Another Fight

[Sundae]

Originally Posted by Ibram

Coming from a bi 15-year-old, I say that nobody can tell me or anyone else what my or their sexuality is or isn't. You can think what you want, but I know I like the boy-folk and the girl-folk.

It is honestly the voice of experience (i.e. age) talking. There is a big difference between being interested in people of the same sex and having a satisfying long term relationship with them.

I thought I was bisexual when I was at school because I was turned on by women as well as men. I went to a gay club in my late teens and had to walk out - not because it was too full-on for me, but because I was so turned on by seeing women kiss eachother I didn't know where to look.

But I realised over the years that I would never go beyond isolated physical experience with a woman - I still find some women a turn-on, but I don't want a girlfriend.

I don't think anyone here is trying to tell anyone else that they don't know how they feel. It's just that openly labelling yourself is rarely necessary - it comes up in conversation when it's relevant.

So my answer to Renn is don't let anyone pressure you into something you're not ready for. If you're not comfortable wearing your personal feelings like a badge then that's your choice. Just try & keep the lies to a minimum. If you two do end up making a life together your friends and family won't appreciate the previous deceit.

[mrnoodle]

lol

When I was 15 I would've humped almost anything that couldn't get away. And I was still 5 years away from my first sexual experience. 3 years. something like that. The girl I was "in love" with gave me a completely different set of butterflies in my stomach than those who I just wanted to make out with. Literally EVERYthing turned me on except animals, children, and Bea Arthur (and Bea had her moments). I fantasized about every single person in my class - male, female, beautiful, ugly - just to "see what it would be like" in my head. It wasn't until several years later that I realized I was suffering from raw, undirected, unbridled horniness, and not some kind of personality disorder.

Thank goodness I didn't get to act out any of my multitude of fantasies -- I'd have 20 kids, a list of STDs as long as my arm, and whatever baggage comes from a career in porn.

I don't know what the point of this is really, other than the fact that you should not make any life-altering decisions about anything until you -- no offense -- grow your brains the rest of the way. Some knowledge comes only from watching someone crash and burn...the less crashing of your own you do, the fewer scars you'll have. You might think you know how shit's gonna turn out at 15, but you just don't. Unfortunately there's no way to internalize that fact until you're 25 and look at it in retrospect

[Undertoad]

When I was in college they brought in a sex researcher to lecture the Freshmen. It was very helpful.

The first thing he taught, and underlined hard, was S.N.F. - Sex is a Natural Function. Which erased a lot of the mysterious nature of it and all the levels of crap people attach to it. Under all those levels, it's a natural human function.

Then, when it comes to determining your sexual situation there are sorta like three "levels".

1 You think about it
2 You fantasize about it
3 You do it

So I thought, on hearing this, OK, I would like to know if I'm gay. I would like to know if there's a gay part of me somehow. So, I thought about gay sex. Yes, I found, I can think about it. Then I tried to fantasize about it. And I found that thinking never crossed the line into fantasizing about it, even if I purposefuly tried.

It was at that point, I believe, that any fear or worry about homosexuality left me and I was able to then deal with teh ghey completely, which was important because I was involved in theatre which meant that 50% of my friends would come out over the next 4 years.

[Sundae]

Can I add:

4. You carry on doing it and don't get bored

[Elspode]

Originally Posted by Ibram

Elspode, I think the point is not coming out of the closet as much as coming out as going out with a girl. She said her mother already knows shes bi, right?

If you mean "coming out with this *particular* girl", yeah, maybe. But that really isn't how it has sounded to me thus far. Either way, pushing Vrai to do something that she isn't sure she wants to do smacks of insensitivity to me. I mean, it isn't like she's being asked to give up smack or something, which might be arguable in the other direction.

[xoxoxoBruce]

Sounds to me like a, "Prove that you love me" challenge by an insecure girl. Especially, when they both claim to want to withhold sex for a few years.
Does this girl feel if Vrai "comes out", they'll be able to "pet" in front of Vrai's parents? Vrai said this girl has "come out" to her parents, IIRC, yet they worry about being caught "petting" at her house.

I wouldn't be forced, coerced or pressured by this girl. I see no benefit to you and possibly some harm by taking a position at this point.
Like elspode said, the guys would be all over you, and if you think this girl's pressuring you, well you ain't seen nuthin yet. Of course you might be able to convince your folks that coming out is a ploy to attract the boys. Remember coming out is a declaration of your sexual preference and everyone (including parents) will assume you have to be sexually active to make that choice.

I'm rambling...uh, thinking out loud.
Bottom line ....don't do it.