Death/Funeral Etiquette Advice, please - Page 4

monster · 06-19-2010, 07:59 PM

You're in Aus, though, right? No offence, but Americans do some of these things differently, hence the question.

xoxoxoBruce · 06-19-2010, 09:02 PM

Sure send a card... Thanks for the party, had a wonderful time, let's do it again real soon.

casimendocina · 06-21-2010, 05:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by monster

You're in Aus, though, right? No offence, but Americans do some of these things differently, hence the question.

True. No offence taken at all.

Just heard about 2 hours ago that an old family friend who we haven't seen since the last funeral (3 years ago) passed away on Sunday (cancer). I called another friend who I've seen more recently to let him know and we had a semi-lengthy discussion about the justification for going/not going. In this case, I'll be going because I had a lot of time for the person who passed away and still have for his whole family and they were a really significant part of my teenage years. I'm interested to hear people's viewpoints (even though I'm not wavering about the decision that I've made).

casimendocina · 06-23-2010, 06:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by casimendocina

Just heard about 2 hours ago that an old family friend who we haven't seen since the last funeral (3 years ago) passed away on Sunday (cancer). I called another friend who I've seen more recently to let him know and we had a semi-lengthy discussion about the justification for going/not going. In this case, I'll be going because I had a lot of time for the person who passed away and still have for his whole family and they were a really significant part of my teenage years. I'm interested to hear people's viewpoints (even though I'm not wavering about the decision that I've made).

After all that, neither I nor said friend can go to the funeral as it's on Saturday afternoon and I'd already made plans to head up north for the weekend and the friend is going to Queensland...so unfortunately, we'll both be sending our apologies. And before someone smartarse (not thinking of anyone in particular here) points out that Queensland is also north, may I add that Qld is much more to the north-east than direct north.

monster · 06-19-2010, 09:03 PM

you suck

Cloud · 06-19-2010, 09:10 PM

assuming you signed the guestbook, then probably no need to send a card. But Thor could write a personal condolence letter to his friend. I bet it would get points for novelty, at the least.

morethanpretty · 06-19-2010, 09:39 PM

Ah, scantily clad people at funerals, they're the best.

I know its over, and I'm sorry I didn't chime in earlier. Sounds like y'all did fine.
Here things are a bit different I think, but I know a lot of it has to do with individuals and there family. Non-close relatives or acquaintances generally wear less formal clothing, just somber colors, and that sorta thing. (So that's the same.) Cowboy hats are fine (yes even with a suit), but to be taken off in the building or at least during service. Graveside(internment?) is usually just close relatives/family due to lack of room mostly I think. When you get there, there should be directors tellin the people in the cars where to park, cuz you want all the people going to graveside lined up nicely to drive off, and those not goin to graveside out of the way. Ushers should seat you, if not, then the family rows should be marked off, if that's not done either, just stay outta the first 3 rows. Open casket, closed, or urn are all up to the family. I've been to 2 funerals of cremated loved ones, and they were graveside only, I honestly don't know if that is normal. Everyone is invited to the wake (that's what I've always heard the lunch afterwards called), potluck is the most common type but I've been to a few catered. No need to take anything, but sending a card after would not be seen as odd. If Thor wants, him writing a personal message would likely be well appreciated.
Anyway, I know its all late, I just like to get my 2cents in there too.

monster · 06-19-2010, 09:52 PM

Thanks.

we did sign the book.

We were told where to park -it was a bit of a surprise when we arrived to be asked about cemetary/no cemetary -I'd planned to make that decision later- so we went cemetary and had a magnetic flag plonked on the roof and were given a place in line to park.

The main thing I came away with is: do not attend a funeral in a shift-stick wind-down-windows car, and do not have noesbleeds.

monster · 06-19-2010, 10:29 PM

On the plus side....

I was pleasantly suprised to find that I can still sing ...it just needs to be church music!

Cloud · 06-19-2010, 10:33 PM

One of my fave movies is Moonstruck, and one of my fave lines from it is:

Johnny: "In time, you will see that this is the best thing."

Lorena: "In time you'll drop dead and I'll come to your funeral in a red dress!"

so . . . now you know what to wear!

monster · 06-19-2010, 10:36 PM

I only do black, I wore a skirt, though, which is unusual. And real shoes. The ones i wore at my graduation and wedding. Fuck, they hurt after the hike over the graves - I don't think i've worn them since my post-grad degree ceremony.

Clodfobble · 06-20-2010, 09:40 PM

At Mr. Clod's grandmother's funeral, we had to go graveside in the snow. And it wasn't until after arriving at the airport that I even remembered that it snows in other states, and realized that my strappy black sandal heels were not going to fly. Fortunately, this podunk town in Illinois still had a Wal-Mart, and I managed to pick up a pair of acceptably tasteful calf-high black boots before the funeral.

Sundae · 06-21-2010, 05:18 AM

I don't know of anyone who would be offended at someone turning up at a funeral (discounting family feuds/ conflict/ lawsuits etc). If anything it works more the other way, "I can't believe they didn't even come to the funeral..."

In the end, if you can justify attending, you should go. Similarly if you feel you have a good reason not to, then stay at home.
You can't second guess the reaction of anyone suffering from grief, it has to come from the heart.

casimendocina · 06-21-2010, 05:23 AM

I'd agree 100%.

monster · 06-21-2010, 09:58 AM

nailed.

06-19-2010, 07:59 PM	#1
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	You're in Aus, though, right? No offence, but Americans do some of these things differently, hence the question. __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

06-19-2010, 09:02 PM	#2
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	Sure send a card... Thanks for the party, had a wonderful time, let's do it again real soon. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

06-19-2010, 09:03 PM	#5
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	you suck __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

06-19-2010, 09:10 PM	#6
Cloud ... Join Date: Feb 2007 Posts: 8,360	assuming you signed the guestbook, then probably no need to send a card. But Thor could write a personal condolence letter to his friend. I bet it would get points for novelty, at the least. __________________ "Guard your honor. Let your reputation fall where it will. And outlive the bastards!"

06-19-2010, 09:39 PM	#7
morethanpretty Thats "Miss Zipper Neck" to you. Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: little town (but not the littlest) in texas Posts: 2,957	Ah, scantily clad people at funerals, they're the best. I know its over, and I'm sorry I didn't chime in earlier. Sounds like y'all did fine. Here things are a bit different I think, but I know a lot of it has to do with individuals and there family. Non-close relatives or acquaintances generally wear less formal clothing, just somber colors, and that sorta thing. (So that's the same.) Cowboy hats are fine (yes even with a suit), but to be taken off in the building or at least during service. Graveside(internment?) is usually just close relatives/family due to lack of room mostly I think. When you get there, there should be directors tellin the people in the cars where to park, cuz you want all the people going to graveside lined up nicely to drive off, and those not goin to graveside out of the way. Ushers should seat you, if not, then the family rows should be marked off, if that's not done either, just stay outta the first 3 rows. Open casket, closed, or urn are all up to the family. I've been to 2 funerals of cremated loved ones, and they were graveside only, I honestly don't know if that is normal. Everyone is invited to the wake (that's what I've always heard the lunch afterwards called), potluck is the most common type but I've been to a few catered. No need to take anything, but sending a card after would not be seen as odd. If Thor wants, him writing a personal message would likely be well appreciated. Anyway, I know its all late, I just like to get my 2cents in there too. __________________ Addicts may suck dick for coke, but love came up with the idea to put a dick in there to begin with. -Jack O'Brien

06-19-2010, 09:52 PM	#8
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	Thanks. we did sign the book. We were told where to park -it was a bit of a surprise when we arrived to be asked about cemetary/no cemetary -I'd planned to make that decision later- so we went cemetary and had a magnetic flag plonked on the roof and were given a place in line to park. The main thing I came away with is: do not attend a funeral in a shift-stick wind-down-windows car, and do not have noesbleeds. __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

06-19-2010, 10:29 PM	#9
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	On the plus side.... I was pleasantly suprised to find that I can still sing ...it just needs to be church music! __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

06-19-2010, 10:33 PM	#10
Cloud ... Join Date: Feb 2007 Posts: 8,360	One of my fave movies is Moonstruck, and one of my fave lines from it is: Johnny: "In time, you will see that this is the best thing." Lorena: "In time you'll drop dead and I'll come to your funeral in a red dress!" so . . . now you know what to wear! __________________ "Guard your honor. Let your reputation fall where it will. And outlive the bastards!"

06-19-2010, 10:36 PM	#11
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	I only do black, I wore a skirt, though, which is unusual. And real shoes. The ones i wore at my graduation and wedding. Fuck, they hurt after the hike over the graves - I don't think i've worn them since my post-grad degree ceremony. __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

06-20-2010, 09:40 PM	#12
Clodfobble UNDER CONDITIONAL MITIGATION Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Austin, TX Posts: 20,012	At Mr. Clod's grandmother's funeral, we had to go graveside in the snow. And it wasn't until after arriving at the airport that I even remembered that it snows in other states, and realized that my strappy black sandal heels were not going to fly. Fortunately, this podunk town in Illinois still had a Wal-Mart, and I managed to pick up a pair of acceptably tasteful calf-high black boots before the funeral. __________________ My book My other book My spirit animal

06-21-2010, 05:18 AM	#13
Sundae polaroid of perfection Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: West Yorkshire Posts: 24,185	I don't know of anyone who would be offended at someone turning up at a funeral (discounting family feuds/ conflict/ lawsuits etc). If anything it works more the other way, "I can't believe they didn't even come to the funeral..." In the end, if you can justify attending, you should go. Similarly if you feel you have a good reason not to, then stay at home. You can't second guess the reaction of anyone suffering from grief, it has to come from the heart.

06-21-2010, 05:23 AM	#14
casimendocina Professor Join Date: Jun 2009 Posts: 1,622	I'd agree 100%.

06-21-2010, 09:58 AM	#15
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	nailed. __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

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