Humor...I Need Humor...

[BigV]

Two men were out playing golf on a nice Saturday afternoon. They were getting frustrated, though, because the two women who were playing right in front of them were quite slow and were holding up the men's game. "Don't they know they're supposed to let us play through?" asked the first man. The other man shook his head. "I'm going to go ask them if we can play through" said the first man, emphatically "Enough is enough". He started walking over toward the women, but as he got close, he suddenly turned around and came back, white as a ghost. "Oh God" he said to his friend "This is awful. You're going to have to ask those women if we can play through. You see, one of them is my wife, and the other is my mistress". The other man shrugged, and said "No sweat". He walked over toward the women, and just as he was getting close, turned around and came running back to his pal. His eyes wide open, he said "Small world!"

[xoxoxoBruce]

Snicker...

[glatt]

lol

[DanaC]

hahaha. Bruce that's brilliant.

Here's my submission, taken from the comments section of the Guardian:

Q: Why did Joseph Smith cross the road?
A: To get to the other bride.

[footfootfoot]

My dad and I went to the Christmas tree place and picked out a tree, the salesman asked my dad, "Are you going to put this up yourself?"
My dad said, "Don't be disgusting. I'm going to put it up in the living room."

[xoxoxoBruce]

.

[Gravdigr]

I laughed so loud at #12, I woke up Momdigr. Rly.

[Sheldonrs]

[Nirvana]

[Nirvana]

Women often receive warnings about protecting themselves at the mall and in dark parking lots, etc. This is the first warning I have seen for men. I wanted to pass it on in case you haven't heard about it. A 'heads up' for those men who may be regular customers at Lowe's, Home Depot, Costco, or even Wal-Mart. This one caught me totally by surprise. Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends.

Here's how the scam works; Two nice looking, college-age girls will come over to your car or truck as you are packing your purchases into your vehicle. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. (It's impossible not to look). When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say 'No' but instead ask for a ride to McDonald's.
You agree and they climb into the vehicle. On the way, they start undressing. Then one of them starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet.

I had my wallet stolen Aug. 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, again on the 17th, 20th, 24th, and the 29th. Also Sept. 1st, 4th, 8th, twice on the 16th &17th, and very likely again this upcoming weekend.
So tell your friends to be careful. What a horrible way to take advantage of us older men. Warn your friends to be vigilant.
Wal-Mart has wallets on sale for $2.99 each. I found even cheaper ones for $.99 at the Dollar Store and bought them out in three of their stores.
Also, you never get to eat at McDonald's. I've already lost 11 pounds just running back and forth from Lowe's, to Home Depot, to Wal-Mart.
So please, send this on to all the older men that you know and warn them to be on the lookout for this scam. (The best times are just before lunch and around 4:30 in the afternoon.)

[BigV]

yikes! I'm scared stiff!

[Gravdigr]

Well, I'm stiff...

[Gravdigr]

[Gravdigr]

Heh, not the first word about those attractive, thin, scantily clad, skin-showing ladies in Nirvana's post.

Some of you hypocrites would have hung my balls from your rearview mirror if I'd posted that.

But, that's cool.

[DanaC]

Not for that pic I wouldn't.

If the pic cut off their heads so all we were seeing was their tits, I'd have something to say about it.