Amsterdam March 2010

[Sundae]

I wasn't sure if I was even going to share. Ridiculously I realised you are the only possible people to share this with! Can you imagine me in the Staff Room on Friday, telling all the teachers and the other TAs about my visit to a sex club?!

I'll admit I was cheating on you with another site before I left. It is a specialist site re the Red Light District/ prostitution and various sexual activities in and around Amsterdam. A man who was visiting the 'Dam on the same dates as me got in touch and we agreed to go here together. It's the club's website - nothing graphic in the pictures, but probably NSFW simply due to the subject matter.

We met up earlier in the day, and although there was no immediate spark, he seemed a decent, laid-back sort of chap - attractive and confident and we know how far that can get you!

We met later that evening, ready to get a taxi to the club. I had been partaking a little due to nerves, and once we got in the taxi I couldn't speak for fear of unleashing very suspicious giggles. Luckily my chaperone did all the talking.

When we got there we paid (40 euros between us, effectively what we needed to spend at the bar). He paid - because alone I would have got in free, whereas he would have been charged 50 as a single man.

We went to the changing rooms, where he helped me into my corset. I was glad I wore it - it makes me feel very sexy - although I admit it wasn't the most practical item of underwear. Still, the fact no-one could get it off was a benefit - made me feel more secure.

We hit the bar and had a quick drink. Then took another on a walkabout to get the layout. It was clean, the lighting was dim, there were plenty of places for horizontal relaxation, and I had a protector - so far so good. There were public areas, semi-private areas, a little pool and a sauna, access to the roof outside, a darkroom and even a place set up with a sling. This was not intended to look like a local pub!

After downing my Dutch courage, my partner and I went to sit in the lounge area (low lighting, large sofas etc) and a man immediately came and sat next to me. I didn't particularly fancy him, but this was a different setting with different rules. All I had to do was smile at him and he started touching me. I included my partner of course - would be rude not to. It didn't take long for us to draw a crowd. The trouble was, I wasn't completely aware of who I was with at any one time. At one point I looked up from giving someone head to realise it was the man who'd leered at me earlier, who was missing a tooth. Not someone I would have expected or even chosen to get close to. It didn't upset me - this is the sort of situation where these things happen, but it was the beginning of the end for me.

My chaperone had already retreated to the bar for a couple more drinks, so I sought him out. FTR I think I had sex with about five different men. Sadly - it was hard to focus on what I liked because so much was going on. And the pressure of performing in front of a crowd was too much for some men - shoving an oyster in a parking meter anyone...?

Once back with my chap, we went into a semi private room, but even there, people came into the room and tried to join in. By that point I realised that I did just prefer one-on-one sex. But everywhere we went in the club, I was followed. I wasn't intimidated, but I did just think, "Oh shove off!"

It was everything I had hoped for, except that I didn't react in the way I expected. We were there for 2 hours, but in a way it seemed like it was all night, and yet also like it was 5 minutes of intense experience. I wouldn't necessarily go again, it's ticked off my list now. But if I did I would keep the upper hand more to start with.

Officially, Thursday night is Gang Bang night - the club is open to singles and they have working women there (you have to pay them, but not as much as in the Red Light District). All sex was safe of course - there are condoms and lube everywhere. Later, laughing over a joint, I bemoaned to my companion that I could no longer be sure who I had had sex with. I think there was a pretty mixed group in there nationality wise. Still, my co-conspirator was American. And he certainly comes with my full degree of endorsement.

[Undertoad]

Happy for you having fun SG! Thanks for the story.

My theory is that ever since this movie:



All Brit women can get laid on holiday.

amirite?

[Carruthers]

It all sounds a bit tame to me. I am reliably informed that the Wendover over seventies knitting circle has wilder nights.

Carruthers

[Tulip]

Ahhhhhhhh....thanks for sharing, SD. Glad you had fun.

[lumberjim]

no pics? could you do a few diagrams then?

[DanaC]

Sundae! You brazen hussie you!

I am in awe of anyone who can actually put themselves into a situation like that. My curiosity would never sufficiently outweigh my cowardice and inhibitions, even in Amsterdam :P

[xoxoxoBruce]

I'm trying to figure out if you did more giving or receiving?

[Sundae]

Ummmm? Pass I think.

So, after leaving you with that thought for a couple of days, I'm ready to share some of my photos with you.

:::::WARNING:::::

Do not read when hungry.
There are a lot of photos of food.
In fact, after someone might have had a few too many "special" muffins, someone might have deleted a big chunk of touristy photos, leaving only pictures of food and a few street scenes...

Don't worry, none of sex shops or the Red Light District - those I took were wiped too.
And none of my lovely chaperone. Although I do have one in my Hotmail inbox for private contemplation. Lets put it this way, if you recognise him from that photo then you know him at least as well as I do

Kicking off. Food.
I went to La Oliva - the cheapest restaurant at the top of the TripAdvisor recommendations. It's a little tapas place in the Jordaan area of the city. It was quite close to my hotel, but then so were most things - great choice (back-patting here).

It wasn't tapas as we know it in this country, where you get smaller items, but more of them per serving. Properly it is called pinchos - tapas served on a bread or pastry based, usually secured by a stick (pincho literally means thorn or spike). It's big tapas basically, and you only get one of each item.

Walking into the restaurant alone was a little daunting. It was my first evening there, I hadn't yet had a chance to try out the idea that all Dutch people speak perfect English (they do) and had no idea what the set up was there. There was a long and very attractive display of food on the bar, no waiting staff to be seen, tables or stools at the bar.

As soon as I walked in however, the staff appeared, I was offered a seat on a stool (I do wish I'd asked for a table though, stools are not flattering to big behinds) and talked through the display of food. My goodness. There must have been 30 different items. Not only did my waiter remember each and every one, he was describing them to me in English. And let's face it, coming up with a translation for figs or caramelised onions is a step up from, "Where is the station?"

I was greedy (this is a theme, you'll notice) and had four. I really should have had three. I ate approx 3/4 of each one, so I did them justice. I have come home with a much larger capacity for food than I went there with, I can tell you.

Once you made your selection, the waiter disappeared with the food and it was cooked/ reheated/ finished (?) When it came back it was hot and yummy anyway.

The place was charming, the staff attentive and the food absolutely divine. I had fizzy water with my meal - and it was a BIG meal - and it came to less than 20 euros.

I can't quite remember what each dish was now!
Back left is a fig stuffed with something and blue cheese.
Back right has a fried egg on top (the Dutch love their eggs, more of that later) and I think proscuitto.
Front left was a gorgeously rich and creamy spinach tart.
Front right was mackerel on scrambled eggs and bread.
The lighting was dim, hence the poor quality of the photo!

[Sundae]

Actually, before the La Oliva adventure I had already eaten - no pics though. I went to another recommended place for brunch. I'd travelled through the night after all, arriving Central Amsterdam approx 11.00. So feeling terribly tired and a bit sick (I didn't sleep on the coach) I dropped off my bags and went on a walking tour.

My research paid off - while walking I saw so many of the things I read about - I was pretty well oriented from the word go from poring over the map so long. I walked out to Bagels & Beans. When I got in and stood still for the first time in about 20 hours, I felt the floor vibrating under my feet. I asked the waitress whether it was moving. It wasn't. I said, "I haven't been to a coffeeshop!"

Bless the Dutch, they're used to it. I went to sit outside just in case - it was very disconcerting. Only to find the cobbles under my feet were doing the same thing. The feeling didn't dissipate for hours! But that's why I was drinking water with my meal above anyway.

The next adventure after La Oliva was the tour of the Red Light District. Randy Roy's Red Light Tour to be exact. It cost 12.50 euros (all money will be in euros from now on - I can't be bothered to find the euro symbol!) which included a drink. Not bad for nearly two hours entertainment.

We were a group of six including me, and our guide, who moved from the Netherlands to America when he was nine, and came back on the death of his parents a couple of years ago. He obviously loved his city and was very proud of it. He was an informative and personable guide; he managed to talk to all of us about our lives in the course of the tour.

We went into places I would never have dared go. One alley in particular - the thinnest alley in Amsterdam, you had to squeeze sideways if anyone else was coming through - I simply would not have wanted to go through. There were girls working each side of it; you could easily touch both windows at the same time if you wanted to.

It was surprisingly full-on. As we went past a sex club the man on the door called out and offered us a family discount I'm pretty sure he was joking - there are quite a few Red Light Tours and he would have recognised us as such. The girls were very close to their windows, the pavements very narrow in places and they were very proactive, tapping on windows, beckoning people in. Some girls worked two to a booth - there was a specific area for girls offering threesomes. There were also areas for silicon, African, Asian etc.

We also went past the Casa Rosso - a famous sex cabaret. The notable thing about that was that the owner had bought swans at some point in the past, and released them onto the canal. They dispersed during the day, but at night came home to the stretch of canal in front of the club. There were dozens of them! So my Amsterdam tip - if you go to the Red Light District at night, take bread. Both kinds.

We ended in a locals bar. Very snug and cosy (gessilig). I wanted to go back there, but after all it would have been less fun on my own.

Below is a picture of a heron on a car, because I didn't take my camera to the RLD as advised. It's not dangerous, but the working girls will not tolerate photos being taken - to the extent they will charge out and "confiscate" your camera, so it's best to leave it in the hotel rather than be tempted.

[Sundae]

Down to Albert Cuypmarkt; the longest street market in Amsterdam.
It's in the De Pijp area of the city - the furthest reach from my hotel.

I did ask a uniformed iAmsterdam person which tram I needed to get, and where from, but he was too busy complimenting me on my hair and my bag to give much useful information! He did tell me which tram to get, but was hazy on the details, as he admitted he cycled everywhere.

That was a real surprise to me - the amount of cyclists. Yes, I know it's in all of the guidebooks, but until you see them en masse (as we did, coming though the Netherlands during rush hour) you can't really comprehend it.

I wish I'd taken a photo of some of them. They have their carriers on the front, like big wheelbarrows. Children, pets, shopping all ride in these. With panniers on the back of course. I saw a woman with a baby in a sling, another child and a dog in front AND talking on her mobile while negotiating traffic.

One of the wonderful things is the bridges across the canal are all raised. This means the road along the canal is humped too. It's great to sit beside a bridge and watch the bikes bob up and down, seemingly without effort, like fish rising out of the water. I'm sure plenty of effort is involved in both of course!

Digression over - I walked to the market and got the tram home. It was interesting to be sure. The most interesting thing I didn't purchase and didn't take a picture of - gutted. I was eyeing up a food stall and thought to myself, "Haha, that looks like a penis!" A closer look suggested, "That really does! It looks like a really accurate model of a cock!" It was. Cocks made out of chocolate to be precise, available in small, medium and large. I can't believe I didn't buy one for this year's Secret Santa. What a cock.

While there, I took the opportunity to visit another recommended place; La Tarte de Ma Tante. It's a fabulously camp and kitsch cafe and cake shop. In fact I'd already been to Kitsch Kitchen to buy a new bag (I needed one between the two sizes I had) and purse (I left mine at home!) The tablecloths are from there, so as the waitress pointed out I fitted right in. In fact all three came to talk to me while I was there, one about me hair, another about my sunglasses and the third as mentioned (she was serving me at the time).

I went for something chocolate with kirche. In the lickle bowl is cream and kirche syrup and a grape.

[Sundae]

Will you ever believe I don't have a sweet tooth again?
Nom nom nom.

[Sundae]

Okay, we're on a cakie theme now, why not?
These aren't necessarily chronological, but bear with me.

Went to the De Bejinkorf (the Beehive) - Amsterdam's version of Harrods. I whiled some time away there, but the most exciting things were the beautiful cakes. I didn't buy one - they were too big and too expensive for one little tourist on a budget, but pretty good value for money for two-four I think. Photos are free anyway, and I get to share them with you.

[Sundae]

And here are some cakies I did buy.
Blame certain substances for a certain condition occasionally called the munchies...
And yes it was cheaper to buy two

These were from a glorious patisserie just round the corner from my hotel - a shopping street not mentioned in any guidebooks but lovely all the same. I dallied there whenever I was headed in that direction.

There was a branch of Albert Heijn there, a Netherlands supermarket. Apparently it's the most expensive of the supermarkets, but as all tourists know a supermarket is much cheaper than eating out. And it was close! I bought some stroopwafels there, and a Dutch tulip vase as a present for my ma. Seen below with carnations in - tulips aren't out in this country yet. Okay so I didn't shop there instead of eating out, but I did buy my fizzy water there.

[Sundae]

Oops, I forgot to include the pic of the Heineken Brewey, on the way to Albert Cuypstraat.

I didn't go in this one - nor The House of Bols - because in the end I had so much else to do! But I will admit that one of the great things about being on the Continent is that they serve their beer is such little glasses! This meant that I could stop off in one of the many, many bars, have a lickle beer, go to the loo, rearrange my bag etc, and only pay a small amount of money and not have enough for the beer monster to kick in. I had a single beer with practically every meal, but I also drank litres of fizzy water and orange juice (guess where that was?) I was never drunk in Amsterdam, and I never felt out of control when I was out on the streets. Well, once. But I was being escorted home at the time. Americans have lovely safe arms

Anyway.
Here is the brewery and the view from a local bar just up from my hotel. The people in there were lovely - they all greeted me a la Cheers when they heard I was English. I felt quite proud that I was there for a small Amsterdam measure, and had my book to hand. No pint-swilling-football-hooligan/laddette me.

[Sundae]

And to Keuken van 1870.
Again, a TripAdvisor recommendation.
I didn't realise how close the Spui was to my hotel when I flagged it as a place to go. Basically I went down an alley (where the exit door to my hotel was anyway) and the first street I hit was Spuistraat. Home to Female and Partners, where I went to buy a vibrator (I didn't, too expensive) the Abraxis Coffeeshop (friendly staff, lovely muffins!) and 1870.

It was described as small and simple, with large portions for cheap prices. All correct. Again, not only did the waitress speak fluent and firendly English to me, but a waiter came over to talk about the Stephen King book I was reading. The waitress had mentioned it to him because he was a fan.

The next few pics are from there. No, I didn't finish my dinner. I did try though. Mussels and sides and a glass of lager cost me under 20 again. It might even have been under 15, I can't remember. The set menu is even less, but sadly that evening it had dishes on that I just didn't like. TBH I don't think I could have eaten three course there anyway, given the portion size!

The tables are long and scrubbed. When it's busy people are seated all together. That must be nice, but I was into early dinners and early nights on my trip - I was at breakfast for 08.30 every day after all - so as you can see it was almost empty on my visit. It was already filling up by the time I left though.