastures.

But my women friends have the most compelling evidence of all that Jesus was a woman:
1. He fed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was no food.
2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it.
3. And even when he was dead, he had to get up because there was more work to do.

[Shocker]

A blonde called her boyfriend and said, "Please come over here and
help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get
it started."

Her boyfriend asked, "What is it supposed to be when it's
finished?"The blonde said, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger." Her
boyfriend decided to go over and help with the puzzle.


She let him in and showed him where she had the puzzle spread allover
the table. He studied the pieces for a moment, then looked at the
box, then turned to her and said, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're
not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a
tiger."




He took her hand and said, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a
nice cup of hot chocolate and then............", he sighed,.......................






"Let's put all these frosted flakes back in the box."

[Shocker]

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it.
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Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
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Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
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How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me.."
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How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
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Why do men fart more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
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If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
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What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told.
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I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
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Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
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Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
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Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
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In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.