Elbows on the table

[morethanpretty]

Sometimes I find myself leaning on the table, but stop after I notice. Usually the tables are too tall for me to put my elbow on unconsciously anyway. At home it doesn't matter to me, I'm usually eating alone or with the roomie sitting on the couch, leaning over the coffee table. Not much different from my parent's, except they have TV trays. I guess I would find it rude for someone to be eating with their elbows on the table, but either I've never noticed it or I only eat with very well mannered people. "Smacking" or chewing with your mouth open is gross and noisy. My sister used to accuse me of it all time, even to the point of making me cry. What would happen: I would take a bite that was a bit too big for my mouth, and that combined would cause the need for me to slightly open my mouth once or twice while adjusting the food. No one else would even notice and she would flip out. Also according to her I made a lot of noise in just my regular chewing. Again, no one else has ever mentioned it. I do have a problem with eating and talking because I often say something whenever it pops into my head. So something will occur to me, and I'll forget I have food in my mouth when I voice it. I hate that I do that.

Thank you, Jinx, for putting such thought into your post about the "eating everything on your plate" debate, now I don't have to.
I don't think a child should be indulged with snacks later, and especially unhealthy ones. That happened with a cousin and she has severe weight problems. Just that if they don't want to eat it all then, than they shouldn't have too. Appetites aren't always consistent from day to day and although I'm not saying the parents are putting an unreasonable amount on the plate, its still a guess as to how much the kid needs. In that case you should listen when they want to stop, and if they're hungry and want more later they can have the leftover. Not snacks or dessert. Ali, I'm glad you're working instilling your children with a thankfulness for their privileges, and I'm sure it will pay off. I was the snotty little kids who when my mom told me,"You could have a much worse mom than I am." I'd reply, "Yeah, but I could also have a much better one."

[Aliantha]

Ali, I'm glad you're working instilling your children with a thankfulness for their privileges, and I'm sure it will pay off. I was the snotty little kids who when my mom told me,"You could have a much worse mom than I am." I'd reply, "Yeah, but I could also have a much better one."

MTP, thanks. I do my best just as most other parents. I can't say that my kids appreciate all that I try to teach them now, but in time, I hope they will. I know that when I was a kid, I didn't appreciate a lot of the things my parents 'forced' me to do, but as a parent, I certainly do. It's made me who I am today for the main part, and I reckon they did a pretty good job. That leads me to the response you would give your Mum about how you could have had a better one. My guess is that you probably feel differently about things now? I know when I was a kid I really thought both my parents were domineering dictators, but things have definitely changed for me now. I know they made mistakes. All parents do. Anyone that says they haven't is either a liar or in denial. I make mistakes all the time.

I think all a parent can do is try to do the best by their child. Bring them up to have a conscience about the world around them as well as themselves. To care for people and other living creatures and to be thankful for the gifts they have in their lives. We all have different ideas about what's important to teach our kids, but I guess that's what makes the world a better place, and why we can all keep on learning to be better than we are...even us old farts.

[morethanpretty]

My mom and I have been through some very rough patches, especially with my depression and her general craziness. We're quite close now and I try and tell her, as often as my pride will allow it, that I think she does an exceptional job and thank her for that. We often discuss past mistakes made and I've always understood that parenting is not black and white. We are both willing to say "I'm sorry" for the past, even if it takes awhile to get to that point, without that I don't think we would have a relationship today. Although I am usually quite respectful, I still like to rebel and try and scare or shock the hell outta her, I think its good for her heart.

[Aliantha]

I reckon many many many women go through similar ordeals with their mother. I think there's so much love that flows between mothers and daughters...it creates so much expectation on both sides...and both sides are bound to be disappointed, until they both realize how unrealistic they're being and learn to accept each other warts and all.

In my experience, if it doesn't happen during young adulthood, it almost always happens when the daughter becomes a mother herself.

There were times in my life that I wished my mother dead, and then I found out what an awesome person she was. Now she really is gone. I'm glad we had the time to just love each other, warts and all. I'd be a basket case now if not.

[Sundae]

Jinx - you raise some excellent points re a better way to feed a child. Not having my own, I am very much anchored in the 70s, when I was raised. Although I won't claim that we were poor enough "not to know where the next meal was coming from" food was certainly an economic issue in our house. Firstly we didn't have a car, so all food had to be hauled from the town centre a mile away in a shopping trolley. Secondly my parents were paid weekly, and not well paid at that, so they had to budget more carefully. And thirdly we didn't have a freezer until I was about 10, so again meals had to be planned in advance and cooked to schedule.

So it made sense to plate meals and food was a valuable commodity. The only meal we helped ourselves to was breakfast, because cereal was cheap and a great filler. We would have 3-4 bowls each, which seems excessive now!

I can see that things have changed to the point where leftover food can be reused, and as long as the options are healthy it can work as a way of dealing with daily fluctuations of interest and appetite.

[DanaC]

Leftovers were always my favourite, coming as they did in the form of Bubble&Squeak.

One of the reasons clashes over meals tended to happen when Dad was cooking, more than when mum cooked, was that my mum had a genius for turning the most mundane thing into a treat. She could invest practically anything with treat status. My childhood favourites were almost always the really cheap stuff lol. Bubble&Squeak was a classic example of that. Salmon, or beef paste sandwiches was my other favourite.

Though I am incredibly wasteful of food as an adult, mum taught me one of the most useful skills I can think of: I can make a meal out of thin air:P Being able to throw together something which is recognisably a meal from seemingly empty cupboards is a skill which has served me very well in the lean times.

[Sundae]

Chicken paste sandwiches on white bread. Yum.
Only beaten by crusty cheese rolls. Crusty rolls had to be eaten on the same day of purchase so were the ultimate perishable treat.

[DanaC]

Thinking back, paste sandwiches made with white bread was pretty much a staple of childhood for seventies Brits. Certainly in working-class areas.

Sundae, what's the name of the main brand of paste?

[Sundae]

Shiphams!
But we always had Coop...

[jinx]

Originally Posted by DanaC

Thinking back, paste sandwiches made with white bread was pretty much a staple of childhood for seventies Brits. Certainly in working-class areas.

Sundae, what's the name of the main brand of paste?

Anchovy, almond, tomato, and tooth are the only pastes I can think of... Do we have chicken paste over here - called something else?

[Sundae]

Paste confusion previously discussed.

[Clodfobble]

We call our meat pastes "cat food."

[Juniper]

Interesting thread.

My family enforced reasonably strict table manners, much to the consternation of my grandma. Grandma (maternal grandma) lived with us and was nearly always the cook, but was a real country gal. Now that I reflect on it, I understand why she was always so reluctant to come to the table with the rest of us and sat to eat right about when we were done. My dad made her nervous, I guess.

My dad was raised in a home that served as a boarding house in the 1940's-50's, and said that the horrible manners of their boarders appalled him to such a degree he would never live that way again. But as neither parent had actual "training" about such things, aside from what they'd read in books, we mostly did what made for reasonably pleasant meals.

Important things were proper knife & fork usage (nothing formal, just learning not to look awkward while doing it), napkin in lap, no elbows on table (forearms OK but discouraged), chewing with mouth closed, not reaching across the table for things, not mixing foods not intended for such, never touching another person's food, etc.

We served our meals "family style" in dishes on the table, help yourself. My parents didn't make an issue of how much I ate; I guess I was always reasonable about it. Mom always said, she'd never make me eat this or that, because there were plenty of foods she didn't like either.

I'm glad my parents enforced those table manners; they said, and I agree wholeheartedly, that there would be times that manners really matter and I'd be glad to know how to behave, glad that the manners came naturally without much effort.

Ahem...now it's my turn to be the enforcer.

We have rules too, but we're not nearly as strict as my parents. I still cannot abide open-mouthed chewing, loud belches, reaching across the table, wiping mouths on sleeves! But oh my gosh, my challenges are many. Like making my son sit in the damn chair for the twenty minutes it takes to eat a meal. Not too much to ask, I don't think.

I hate having the TV on during meals, but we do it all the time. (sigh)

But then again, I have a bad habit of reading at the table, so I can't complain too much.

We tend to serve our meals buffet-style; I put all the foods (often in their pots/pans, to save effort) either on the stove or on the kitchen island and let everyone just come and plate up whatever they want. Now that my kids are 10 and 12 they can decide how much they want at a time and can usually go for seconds.

I don't make them clean their plate, certainly - but I do make sure they eat a reasonable amount of what they took. Which isn't a challenge with my daughter who will eat anything at any time (where she puts it I have no idea), but my son is SO picky, it's like he gets bored with eating as soon as the initial hunger pangs are gone. Then of course he's hungry again 10 minutes later and expects to eat snacks. Drives me bonkers.

[DucksNuts]

Loud belching is a competition at house, my burping skills are unmatched as yet.

Even at work I can out belch everyone.

I come off classy until I open my mouth

[BrianR]

Is there a manner related to eating in the living room so as to watch something on TV?

We do it most of the time. All normal table manners still apply of course, but I've been catching myself talking with food in my mouth recently, I'm not sure what it means but I have taken to concentrating on manners a bit more.