Marine wedding. - Page 3

wolf · 08-20-2005, 12:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brianna

There's always Jonathan Swift for long-assed sentences and words you can't pronounce and probably on second thought aren't real words, anyway...

Introducing 6 year olds to "A Modest Proposal" as bedtime reading really helps to keep them in line.

BigV · 08-20-2005, 01:30 AM

Yeah, at six they're getting a little tougher :wink:

dar512 · 08-20-2005, 09:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by marichiko

Long setences don't imply good writing, either. Brevity is the soul of wit. Something I often tend to forget, myself.

So we agree that good writing can be either long or short sentences. What was it that you thought was so bad about the blurb?

Queen of the Ryche · 08-20-2005, 10:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dar512

What was it that you thought was so bad about the blurb?

Just the overall cheesieness.

08-20-2005, 03:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dar512

So we agree that good writing can be either long or short sentences. What was it that you thought was so bad about the blurb?

Yeah, Queen is right, it's very cheesy but, also, the writing is unclear and awkward:

As Crystal walked out of the glen and across a footbridge over Dempsey Creek, the flower girl sprinkled rose petals at her feet while country western singers played guitars and sang love songs. The groom took her by the hand and escorted the bride to the stage under the large pavilion. Mayor Ray Bailey of Lava Hot Springs officiated.

The two lovers, exchanging vows and thinking only of each other, forgot for a moment the service to country and a war-torn Iraq. It was a very peaceful ceremony as the birds sang and the background.

OK, the first sentence begins with a conjunction, which is a no-no.
The phrase “country western singers played guitars and sang love songs” is both confusing and redundant. It sounds as though a pack of individual country western singers with guitars sang love songs. My guess is that the country western GROUP, “Bubba and his Idaho Coon Hounds,” sang songs like “I promise you,” or “Watch this” or “Goodbye Earl,” using guitar, bass, drums, and a sound system. The reader will never know the truth of this, and probably spends nights laying awake wondering if 10 individual country western style singers (WITH guitars) sang at the wedding or if it was Bubba and his band. “The groom took her by the hand” – took whom? The flower girl?

“The two lovers, exchanging vows and thinking only of each other, forgot for a moment the service to country and a war-torn Iraq. “

This could actually be a powerful thought instead of sentimental tripe:

The bride and groom who had each made a commitment to serve their country, now made a personal commitment to one another, as well. War torn Iraq was very far away on that peaceful Idaho afternoon with birds singing in the background.

Clodfobble · 08-20-2005, 04:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by marichiko

OK, the first sentence begins with a conjunction, which is a no-no.

"As" is a preposition, not a conjunction. You can begin a sentence with a preposition, you're just not supposed to end a sentence with one.

I personally agree the writing sucks, I'm just sayin'.

08-20-2005, 04:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Clodfobble

"As" is a preposition, not a conjunction. You can begin a sentence with a preposition, you're just not supposed to end a sentence with one.

I personally agree the writing sucks, I'm just sayin'.

Clodfobble, I, too, was thinking that "as" is a preposition, but that didn't seem right, so I looked it up in Merriam Webster:

Main Entry:as
Function:conjunction
Date:12th century

1 : AS IF *looks as he had seen a ghost — S. T. Coleridge*
2 : in or to the same degree in which *soft as silk* — usually used as a correlative after an adjective or adverb modified by adverbial as or so *as cool as a cucumber*
3 : in the way or manner that *do as I do*
4 : in accordance with what or the way in which *quite good as boys go*
5 : WHILE, WHEN *spilled the milk as she got up*
6 : regardless of the degree to which : THOUGH *improbable as it seems, it's true*
7 : for the reason that : BECAUSE, SINCE *stayed home as she had no car*
8 : that the result is *so clearly guilty as to leave no doubt*
usage see LIKE
–as is : in the presently existing condition without modification *bought the clock at an auction as is*
–as it were : as if it were so : in a manner of speaking

Clodfobble · 08-20-2005, 05:54 PM

Well alright, I stand corrected. It's also a preposition according to Merriam-Webster online, but the way it's used in the article it is considered a conjunction.

Trilby · 08-20-2005, 06:26 PM

No Grammar Nazi's! Ya hear?

08-20-2005, 07:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brianna

No Grammar Nazi's! Ya hear?

Try telling that to Wolf. I won't. I'm scared of her!

wolf · 08-21-2005, 02:40 PM

dar512 · 08-22-2005, 09:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by marichiko

OK, the first sentence begins with a conjunction, which is a no-no.

Not really a no-no. See this page

Quote:

Originally Posted by marichiko

The phrase “country western singers played guitars and sang love songs” is both confusing and redundant.

Yeah, I'll go along with this.

Quote:

Originally Posted by marichiko

“The groom took her by the hand” – took whom? The flower girl?

The referent is implied in the previous sentence. This is a wedding we're talking about. Are you really confused?

Quote:

Originally Posted by marichiko

This could actually be a powerful thought instead of sentimental tripe:

My guess is that this is your real issue. We'll have to agree to disagree on this one. I'm an old softy. It's well known that I get the sniffles at AT&T and Hallmark commercials.

And I'm a sucker for sentimental tripe.

08-22-2005, 11:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dar512

This is a wedding we're talking about. Are you really confused?

Yes. As Crystal walked out of the glen and across a footbridge over Dempsey Creek, the flower girl sprinkled rose petals at her feet while country western singers played guitars and sang love songs. The subject of the sentence preceeding that statement is the flower girl, not Crystal. The reader shouldn't be left to resolve such quandries on his own. Its very awkward phrasing.

Quote:

Originally Posted by dar512

My guess is that this is your real issue. We'll have to agree to disagree on this one. I'm an old softy. It's well known that I get the sniffles at AT&T and Hallmark commercials.

And I'm a sucker for sentimental tripe.

I can be a sucker for sentimental tripe, myself. I like my sentimental tripe to be well written, however.

Trilby · 08-22-2005, 11:21 AM

I like MY sentimental tripe to have some sex in it! Oh, and not be written in "ebonics", either.

dar512 · 08-22-2005, 01:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by marichiko

I can be a sucker for sentimental tripe, myself. I like my sentimental tripe to be well written, however.

How can you surf the net, then? Doesn't your head explode?

Personally, I'm just happy when the writer doesn't confuse your and you're, their and they're, anxious and eager, etc.

08-20-2005, 01:30 AM	#32
BigV Goon Squad Leader Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Seattle Posts: 27,063	Yeah, at six they're getting a little tougher :wink: __________________ Be Just and Fear Not.

08-20-2005, 06:26 PM	#39
Trilby Slattern of the Swail Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 15,654	No Grammar Nazi's! Ya hear? __________________ In Barrie's play and novel, the roles of fairies are brief: they are allies to the Lost Boys, the source of fairy dust and ...They are portrayed as dangerous, whimsical and extremely clever but quite hedonistic. "Shall I give you a kiss?" Peter asked and, jerking an acorn button off his coat, solemnly presented it to her. —James Barrie Wimminfolk they be tricksy. - ZenGum

08-21-2005, 02:40 PM	#41
wolf lobber of scimitars Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Phila Burbs Posts: 20,774	__________________ wolf eht htiw og "Conspiracies are the norm, not the exception." --G. Edward Griffin The Creature from Jekyll Island High Priestess of the Church of the Whale Penis

08-22-2005, 11:21 AM	#44
Trilby Slattern of the Swail Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 15,654	I like MY sentimental tripe to have some sex in it! Oh, and not be written in "ebonics", either. __________________ In Barrie's play and novel, the roles of fairies are brief: they are allies to the Lost Boys, the source of fairy dust and ...They are portrayed as dangerous, whimsical and extremely clever but quite hedonistic. "Shall I give you a kiss?" Peter asked and, jerking an acorn button off his coat, solemnly presented it to her. —James Barrie Wimminfolk they be tricksy. - ZenGum

08-20-2005, 05:54 PM	#38
Clodfobble UNDER CONDITIONAL MITIGATION Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Austin, TX Posts: 20,012	Well alright, I stand corrected. It's also a preposition according to Merriam-Webster online, but the way it's used in the article it is considered a conjunction.

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