Let them eat cake!

Thanks Dana and Rich. Every now and then I really lose my temper (a symptom of my neurological dificulties). They give me xanax to take as needed, but sometimes, I'll post before the stuff kicks in.

I don't mean to whine "poor me." Its the the thousands and thousands of other folks in this country who live in exactly the same conditions I do - even far worse.

9th engineer if you're that interested, PM me. It involves a lot of brain chemistry and neurological stuff, so your eyes may glaze over. Warning you in advance!

This Holiday season, just remember those less fortunate with something better than a can of 3 year old creamed corn. A little boy or girl somewhere will thank you for it!

PS And Busterb, I depend on a lot of smoked/frozen meat, too, given to me by a kind neighbor with a ranch.

[Aliantha]

Do you have programs over there for giving to less fortunate people at this time of year (outside the usual charities etc)?

Over here Kmart has a wishing tree where you can put a new present for kids who otherwise wont have a present at christmas time. you just put a lable on it saying what age boy or girl it should go to. I think it's a lovely idea.

[wolf]

Sounds like it's time for you to get another reporter to do a story on you so you can live off the donations like the last time.

Gosh, I've been having endless computer woes. I sent a reply that I thought got posted, but it didn't.

Let's try again. My heartfelt thanks to those who understand. I really didn't mean to go on a "poor me" crying jag, but one of my symptoms is sudden bouts of anger that seem to come out of nowhere. They give me xanax for this, but sometimes I kick in before the xanax do.

Anyhow, what disturbs me is not just my own situation, but the plight of the poor and disabled in the US, in general. 12% below the poverty line - incredible for a wealthy country such as ours. Since I am forced to sit in a lot of clinics for the poor, food stamp offices, etc., I see and hear things that simply break my heart. I want so much to help, but I can't.

9th Engineer, if you are interested in a medical synopsis of my condition. pm me; but be aware that you'l be reading through a lot of medical stuff until your eyes glaze over.

Busterb, I eat a lot of smoked and frozen meat, too. A kindly rancher in the area drops off packs of meat for me every now and then.

To everyone: There really are people in this country who are poor thru no fault of their own. Instead of a 4 year old can of creamed corn, why not go down to the local food bank this month and donate fresh milk, butter, fresh bread, fresh fruit and vegetables, or 20 inexpensive stuffed animals for the little kids who come down with their parents.

May God bless each and everyone!

Originally Posted by wolf

Sounds like it's time for you to get another reporter to do a story on you so you can live off the donations like the last time.

I am having lots of computer wierdness as I mentioned above. This reply may or may not go through. If it doesn't, I won't try reposting it. You're a tough girl, Wolf, so here you go:

I take it then, that you have studied the work being carried out at the University of California by of John Edmond, PhD. Just which part of his hypothesis do you object to? The part where he identifies oxidative stress as the cellular injury caused by chronic mild carbon monoxide exposure? Or where he hypothesizes, accompanying conditions may include carbon monoxide acting as a rogue neuro-modulator perturbing carbon monoxide-like regulatory processes that are involved in cell signaling?


Surely, you agree with Ellenhorn and Barceloux writing in the peer reviewed monograph, Medical Toxicology - Diagnosis and Treatment of Human Poisoning. New York, NY: Elsevier Science Publishing Co., Inc. 1988., p. 823]

Severe carbon monoxide poisoning produces anatomic changes (e.g., cerebral edema, hemorrhagic focal necrosis, venodilation, petechiae, perivascular infarct). Bilateral necrosis of the globus pallidus is the characteristic lesion of carbon monoxide toxicity. Other vulnerable areas of the cerebral gray matter include the substantia nigra, hippocampus, cerebral cortex, and cerebellum. These histopathological changes are indistinguishable from other causes such as hypoxia, cardiorespiratory arrest, hypoglycemia, and cyanide poisoning. Rarely, a postanoxic demyelination occurs that follows an initial recovery and progresses to irritability, confusion, coma and death. A 'moth-eaten' appearance characterizes this anoxic leukoencephalopathy in which most of the damage appears in the gray matter of the cerebral cortex, pallidum, thalamus, and cerebellar cortex.

I suggest you get a copy. It’s a real page-turner.

Here’s some more from the above two scientists writing in the same monograph as above:

Neurologic sequelae include visual loss, dementia, retardation, constructional apraxia, temporospacial disorientation, memory loss, dysphasia, personality changes, concentration deficits, and frank psychosis. Parkinson's disease does occur after acute carbon monoxide exposures but is very rare. After initial recovery from carbon monoxide exposure patients may develop neurologic symptoms (apathy, mutism, amnesia, urinary incontinence, headache, irritability, personality changes, confusion, memory loss, visual changes) within 2 to 4 weeks of exposure.

I could go on and on, but I’m sure you studied all this stuff in your cartography 101 class years, ago.

Note that the neurological sequelae (that means after effects) INCLUDE the symptoms above, but never in the literature that I have researched, have I found a patient exhibiting every one of these symptoms all at once. CO exposure seldom impact’s one’s long-term memory – not very severely, anyhow. Nor does it necessarily impact their over-all intelligence – although mine has dropped to my dismay.

I can read a scientific paper (taking notes all the while) because I have a BA and a Master’s degree in biology. While you were writing papers on contour mapping and urban geography, I was studying mitochondria, synapses, embryology, chemistry, and physics. I still have that knowledge even though I don’t know what day of the week it is, get lost going places I’ve been 10 times before, forget faces, have severe panic attacks, and can get irritable as hell out of nowhere. These things make it damn hard to hold down a job no matter how smart or stupid you may be.

Now, if it is your scientific hypothesis that I gave up work I loved that paid decent money, and decided to be homeless for a while and then live a life of terror on how I’m going to survive on the SSDI I paid into for 30 years; I suggest you check yourself into your own institution for thorough testing. Don’t forget the neuropych eval.

[DanaC]

Sounds like it's time for you to get another reporter to do a story on you so you can live off the donations like the last time.

Wow. That's about as heartless as it gets. IF Mari did benefit from donations as a result of a story, then good! I can't think of many people on this Cellar more deserving of a little good fortune. Do you say that to al the people who have benefitted from donations as a result of newspaper stories? Maybe the little boy in my ward whose parents had to raise money for stem cell treatment? Newspapers covered it, people ran marathons for him.....people donated sums of money. How mercenary of him and his parents to use the media for their own gain.

Mari, don't let shit like that get to you. I don't know if you did benefit from donations, but I hope you did. Plenty of people get press coverage and get paid who don't need/deserve that payday.

Originally Posted by DanaC

Wow. That's about as heartless as it gets. IF Mari did benefit from donations as a result of a story, then good!

Wolf enjoys goading me into responding to her. If I lose my temper, she wins. About the only person around I know who can read my response to Wolf and understand it is Labrat. Wolf is not a neurologist, and she certainly didn't write her thesis on the sequelae of chronic CO poisoning. This doesn't stop her from taking jabs at me and running like a bully on a playground.

I did get some donations from the people who read the story. That money helped me survive the last few months until my SSDI came through.

I had approached the newspaper 6 months before because I was furious that Colorado had cut its stipend to the Needy And Disabled (AND) to a mere $130.00/month. In the US it can take months, even years for the Feds to approve an SSDI application. In the interim, all the needy disabled have to live off is $130/month (think they may have upped that slightly by now).

I wanted to write the story of what the Colorado State Legislature was doing to the disabled of the state, and how many were dying for lack of medical care, food, and shelter.

The reporter liked the idea of the story, but she wanted to write the story herself, using me as the focal point. I am a very private person and I did not want my life splashed all over the paper. So, I refused.

After I lost my home, I went through 6 months of hell and met many people in the same predicament as me or worse. I decided that if telling my story would raise public awareness in Colorado Springs about what was really going on in this state, I needed to tell it. I went into that reporter's office shaking, and asked, "do you still want to do that story?"

So maybe Wolf is right. Its time for another newspaper story. Maybe this time in the Denver Post.

[orthodoc]

Originally Posted by marichiko

Instead of a 4 year old can of creamed corn, why not go down to the local food bank this month and donate fresh milk, butter, fresh bread, fresh fruit and vegetables, or 20 inexpensive stuffed animals for the little kids who come down with their parents.

I really wish our local food banks would take fresh foods like the ones you suggest - they always specify non-perishables. I've always felt bad giving canned goods and nothing else. I don't know if it's liability fears (i.e. giving some sour milk or something else 'off' that could make someone sick) that lead the food banks to do this; probably something like that. Our parish got around that by offering a regular food bank to about 200 families who subscribe (we advertised the thing, thought it would take a couple of weeks to fill the spots and were filled in a day or two). They come on specific days to collect their groceries, and that way we can have fresh foods that aren't past their dates.

[Trilby]

mari, when your SSDI did come through, how much did you get, lump sum? For some reason I'm thinking 23,000$ American; could be wrong, though. the fact that you allowed a man to manipulate you out of that money is no one's fault but your own. Myself, I've never had more than 6,000$ at one time.

Via your own logic, it is up to the average tax-payer to come through for you despite your hideous mistakes via personal relationships: Ok. Obviously, those tax-payers did just that by sending you cash donations. Good for them.

The fact that you are very intelligent and literate and articulate makes me think two things: #1) you are better off, educationally and socially, than the average American worker; and #2) you could, if you wanted, get off the dole very, very easily with virtually no tax on your current brain condition. Can't recall what day it is? Hire someone for 20.00/day to remind you. Even better-get a watch that tells the time/date/moon phase. Can't figure out the right route to take? get a cab; make those who hire you for your expert knowledge pay for it OR, get a GPS or similar. With all of your expertise and knowledge, it's kind of a slap in the face to those who need you that you don't work to the very best of your ability.

You COULD be productive if you wished. But, you don't wish.


I'm sorry things are so hideous for you. Perhaps you could make things better by applying all that logic and vocabulary AND ability to changing policy nation-wide.

I do know a thing or two about people on disability. Actually, more than a thing or two. I realize I am in Ohio, but Ohioans on disability enjoy so much more than you present...and I think (THINK--don't know) Colorado is richer than Ohio.


If Colorado is NOt RICHER than Ohio, I beg, on my disabled knees, for mercy.

[LabRat]

Originally Posted by marichiko

Now, if it is your scientific hypothesis that I gave up work I loved that paid decent money...

What did you used to be able to do? I forgot/never knew.

Please don't insult the rest of the cellar, including Wolf, by implying I'm the only one who can use a medical dictionary. Thanks for posting that. I finally have a solid hypothesis regarding the cause of your holier than thou personality.

You used to have more interesting things to say. Now all I read is waa waa waa, poor me.

Too bad.

[Trilby]

labrat, LOADS of disability claims are Psychiatric in nature. Methinks Mari has actual psych issues that she is unwilling to disclose. Fine--no law, no where, says she has to. It's her right to nondisclosure and privacy and I respect that. What I DON'T respect is her special pleadings. There are TONS and TONS more needy Americans than Mari. My objection is that she continually begs my purse and pocketbook....and moral fiber as well. If I was ONLY GOOD enough, I'd support Mari--coz I don't? I'm a horrid person.

I can't really make that jive.

[LabRat]

Bri, ???

A person with a mental disabilty is due just as much as one with a physical one. Broke is broke. End of story.

I don't mind part of my earnings going into the pot to help those that need it due to disability. It might be me whose brain shorts out for good and I end up SOL.

What drives me cuckoo is Mari's fucking bitching and moaning about how bad she's got it. Puh-leese. Maybe it's her mental ilness that makes her this way, I don't know, or care. That's why, since I can't know, I ignore her posts for the most part.

I wasn't attacking you in any way shape or form.

[LabRat]

BTW, my hypothesis was that her posts/stories are full of holes because her brain is. (see "moth-eaten") It was a bad joke, sorry.

[DanaC]

I don't think this is a case of Mari bitching about how bad she has it....I think she is extrapolating out from her own experience and her own interaction with others in similar situations to suggest that a great many Americans are needlessly suffering hardship.

Thanks for posting that. I finally have a solid hypothesis regarding the cause of your holier than thou personality.

I don't see a holier than thou personality, I see somebody who has been goaded by nasty comments into making a dig back. We're all human.

mari, when your SSDI did come through, how much did you get, lump sum? For some reason I'm thinking 23,000$ American;

I doubt that. I could be wrong, but from what Mari's said to me in the past about entitlement, it wasn't at that sort of level.

As for her being able to be productive, I think Mari's pretty much covered why she can't hold down the kind of job that utilises her skills many times in the past. Her symptoms are the kind that would severely hamper her ability to maintain employment at anything beyond a fairly basic level; though i hope that her recovery to date gives an indication of further recovery to the point she would be able to resume such work.

Just because she is able to come on here and make a long post, don't extrapolate out from that that her symptoms aren't real and serious. Mari and I have talked this stuff through quite a lot on pm, the stuff she is dealing with is difficult and manifests in a range of symptoms which get in the way of keeping a job, and also make it virtually impossible to do the sort of work she is trained to do.

I am stunned at the lack of compassion being shown to someone who has had their career wrenched away from them and their life almost destroyed by an accident which has caused such severe neurological damage. That she can see this situation in terms not just of how it affects her, but how it relates to the plight of unemployed, severely disabled Americans generally, is testament to her strength of mind. That you see it just in terms of her whining is testament to your blinkered views on life.

Wolf, I expect that lack of compassion from, but Bri, I am surprised by.

Originally Posted by LabRat

What did you used to be able to do? I forgot/never knew.

I was at various times a medical librarian, science librarian/subject specialist for both the University of Idaho and Ft. Lewis College in Durango. I was head of Reference at a major public library in Colorado Springs, and I was acting director of the Helen Fowler Library at Denver Botanic Gardens. I finished up my illustrious career as a janitor.

Originally Posted by LabRat

Please don't insult the rest of the cellar, including Wolf, by implying I'm the only one who can use a medical dictionary. Thanks for posting that. I finally have a solid hypothesis regarding the cause of your holier than thou personality.

Please don't insult the men and women who have literally spent their entire adult lives both studying and doing science.

MITOCHONDRIA:
mi·to·chon·dri·on (mt-kndr-n)
n. pl. mi·to·chon·dri·a (-dr-)
A spherical or elongated organelle in the cytoplasm of nearly all eukaryotic cells, containing genetic material and many enzymes important for cell metabolism, including those responsible for the conversion of food to usable energy. It consists of two membranes: an outer smooth membrane and an inner membrane arranged to form cristae.

What's cristae? What's an eukaryotic cell? What's cytoplasm? Further, what is the evolutionary importance of the mitochrondria? Have cells always had mitochrondria? How do they convert food to usable energy?

Hell, what's the difference between a plant cell and an animal cell? I bow before a person of such intelligence as yours who can now throw these words around without ever having read Watson's Molecular Biology of the Gene, never studied the ground breaking work of Linus Pauling and, of course, never bent over a microscope, or never sat up all night memorizing those damned isomers and tautometers or the composition of the double helix. Hats off to every cellurite for being able to read the latest publications in Science with only a dictionary.

Originally Posted by Labrat

You used to have more interesting things to say. Now all I read is waa waa waa, poor me.

Too bad.

No, waa, waa poor 12% of Americans living below the poverty line, including many of the disabled. My life would be very different today if some damn scientist would have stuck his head out of the lab and said to me, "You need hyperbaric therapy, baby. You need medicines that we are now experimenting with for various types of brain injury - especially apoxia (go look it up). And while you're looking things up, look up Mary Sue Coleman. We need more scientists like her.

I could write you a horror story every week about the life of some OTHER disabled person living on SSI or SSDI if you want. I am more than willing to write those stories. I can think of 6 or 7 just off the top of my head right now - and me with memory problems!

If you, as a scientist cannot understand the points I am trying to make, then I can only believe you write out of personal bias - not science. I would be fascinated to read your hypothesis, a tentative assumption made in order to draw out and test its logical or empirical consequences.

I will even comply with a double blind study just for you. And me. If it will help me go back to work, I'll try anything.

And Bri, I have admitted to severe anxiety problems, problems controlling my temper, severe depression, etc. I wasn't this was way before. I am now.

And Bri, I don't want a penny from you. Make your charitable donations anywhere you wish except to me. In fact, send them to Bin Laden first. And if you'll recall, I helped YOU with some of your English Lit questions. My help wasn't anything special, according to you, but you kept PM-ing me with questions, and I kept doing my best to give you research ideas, etc. I never asked you for a damn thing in return except how your papers turned out, and you never even gave me so much as the courtesy of an answer. Then you'd PM me again over Rupert Brooke or some other ass-hole. Why didn't you ask your prof, instead?

Originally Posted by Gary Snyder

Amitaba's Vow
"If after obtaining buddhahood, anyone in my land
gets tossed in jail on a vagrancy rap, may I
not attain highest, perfect enlightenment...

"If after obtaining Buddhahood, anyone in my land
loses a finger coupling box cars, may I
not attain highest perfect enlightenment...

"If after obtaining Buddhahood, anyone in my land
can't get a ridehitch-hiking all directions, may I
not obtain highest, perfect enlightenment..."

- From Burning, by Gary Snyder

Explicate THAT for me, Bri. And you thought Herrick was difficult.