I know this isn't Oprah but...

[Catwoman]

I'm sure the random guy wouldn't complain.

"but do not attempt to manipulate this guy that you say you care about by doing it"

But that's exactly what he did to me!

I think everyone turns nutty when drowning in the acheing consuming passion of unconfirmed love. [/end melodrama]

[lumberjim]

Originally posted by Catwoman

But that's exactly what he did to me!

and how did you like it? two wrongs don't make a right.

i know you're bent in the head right now, but you shouldn't start fucking with his.

listen to what Glatt said...he's smart....give it some time, stop boinking him if you want to know how he feels emotionally, and let it play out.

If he has feelings ( other than localized high blood pressure) for you, he'll let you know if you cut off the nookie.

the thing is that i think you're confusing love and sex. having sex with someone else will only further reduce your relationship to a solely sexual dynamic. Now, if you want to test his love.....tell him you have met someone that you might be falling for and see what he does. still manipulation, but at least it's pointed in the right direction.

[jaguar]

Now, if you want to test his love.....tell him you have met someone that you might be falling for and see what he does. still manipulation, but at least it's pointed in the right direction.

Or after all this he's close enough to the edge to give up and it finishes it.

[Catwoman]

OK how confused am I now.

LJ, glatt, you make sense, but so do you jag. I just don't want to fuck this one up.

I feel an incredible urge to do something about the situation, but maybe the best thing is to do nothing, and let feelings take their course. Surely if they're that strong they won't need a catalyst? As I type that I don't really believe it, but I don't think I have another option. There's no way I can force it, and to manipulate it would be wrong. Although it wouldn't be manipulating as such, more illuminating, making things clearer for him.

All said, however, I am getting frustrated with my own indecision. Maybe to accept there may never be a resolution is the first step - why do we need to resolve things anyway? They will only change and will have to be gotten over (sorry poor grammar) all over again. Surely one can live in a state of ambiguity, because emotions are fluid anyway, and even if my dream came true and we both decided to pursue a relationship who's to say feelings wouldn't fluctuate within that relationship anyway?

Yelof maybe this is the insight in depression thing, but I do feel moderately better philosophically about it. [/coping mechanism]

It's just my heart that will have to find a way to cope. What doesn't kill me...

[lumberjim]

this would be a good time for you to write poetry

[99 44/100% pure]

Originally posted by jaguar
Or after all this he's close enough to the edge to give up and it finishes it.

Thank god. That would be the compassionate thing to do. Who can take much more of this ridiculous torture? (I refer to readers and participants alike.)

Catwoman, I know this feels very REAL and IMPORTANT to you, but there is absolutely nothing new in your sad, sordid tale. This is some person (guy, girl, doesn't matter) who gets what he wants, on his terms, while the others in the drama spend their time and energy fantasizing about some unattainable future. Think of all the resources you have squandered on manipulating him, scheming against her, pining for some outcome, planning to sleep with total strangers just to see his response(!!??) and otherwise frittering away hours, days weeks, which you could have spent doing wonderful, positive things, and which you can never have back.

There are numerous recent revelations in neurobiology which illuminate the effects of emotional interactions on brain chemestry (and vice-versa), which point to the giddying, nearly addictive sensations caused by early romantic interactions. Obviously, we will all have different reactions, and will be affected by them to differing degrees, but stop and take a good look at yourself and your recent behavior. Are you really reacting to this guy objectively, or are you trying to prolong the rush of "good vibe" you've gotten from the thrill of furtive sex, the desire to 'conquer' this guy with your wiles, the possiblilty of proving your sexual superiority over your female roommate? You may even be getting some chemical benefit from the angst of it all.

What you attain with age and experience is the ability to discern this sort of bullshit and extract yourself from net-negative situations. My prediction is that you'll continue in this loser situation for as long as it continues to tickle your neural receptors, then the thrill will fade; you'll come to your senses and say "what was I thinking?" and get on with real life. (Which, by the way, is the one in which neither you nor your partner takes strangers home from a bar, just to see how the other one will react.)

When you grow up you'll also realize that, while it makes for fun banter on websites and in bars, and can be used to manipulate people (for now), your sexuality is not the be-all and end-all of your existence.

Best wishes to you.

[Catwoman]

I don't see the point in poetry.

I don't see the point in poetry
because
it won't change a thing.

Just a collection of words, thoughts
that I'd rather not be having
An autobiography you write for yourself.
Not everyone else.

It doesn't matter what I think.

I don't see the point in thinking.

I don't see the point in thinking
because
there's nothing left to think about.

People think too much
they don't
take
action.

Stand still. Think. Think.
Can't think of it?
Never will, maybe.

Just be.
because there's no point in being anything else.

I still don't see the point in poetry.

[Catwoman]

99 I read your post after the poem, and suddenly felt very embarrassed. I even thought about deleting it.

You make perfect sense. Your advice has cut through.

I'll stop with the hyperbole, melodrama and vague poetry.

Thank you everyone for putting up with me on this thread, and for your compassion. You don't know how much you've helped.

[jaguar]

Don't have a damn clue at all Always willing to help though.
Women are alway attracted to assholes, it's virtually a law of physics.

That's some rock hard truth there 99.

[OnyxCougar]

99 is my hero today.

Originally posted by Catwoman
Even though he has said he is avoiding a relationship because he knows there is a possibility we would break up, there's no guarantees, and he doesn't want to go through the pain again? Shows he must have some feelings for me doesn't it? I know I can't tell him to let go of his fear, but I'm hoping he will. You see for me I think it's gone too far already to avoid the pain. For him, he's just recognising signs that it's starting. He said better say it now instead of 2 years down the line, when it would be so much more painful. It's like I want to wait for him. I'm so involved now already a few more months won't make that much difference surely, and if the time becomes right for him it will all be worth it.

Am I just being incredibly naive? Or should I hold onto the possibility of loving again?

Here is my personal experience on that one. I met a man who was newly divorced. There was this incredible chemistry between us right from the start. We became involved in a very passionate affair. I felt I had met THE one. He, on the other hand, was uncertain. Said he wanted to avoid the potential pain of another relationship going bad (sound familiar?). He said to give him time, so I did. One year later he called me up and told me that he had become exclusive with someone else, and that it had been swell knowing me.

Granted, this man is not the same one as yours, etc., etc., but if you feel a strong affinity for someone, you know it - you don't have to be coaxed into feeling love or stand around for months thinking about it. In my experience, a man who is truely interested will let you know this in no uncertain terms. They will call you first thing in the morning and the last thing at night. They leave sweet clumsy bouquets of wildflowers in a jar at your front door, they'll call you long distance from Mozambique and to hell with the long distance charges.

I can tell that you feel compelled to ride this one out to the end. I probably would have done the same myself once upon a time - in fact I did with Mr. "give me time." I hope for your sake that I am wrong, and it all turns out happy ever after for you, but I am not optimistic. I wish you well, and I know how painful this must be for you.

[wolf]

Originally posted by Catwoman
Even though he has said he is avoiding a relationship because he knows there is a possibility we would break up,

That is easily the stupidiest thing I have ever seen in print.

No, wait, that would be "Do not use hands to clear grass blockage from lawnmower blades while mower is running."

But that is still a stupid, lame-ass statement.

Originally posted by wolf


That is easily the stupidiest thing I have ever seen in print.

No, wait, that would be "Do not use hands to clear grass blockage from lawnmower blades while mower is running."

But that is still a stupid, lame-ass statement.

Hey, Wolf, I know you are one blunt lady, but have a bit of a heart here. Yeah, the rest of the world knows its lame, but then the rest of the world isn't in love with the guy either. Give her a break.

[blue]

Maybe she doesn't need a break. Maybe she needs to wise up.

I love the "cut them some slack crowd", we cannot above all hurt anyone's feelings, geez we just need to comfort each other and we'll get through it.

Thank god WWII didn't happen 60 years later, even with the draft we're all such "victims" by now we'd find a way to dodge it.

I really want to grab some of you (some more than others) and just shake some damn sense into you if that was even possible.

Course there's a few of you here too I'd like to shake rattle and roll with (you know who you are).

I really don't like the word pussy, I think it's kind of crude & degrading. That said if those of you in the pussy crowd eventually get your way, and the pussification of men in general and America specifically succeeds, well be careful of what you wish for...you may just get it. But when things go bad (and they will) who's gonna save your sorry asses?

[Undertoad]

So what do you call the organ your wife owns that your kids came out of it after you came in it?