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Old 07-15-2014, 12:55 PM   #1
Gravdigr
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Carruthers View Post
There was an outbreak of uncontrollable laughter at the local Catholic Church.

The priest said that it was mass hysteria.
Boo. Hiss, boo.
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These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.
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Old 07-18-2014, 01:27 PM   #2
DanaC
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.
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http://sites.google.com/site/danispoetry/
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Old 07-18-2014, 04:26 PM   #3
lumberjim
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Ha ha... I get it. Well, sometimes when I've been drinking anyway
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Old 07-30-2014, 11:13 AM   #4
elSicomoro
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BREAKING...
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Old 07-30-2014, 12:01 PM   #5
elSicomoro
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So many folks seem to be constitutional experts these days...
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Old 07-30-2014, 11:17 PM   #6
xoxoxoBruce
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I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump. I ran over and said: "Stop. Don't do it."
"Why shouldn't I?" he asked.
"Well, there's so much to live for!"
"Like what?"
"Are you religious?"
He said, "Yes."
I said, "Me too. Are you Christian or Buddhist?"
"Christian."
"Me too. Are you Catholic or Protestant?"
"Protestant."
"Me too. Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?"
"Baptist."
"Wow. Me too. Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?"
"Baptist Church of God."
"Me too. Are you original Baptist Church of God, or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?"
"Reformed Baptist Church of God."
"Me too. Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915?"
He said: "Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915."
I said: "Die, heretic scum," and pushed him off.
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Old 07-30-2014, 11:46 PM   #7
Undertoad
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That's classic Emo Philips so we will have to link to it. This is the long version, so the bit starts in earnest at 2:00, but everything leading up to it is also hilarity. This version with Italian captions is the best quality of it on the t00b.

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Old 07-30-2014, 11:49 PM   #8
xoxoxoBruce
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I never heard Emo do it, but did hear it on Saturday Night Live years ago. I think it was Al Franken, but I wouldn't put a nickel on that.
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Old 08-12-2014, 04:30 PM   #9
busterb
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My Favorite Animal


Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken."
She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed.


My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal.
I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA.
He said they love animals very much.


I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office.
I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again.



The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was.
I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken.



She sent me back to the principal's office. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.



I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am.



Today, my teacher asked me to tell her what famous person I admired most. I told her, "Colonel Sanders."


Guess where the fuck I am now...
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Old 08-12-2014, 04:41 PM   #10
BigV
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hahahahahahahahaaa!
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Old 08-15-2014, 03:35 PM   #11
Cyclefrance
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Please take care - this could happen to anyone!

One of the problems of British humour ( or maybe I shouldn't say that as it's Irish)
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Last edited by Cyclefrance; 08-15-2014 at 03:42 PM.
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Old 08-15-2014, 04:44 PM   #12
BigV
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priceless!
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Old 08-15-2014, 04:48 PM   #13
Lola Bunny
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Oh my goodness...that was hilarious!
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Old 08-15-2014, 06:12 PM   #14
lumberjim
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English men in drag are always funny
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Old 08-15-2014, 09:57 PM   #15
monster
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my face hurts
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