To fart or not to fart?

[xoxoxoBruce]

Originally Posted by bbro

I don't - why??

Because they don't shut up long enough to build up the necessary pressure.

Hey, hey....don't shoot the messsenger.... I'd heard that cruel and wrongly based joke, that's all.... just sayin', ya know.... damn, it's hard to back up straight...

Originally Posted by Shocker

Women do fart... it's just that their farts are flowery and not stinky

My wife was a MAN!!!!

[wolf]

Originally Posted by Elspode

I'm afraid I can't fart because they removed my colon fifteen years ago and forgot to replace it with an artificial one... :p Think of it as someone having stolen your whoopie cushion.

Haven't you learned many entertaining ways in which to vent your bag? The SBD (deadlier, if colostomy output is anything to gauge ileostomy by) is the primary option, but you're a skilled musician ... there must be some way to utilize the built up gas like you do for bagpipes (or is the gas formed lower down in the plumbing, which you lost.)

[Hoof Hearted]

Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce

Because they don't shut up long enough to build up the necessary pressure.

Hey, hey....don't shoot the messsenger.... I'd heard that cruel and wrongly based joke, that's all.... just sayin', ya know.... damn, it's hard to back up straight...

Sorta fart-related, but the comment about 'pressure' reminded me of this:

My Mother used to complain about her husband snoring. She said he was the worst when he slept on his back due to his balls slipping down and covering his asshole, causing him to vapor-lock, which created the terrible snores.

[Clodfobble]

The great thing about breastfeeding is, if I'm having horribly smelly farts, I can taunt my husband about the fact that in a day or two, the baby will be making his life miserable too!

My wife almost killed me during the breastfeeding time... that bed smelled of death from beyond.

[Elspode]

Originally Posted by wolf

Haven't you learned many entertaining ways in which to vent your bag? The SBD (deadlier, if colostomy output is anything to gauge ileostomy by) is the primary option, but you're a skilled musician ... there must be some way to utilize the built up gas like you do for bagpipes (or is the gas formed lower down in the plumbing, which you lost.)

Well, yeah, but the pipes are really hard to deal with in jeans.

[Madman]

I went to Wal-Mart last night to get my wife some Ice Cream. Passed by the electronics section and decided to take a look-see at the boom boxes. There were a few people around. Dum-de-dum-de-dum... Yep!

Let loose a silent but deadly one. It was great! Had the place all to myself all the while I was whistleing "Santa Clause is coming to town."

[fargon]

Madman, I Love You, Dude!

I would have clamed it for myself, if I had been around.

[Sundae]

This is not my story. Believe me when I heard it from the supposed farter it was comedy gold.

A friend of mine was in the reference library as an early teen. He'd already been to the Information Desk and received the "you'd better not be here to make noise young man" looks. Quietly minding his own business and browsing in the appropriate section, he was passed by an older gentlemen. Said gent let rip the loudest trouser trumpet my friend had ever heard - he swears it echoed round the galleries and toppled books in remote stacks.

My friend let out his own exhalation - via his mouth of course - as let's face it, if farts are funny they are 100 times funnier to teenage boys.

The old chap continued at his sedate pace, leaving the young teen puce-faced with amusement, which became puce-faced with sheer embarrassment as everyone in the vicinity glared at him as the source of both disturbances.

He chose to leave quietly, believing discretion was the better part etc etc, but to this day the injustice bubbles under... as it were.

[Elspode]

Originally Posted by Sundae Girl

trouser trumpet

I've never heard this before, but it is now *mine*.