Decisions....

[Sun_Sparkz]

Wont you please, please, help me...

Someone just toss a coin and let the intermediary of the cosmos tell me which way to go.

Broke up with my SO on New Years 06/07 - it hurt a little but no tears were shed from my naïve little eyes. We still have been living together - but he is only home 2 nights per week as he is a teacher out in the outback and comes home on weekends - and we hadnt figured it was urgent to move out - we have a huge house and just rearranged it so we each had our own personal space.

worked for me - didnt for him.

Over the last month or so i began to really enjoy single life - i felt free and like my wings were unfolding and i was learnign to fly on my own and i felt SO GOOD about myself. i was going out 3 nights per week, made lots of new friends and went on about 5 really nice dates in that time. (not because im searching for another relationship, but just for fun and to meet new people)

Anyway, my ex suddenly decided that he was terribly sorry for how he took advantage of me and begged me to take him back. he got very ambitious about it and was quite impressive in his quest to win me back. so about a week and a half ago i decided to give him another half hearted shot - and he has been bending over backwards (sorry for the visual) to be nice to me. but i found myself being cold and disinterested in him.

Feeling neglected, he woke up yesterday morning, wrote a letter of resignation and emailed me to tell me he had quit his job and was moving to the Coffs Coast (some 800kilometres away) because he was sick of the hurting.

I dont know why - but i lost it. i flipped out - told him to hold off the resignation until we talk, and I apologised for not trying hard enough. i completely pandered to his emotions and he drove 5 hours home to see me so we could spend last night cuddling and "sorrying" our way back to perfection land. But now he has gone again and i feel so much better that he is gone. i feel like me again.

Why did i react like this? I dont think im ready to settle down - but then im not ready to lose him either.

on one side of the coin i have what i know is a wonderful bond and great friendship with a gorgeous, intelligent guy.

on the other side of the coin i have freedom - living a single, independant life and getting major satisfaction that i can do it on my own. and having fun meeting new people and dating etc. i also had ambitions to go overseas for a while solo and fend for myself over there.

now i am in limbo - i know i have to make a decision fast to minimise the damage and so i can focus on where i am going.. but i just dont know what to do.

Both options have similar positives, and the negatives of each are simply that you cannot have the other option.