To fart or not to fart?

[dar512]

Wow, Els. I glossed over that in the colonoscopy thread. Large bowel only or small bowel too? Why'd they take it out?

If you don't mind talking about it.

[footfootfoot]

Originally Posted by sundaegirl

...running hell for leather across the hall to get pole position...

Meaning? Shouldn't this be in British expressions?

[DucksNuts]

We use that all the time over here too

[Sundae]

I did think these were in common usage, perhaps it was using them in immediate proximity that caused confusion.

Hell for leather just means fast - with overtones of pell-mell, incautious speed.

Pole position comes from Formula One - I tend to use it when someone expends a lot of effort to be first for very little benefit. My Dad & I also refer to parking spaces or seats with access for a quick departure as pole position too.

[Elspode]

Dar, I suffered from ulcerative colitis, rather severe, for about five years before they removed my colon (large bowel, in your terms) and left me with an ileostomy (end of small intestine, or the ileum is ported through the lower right quadrant of my abdomen).

The day after my surgery, my surgeon came into my room on his morning rounds and told me that sections of my colon had been viewed by the assembled residents at their morning meeting, and everyone agreed that it was the worst they'd ever seen. They apparently were surprised that it came out of someone who wasn't actually, oh...dead.

Anyway, it isn't attractive, it isn't convenient and the appliances I wear which are used to provide storage of bodily waste are damned expensive, even with insurance, but...I still get to be alive. Resonably fair tradeoff, I think.

[dar512]

Sorry to hear that, Els. It must have been disheartening to go through that.

But, we're all glad you're still here to tell the tale - albeit fartless.

[Elspode]

Fifteen years post-surgery, it isn't even close to the biggest deal in my life, but yeah, it was less than amusing at the time. My first wife, despite having been told by three different doctors that my condition was not caused by drinking and smoking, nor was it even particularly exacerbated by those habits, insisted on believing that I *was* to blame (my ex wife is very, very big on blame being assigned for everything which she believes to be bad. Strangely, I have rarely heard her blame herself for *anything*). My resulting physical modifications made me considerably less attractive to her, and so my ileostomy become one more piece of the complex puzzle that led to our separation and divorce about a year later.

I took that as a fairly big blow, but during the 90's I discovered that a reasonable sort of woman cared not a whit about such matters, and so I was blessed with sort of a second bachelorhood before meeting Selene. I learned a lot about myself and about others through it all.

Sometimes, things happen for a reason. Even crummy things. I try not to excessively dwell on my digestive modifications, but my inherent insecurities over it do raise their ugly heads from time to time. Despite never having had an actual unplesant interpersonal situation due to it, outside of my first wife, that is, I have some issues as Selene and I continue to explore the poly status of our marriage. I know that *she* loves me and is unperturbed by the thing, but it has always been a dicey feeling when arriving at the moment of doffing the knickers and getting down to business with someone who was previously unaware of my streamlining.

But at least I don't have to worry about ripping a big fart in the sack with someone for the first time.

[chrisinhouston]

http://video.google.com/videoplay?do...23234536114937

good one on this subject!

[chrisinhouston]

one more!

http://video.google.com/videoplay?do...15031762550618

[footfootfoot]

homegirl,Il Inchelino, and I were at Targe the other night, and she let one fly that was full bodied. She said, 'let's get out of here, quick' and steered the cart away just as another woman came walking into our 'area'.

I couldn't look back, but I can only imagine the effect.

[dar512]

Years and years ago when I worked at the phone company, I had one of my cruder moments. I had just finished lunch which included a bottle of root beer. The phone rang and it was just the time when Mrs Dar (then my fiance) would call. I had built up quite a bit of internal pressure by then and I picked up the phone and let go of the largest burp I think I've ever had.

Fortunately, it was Mrs Dar. I couldn't stop laughing. She was not amused. It must not have offended her too much, because she married me anyway.

[busterb]

They didn't let the air out yesterday when finished the Colonoscopy? So I stopped in a curb store and boy it hit me. Folks kinda got out of line behind me. Relief Oh boy and it went on all night.

[Elspode]

You should have turned to them, smiled, and said, "Sorry, but I'm the world's largest untapped source of natural gas, and it was time that I got tapped."

[BigV]

(One of) the best lines ever:

"Did you fart?!"

"Hell yes, I farted! You don't think I smell like this all the time, do you?!"

[footfootfoot]

<-- Tallulah Bankhead