Do guys really care about a girls sexual history? - Page 3

sully58 · 05-03-2006, 07:07 PM

I don't think that it should count, if you WANT it to count, then count it....but if not, don't worry about it. I'm sure some people would consider it countable...and some not...a matter of opinion.

So here's another question for the group...If someone should meet someone and they are honest with the other person about the past, and it just so happens that there ISN'T a clean bill of health, what would be your response to this person. Is there enough feelings toward that person to stay by them, or do you split? And they didn't get that "thing" from being promiscuous, but just past partners were never honest with them. Is this getting confusing yet?

DucksNuts · 05-04-2006, 04:28 AM

Uhuh Sully, I'm confused...dont worry though, it happens easily

Anyways, Iggy, I would say same sex counts...if it was a sexual act. Dunno about a number, it seems a tough call.

It doesnt phase me in the least, so I wouldnt care or ask the number of my partner.

10 in 10 years? shit, I dont know, too many other things come into play. What if you had a partner for 9 years and 11 months, then just went out and screwed around a bit?

Too hard

When in doubt, shut your mouth seems to be a good thing.

Sully, would depend on the "thing" for me and my feelings towards the guy.

I would like to say I would stay around regardless, but..well..I'm not perfect.

Iggy · 05-04-2006, 12:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sully58

I don't think that it should count, if you WANT it to count, then count it....but if not, don't worry about it. I'm sure some people would consider it countable...and some not...a matter of opinion.

So here's another question for the group...If someone should meet someone and they are honest with the other person about the past, and it just so happens that there ISN'T a clean bill of health, what would be your response to this person. Is there enough feelings toward that person to stay by them, or do you split? And they didn't get that "thing" from being promiscuous, but just past partners were never honest with them. Is this getting confusing yet?

I didn’t really think it counted, but I wanted to know other’s opinions on it too.

Hmmm… I think it really depends on the circumstances Sully. If the person is comfortable with it, then I think that they should stick around. Also, if you are being honest with them then they should stick around. My response would depend on several things. Like how long I knew them, what wasn’t clean about them, and if there was any way I could keep from getting it.

I think that if the person got it from a dishonest partner, it would make me more likely to be willing to do something with them. But the fear of catching it would still be there. There is a huge difference between being promiscuous and having dated a dishonest person.

Munchkin · 05-04-2006, 12:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sully58

So here's another question for the group...If someone should meet someone and they are honest with the other person about the past, and it just so happens that there ISN'T a clean bill of health, what would be your response to this person. Is there enough feelings toward that person to stay by them, or do you split? And they didn't get that "thing" from being promiscuous, but just past partners were never honest with them. Is this getting confusing yet?

Not confusing at all. I can only speak for myself here. It depends a lot on waht they had...If its HIV or AIDS, I doubt I would continue the relationship. It is sad, but Im being honest. I want a family eventually and contracting AIDS wouldnt help. If it was anything else and I enjoyed the persons company, I would continue to see them but would probably refrain from any kinda real sexual contact until we were totally commited. After that...play it safe. I wouldnt end a relationship because of it.

Its a sad fact that in this day in age, a very large portion of the population has had an STD. Some are more serious than others... I just wouldnt judge someone for it and risk missing out on a great relationship.

Also, its not always promiscuity OR dishonesty. There are some STDS like HPV (warts) that are really only detectable if you have an outbreak. People can be a carrier and never have an outbreak...therefor infecting someone without even knowing it.

sully58 · 05-04-2006, 01:36 PM

Thanks for the thoughts, I had trouble with this in one relationship and couldn't figure out what to do exactly. Luckily, I didn't HAVE to find out because the relationship ended on other terms that had nothing to do with STD's or anything of the sort.

So what I'm hearing people say is that if it's something extreme like AIDS or HIV, that would alter the relationship, but for the most part, if it's an STD, and the relationship is honest and good, you'd stick around? I'd hope so if the feelings are there. That was one thing that he was worried about, worried about not being able to find anyone because of this virus. I've read several articles and statistics before...and you'd be AMAZED about the percentage of people, even college aged students, that have these diseases. About 2/3 of all college students have this. Amazing isn't it?

zippyt · 06-02-2006, 08:51 PM

the truth is ALL ways best , the lies will fall apart eventualy ( spellin )

lookout123 · 06-02-2006, 10:46 PM

Pman - your best response at finally hearing the magical number 23 would have been, "ok, now we've covered your family... how many non-family members have you been with."
then again, i'm not exactly the relationship guru these days.

sully58 · 06-03-2006, 12:28 PM

pman-wow...I'm really impressed. That reflects on so much of your character. Compliments to whoever raised you and taught you well. Your value of honesty and integrity are high, which is rare to find in this day. I think we need more people like that, especially since this is what society has to deal with now. If more people were open and honest, forgiving and accepting, I think things would be a heck of a lot different. She would have been so lucky to have someone like you in her life, but because of her choices, it costed her. Thanks for the story..it's given hope to those of us who haven't met anyone like that before!

Aliantha · 06-04-2006, 01:30 AM

I never really kept count of my sexual partners but one day the girls and I were having drinks and it came up as a topic of conversation. We all ended up sitting around counting out the different blokes we'd been with and we were all amazed to realize that we'd all been with far more men than we'd have said if asked the question and the answer had been expected on the spot. I know I for one was reminded of one or two who I'd 'forgotten' about for one reason or another.

I would say that I've had a fairly colourful past as far as sexual partners is concerned, but I don't think it's really anyone's business but my own. If someone asked me how many men I'd been with - and it has been asked before by men I'm no longer with - I'd say, enough to know how to please you, but not enough to know how to please your father.

It's true though that women who have had multiple partners are viewed differently than men with the same figures. But the people that matter don't judge you for it, and that's the important thing. If someone can't accept you for who you are and where you've been, then they're not worth having anyway.

06-04-2006, 11:36 AM

If you get into the conversation, you need to tell the truth... If you don't plan on telling to truth you need to say so. "None of your business" or "I don't want to say/talk about it". If you lie, you get what you deserve when it comes out.

P-Man · 06-04-2006, 06:58 PM

I'm not a fan of promiscuous behavior for men or women. However, I know there's a double standard and that's not cool. I'll just say this -there are some reasons for that double standard. In general, women have far more opportunities for sex. By nature, men are usually the pursuer when it comes to sex (notice I said usually, there are definitely exceptions to the rule).

With that being said, men (at least those looking for a relationship and not a one night stand) prefer those ladies that show some restraint when it comes to sex. We know that most women could go out every night and find a willing guy to do the nasty with (that's a scientific term). As crass and unfair as it is, most guys I know tend to separate women into two categories: those you take home to see Mom, and those you take home for the night.

When it comes to a long-term relationship, men want to be with those women that have shared their bodies with only a few deserving people. It makes us feel like we're getting something special. Is it stupid? Maybe. Egotistical and unfair? Probably. But that's the way it is. When it comes to serious relationships, men will always prefer women that have been more selective over those women with a more promiscuous past.

zippyt · 06-04-2006, 11:02 PM

Ahh , but experence RULES !!! on both sides !!!
" No I don't like to do that , BUT I do like to do this !!! "

Aliantha · 06-05-2006, 03:21 AM

P-Man...I don't think it's fair of you to suggest that 'men will always prefer women that have been more selective over those women with a more promiscuous past'. For one thing, I don't think you can speak for all men. That implies that you think your moral views are superior to others. For another thing, I know for a fact that your statement is not true.

Undertoad · 06-05-2006, 07:22 AM

Definitely not true.

I wouldn't get too pissed off at a woman who threw me a white lie on her number, early in the relationship. To do so, is admitting there is a double standard, then almost arbitrarily punishing the woman for living according to it.

The point at which the double standard doesn't apply and honesty is the rule, is the point at which I make clear, as a man, that I don't work by this double standard, and don't care if the number is 3 or 30 or 300 because the past is the past. If she still lies at that point, there is a problem in the relationship.

P-Man · 06-05-2006, 09:40 AM

OK, sorry if I caused a little stir there. Among the guys I know, that's definitely the preference though. That's not to say that none of us will date a woman with a past. Just to say that given a choice (and all other factors being equal) the guys that I know would rather date a woman who hasn't been promiscuous. I also don't think that it's a stretch to say that most men would prefer a less promiscuous women.

I'm not saying that it's a deal breaker. Would I trade in a promiscuous girl that treats me like gold for a virgin that treats me like crap? Hell no. First, I don't want a virgin, secondly, that's just not a good trade. All I'm saying is that given a choice, most guys I know (there's your disclaimer) prefer to seriously date girls who have been selective. Sorry if I've offended everyone. NOt my intention.

05-03-2006, 07:07 PM	#1
sully58 Disorderly Disciplinarian Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: USA Posts: 21	I don't think that it should count, if you WANT it to count, then count it....but if not, don't worry about it. I'm sure some people would consider it countable...and some not...a matter of opinion. So here's another question for the group...If someone should meet someone and they are honest with the other person about the past, and it just so happens that there ISN'T a clean bill of health, what would be your response to this person. Is there enough feelings toward that person to stay by them, or do you split? And they didn't get that "thing" from being promiscuous, but just past partners were never honest with them. Is this getting confusing yet? __________________ When God closes a door, he always opens a window!

05-04-2006, 01:36 PM	#5
sully58 Disorderly Disciplinarian Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: USA Posts: 21	Thanks for the thoughts, I had trouble with this in one relationship and couldn't figure out what to do exactly. Luckily, I didn't HAVE to find out because the relationship ended on other terms that had nothing to do with STD's or anything of the sort. So what I'm hearing people say is that if it's something extreme like AIDS or HIV, that would alter the relationship, but for the most part, if it's an STD, and the relationship is honest and good, you'd stick around? I'd hope so if the feelings are there. That was one thing that he was worried about, worried about not being able to find anyone because of this virus. I've read several articles and statistics before...and you'd be AMAZED about the percentage of people, even college aged students, that have these diseases. About 2/3 of all college students have this. Amazing isn't it? __________________ When God closes a door, he always opens a window!

06-02-2006, 08:51 PM	#6
zippyt LONG LIVE KING ZIPPY! per Feetz Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Arkansas Posts: 7,661	the truth is ALL ways best , the lies will fall apart eventualy ( spellin ) __________________ "Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get. " Brother Dave Gardner

06-02-2006, 10:46 PM	#7
lookout123 changed his status to single Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Right behind you. No, the other side. Posts: 10,308	Pman - your best response at finally hearing the magical number 23 would have been, "ok, now we've covered your family... how many non-family members have you been with." then again, i'm not exactly the relationship guru these days. __________________ Getting knocked down is no sin, it's not getting back up that's the sin

06-03-2006, 12:28 PM	#8
sully58 Disorderly Disciplinarian Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: USA Posts: 21	pman-wow...I'm really impressed. That reflects on so much of your character. Compliments to whoever raised you and taught you well. Your value of honesty and integrity are high, which is rare to find in this day. I think we need more people like that, especially since this is what society has to deal with now. If more people were open and honest, forgiving and accepting, I think things would be a heck of a lot different. She would have been so lucky to have someone like you in her life, but because of her choices, it costed her. Thanks for the story..it's given hope to those of us who haven't met anyone like that before! __________________ When God closes a door, he always opens a window!

05-04-2006, 04:28 AM	#2
DucksNuts Bitchy Little Brat Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Queensland, Australia Posts: 5,067	Uhuh Sully, I'm confused...dont worry though, it happens easily Anyways, Iggy, I would say same sex counts...if it was a sexual act. Dunno about a number, it seems a tough call. It doesnt phase me in the least, so I wouldnt care or ask the number of my partner. 10 in 10 years? shit, I dont know, too many other things come into play. What if you had a partner for 9 years and 11 months, then just went out and screwed around a bit? Too hard When in doubt, shut your mouth seems to be a good thing. Sully, would depend on the "thing" for me and my feelings towards the guy. I would like to say I would stay around regardless, but..well..I'm not perfect.

06-04-2006, 01:30 AM	#9
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	I never really kept count of my sexual partners but one day the girls and I were having drinks and it came up as a topic of conversation. We all ended up sitting around counting out the different blokes we'd been with and we were all amazed to realize that we'd all been with far more men than we'd have said if asked the question and the answer had been expected on the spot. I know I for one was reminded of one or two who I'd 'forgotten' about for one reason or another. I would say that I've had a fairly colourful past as far as sexual partners is concerned, but I don't think it's really anyone's business but my own. If someone asked me how many men I'd been with - and it has been asked before by men I'm no longer with - I'd say, enough to know how to please you, but not enough to know how to please your father. It's true though that women who have had multiple partners are viewed differently than men with the same figures. But the people that matter don't judge you for it, and that's the important thing. If someone can't accept you for who you are and where you've been, then they're not worth having anyway. __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

06-04-2006, 11:36 AM	#10
rkzenrage Guest Posts: n/a	If you get into the conversation, you need to tell the truth... If you don't plan on telling to truth you need to say so. "None of your business" or "I don't want to say/talk about it". If you lie, you get what you deserve when it comes out.

06-04-2006, 06:58 PM	#11
P-Man Rapscallion Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 5	I'm not a fan of promiscuous behavior for men or women. However, I know there's a double standard and that's not cool. I'll just say this -there are some reasons for that double standard. In general, women have far more opportunities for sex. By nature, men are usually the pursuer when it comes to sex (notice I said usually, there are definitely exceptions to the rule). With that being said, men (at least those looking for a relationship and not a one night stand) prefer those ladies that show some restraint when it comes to sex. We know that most women could go out every night and find a willing guy to do the nasty with (that's a scientific term). As crass and unfair as it is, most guys I know tend to separate women into two categories: those you take home to see Mom, and those you take home for the night. When it comes to a long-term relationship, men want to be with those women that have shared their bodies with only a few deserving people. It makes us feel like we're getting something special. Is it stupid? Maybe. Egotistical and unfair? Probably. But that's the way it is. When it comes to serious relationships, men will always prefer women that have been more selective over those women with a more promiscuous past.

06-04-2006, 11:02 PM	#12
zippyt LONG LIVE KING ZIPPY! per Feetz Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Arkansas Posts: 7,661	Ahh , but experence RULES !!! on both sides !!! " No I don't like to do that , BUT I do like to do this !!! " __________________ "Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get. " Brother Dave Gardner

06-05-2006, 03:21 AM	#13
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	P-Man...I don't think it's fair of you to suggest that 'men will always prefer women that have been more selective over those women with a more promiscuous past'. For one thing, I don't think you can speak for all men. That implies that you think your moral views are superior to others. For another thing, I know for a fact that your statement is not true. __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

06-05-2006, 07:22 AM	#14
Undertoad Radical Centrist Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Cottage of Prussia Posts: 31,423	Definitely not true. I wouldn't get too pissed off at a woman who threw me a white lie on her number, early in the relationship. To do so, is admitting there is a double standard, then almost arbitrarily punishing the woman for living according to it. The point at which the double standard doesn't apply and honesty is the rule, is the point at which I make clear, as a man, that I don't work by this double standard, and don't care if the number is 3 or 30 or 300 because the past is the past. If she still lies at that point, there is a problem in the relationship.

06-05-2006, 09:40 AM	#15
P-Man Rapscallion Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 5	OK, sorry if I caused a little stir there. Among the guys I know, that's definitely the preference though. That's not to say that none of us will date a woman with a past. Just to say that given a choice (and all other factors being equal) the guys that I know would rather date a woman who hasn't been promiscuous. I also don't think that it's a stretch to say that most men would prefer a less promiscuous women. I'm not saying that it's a deal breaker. Would I trade in a promiscuous girl that treats me like gold for a virgin that treats me like crap? Hell no. First, I don't want a virgin, secondly, that's just not a good trade. All I'm saying is that given a choice, most guys I know (there's your disclaimer) prefer to seriously date girls who have been selective. Sorry if I've offended everyone. NOt my intention.

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