Humor...I Need Humor...

[xoxoxoBruce]

No HM, the bulb not getting changed would be consistent.

[Iggy]

This is a strictly mathematical viewpoint..it goes like this:

What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

is represented as:1 2 3 4


5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%



and


K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But,

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And,

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that While Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will
get you there, it's the Bullshit and Ass kissing that will put you over the top.

[ferret88]

Originally Posted by Iggy

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that While Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will
get you there, it's the Bullshit and Ass kissing that will put you over the top.

It is sad just how true that is.

[Kagen4o4]

i like

[Iggy]

It is sad how true it is, but amusing how it actually works out using the "a=1 b=2" system.

And now for something completely different...

Misdiagnosis

Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw an old man walking with his legs spread apart. One of the students said to his friend: "I'm sure he has Petry Syndrome. Those people walk just like that."

The other student says: "No, I don't think so. The old man surely has Zovitzki Syndrome. He walks just as we learned in class."

Since they couldn't agree they decided to ask the old man.

They approached him and one of the students said to him: "We're medical students and couldn't help but notice the way you walk, but we couldn't agree on the syndrome you might have. Could you tell us what it is?"

The old man said: "I'll tell you, but first you'll tell me what you think."

One of the students said: "I think it's Petry Syndrome." The old man said: "You thought.......... but you are wrong."

Then the other student said: "I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome."

The old man said: "You thought.......... but you are wrong. So they asked him: "Well, what do you have?" The old man said: "I thought it was GAS...........but I was wrong."

[Iggy]

Apparantly I am the only one who loves to post funny things...

Either that, or they aren't as funny as I had first thought. He is another one anyway. I hope you enjoy it...



A number of primary schools were doing a project on "The Sea." Kids were asked to draw pictures or write about their experiences. Teachers got together to compare the results and put together some of the 'better ones."


1. This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly age 6)


2. Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves to chargers. (Christopher age 7)


3. Oysters' balls are called pearls. (James age 6)


4 If you are surrounded by sea you are an Island. If you don't have sea all around you, you are in continent. (Wayne age 7)


5. I think sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson. She's not my friend no more. (Kylie age 6)


6. A dolphin breathes through an asshole on the top of its head.
(Billy age 8)


7. My uncle goes out in his boat with pots, and comes back with crabs.
(Millie age 6)


8. When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes, when the wind didn't blow, the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would be better off eating beans (William age 7)


9. I like mermaids. They are beautiful, and I like their shiny tails.
How do mermaids get pregnant? (Helen age 6)


10. When you go swimming in the sea, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small. (Kevin age 6)

[thrillhouse]

^ ^ thanks, iggy. i could use a smile today.

[xoxoxoBruce]

Originally Posted by Iggy

Apparantly I am the only one who loves to post funny things...

But you were wrong.

A young guy was complaining to his boss about the problems he was having with his stubborn girlfriend. "She gets me so angry sometimes I could hit her!" the young man exclaimed.

"Well, I'll tell you what I used to do with my wife" replied the boss. "Whenever she got out of hand, I'd take her pants down and spank her."

Shaking his head the young guy replied, "That doesn't work. Once I get her pants down, I'm not mad anymore."

[Iggy]

Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce

But you were wrong.

Then I don't want to be right...

I love the funny and witty things here at the cellar, so I try to share the same with you.

[xoxoxoBruce]

I said you were wrong in thinking you're the only one that loves to post funny things.

[xoxoxoBruce]

After a long day at work, a man realized it was his anniversary.
He raced to Victoria's Secret and asked for the sheerest thing they had.
He purchased the nightgown for $400 and raced home.
He ran inside and told his wife, "Go upstairs and put this on."

She went upstairs and opened her gift.
She lifted the gown out and was stunned that it was transparent.
She figured it would be just as good to just walk downstairs naked because her husband wouldn't even notice, and she could return the gown for a refund in the morning.
As she walked down the stairs, the husband exclaimed, "Damn—for $400, you'd think they'd at least iron the damn thing!"

[Kagen4o4]

Originally Posted by Iggy

Apparantly I am the only one who loves to post funny things...

Either that, or they aren't as funny as I had first thought. He is another one anyway. I hope you enjoy it...



A number of primary schools were doing a project on "The Sea." Kids were asked to draw pictures or write about their experiences. Teachers got together to compare the results and put together some of the 'better ones."


1. This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly age 6)


2. Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves to chargers. (Christopher age 7)


3. Oysters' balls are called pearls. (James age 6)


4 If you are surrounded by sea you are an Island. If you don't have sea all around you, you are in continent. (Wayne age 7)


5. I think sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson. She's not my friend no more. (Kylie age 6)


6. A dolphin breathes through an asshole on the top of its head.
(Billy age 8)


7. My uncle goes out in his boat with pots, and comes back with crabs.
(Millie age 6)


8. When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes, when the wind didn't blow, the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would be better off eating beans (William age 7)


9. I like mermaids. They are beautiful, and I like their shiny tails.
How do mermaids get pregnant? (Helen age 6)


10. When you go swimming in the sea, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small. (Kevin age 6)

WHOOOPS

[Iggy]

My pleasure.

[Elspode]

Kevin, age 6, has a great future as a writer. He has a gift for communicating a great deal of important information in a descriptive, yet brief, manner.

[Happy Monkey]

Helen's pretty precocious...