Jealousy, trust, and diaries - Page 4

04-06-2007, 11:27 PM

There has to be a "why" to all of that.
My wife has several male friends, always has. They go to concerts and movies I find shitty, go to dinner and hang-out. Some of these guys are not my friends at all, just acquaintances. The idea that the time she is spending with them is "mine" or time can be owned is insane to me. I have had female friends and the situation is the same, if it were not I would leave her.
If someone is going to cheat, they are going to cheat, acting like a head-case is a sure-fire way to push them to it and find out quickly what if feels like to get cheated on or left.

What someone is thinking cannot be changed or altered and is such a paranoid thing to worry about that if one finds themselves fixated upon it, it is, seriously, time to get help.

Of course if someone sees someone attractive they are going to have lustful, primal, normal thoughts about that person... good, your SO is not dead or broken.
We point them out to each other all the time.

freshnesschronic · 04-07-2007, 02:16 AM

Cliche, but beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Aliantha · 04-07-2007, 02:37 AM

When I see a hot guy I usually say something about him being spunky or something like it.

Hubby never says if he thinks other women are hot.

I think he thinks I'm insecure.

I don't think I am.

04-09-2007, 12:37 AM

Rules are about trust... otherwise why does one not get chipped so she can track their ass all the time? Set intervals where they call in every so many minuets? I know people who are in those kind of co-dependent relationships and they are NOT based in love.
Anyone can choose to cheat... that line is crossed by that individual when they choose to in the "scenario" of their choice.
I was an actor and my wife is a professional who has many male clients and friends, travels all the time. She loves her job and I am glad for it. Just part of who she is, if she was not her own individual I would not want to be with her.
You are right, I have been giving my, personal, opinions.
If you disagree and think you can "monitor" someone into fidelity, fine, go for it. I think it is a fool's errand and would rather have them cheat and get the relationship over-with so I can be with someone trust-worthy sooner, than spend more time with the person who was going to cheat on me.
Ooooor... perhaps my constant mistrust and nagging, instead of getting to know them and making them feel loved, trusted, befriended, unalone, happy and comfortable in the relationship and life drove them to look for comfort in another's arms while still in the relationship with me? Hmmmmm?

DucksNuts · 04-09-2007, 05:29 AM

Jealousy is an awful, awful emotion, that stems from insecurity.

I'm a jealous person, but I have learned that its my problem, its an insecurity problem and I can usually deal with it.

Your gf kinda takes *insecure* to a new level, if its something you want to work on - fine....but she has to realise she has a serious problem and want to deal with it.

Figuring out your password was the proverbial straw and I think you have been more than super patient about the whole thing.

I have no advice that hasnt already been given (x 10), but I wish you luck and I (think) admire your dedication to love

footfootfoot · 04-09-2007, 09:28 PM

I was dreaming of the past.
And my heart was beating fast,
I began to lose control,
I began to lose control,

I didn't mean to hurt you,
I'm sorry that I mad you cry,
I didn't want to hurt you,
I'm just a jealous guy,

I was feeling insecure,
You night not love me any more,

I was shivering inside,
I was shivering inside,

I was trying to catch your eyes,
Thought that you were trying to hide,
I was swallowing my pain,
I was swallowing my pain.

kerosene · 04-10-2007, 08:25 PM

Question for Predicament: Do you trust yourself?

I also wanted to mention that it sounds like there isn't much respect in the relationship. Perhaps some clear boundaries need to be made.

The woman you are with sounds almost exactly like my husband's ex. That is the reason she is his ex. It didn't end well.

Madman · 04-11-2007, 02:23 PM

Jealousy... brings back bad, real bad, memories. Painful memories.

I only have one recommendation - RUN!

Jealous people are never cured of jealousy. Jealous people are miserable and they WILL make you miserable. If you think you can help them "FIX" or control their jealousy problem - you can't!

A little jealousy is normal. This girl you described HAS an issue - a very serious issue.

Look at it this way. Six billion people on this planet. Half are women. That woman is one out of three billion. We are all human, we all have one issue or another, the idea is to find someone that will make you happy and vice versa. This woman doesn't appear to make you very happy.

Your choice... Do you want to spend the next 25 years with her or is she THAT good?

04-07-2007, 02:37 AM	#3
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	When I see a hot guy I usually say something about him being spunky or something like it. Hubby never says if he thinks other women are hot. I think he thinks I'm insecure. I don't think I am. __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

04-09-2007, 09:28 PM	#6
footfootfoot To shreds, you say? Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet! Posts: 18,449	I was dreaming of the past. And my heart was beating fast, I began to lose control, I began to lose control, I didn't mean to hurt you, I'm sorry that I mad you cry, I didn't want to hurt you, I'm just a jealous guy, I was feeling insecure, You night not love me any more, I was shivering inside, I was shivering inside, I was trying to catch your eyes, Thought that you were trying to hide, I was swallowing my pain, I was swallowing my pain. __________________ The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs

04-06-2007, 11:27 PM	#1
rkzenrage Guest Posts: n/a	There has to be a "why" to all of that. My wife has several male friends, always has. They go to concerts and movies I find shitty, go to dinner and hang-out. Some of these guys are not my friends at all, just acquaintances. The idea that the time she is spending with them is "mine" or time can be owned is insane to me. I have had female friends and the situation is the same, if it were not I would leave her. If someone is going to cheat, they are going to cheat, acting like a head-case is a sure-fire way to push them to it and find out quickly what if feels like to get cheated on or left. What someone is thinking cannot be changed or altered and is such a paranoid thing to worry about that if one finds themselves fixated upon it, it is, seriously, time to get help. Of course if someone sees someone attractive they are going to have lustful, primal, normal thoughts about that person... *good*, your SO is not dead or broken. We point them out to each other all the time.

04-07-2007, 02:16 AM	#2
freshnesschronic Professor Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 1,555	Cliche, but beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

04-09-2007, 12:37 AM	#4
rkzenrage Guest Posts: n/a	Rules are about trust... otherwise why does one not get chipped so she can track their ass all the time? Set intervals where they call in every so many minuets? I know people who are in those kind of co-dependent relationships and they are NOT based in love. Anyone can choose to cheat... that line is crossed by that individual when they choose to in the "scenario" of their choice. I was an actor and my wife is a professional who has many male clients and friends, travels all the time. She loves her job and I am glad for it. Just part of who she is, if she was not her own individual I would not want to be with her. You are right, I have been giving my, personal, opinions. If you disagree and think you can "monitor" someone into fidelity, fine, go for it. I think it is a fool's errand and would rather have them cheat and get the relationship over-with so I can be with someone trust-worthy sooner, than spend more time with the person who was going to cheat on me. Ooooor... perhaps my constant mistrust and nagging, instead of getting to know them and making them feel loved, trusted, befriended, unalone, happy and comfortable in the relationship and life drove them to look for comfort in another's arms while still in the relationship with me? Hmmmmm?

04-09-2007, 05:29 AM	#5
DucksNuts Bitchy Little Brat Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Queensland, Australia Posts: 5,067	Jealousy is an awful, awful emotion, that stems from insecurity. I'm a jealous person, but I have learned that its my problem, its an insecurity problem and I can usually deal with it. Your gf kinda takes insecure to a new level, if its something you want to work on - fine....but she has to realise she has a serious problem and want to deal with it. Figuring out your password was the proverbial straw and I think you have been more than super patient about the whole thing. I have no advice that hasnt already been given (x 10), but I wish you luck and I (think) admire your dedication to love

04-10-2007, 08:25 PM	#7
kerosene Touring the facilities Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: The plains of Colorado Posts: 3,476	Question for Predicament: Do you trust yourself? I also wanted to mention that it sounds like there isn't much respect in the relationship. Perhaps some clear boundaries need to be made. The woman you are with sounds almost exactly like my husband's ex. That is the reason she is his ex. It didn't end well.

04-11-2007, 02:23 PM	#8
Madman has left the building. Join Date: Aug 2006 Posts: 455	Jealousy... brings back bad, *real bad, memories. Painful memories. I only have one recommendation - RUN! Jealous people are never cured of jealousy. Jealous people are miserable and they WILL make you miserable. If you think you can help them "FIX" or control their jealousy problem - you can't! A little jealousy is normal. This girl you described HAS an issue - a very serious issue. Look at it this way. Six billion people on this planet. Half are women. That woman is one out of three billion. We are all human, we all have one issue or another, the idea is to find someone that will make you happy and vice versa. This woman doesn't appear to make you very happy. Your choice... Do you want to spend the next 25 years with her or is she THAT* good?

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