I'm polyamorous and into the BDSM lifestyle as a switch and bottom.

[Flint]

Step on my cubes!
--Stewie Griffin

[Treasenuak]

How not to do it with yourself: Handcuff yourself to the bed. Give your infant child the key.






that is all. Oh, hope you don't need to eat or use the bathroom. Ever.
Good luck with that, Cic

[lumberjim]

Originally Posted by Cicero

I'm into the newest fetish. No sex at all with anyone in any way. I'm digging it. It's awesome. Anyone have advice on how not to do it, even with one's self?

It's awesome.

DUCT TAPE YOUR BUTT CHEEKS TOGETHER!

[Treasenuak]

Superglue. -nods- That stuff NEVER wears off.

[Cicero]

Originally Posted by lumberjim

DUCT TAPE YOUR BUTT CHEEKS TOGETHER!

How about I duct tape your cheeks together? I'll never think about sex again!! Bwuahahahaaaa!

[Aliantha]

Originally Posted by Treasenuak

Superglue. -nods- That stuff NEVER wears off.

Oh yes it does. I know this after the time I superglued my mouth shut.

Yes yes, I'm sure some of you find that thought incredibly amusing, and extremely tantalising. Just move along. There's nothing here to see now.

[Sundae]

I superglued my fingers together.
I cut them apart.
It didn't hurt all that much.

Tip: if you don't really mean it, use lots of glue. Give you more non-flesh to cut.

[Treasenuak]

Ali... STORY!!! Please? -begs prettily-

SG... STORY!!! Please? -begs prettily-

[Aliantha]

Not a lot to tell really.

I couldn't get the lid off so decided to use my teeth. Stupid, but there you go. The result is in my post above.

[Sundae]

I think mine was something similar.
It was really the finger and thumb on my left hand. I was holding something together while I glued it I think. All I really remember was wondering if I should go to the local DIY place and ask for something to unbond them, or poke at it with various sharp obejects. I chose the latter and it worked out surprisingly well.

[TheMercenary]

Originally Posted by DanaC

Much as I share concern about some of the things Treas has posted, I think we're getting a little carried away here.

BDSM is something a lot of people are attracted to at varying levels. Some of those people have experienced abuse, some haven't. If both parties are aware and conscientious there is absolutely nothing dangerous about it. It's fantasy.

Personally, though I wouldn't necessarily pursue it, because the actual reality of submission is unappealing, at a fantasy level, dark is what turns me on. Dark and dangerous.

Unfortunately, one of the dangers of being attracted to darker characters and darker fantasies, is that you can be drawn to someone who isn't good for you.

What makes this problematic is that for many people who have those fantasies, there's an enormous amount of guilt and secrecy involved (after all, if people, even close to you, knew about that 'fucked up' desire you had, they may well reach some conclusions about you). If you add that to the fact a lot of people, especially women, find it hard to ask for/talk about their sexual desires, what you end up with is couples trying stuff out without discussing it. And that really can get dangerous.

Out in the open, with people of like mind who share complementary fantasies, that's a different matter.

Well stated.

[TheMercenary]

Originally Posted by DanaC

Clod, I think you raise a goodpoint. But...there is a vast difference between consensual dominance play and non-consensual dominance. I have experienced how badly that can go wrong when the lines are crossed.

What Trease is talking about (with her Sir, and the BDSM scene) is a very controlled form of play and fantasy. It may well be that she is attracted to particular kinds of men and that opens her up to potential dangers...I understand this, I personally am attracted to a little darkness and 'nice' doesn't tend to float my boat. There are several ways of dealing with this. One is to follow that attraction into relationships that can do you harm, another is to avoid such relationships entirely, and still another is to compartmentalise that particular aspect of your sexuality into a form of co-ordinated and controlled fantasy (not so different from playing a computer roleplay game), satisfying that particular desire.

I learned long ago that for me it's the mental space it puts me in that attracts me, not the reality of the experience. For others the reality of the experience confirms and feeds into that mental space. It hits you at more than just a sexual level, it's a full on fantasy experience, with roleplay, creativity and expression. In any roleplay, the fantasy is so much more intense and *thinks* immersive when it involves other people to bounce off (if you'll pardon the pun). It isn't a replacement for 'ordinary' sex, it's a different thing entirely, it hits in a different way and for different reasons and is performed with different goals in mind.

If you're pottering around the world playing out your fantasies without really realising that's what you're doing, that can lead you into dangerous sitatuions and draw you to genuinely dangerous people, without you realising what's going on (my experience). If you know and understand your desires and how that fantasy fits into the rest of your psyche then there is no need for it to unduly influence your choice of partner, or the rest of your sex life. Generally speaking, if someone is aware of their desires to the point that they are seeking out BDSM clubs and communities, then they are less likely to be drawn unknowing into danger.

One thing I find slightly disturbing about this discussion, and it is something that also came to my mind, is that there is an implicit assumption in much of this thread, that Trease's attraction to BDSM is the reason she was beaten and raped by her husband. We have to be very, very careful. The only person responsible for rape is the one committing it.

two times.

[Cicero]

Who was assuming that? I would never assume something so shitty. Not me....but who? Maybe I'm not reading back far enough.

[Juniper]

Well, I am not criticizing or anything, but I just don't get it. In my world, you get the kids to bed, shut the door, and have sex real quiet-like. Sometimes you get to the prize, sometimes not, but oh well, you gotta get up early the next morning anyhow, yawn. It's like you're speaking another language, and not even an earth language at that. I'm so boring.

[BrianR]

I'm stunned that no one has asked me yet.

ME! The resident perv and kinky old man.

I've been part of the D/s scene for over twenty years, at all levels. I've hobnobbed with the major players, minor ones and even the beginners. I've tried about everything I intend to (there ARE limits, even for me) and witnessed many things that squick me out.

I understand exactly what Treas is saying, even if it's not perfectly expressed. Her head seems to be screwed on straight and she has a healthy outlook on her fantasies. As long as they don't dominate her everyday existence, she will likely enjoy her experiences.

The dichotomy of power exchange is very difficult to articulate. The bottom has the power because s/he holds the ultimate veto and the Top is honor-bound to honor it. The Top holds the power because the bottom grants it, and can withdraw it at any time.

The bottom experiences pleasure by acting out his/her fantasy in a safe way. The Top gets his/her pleasure by being granted the power and allows the Top to act out a nice fantasy too. Sometimes that fantasy allows the bottom to pleasure the Top directly, but not always.

D/s is not the be all and end all of sex, much as ground beef and white bread are not the epitome of food. Sure, they are good and yummy and all, but they are enhanced by the addition of condiments and spices, no? D/s is a sexual "spice". I still enjoy regular sex, but once in a while it's fun to play and enjoy something different.

There are countless books and studies out there that attempt to define and pigeonhole perverts (I use the term in a good way) but none really hit the mark. Only those who have a positive experience of some flavor of D/s really understand.

And more of you have experimented than realize it!

A little slap and tickle in the bedroom? Love bites? Ever had him hold your hands over your head while you engage in intercourse? Then you've tried D/s. Ever done role-playing? Worn a costume of some kind in the bedroom? Even a blindfold? Yep! You too. Maybe you have whispered dirty words in your lovers' ear before or during the act. Still D/s. True, these things do not quite rise to the stratospheric levels of bullwhips, needles, torches, knives (see, I got them in somewhere!) and more extreme forms of play, but still they fall into that category.

Bet you didn't realize what you were doing, did you?

I once gave nearly the same speech on Philly After Midnight a few years ago. I still don't think I managed to communicate the nuances to the interviewer or the viewers. Maybe I should have used makeup. I did look a little washed-out and paler than usual. Oh well, too late now.

I entertain questions.

Brian