Humor...I Need Humor... - Page 38

wolf · 09-30-2005, 01:33 AM

here.

Cyclefrance · 09-30-2005, 12:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wolf

here.

Oh bugger, tits and bums...!

Kagen4o4 · 10-02-2005, 12:24 AM

Billy Budapest · 10-10-2005, 11:26 PM

mr ducks
mr not ducks
osar
cdbdis
whale oil beef hooked
mr ducks

Happy Monkey · 10-02-2005, 01:54 AM

That's a scar-eyed dolphin!

zippyt · 10-02-2005, 02:13 AM

Now Don't start THAT again !!!!
Clearly its a shark , see-m-gills , see-at-fin , see-em-teef !!!!!

Cyclefrance · 10-03-2005, 08:24 AM

It's an easy mistake to make - sharks are scarey so when you have seen one you've been scareyed , so they're really scareyed sharks, not scar-eyed sharks...

BigV · 10-03-2005, 03:43 PM

When you're in the water with them, they're ALL sharks, until they helpfully carry you to the boat and then retreat like Flipper. Until then....

xoxoxoBruce · 10-03-2005, 07:53 PM

Unless they're the missing Secret Government Killer Dolphins.

capnhowdy · 10-04-2005, 07:39 PM

Dave works hard at the plant and spends most evenings bowling or playing basketball at the gym. His wife thinks he is pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.

The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Dave! How ya doin?"

His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. "Oh no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team."

When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser. His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, "How did she know that you drink Budweiser?"

"She's in the Ladies' Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them."

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave, starts to rub herself all over him and says "Hi Davey. Want your usual table dance, big boy?" Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her.

Dave tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every 4 letter word in the book. The cabby turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a real bitch tonight, Dave."

wolf · 10-05-2005, 03:02 AM

TEN TRUTHS WHITE, BLACK, AND ASIAN PEOPLE KNOW, BUT HISPANIC PEOPLE WON'T ADMIT:
1. Hickies are not attractive.
2. Chicken is food, not a roommate.
3. Jesus is not a name for your son.
4. Your country's flag is not a car decoration.
5. Cars are not meant to touch the ground.
6. "Jump out and run" is not in any insurance policies.
7. Ten people to a car is considered too many.
8. You're in America, you speak our language.
9. Mami and Papi can't possibly be the nickname of every person in your family.
10. Letting your children run wildly through the store is not normal.

TEN TRUTHS BLACK, HISPANIC, AND ASIAN PEOPLE KNOW, BUT WHITE PEOPLE WON'T ADMIT:
1. Elvis is dead.
2. Jesus was not white.
3. Rap music is here to stay.
4. Kissing your pet is not cute or clean.
5. Skinny does not equal sexy.
6. Thomas Jefferson had black children.
7. A 5 year old child is too big for a stroller.
8. NSYNC will never hold a candle to the Jackson 5.
9. An occasional spanking helps a child stay in line.
10. Having your children curse you out in public is not normal.

TEN TRUTHS WHITE, HISPANIC, AND ASIAN PEOPLE KNOW, BUT BLACK PEOPLE WON'T ADMIT:
1. O.J. did it.
2. Tupac is dead.
3. Teeth should not be decorated.
4. Ranch is a salad dressing, not a side dish.
5. Your pastor doesn't know everything.
6. Jesse Jackson will never be President.
7. RED is not a Kool Aid flavor, it's a color.
8. Church does not require expensive clothes.
9. Crown Royal bags are meant to be thrown away.
10. Your rims and sound system should not be worth more than your car.

TEN TRUTHS WHITE, HISPANIC, AND BLACK PEOPLE KNOW, BUT ASIAN PEOPLE WON'T ADMIT:
1. You cant drive.
2. Disneyland is not the happiest place on earth.
3. The peace sign is outdated.
4. Rice is not a main course.
5. Taking pictures is fun, taking pictures of strangers is just weird.
6. Feet were meant to grow.
7. You need girls just as much as you need boys.
8. Dogs were meant to be pets, not eaten.
9. You dont need above a 4.0 to graduate.
10. Fanny packs are not an accessory.

BigV · 10-11-2005, 11:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wolf

[i]...

TEN TRUTHS WHITE, HISPANIC, AND BLACK PEOPLE KNOW, BUT ASIAN PEOPLE WON'T ADMIT:
...
3. The peace sign is outdated.
...

I thought this was just a throwaway line. I guess I was wrong.

BigV · 10-05-2005, 11:56 AM

Ten truths...very funny. Equal opportunity funny, my favorite kind. I must be a mutt, because I think I have a hard time admitting some of the the truths in all four categories.

Happy Monkey · 10-05-2005, 12:12 PM

It seems to me that the first number four could apply across the board.

SmartAZ · 10-05-2005, 12:54 PM

A blond goes to a psychiatrist. "Doctor," she says, "I haven't had sex for ages, but I have orgasms every night. What's wrong with me?"

The doctor says, "Hmm. Well, obviously you're coming unscrewed!"

09-30-2005, 01:33 AM	#1
wolf lobber of scimitars Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Phila Burbs Posts: 20,774	here. __________________ wolf eht htiw og "Conspiracies are the norm, not the exception." --G. Edward Griffin The Creature from Jekyll Island High Priestess of the Church of the Whale Penis

10-02-2005, 01:54 AM	#5
Happy Monkey I think this line's mostly filler. Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: DC Posts: 13,575	That's a scar-eyed dolphin! __________________ _________________ \|...............\| We live in the nick of times. \| Len 17, Wid 3 \| \|_______________\| [pics]

10-02-2005, 02:13 AM	#6
zippyt LONG LIVE KING ZIPPY! per Feetz Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Arkansas Posts: 7,661	Now Don't start THAT again !!!! Clearly its a shark , see-m-gills , see-at-fin , see-em-teef !!!!! __________________ "Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get. " Brother Dave Gardner

10-03-2005, 08:24 AM	#7
Cyclefrance Pump my ride! Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Deep countryside of Surrey , England Posts: 1,890	It's an easy mistake to make - sharks are scarey so when you have seen one you've been scareyed , so they're really scareyed sharks, not scar-eyed sharks... __________________ Always sufficient hills - never sufficient gears

10-03-2005, 03:43 PM	#8
BigV Goon Squad Leader Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Seattle Posts: 27,063	When you're in the water with them, they're ALL sharks, until they helpfully carry you to the boat and then retreat like Flipper. Until then.... __________________ Be Just and Fear Not.

10-02-2005, 12:24 AM	#3
Kagen4o4 The Sheriff of Nothingland Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Melbourne, Aus Posts: 1,794

10-10-2005, 11:26 PM	#4
Billy Budapest trudging the road to happy destiny Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Calgary Alberta Canada,( north of ya's) Posts: 11	mr ducks mr not ducks osar cdbdis whale oil beef hooked mr ducks

10-03-2005, 07:53 PM	#9
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	Unless they're the missing Secret Government Killer Dolphins. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

10-04-2005, 07:39 PM	#10
capnhowdy Blatantly Homosapien Join Date: Mar 2004 Posts: 6,200	Dave works hard at the plant and spends most evenings bowling or playing basketball at the gym. His wife thinks he is pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club. The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Dave! How ya doin?" His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. "Oh no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team." When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser. His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, "How did she know that you drink Budweiser?" "She's in the Ladies' Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them." A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave, starts to rub herself all over him and says "Hi Davey. Want your usual table dance, big boy?" Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. Dave tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every 4 letter word in the book. The cabby turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a real bitch tonight, Dave." __________________ Please type slowly. I can't read very fast............... and no holy water, please.

10-05-2005, 03:02 AM	#11
wolf lobber of scimitars Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Phila Burbs Posts: 20,774	Equal Opportunity Offender TEN TRUTHS WHITE, BLACK, AND ASIAN PEOPLE KNOW, BUT HISPANIC PEOPLE WON'T ADMIT: 1. Hickies are not attractive. 2. Chicken is food, not a roommate. 3. Jesus is not a name for your son. 4. Your country's flag is not a car decoration. 5. Cars are not meant to touch the ground. 6. "Jump out and run" is not in any insurance policies. 7. Ten people to a car is considered too many. 8. You're in America, you speak our language. 9. Mami and Papi can't possibly be the nickname of every person in your family. 10. Letting your children run wildly through the store is not normal. TEN TRUTHS BLACK, HISPANIC, AND ASIAN PEOPLE KNOW, BUT WHITE PEOPLE WON'T ADMIT: 1. Elvis is dead. 2. Jesus was not white. 3. Rap music is here to stay. 4. Kissing your pet is not cute or clean. 5. Skinny does not equal sexy. 6. Thomas Jefferson had black children. 7. A 5 year old child is too big for a stroller. 8. NSYNC will never hold a candle to the Jackson 5. 9. An occasional spanking helps a child stay in line. 10. Having your children curse you out in public is not normal. TEN TRUTHS WHITE, HISPANIC, AND ASIAN PEOPLE KNOW, BUT BLACK PEOPLE WON'T ADMIT: 1. O.J. did it. 2. Tupac is dead. 3. Teeth should not be decorated. 4. Ranch is a salad dressing, not a side dish. 5. Your pastor doesn't know everything. 6. Jesse Jackson will never be President. 7. RED is not a Kool Aid flavor, it's a color. 8. Church does not require expensive clothes. 9. Crown Royal bags are meant to be thrown away. 10. Your rims and sound system should not be worth more than your car. TEN TRUTHS WHITE, HISPANIC, AND BLACK PEOPLE KNOW, BUT ASIAN PEOPLE WON'T ADMIT: 1. You cant drive. 2. Disneyland is not the happiest place on earth. 3. The peace sign is outdated. 4. Rice is not a main course. 5. Taking pictures is fun, taking pictures of strangers is just weird. 6. Feet were meant to grow. 7. You need girls just as much as you need boys. 8. Dogs were meant to be pets, not eaten. 9. You dont need above a 4.0 to graduate. 10. Fanny packs are not an accessory. __________________ wolf eht htiw og "Conspiracies are the norm, not the exception." --G. Edward Griffin The Creature from Jekyll Island High Priestess of the Church of the Whale Penis

10-05-2005, 11:56 AM	#13
BigV Goon Squad Leader Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Seattle Posts: 27,063	Ten truths...very funny. Equal opportunity funny, my favorite kind. I must be a mutt, because I think I have a hard time admitting some of the the truths in all four categories. __________________ Be Just and Fear Not.

10-05-2005, 12:12 PM	#14
Happy Monkey I think this line's mostly filler. Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: DC Posts: 13,575	It seems to me that the first number four could apply across the board. __________________ _________________ \|...............\| We live in the nick of times. \| Len 17, Wid 3 \| \|_______________\| [pics]

10-05-2005, 12:54 PM	#15
SmartAZ Confounded Conjuror Join Date: Sep 2005 Posts: 33	A blond goes to a psychiatrist. "Doctor," she says, "I haven't had sex for ages, but I have orgasms every night. What's wrong with me?" The doctor says, "Hmm. Well, obviously you're coming unscrewed!" __________________ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ But wait! There's more! You also get this clever tagline!

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