Identity - Page 4

Ibby · 08-02-2007, 05:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aliantha

You'll get it straight sooner or later.

:p

Cicero · 08-02-2007, 11:34 AM

Alright. Forget it.......

Cloud · 08-02-2007, 01:00 PM

I think gender roles are more fluid than most people realize. I would encourage less angst and more acceptance for you right now, keeping in mind that things will probably become clearer later.

Griff · 08-02-2007, 02:11 PM

Right on target Cloud. Ibby, you will be making your own way in the world soon enough. You'll see guys living their lives uninhibited by their families expectations. Get comfortable with the idea that time will resolve a lot of what you're feeling. good luck... and read the sig down below.

Aliantha · 08-02-2007, 06:58 PM

Hmmm...I didn't even see that joke when I wrote it. lol

It's amazing how I can be funny even when I'm not trying to be.

Someone please tell lj. lol

Pie · 08-02-2007, 08:48 PM

I have no idea if this applies to you, Ib, but I've had an issue over many years of feeling like I had no one to identify with. It wasn't so much that I am uncomfortable in my own ideas/skin/personality, but that I have no one to... appreciate, pattern myself after, idealize, idolize. A lot of people have told me to "go ahead, be yourself," but once in a while it would be nice to see a fellow traveller. Sometimes it's lonely being yourself.

- Pie

Ibby · 08-02-2007, 09:06 PM

I certainly have people to "appreciate, pattern myself after, idealize, idolize".

Bowie, Rufus, Bolan, Ziggy, Jagger... So many rock stars to idolize.

Hime · 08-03-2007, 03:04 PM

I'm going to pretty much agree with what other people have said -- especially in high school, it's TOUGH to not fit into an expected role. No one in that situation is really taking the time to get to know people other than their close friends, and a lot of kids at your age haven't even learned to see people as three-dimensional, full-color characters yet. Later in life you will find more people willing to just accept you as who you are.

As for the bi thing, it is sometimes tough to hear the whole "in denial" stereotype, but honestly I think that being able to appreciate twice as much awesome sexiness probably more than makes up for it.

Cloud · 08-03-2007, 03:28 PM

I can understand the distrust of homosexuals against people who say they are bi. It's more than just "make up your mind" --it's more of a or "have your cake an eat it too"--it's that bis are seen as having all the advantages (e.g., more partners to choose from); and none of the disadvantages, i.e., being hated. And they may have a point.

But really--it's ridiculous to say out of spite that there's "no such thing" as bisexual. I have considered myself bisexual since puberty, and I can assure you, there are such things. Er, people.

It goes back to what I said before--sexuality is more fluid than most people are willing to acknowledge, either in themselves or others. There are plenty of "in-between" gender roles and experiments that people can experience, sometimes happily, other times not. Getting too caught up on exactly where you fit on the girl-boy scale can impact one's life negatively.

This is not to belittle those people who truly struggle with transgender issues. That has got to me one of the most debilitating and painful personal issues I can imagine.

Stormieweather · 08-03-2007, 11:19 PM

High school-age is rough. You're expected to fit in to one or another of the crowds/cliches/stereotypes and when you don't , you're pretty much an outcast. The good news is that it will eventually be over.

Best advice I can give is what others have said...be your own biggest fan, forget 'belonging', don't worry about identifying with anyone and celebrate your individuality and unique style.

Be avant-garde, start your own group, be the innovator, the leader, and the trend-setter. The more confidence you have in yourself and the more secure you are in your self-knowledge, the more people will gravitate towards you and want to identify with YOU.

It's ok to be alone, out in front of the pack, instead of in the middle...just one of the crowd.

Stormie

Clodfobble · 08-04-2007, 08:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ibram

I certainly have people to "appreciate, pattern myself after, idealize, idolize".

Bowie, Rufus, Bolan, Ziggy, Jagger... So many rock stars to idolize.

So when you look at these singers, do you think of them as "men" or something else?

Cicero · 08-04-2007, 11:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Clodfobble

So when you look at these singers, do you think of them as "men" or something else?

Good observation Clod.

Ibby · 08-05-2007, 12:15 AM

well ZIGGY i certainly don't think of as a man...

The rest? Gods, all of them. More than us mere mortals.

And why does it matter what I identify THEM as being? I really like my dog, Newton. I identify him as a dog. Does that mean that by extension, I should identify as a dog?

Also, I idolize people like, say, joan jett, or siouxie sioux, or mo tucker. I wish I could be as badass as joan, or as rad and chill as mo. That doesn't mean I identify as a girl, either.

Clodfobble · 08-05-2007, 08:27 AM

You really like your dog, sure. But you don't match him in any significant ways. The goal here is you're trying to really like yourself for who you are, and you've mentioned wanting support from people like you. So the first step would be trying to identify other people like you. That is, people who feel the way you do about gender who also happen to have a penis. They're definitely out there.

Cicero · 08-07-2007, 11:35 AM

Ibram- this is from me and my husband- who is not on the cellar.....
Please don't take yourself so seriously in your youth, prioritize, and use condoms.
That is all.

08-02-2007, 01:00 PM	#48
Cloud ... Join Date: Feb 2007 Posts: 8,360	I think gender roles are more fluid than most people realize. I would encourage less angst and more acceptance for you right now, keeping in mind that things will probably become clearer later. __________________ "Guard your honor. Let your reputation fall where it will. And outlive the bastards!"

08-02-2007, 02:11 PM	#49
Griff still says videotape Join Date: Feb 2001 Posts: 26,813	Right on target Cloud. Ibby, you will be making your own way in the world soon enough. You'll see guys living their lives uninhibited by their families expectations. Get comfortable with the idea that time will resolve a lot of what you're feeling. good luck... and read the sig down below. __________________ If you would only recognize that life is hard, things would be so much easier for you. - Louis D. Brandeis

08-02-2007, 06:58 PM	#50
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	Hmmm...I didn't even see that joke when I wrote it. lol It's amazing how I can be funny even when I'm not trying to be. Someone please tell lj. lol __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

08-02-2007, 08:48 PM	#51
Pie Gone and done Join Date: Sep 2001 Posts: 4,808	I have no idea if this applies to you, Ib, but I've had an issue over many years of feeling like I had no one to identify with. It wasn't so much that I am uncomfortable in my own ideas/skin/personality, but that I have no one to... appreciate, pattern myself after, idealize, idolize. A lot of people have told me to "go ahead, be yourself," but once in a while it would be nice to see a fellow traveller. Sometimes it's lonely being yourself. - Pie __________________ per·son \ˈpər-sən\ (noun) - an ephemeral collection of small, irrational decisions The fun thing about evolution (and science in general) is that it happens whether you believe in it or not.

08-02-2007, 09:06 PM	#52
Ibby erika Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: "the high up north" Posts: 6,127	I certainly have people to "appreciate, pattern myself after, idealize, idolize". Bowie, Rufus, Bolan, Ziggy, Jagger... So many rock stars to idolize. __________________ not really back, you didn't see me, i was never here shhhhhh

08-02-2007, 11:34 AM	#47
Cicero Looking forward to open mic night. Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: New Mexico Posts: 5,148	Alright. Forget it.......

08-03-2007, 03:04 PM	#53
Hime Extraordinary Machine Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Outside of Washington, DC Posts: 307	I'm going to pretty much agree with what other people have said -- especially in high school, it's TOUGH to not fit into an expected role. No one in that situation is really taking the time to get to know people other than their close friends, and a lot of kids at your age haven't even learned to see people as three-dimensional, full-color characters yet. Later in life you will find more people willing to just accept you as who you are. As for the bi thing, it is sometimes tough to hear the whole "in denial" stereotype, but honestly I think that being able to appreciate twice as much awesome sexiness probably more than makes up for it.

08-03-2007, 03:28 PM	#54
Cloud ... Join Date: Feb 2007 Posts: 8,360	I can understand the distrust of homosexuals against people who say they are bi. It's more than just "make up your mind" --it's more of a or "have your cake an eat it too"--it's that bis are seen as having all the advantages (e.g., more partners to choose from); and none of the disadvantages, i.e., being hated. And they may have a point. But really--it's ridiculous to say out of spite that there's "no such thing" as bisexual. I have considered myself bisexual since puberty, and I can assure you, there are such things. Er, people. It goes back to what I said before--sexuality is more fluid than most people are willing to acknowledge, either in themselves or others. There are plenty of "in-between" gender roles and experiments that people can experience, sometimes happily, other times not. Getting too caught up on exactly where you fit on the girl-boy scale can impact one's life negatively. This is not to belittle those people who truly struggle with transgender issues. That has got to me one of the most debilitating and painful personal issues I can imagine. __________________ "Guard your honor. Let your reputation fall where it will. And outlive the bastards!" Last edited by Cloud; 08-03-2007 at 08:17 PM.

08-03-2007, 11:19 PM	#55
Stormieweather Wearing her bitch boots Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Floriduh Posts: 1,181	High school-age is rough. You're expected to fit in to one or another of the crowds/cliches/stereotypes and when you don't , you're pretty much an outcast. The good news is that it will eventually be over. Best advice I can give is what others have said...be your own biggest fan, forget 'belonging', don't worry about identifying with anyone and celebrate your individuality and unique style. Be avant-garde, start your own group, be the innovator, the leader, and the trend-setter. The more confidence you have in yourself and the more secure you are in your self-knowledge, the more people will gravitate towards you and want to identify with YOU. It's ok to be alone, out in front of the pack, instead of in the middle...just one of the crowd. Stormie __________________ "First they ignore you, then they ridicule you, then they fight you, then you win." - Mahatma Gandhi

08-05-2007, 12:15 AM	#58
Ibby erika Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: "the high up north" Posts: 6,127	well ZIGGY i certainly don't think of as a man... The rest? Gods, all of them. More than us mere mortals. And why does it matter what I identify THEM as being? I really like my dog, Newton. I identify him as a dog. Does that mean that by extension, I should identify as a dog? Also, I idolize people like, say, joan jett, or siouxie sioux, or mo tucker. I wish I could be as badass as joan, or as rad and chill as mo. That doesn't mean I identify as a girl, either. __________________ not really back, you didn't see me, i was never here shhhhhh

08-05-2007, 08:27 AM	#59
Clodfobble UNDER CONDITIONAL MITIGATION Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Austin, TX Posts: 20,012	You really like your dog, sure. But you don't match him in any significant ways. The goal here is you're trying to really like yourself for who you are, and you've mentioned wanting support from people like you. So the first step would be trying to identify other people like you. That is, people who feel the way you do about gender who also happen to have a penis. They're definitely out there.

08-07-2007, 11:35 AM	#60
Cicero Looking forward to open mic night. Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: New Mexico Posts: 5,148	Ibram- this is from me and my husband- who is not on the cellar..... Please don't take yourself so seriously in your youth, prioritize, and use condoms. That is all.

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