How long have you been with your current "significant other"?

[Ibby]

Uh... around 7 months I think. Heh.

[DucksNuts]

I kept my name when I was married, my reckoning was I was born a [insert name here], I was gonna die a [insert name here]...saved time and hassle when I got divorced too, didnt need to change things back.

[Cloud]

Originally Posted by Pie

I kept my name. It was more a case of "why should I change my name -- I'm still the same person I was yesterday!"

Not quite. Like all rituals, marriage changes you. You come out at the other end a different person, with part of your soul joined with another's for eternity. At least that's the idea.

[Griff]

I'm neutral on the name change issue but Cloud hit the mark. If we come out unchanged we're just living parallel lives.

[xoxoxoBruce]

With benefits.

[Queen of the Ryche]

First marriage: Together for seven years, married six months. Second marriage: together for four years, married for five. Been dating current SO almost three years....not sure what the significance of that is. (Kept the second married name for Princess' sake, and don't like maiden name so much.)

[morethanpretty]

Single at the moment, and right now not too interested in any other state. A date or two might be nice, but no commitments. Just want some regular friskiness if I can find a decent partner. My last relationship has left me sorta apathetic about pursuing sex though.

The name change issue, completely your choice. I agree with Pie, why change your name? You are the same person, you've just agreed to share your life with someone else. They married you for the person you are. A name can be a very significant part of what makes you feel like yourself. For other people it isn't so important. For me, when I was in a relationship that was seemingly leading to marriage, I expressed that I didn't want to change my last name. This was during a family function with my family, and MY family gave me all sorts of shit for not wanting to change my name. Saying ridiculous tripe like "It means you don't really want to be attached to him...blahblahblah" Obviously I don't really remember all that was said, just the shock I felt that my family would expect me to get rid of their name when I marry because I'm the female. My SO wanted me to change my name, more bullshit about I need to take his name to show commitment or something. I told him he needed to take my name then, he came up with some excuse that his dad would get pissed off and that he needs to carry on the name. WTF? Bell? Bell, is that unique your family needs you to carry it on? Bullshit.

[BrianR]

My wife and I were married on Thanksgiving (insert jokes here) 2007. In Las Vegas. I put the kibosh on Elvis marrying us.

She has yet to change her (common) Mexican surname to mine (also common). I don't really care but I chide her about it from time to time. She will need to change it, however, to collect on my two life insurance policies totaling some $360,000. HA! I get my way even after death!

[BigV]

Originally Posted by Jill

snip--

True story. . . Way back in the 1930s, my grandmother was a divorced woman (from a physically abusive husband - Go Baba for having brass balls back when women didn't leave their husbands!), caring for her diabetic mother and a 5 year old daughter. Her brother had recently passed away and a friend wanted to fix her up on a blind date with a man whose mother had also recently died, thinking that at least they'd have something in common. My Baba refused. Not interested. Death's not a thing to have in common that would forge a strong bond. Too many responsibilities to go about dating.

The friend decided to ignore my Baba's concerns and gave the man her number anyway. He phoned and invited her to dinner. She refused. He pleaded that she had to eat anyway, why not get a free meal. She relented.

On that first date he was so smitten that he offered to "put her up in an apartment" and keep a key for himself. She told him he'd have to buy the cow if he wanted the free milk, but she was not interested in being married, so go away and leave her alone.

He did leave, as he was a "ladies ready-to-wear" traveling salesman. On his first day away he sent chocolates. On the second day, flowers. On the third, stockings (difficult to get during the war). He cut his trip short to come home to convince her to marry him. He said he'd take care of her mother and adopt her daughter as his own. Her mother said she'd be a fool to refuse.

He made her a deal; marry him on a 30-day trial basis, and if he hadn't made her happy in 30 days, she could have an annulment and he would leave her alone forever. She accepted. On the eve of their first day of marriage, he pulled out a homemade calendar with 30 days on it, and asked, "Did I make you happy today, dear?" She said that yes, he had. So he put a big X on the first day. Every night for the next 29 days he would ask if he'd made her happy that day. He always had. At the end of 30 days she was completely in love with him, and he spent the next 25 years making sure she was happy every, single day until the day he died.

On the eve of my wedding day, May 26th, 2002, as we were climbing in to bed for the night, my new husband turned to me and said, "Did I make you happy today, dear?"

No, he did not know that story at the time.

For seven years now, hardly a day goes by that he doesn't reaffirm that he still makes me happy, which of course he does. I feel very blessed indeed.

Rest in peace, Baba and Poppy. You set a fine example.

How beautiful, Jill. Thank you very much for sharing this wonderful story. You deserve special recognition for this one.

[Gravdigr]

I've been w/my significant other for 11 yrs. He is a black Bombay named Slick. I have given up relationships w/people.

[Pie]

Originally Posted by Cloud

Not quite. Like all rituals, marriage changes you. You come out at the other end a different person, with part of your soul joined with another's for eternity. At least that's the idea.

In some circles, yes.
I am not becoming a possession. I am not 'joining my husband's clan'. I am not nullifying my connection to my mother and father. And I don't have a 'soul'. :p

Changing my name seemed like it would have been a repudiation of my entire life up to that point.
YMMV.

[Trilby]

I'm with Gravdigr.

I hate people. I probably always have. I need to embrace my misanthropic heart and just say fuck it and have fantasy relationships for the rest of my life b/c I sucksucksuck at the real thing. I used to think I drank to make other people tolerable; and maybe I did.

and BTW, way to go on creating the Valentine's Day equivalent of a thread. yeah, I feel left out. so what?

[DanaC]

lol.

I don't hate people. But I really don't suit the whole couple thing. Fantasy relationships are far more satisfying. Apart from anything else, you can put them away when they're inconvenient :P

[monster]

Originally Posted by Brianna

I'm with Gravdigr.
and BTW, way to go on creating the Valentine's Day equivalent of a thread. yeah, I feel left out. so what?

but but but I put your option very first, right it the top, cream of the crop.......

[capnhowdy]

I have been with my right hand literally all my life. We get along fine.